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174

The Member for Crete

Epimenides noted—'tis cited by Paul—
That ‘The Cretans are liars, for ever and all’.
If the classical island were blessed with a seat,
Can you guess whom they'd choose as the Member for Crete?
Oh, many would start for so goodly a stake,
Oh, many would run for the seat—and ‘the cake’;
Munchausen and Mendez would gaily compete,
But they'd not have a chance with the Caucus in Crete!
Ananias is gifted, the Serpent is glib,
They are both of them lenient to fable and fib;
But, like Bannerman, both have been once ‘indiscreet’—
Been found out—and they cannot be Members for Crete!
No! the Member must talk with so noble an air
That a perjury comes from his lips like a prayer;
And his words, day by day, he must gallantly eat,
And appear to enjoy it—the Member for Crete!

175

In a proud indignation the man must excel,
In a voice like a trumpet must charges repel,
And ‘I never said one of the words you repeat’
He must say—though he said them—the Member for Crete!
But it seems, and I note it with poignant regret,
That Crete has no chance for a deputy yet;
For the island is chained at the Ottoman's feet,
And they are not electing a Member for Crete!
Epimenides deemed—it's acknowledged by all—
That truth, on the Cretans, would commonly pall;
If the beautiful island were graced with a seat,
We could spare it a choice of a Member for Crete!