The Delights of the Bottle or, The Compleat Vintner. With the Humours of Bubble Upstarts. Stingy Wranglers. Dinner Spungers. Jill Tiplers. Beef Beggars. Cook Teasers. Pan Soppers. Plate Twirlers. Table Whitlers. Drawer Biters. Spoon Pinchers. And other Tavern Tormenters. A Merry Poem. To which is added, A South-Sea Song upon the late Bubbles. By the Author of the Cavalcade [i.e. Edward Ward] |
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| II. |
| III. | CANTO III.
The Description of a Tavern.
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| IV. |
 | The Delights of the Bottle |  |
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CANTO III. The Description of a Tavern.
Without, there hangs a noble Sign,Where golden Grapes in Image shine,
A lovely seeming Fruit, that no
Hisperian Garden e'er could show;
To crown the Bush, a little Punch-
Gut Bacchus dangling of a Bunch,
Sits loftily enthron'd upon
What's call'd (in Miniture) a Tun,
Tho' only render'd to our Eyes,
A Runlet of a Gallon size,
But we're to think, as when we go,
At Fairs, to see a Puppit-Show,
That all the Figures we behold,
Are Men and Women, young or old,
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By fancy, we must make 'em greater.
Th'external Ornaments that grace
A Tavern, that delightful place,
Are Hieroglyphicks, meant (in fine)
To show, my Landlord sells good Wine,
Where ev'ry one that's low in Spirits,
May be reliev'd by Whites or Clarets,
Or other Wines that may supply
Their Wants that happen to be dry.
Thus Signs, when first they came in fashion,
Denoted each Man's Occupation,
That Passengers thereby might know,
On all Occasions where to go.
When Paracelsus Head you meet,
Or Galen's, hanging in the Street,
Walk in, if sick, and you'll be sure
Of Med'cines that may work a Cure.
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Look up, and when you once have spy'd
A bloody Man without his Hide,
With here and there a square-cap'd Noddy,
All peering at the scare-crow Body,
If Pins and Needles chance to tease you,
There lives an Artist that can ease you.
A bloody Man without his Hide,
With here and there a square-cap'd Noddy,
All peering at the scare-crow Body,
If Pins and Needles chance to tease you,
There lives an Artist that can ease you.
If, in Moorfields, a Lady stroles,
Among the Globes and Golden-Balls,
Where e'er they hang, she may be certain
Of knowing what shall be her Fortune;
Her Husband's too, I dare to say,
But that she better knows than they.
Among the Globes and Golden-Balls,
Where e'er they hang, she may be certain
Of knowing what shall be her Fortune;
Her Husband's too, I dare to say,
But that she better knows than they.
The pregnant Madam, drawn aside
By promise to be made a Bride,
If near her Time, and in distress
For some obscure convenient place,
Let her but take the pains to waddle
About, till she observes a Cradle,
With the foot hanging tow'rds the Door,
And there she may be made secure
From all the Parish Plagues and Terrors,
That wait on poor weak Woman's Errors:
But if the Head hangs tow'rds the House,
As very oft we find it does,
Avant, for she's a cautious Bawd,
Whose bus'ness only lies abroad.
Reader be patient, and excuse
By promise to be made a Bride,
If near her Time, and in distress
For some obscure convenient place,
Let her but take the pains to waddle
About, till she observes a Cradle,
With the foot hanging tow'rds the Door,
And there she may be made secure
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That wait on poor weak Woman's Errors:
But if the Head hangs tow'rds the House,
As very oft we find it does,
Avant, for she's a cautious Bawd,
Whose bus'ness only lies abroad.
This long digression of my Muse,
And now again I'll gladly meet you
At Tavern, where I mean to treat you,
With jingling Fare, tho' 'tis confest,
Verse is but starving Food at best,
Thin airy Diet, fit for none
But critick Wits to chew upon.
No sooner does the glitt'ring Sign
Remind us of salubrious Wine,
But in we bolt, to eat a Cutlet,
Or something nice, before we Bottle't:
And then as Friends are wont to do,
Enjoy a happy Hour or two,
For Clemens, Yates, and many more;
By drinking kill'd at past Fourscore,
Bequeath'd this Maxim to the Nation,
Drink on, but lay a good Foundation.
