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119
THE HERMIT
I don't suppose you'd ever find
A man who galloped faster,
To grief of a decisive kind
Than Frederic Disaster.
A man who galloped faster,
To grief of a decisive kind
Than Frederic Disaster.
I never knew a purer man
Or one who lived more gently,
But still in every little plan
He failed incontinently.
Or one who lived more gently,
But still in every little plan
He failed incontinently.
For daily bit and daily sup,
Unfitted quite to battle—
No man has been more shaken up
In this terrestrial rattle.
Unfitted quite to battle—
No man has been more shaken up
In this terrestrial rattle.
120
Poor Frederick succeeded ill
In every single section,
He could not forge a simple bill
Or cheque, without detection;
In every single section,
He could not forge a simple bill
Or cheque, without detection;
Indeed he often came to grief
With pots on area railings,
And taking someone's handkerchief
Ensured immediate jailings.
With pots on area railings,
And taking someone's handkerchief
Ensured immediate jailings.
He couldn't take a pocket-book,
Or finger people's dials,
But safe detection overtook
This man of many trials.
Or finger people's dials,
But safe detection overtook
This man of many trials.
I've known him long, and watched his ways
And seen him growing thinner,
Along of passing many days
Without a scrap of dinner.
And seen him growing thinner,
Along of passing many days
Without a scrap of dinner.
And yet no man more closely bent
To work than did my neighbour,
For every holiday he spent
Ensured a year's hard labour.
To work than did my neighbour,
For every holiday he spent
Ensured a year's hard labour.
He worked in Chatham, Devonport,
And Portland dockyards featly,
I've known him build a bomb-proof fort
Particularly neatly.
And Portland dockyards featly,
I've known him build a bomb-proof fort
Particularly neatly.
He worked abroad like any horse
Or other dumb mammalia,
He once passed through a ten years' course
Road-making in Australia.
Or other dumb mammalia,
He once passed through a ten years' course
Road-making in Australia.
121
But still, though toiling like a brute
His labour little gained him,
Its anything-but-toothsome fruit
But scantily sustained him.
His labour little gained him,
Its anything-but-toothsome fruit
But scantily sustained him.
But though black-holed he often got,
And bread-and-watered weekly,
He never murmured at his lot
But always bore it meekly.
And bread-and-watered weekly,
He never murmured at his lot
But always bore it meekly.
Sometimes he'd say, poor gentle boy,
“Though lodged and boarded poorly,
E'en such poor boons as I enjoy
I'm undeserving surely.
“Though lodged and boarded poorly,
E'en such poor boons as I enjoy
I'm undeserving surely.
“Suppose I quit the world so bright
And turn a simple hermit—
A dim recluse—an anchorite—
I don't know what you term it.
And turn a simple hermit—
A dim recluse—an anchorite—
I don't know what you term it.
“Men, freed from every sinful mesh,
On herbs and frugal diet,
I'll mortify rebellious flesh
And live in rural quiet.
On herbs and frugal diet,
I'll mortify rebellious flesh
And live in rural quiet.
“In stony cell without a door
I'll live and pay no usance
(I've lived in stony cells before
And found the door a nuisance.)
I'll live and pay no usance
(I've lived in stony cells before
And found the door a nuisance.)
“In such a cell in mossy glade
I'll sit, and live austerely;
And sympathetic village maids
Shall love their hermit dearly.
I'll sit, and live austerely;
And sympathetic village maids
Shall love their hermit dearly.
122
“The maidens too, before I wake—
Before I draw my awning,
Shall come and ask me what I'll take
And how I feel this dawning.
Before I draw my awning,
Shall come and ask me what I'll take
And how I feel this dawning.
“And every visitor who comes
To see me in my cavern,
Shall bring me marmalade and plums,
And dinner from a tavern.
To see me in my cavern,
Shall bring me marmalade and plums,
And dinner from a tavern.
“So, for a skull, a knotted rope,
And charitable rations,
A robe of sack—a hooded cope,
And box for small donations,
And charitable rations,
A robe of sack—a hooded cope,
And box for small donations,
“I'll freely—willingly resign
(The pang will not be bitter)
The joys of life which now are mine
With all their sheen and glitter!”
(The pang will not be bitter)
The joys of life which now are mine
With all their sheen and glitter!”
And so he did! To forest thick
He fled from worldly folly;
When last I heard from Frederick
He was extremely jolly.
He fled from worldly folly;
When last I heard from Frederick
He was extremely jolly.
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