University of Virginia Library

25. XXV.

IN castin my eye carelessly over the politikle
field, wich Seward and me do every sixty days,
I think I kin spy into the horizon a bud wich is
swellin into a most hopeful flower. It is spredin
itself into a hurricane, wich threatens to sweep
away the fabric uv Ablishnism and purify the politikle
atmosphere. The Radikle party hev bin at last
forced to adopt the legitimit endin uv their sooicidle
principles, — nigger suffrage, — and from that the
Dimokrisy, ef they are wise, will snatch a triumph
litrally from the jaws uv death. We hev em now.
In Ohio that question is to be voted onto this fall;
in Noo York and Michigan it's raisin a breeze in

ther Convenshuns; and in Pennsylvania, Illinoy,
and Indiana, it can't be long put off. It's our best
holt. The proud Caucashen, wich votes the Dimecratic
tikkit, hez no objeckshun to bein jossled by
the Nigger in the rush to pay taxes; but his hawty
soul recoils at the idee uv bein elbowed by him at
the polls. Besides, the Dimecratic voters don't want
the ballot given to any other lower class. It wood
make undoo competishen. Ez I remarked, We've
got em. Wat the Demokrisy want now is to so
handle this delikit subjick ez to make the most
uv it.

The great trouble with the party is, that there is
no uniform style uv meetin this question. On the
main question we are all agreed. We all oppose
nigger suffrage. It's a part and parcel uv a Demokrat's
nacher to oppose nigger suffrage. The leaders
uv the party opposed it at the beginnin; for seein
how the ballot wuz abused by ther followers, they
trembled for the Republic ef it wuz entrusted to
the hands uv any more uv ekal capassity, and the
masses uv the organization opposed givin it to the
nigger, becoz that one privilege, and color, wuz all
that distinguished em. It's a pecoolyarity uv unregenerated
human nacher that it must alluz bear
down on somebody. The poet sez, —

Fortunately, the Dimokracy hev the nigger for
their smaller lice. The sturdy yeomanry felt it to
be a soothin thing to find, wunst each yeer, that in
wun thing at least he wuz sooperior to someboddy;
and so it will be so long ez there is a Dimokracy.
The troo Dimokrat promotes hisself, not by liftin
hisself above the level onto wich he finds hisself,
but by shovin some wun down to a lower level;
and ez ther wuzn't anybody else on this Continent
wich they cood git hold uv, the nigger wuz, long
ago, selected fur that purpose.

The great trouble is, we oppose nigger suffrage
now from too many stand-pints. Some oppose it
on the skore uv the inferiority uv the Afrikin; but
that never wuz a popler idea with our people.
They may hev assented to it outwardly, but in ther
own minds they objected. “Ef,” sez a reliable
Dimokrat to hisself, “ef that's the rool, WAT IN
THUNDER IS TO BECOME UV ME!”

Likewise the idea uv onfitness, wich others uv
our apossels advance. “They can't read nor rite!”
shreeks a injoodishus cuss, speekin to a audience,
two thirds uv wich go to him reglerly to reed
their ballots to em, and who, when they sign promissory

notes, put an X atween their first and last
names.

Anuther speeker quotes Noah to em, and boldy
asserts that the nigger is the descendant uv Ham,
and that he is the identikle indivijjle wich wuz cust
by Noah; but he runs agin the fact that the rest uv
em, wich is in Afrika yet, hev managed to dodge
the cuss, ez they ain't servin ther white brethren,
and them wich wuz brot here to be Chrischinized
hev busted ther bonds, and are jest about ez free,
so far ez servitood goes, ez anybody.

There is, ez I hev showed, all these conflictin
ideas that work agin us. Therefore, I want a Nashnel
Convenshun. I want a convocashen uv the
lights uv the party to set forth authoritively WHY
we oppose nigger suffrage — to give a reeson for
it, that all our people may act together, ez do other
well-regulated machines. Let us cum together and
ishoo our manifesto, that we may know percisely
the pertikler line uv argument to pursoo.