Remind us of salubrious Wine,
But in we bolt, to eat a Cutlet,
Or something nice, before we Bottle't:
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Enjoy a happy Hour or two,
For Clemens, Yates, and many more;
By drinking kill'd at past Fourscore,
Bequeath'd this Maxim to the Nation,
Drink on, but lay a good Foundation.
When enter'd, we behold a fair
And well-bred Madam in the Bar,
Not clad to charm the wanton Guest,
But like a Huffife neatly dress'd,
Whose modest Looks and Mien agree,
Not too reserv'd, nor yet too free,
But civil to the last degree.
Around her, as she sits in State,
And well-bred Madam in the Bar,
Not clad to charm the wanton Guest,
But like a Huffife neatly dress'd,
Whose modest Looks and Mien agree,
Not too reserv'd, nor yet too free,
But civil to the last degree.
The nimble Drawers list'ning wait,
That her Commands may be obey'd,
And e'ery Guest be easy made,
Whilst the Mercurial Master plays
His part, and e'ery Room surveys,
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May be supply'd with all that's fitting.
When Nature prompts to eat, behold
The Safe, where many Meats lie cold,
Dish'd out, just ready to delight
The hasty peevish Appetite,
Too furious and too keen to rest,
Till some nice Dainty might be dress'd,
Fish, Flesh, and Fowl, in order lying,
For speedy Roasting, Boiling, Frying,
Or any other way that best
May entertain each hungry Guest.
The Kitchen neat, the Pewter bright,
The cleanly Cook dress'd up in white,
Arm'd with a Knife, that might be made
A Backsword, for its length of Blade;
With Saucepans, Stewpans, Pots and Kettles.
All shining in their several Mettles,
To please each hungry Mortal's sight,
And raise the sickly Appetite.
The Safe, where many Meats lie cold,
Dish'd out, just ready to delight
The hasty peevish Appetite,
Too furious and too keen to rest,
Till some nice Dainty might be dress'd,
Fish, Flesh, and Fowl, in order lying,
For speedy Roasting, Boiling, Frying,
Or any other way that best
May entertain each hungry Guest.
The Kitchen neat, the Pewter bright,
The cleanly Cook dress'd up in white,
Arm'd with a Knife, that might be made
A Backsword, for its length of Blade;
With Saucepans, Stewpans, Pots and Kettles.
All shining in their several Mettles,
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And raise the sickly Appetite.
Here useful Fire imprison'd lies,
And thro' strong Bars delights our Eyes,
Comforts our Noses in cold Weather,
And keeps good Company together.
And thro' strong Bars delights our Eyes,
Comforts our Noses in cold Weather,
And keeps good Company together.
Here wealthy Nigards may be taught
To live as rich Curmudgeons ought,
And how to change their old Frugality,
Into true gen'rous Hospitality.
To live as rich Curmudgeons ought,
And how to change their old Frugality,
Into true gen'rous Hospitality.
Here Country 'Squires, by often Treating,
May learn to understand good Eating,
And how they may at home advance
New Kickshaws a la mode de France.
May learn to understand good Eating,
And how they may at home advance
New Kickshaws a la mode de France.
In short, here's ev'ry thing to please
All Pallats, Humours, and Degrees,
Pickles and Spices from abroad,
To season our domestick Food,
And Foreign Wines of ev'ry sort,
From costly French, to common Port,
Clean Rooms, where nothing can offend us,
Brisk nimble Drawers to attend us,
A Jolly Master to redress
What e'er disturbs our Happiness,
And ev'ry thing that Man can ask,
To make him Godlike o'er the Flask.
Thus he that's wealthy, if he's wise,
All Pallats, Humours, and Degrees,
Pickles and Spices from abroad,
To season our domestick Food,
And Foreign Wines of ev'ry sort,
From costly French, to common Port,
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Brisk nimble Drawers to attend us,
A Jolly Master to redress
What e'er disturbs our Happiness,
And ev'ry thing that Man can ask,
To make him Godlike o'er the Flask.
Commands an earthly Paradise;
That happy Station, no where found,
But where the Glass goes freely round.
Then give us Wine to drown the Cares
Of Life, in our declining Years,
That we may gain, if Heav'n thinks fitting,
By drinking, what was lost by eating;
For tho' Mankind, for that Offence,
Were doom'd to Labour ever since,
Yet Mercy has the Grape impowr'd
To sweeten what the Apple sowr'd.
| The Delights of the Bottle | |