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Columnist Declares For GOP Nomination

By Teddy D. Vaughn

WASHINGTON — After remaining
a non-candidate for well-nigh
a year and a half, I've decided
to spill the beans. I will be
a candidate for the Republican
nomination for President, my being
a Democrat notwithstanding.

Actually I had been waiting for
Harold Stassen to, as it were,
break the political ice. But as
soon as Governor Romney heard
of my intentions, he announced
quickly and hogged all the publicity.
So, alas, I am the third
to declare my intentions, and consequently
I won't get too much
press play.

Governor Romney's decision to
seek the nomination hit Washington
with all the surprise of a
fourth down punt with long yardage.
However, I do not fear the
competition since I, like many
others, feel that the Michigan
governor was brainwashed into
believing he was presidential
material.

I have sensed an overwhelming
grass-roots groundswell to have
me nominated. Both my mother
(a devout Democrat) and my sister
(an underage poll worker) have indicated
that unless some other
candidate announces that there is a
slight chance that they may sec
fit to grant me some qualified
support. With that kind of endorsement,
what have I got to
lose?

My political beliefs provide the
perfect compromise. I am a firm
believer in static radicalism while
maintaining a dynamic status quo.
As for Vietnam, I would immediately
withdraw all troops unconditionally
and then precipitously
escalate the war in order to
bring about an honorable military
victory. Both Senator Stennis and
Dr. Spock have endorsed this
solution, not to mention Shirley
Temple Black and Dagmar Wilson.

Although I may be criticized
by some, I stand foursquare opposed
to fiscal irresponsibility
(well, maybe just a little) and in
favor of good government. I stand
for truth, justice and the American
way, not necessarily in that
order. I know that I'm going out
on a proverbial limb with that
kind of talk, but I am a man of
immutable conviction.

Certainly no candidate to date
has offered such a creative program.
I call this dream, this vision
—the "Pretty Good Society" or
the "Big Deal."

Just keep those campaign contributions
coming in, all the while
remembering that I am the only
candidate going that dares to offer
you a choice and an echo all
at the same time.