The Works of Peter Pindar [i.e. John Wolcot] ... With a Copious Index. To which is prefixed Some Account of his Life. In Four Volumes |
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 | The Works of Peter Pindar [i.e. John Wolcot] |  |
ODE I.
The Poet breaks mournfully out on the fall of the Noble Directors—Threatens to expostulate with the King—Laments the Loss of Direction-importance, Boxes, White Wands, and Dinners at the Saint Alban's Tavern, &c.
Poor Leeds! poor Uxbridge! and poor Joah Bates!
And all ye other poor ones, of hard fates!
'Tis a strange man this king of ours indeed—
There's reason, to be sure, in roasting eggs!
What? raise an oratorio at Saint Peg's,
And set a thing on foot without a head!
And all ye other poor ones, of hard fates!
'Tis a strange man this king of ours indeed—
There's reason, to be sure, in roasting eggs!
What? raise an oratorio at Saint Peg's,
And set a thing on foot without a head!
What? could the king have music in a church,
And leave the great directors in the lurch?
Ev'n so!—but lo, I'll parley with the king,
And such a peal into his ears I'll ring!
And leave the great directors in the lurch?
Ev'n so!—but lo, I'll parley with the king,
And such a peal into his ears I'll ring!
Thus will I say, howe'er it may disgust—
‘An't please your majesty, you are unjust.’
‘How, how?’ the king will cry, with wild rapidity,
‘Yes, sire, the grand directors take it ill;
Deeming themselves all men of tuneful skill,
And having all for crotchets, hawk-avidity;
‘An't please your majesty, you are unjust.’
323
‘Yes, sire, the grand directors take it ill;
Deeming themselves all men of tuneful skill,
And having all for crotchets, hawk-avidity;
‘That they should lose the lead in this affair,
Which really makes them marvel, and so stare,
Not knowing what offence they have committed;
Being a set of very clever men,
So stuff'd with crotchet-knowledges, and then
For oratorios so nicely fitted!
Which really makes them marvel, and so stare,
Not knowing what offence they have committed;
Being a set of very clever men,
So stuff'd with crotchet-knowledges, and then
For oratorios so nicely fitted!
‘Behold no boxes for directors! no!
Who at the abbey form'd a raree-show,
With nice kid gloves, medallions, wands so white!
Tagrag and bobtail now condemn'd to join;
What's ten times worse, condemned to pull out coin;
Men so unus'd to pay a single doit!
Who at the abbey form'd a raree-show,
With nice kid gloves, medallions, wands so white!
Tagrag and bobtail now condemn'd to join;
What's ten times worse, condemned to pull out coin;
Men so unus'd to pay a single doit!
‘When proud to view of royalty the rays,
Your subjects had their bellies full of gaze,
Amid the Abbey's glory for past years;
Then would they ponder on the white-stick row,
Of Uxbridge, Grey de Wilton, Leeds, and Co.
And, next to majesty, admire the peers.
Your subjects had their bellies full of gaze,
Amid the Abbey's glory for past years;
Then would they ponder on the white-stick row,
Of Uxbridge, Grey de Wilton, Leeds, and Co.
And, next to majesty, admire the peers.
‘Who's that slim, whey-fac'd gentleman, and thin,
With some old gentlewoman's nose and chin?
And he so surly, with a sable face?’
Would gaping strangers all so curious cry;
When, all so solemn, I have made reply,
That lord is Leeds's very noble grace.
With some old gentlewoman's nose and chin?
And he so surly, with a sable face?’
Would gaping strangers all so curious cry;
When, all so solemn, I have made reply,
That lord is Leeds's very noble grace.
‘With lath-like form, whey face, and cheeks so thin,
And good old gentlewoman's nose and chin—
And he who lours as though he meant to bite,
Is earl of Uxbridge, with his face of night.’
And then I've told the names of all the rest;
At which the strangers have been all so blest,
Bow'd, curtsy'd low, so grateful—I don't doubt it,
They told their dear relations all about it!
And good old gentlewoman's nose and chin—
And he who lours as though he meant to bite,
Is earl of Uxbridge, with his face of night.’
