The Weekly Paper at Punkin Centre
WALL, t'other day, down in New York, I wuz a-walkin' along on that
street what they call the broad way, when I cum to the Herald squar
noospaper buildin', and it wuz all winders and masheenery. Wall, I wuz
jist flobgasted; I jist stood thar lookin' at it. On the front thar wuz
a bell and a couple of fellers standin' along side of it with slege
hammers in their hands, and every onct in a while they would go to
poundin' on that bell, and folks 'd stand 'round and watch 'em do it;
they reminded me of a couple of fellers splittin' rales. And all 'round
the edge of the buildin' they had hoot owls sottin', with electric lites
in their ize, and thar wuz no end to the masheenery in that buildin'. If
anyone hed ever told me thar wuz that much masheenery in the whole world
durned if I'd a-beleeved them; biggest masheen I'd ever seen
before wuz Si Pettingill's new thrashin' masheen. Wall, I jist stood
thar a-watchin' them printin' presses a-runnin'; paper goin' in to one
end and cumin' out at t'other all printed and full of picters and folded
up ready to sell; it jist beat all the way they done it. Wall, we never
had but one paper down home at Punkin Centre; we called it "The Punkin
Centre Weakly Bugle;" old Jim Lawson he wuz editor of it. You see Jim he
wuz sort of a triflin' no 'count old cuss, so to keep him out of
mischief we made him editor. Wall, Jim he had his place up over Ezra
Hoskins' grossery store. He never got any money for the
noospaper—always got paid in produce, and Ezra's store wuz a mighty
good place fer him to take in his subskriptions. Wall, things went along
pretty smooth fer quite a spell 'til one day a feller he cum in and give
Jim a keg of hard cider fer a year's subskription to the noospaper, and
we all calculated right then that somethin' wuz a-goin' to happen; and
sure enough it did. You see 'bout that time Jim had got two
advertisements; one wuz fer Ruben Jackson's resterant and the other wuz
the time table of the Punkin Centre and Paw Paw Valley Railroad. Wall,
Jim he got to
drinkin' the hard cider and settin' type at the same time, and when the
paper cum out on Thursday it wuz wuth goin' miles to see. Neer as I kin
remember it sed that: "Ruben Jackson's resterant would leave the depo
every mornin' at eight o'clock fer beefstake and mutton stews, and would
change cars at White River Junkshen for mins and punkin pise, and
cottage puddin' would be a flag stashen fer coffy and do nuts like
mother used to make, and the train wouldn't run on Sundays cos the
stashun agint what done the cookin' would have to run an extra on that
day over the chicken and ham sandwitch divishion."
I believe that wuz the last issu of the Punkin Centre Weakly
Bugle.
—
Enthusiasm—Sometimes inspired, sometimes acquired, sometimes the
result of immediate surroundings, and sometimes the result of hard
cider.
—Punkin Centre Philosophy.