I shel be at that Convenshun, and I hev made up
my mind wot platform to lay down. I shel go back
on Ham, Hager, and Onesimus. I shel turn from
the inferiority idea, and take the broad ground that
the nigger is a beast; that he ain't a man at all;
and consekently he hez no more rites than any other

animal. I put my foot onto him by authority of
the decree that unto man wuz given dominion over
the beasts; that we are men, and they are beasts.
Ef they admit the first proposishen, they will the
last. I shel assert boldly and brodly his onfitnis to
mingle with us, becoz his fizzikle structure, his
muscles, nerves, fibres, bein different, go to show
that he wuz uv a different origin, and uv a lower
origin. I shel plant myself on the stoopenjus, yet
simple proposishen, that the Almity made him, probably,
but at a different time and for a different purpus,
wich I shel show by citin the color uv his skin,
the length uv his foot, the shape uv his head, and
sich other matters as I kin git together in time for
the Convenshen.

Uv course this doctrine will meet with objectors.
We hev a few thin-skinned perfessers uv religion,
whose piety service in our ranks hezn't quite obliterated,
who will say that these dogmas undermines
the Christian religion, ez it destroys the doctrin uv
the unity uv the races onto wich orthodoxy is built.
To this I shel answer, that sposin it does, wot then?
Uv wot comparison is any religion a Orthodox
Dimocrat hez to a triumph uv the party? Wot
hez Dimocrisy to do with religion any how? It
hez never permitted it to mix in its pollytix. Dimocrisy

bleeves in keepin Church and State ez far
apart ez possible.

Shood the Ablishnists pint to niggers wich reed
and write, I shood say to-wunst that there is different
degrees uv instink, — that ez one dorg hez more
instink than another, that so one nigger hez more
than another; and then I shood wind this answer
up by askin him, “Sir, wood yoo force yoor dawter
to marry a nigger, even ef he cood reed and
write?” This hez alluz done good service, pertikelerly
ef yoo walk hurridly away before there is time
for an answer.

Ther is one pint wich is a stumper — but only
one. One man to whom I unfolded this theory,
asked me, sneerinly, wat I wuz a goin to do with a
mulatter who wuz half white and half black — half
man and half beast — half instink, wich dies with
him, and half sole, wich wuz to be saved and fitted
for the skies, or lost? When a mulatter dies, wat
then? Does the half sole uv the half man drag the
instink uv the beast behind it in a limpin, lop-sided
fashion, into heaven? or does the instink drag the
sole into the limbo for animals? “Ef this latter
idea be correct,” sed he, “in that limbo how much
Southern sole is floatin about, held in solooshen in
animal instink!”

An old friend uv mine, in Kentucky, become indignant
wen I propounded the beast theory to him,
and he threatened me with corporeal punishment
ef I didn't quit his presence — wich I did to-wunst.
Alas, for the imprudence of zealous men! Before
speekin to him on the subjick, I didn't notis the
skores uv brite yeller children all about the place,
rangin from the infant uv six months to the boy uv
sixteen, and all uv em with his noze!

But, notwithstandin these drawbacks, it's the most
healthy doctrine we've got, and the only ground upon
which we kin stand sekoorly. It kivers the ground,
and besides, it don't interfere with anybody else's
idea. The orators wich implore the people ef they
want to marry niggers, kin make the appeal with
more force after assertin that the nigger is a beast;
and the anshent virgins, who will this fall bear the
banners onto wich will be proudly inscribed, “We
want no niggers for husbands!” will bear em still
more defiantly; for, if they reely bleeve the doctrine,
they will be in earnest in it.

At all evence, let the Convenshun be called, that
this question may be settled. Let us all stand on
one platform, that we may make the most uv this
God-send. Let us inscribe onto our banner the
inskripshen, “Ameriky fur white men!” “Eternel

hostility to Animel Suffrage!” and go in to
win. Ef the Amerikin people don't shy at Nigger
Suffrage now, they never will.