And then I've told the names of all the rest;
At which the strangers have been all so blest,
Bow'd, curtsy'd low, so grateful—I don't doubt it,
They told their dear relations all about it!
324
‘No more directors challenge admiration!
No more the tuneful rulers of a nation!
Unknown in vulgar seats they bite their thumbs;
Now half awake they nod, and now they sleep,
And now they sigh, and now in dreams they weep,
And mumble much displeasure midst their gums.
No more the tuneful rulers of a nation!
Unknown in vulgar seats they bite their thumbs;
Now half awake they nod, and now they sleep,
And now they sigh, and now in dreams they weep,
And mumble much displeasure midst their gums.
‘Heav'ns? with what huge delight their eyes would hail
The breeches blazing at Saint Marg'ret's tail,
Instead of Stephen, who, to all belief,
Poor fellow, must have travell'd with a brief!
The breeches blazing at Saint Marg'ret's tail,
Instead of Stephen, who, to all belief,
Poor fellow, must have travell'd with a brief!
‘But, sir, this is not all—for in your ear,
Something more horrible brings up the rear!
No longer on the tweedle-dum account,
At yon fair tavern in Saint Alban's street,
Those men of taste and music joyful greet,
And load their stomachs to a large amount;
Something more horrible brings up the rear!
No longer on the tweedle-dum account,
At yon fair tavern in Saint Alban's street,
Those men of taste and music joyful greet,
And load their stomachs to a large amount;
‘All for the good of the poor fund, so kind!
Now this is dreadful to my simple mind;
To think those titled men, whose valiant jaws,
And stomachs all so keen, and deep as sacks,
And teeth so valorous in feast attacks,
So bravely battled in the tuneful cause,
Should, by the royal word so hard commanded,
Disgracefully be turn'd adrift—disbanded!
Now this is dreadful to my simple mind;
To think those titled men, whose valiant jaws,
And stomachs all so keen, and deep as sacks,
And teeth so valorous in feast attacks,
So bravely battled in the tuneful cause,
Should, by the royal word so hard commanded,
Disgracefully be turn'd adrift—disbanded!
‘I hear, I hear the angry lords exclaim,
‘Thus to be all discarded! 'tis a shame—
‘The royal mandate will be cruel styl'd—
Behold churchwardens, overseers so sleek!
Read their card-invitations ev'ry week—
‘Sir you're desir'd to come and eat a child.’
One child a week they constantly devour—
Sometimes they eat two children—sometimes four—
If thus those fellows live, the lazy drones,
Lords of a charity may pick the bones;
Yes, as provisions are so very dear,
Eat a few fiddlers once or twice a year.”
‘Thus to be all discarded! 'tis a shame—
‘The royal mandate will be cruel styl'd—
325
Read their card-invitations ev'ry week—
‘Sir you're desir'd to come and eat a child.’
One child a week they constantly devour—
Sometimes they eat two children—sometimes four—
If thus those fellows live, the lazy drones,
Lords of a charity may pick the bones;
Yes, as provisions are so very dear,
Eat a few fiddlers once or twice a year.”
‘Such is the language lords employ, O king,
Enough the hearts of savages to wring,
And make, I hope, your royal conscience ache—
Such reas'nings are indeed extremely deep!
Why should of lords the teeth and stomachs sleep,
Whilst those of keen churchwardens are awake?
Enough the hearts of savages to wring,
And make, I hope, your royal conscience ache—
Such reas'nings are indeed extremely deep!
Why should of lords the teeth and stomachs sleep,
Whilst those of keen churchwardens are awake?
Thus to the king of nations will I cry—
But what will be his majesty's reply?—
‘Thank, thank ye, Peter, for supporting straws—
Good advocate—good, good, in a bad cause:
I'll have no more such doings, let me tell ye—
No, no, no eating calves in the cow's belly.’
But what will be his majesty's reply?—
‘Thank, thank ye, Peter, for supporting straws—
Good advocate—good, good, in a bad cause:
I'll have no more such doings, let me tell ye—
No, no, no eating calves in the cow's belly.’
| The Works of Peter Pindar [i.e. John Wolcot] | |