University of Virginia Library

Charles Weir

And Now, Off The M.P.s!

With all that has been said about
the growth of the University, little
has been said about the food. One
way to tell the size of an institution
is to taste its mashed potatoes. If
they taste creamy and smooth with
scents of Idaho mixed in, then they
are real potatoes. On the other
hand, if the potatoes are gummy
and gooey and stick to the roof of
your mouth, they are instant.
Because of the quantity served,
instant mashed potatoes are
substituted for the real McCoy in
the larger schools.

One forkful of potatoes here at
the U. immediately shows the
visitor that we are quite a large
institution of higher education. I
restrain from suggesting that a
visitor should try a mouthful, for I
would not know what to tell him to
do with it once he got it there. The
unsuspecting guest would be aware
of the fact that these potatoes
cannot be swallowed.

Those of us who work for Food
Services have seen much of what
goes into making M.P.s. We are not
allowed to watch the entire process.
That, we are told, must remain a
cook's secret. I will tell you as
much of the process as I have seen.

To start with, a large tub is filled
with water. This tub is part of the
whirly machine (I am not sure of its
real name but it has a large rotating
arm on it which extends into the
tub and whirls around to mix the
mashed potatoes).

Into the vat are dumped many
cans of Nugget Instant M.P.s.
Since there are so many cans being
added this may be the time for the
special ingredients to be added. The
hand is quicker than the eye.

The whole mixture is salted (I
think that is salt that he uses).
When that is completed the cook
bends over the machine, keeping it
out of the line of sight of the
onlooker and adds what he must.
Then with a steady murmur the
whirly arm goes into operation.

At the completion of this
segment of their life the M.P.s are
brought out of the tub with a
shovel, they call it a large spoon.
Before being taken to the serving
line a yellow excrement resembling
butter is poured over them.

Finally they are ready and
brought out to the waiting public. I
think that they have a lot of damn
gall to ask us to eat those M.P.s.

Only one action can stop this
expansion of State Uism. The next
time these l creatures are
offered to your consumption in
either Contract Open Square
Cafeteria, you can't confront your
oppressor and shout NO! NO! NO!
OFF THE M.P.S!

We must boycott the mashed
potatoes of Newcomb Hall.
Solidarity is the answer. If we all
work together then we can SHUT
DOWN THE WHIRLY MACHINE!