No matter what a married man does in this
world he gets in wrong & I suppose if I was
to die tonight Prudence would bawl me out
for not having let her know I was going to do
it & just because I joined the minit men the
other eve. she has been acting like as if I had
joined the Baptis Church & I bet you are saying
what in the h—ll is a minit man. Well
Ethen I will tell you. The other night I says
to Prudence I think I will drive over to Lexington
to get Bessy shodd. Bessy is are horse
see Ethen. Well she says you will do nothing
of the kind because all you want to do in Lexington
is get a snoot ful & if you think I am
going to wate up all night while you get boiled
well you have got another guess coming. She
says the last time you had Bessy shodd the
naybers are talking about it yet & I says do
you mean because I & Charley Davis was
singing & having a little fun & she says no
because nobody wouldnt call that singing & do
you call it a little fun when you brought Bessy
up stares with you to show me how well she
had been shodd at 3 A. M. in the morning
answer me that which is only her way of
exagerating things Ethen because we didnt bring
Bessy only as far as the stares & I only did it
because Charley had been drinking a little to
much & I didnt want to iritate him because
the way to handel drunks is to not iritate them
they are only worse only you cant tell a woman
that & they think the way to handel drunks is
to look him in the eye & say arent you ashamed
of yourselves which only iritates him the
moar. Well I says I am not going to half no
horse of mine going a round ½ shodd al the
time & Prudence says well I am not going to
half no husband of mine going a round ½
shot al the time & I says I will not go near
Charley Davis this time because I have lernt
my lesson & she says al right if you will promise
to not go near Charley Davis you can go
& when I got to Lexington I thought I would
stop in the taverin a min. just to say hulloh to
the boys because if a fello doesnt stop in the
taverin to say hulloh to the boys who are just
as good as he is they are lible to say he has a
swelt hed & is to proud to stop in the taverin
to say hulloh to the boys. Who are just as
good as he is. Well I didnt have any i dear
that Charley Davis would be there because I
had told Prudence I wasnt going to go near
him & just because I said that I cant be expect
it to sneek into toun like as if I was a convick
can I Ethen. Well the taverin was crowd it
& they had all got a good start & the long &
the short of it was that the 1st person I seen
was Charley Davis & he says hulloh there pink
whiskers you are just in time to join the minit
men which is only a nicked name he has for
me because my whiskers are red brown. No
I says I cannot join anything tonight fellos
because I must go right back home & he says
if you dont join the minit men now some day
you wont have no home to go home to & I
says what do you mean I wont have no home
to go home to & he says because the Brittish
are going to burn down all the homes of we
farmers because we will not sell them any
food but first you had better have a drink.
Well Ethen a fello dont like to be a sissey
about taking 1 drink does he & then I says
now fellos I must go home & then a couple of
more fellos come in & they said Ed you wont
go home till we have brought you a drink &
elect it you to the minit men will you & I said
no but I must go home right after that. Well
then we got to singing & we was going pretty
good & after a while I said now fellos I must
go home & Charley Davis says to me Ed before
you go I want to have you shake hands
with my friend Tom Duffy who is here from
Boston & he will tell you all about the minit
men & you can join tonight but look out or he
will drink you under the tabel because he is
the worst fish in Boston & I says sure only I
have got to be going home soon because you
remember what hapend last time & I would
like to see any body from Boston drink me
under the tabel & bet. you & I Ethen if that
fellow is a fish then my grandmother is the
prince of whales & let me tell you what happend.
After we had drank about 4 or 5 I seen
he was getting sort of wite & I says well Boston
lets settle down now to some good steady
drinking & he says listen & I says what & he
says listen & I says what & he says do you know
my wife & I says no & he says listen & I says
what & he says shes the best little woman in
the world & I says sure & he says what did you
say & I says when & he says you have insult it
my wife the best little woman in the world &
he begun to cry & we had only had a bout 1
qt & wouldnt that knock you for a cockide
gool Ethen, only I guess you arent surprised
knowing how much I can holt without feeling
any affects. Well I was feeling pretty good
on acct. of drinking the pride of Boston under
the tabel & not feeling any affects only I was
feeling good like a fello naturely feels & the
fellos kind of made a lot of fuss on acct. me
drinking him under the tabel so I couldnt very
well of gone home then & after a while Charley
Davis made a speech & well comed me
into the minit men & so I am a minit man
Ethen but I cant exackly explain it to you
until I see Charley again because he didnt
make it very clear that night. Well after a
while we woke the Boston fish up & we all
went home & I was feeling pretty good on
acct. it being such a nice night & all the stars
being out & etc. & when I got home I said
Prudence guess what hapend & she says I can
guess & I says Prudence I have been elect it
a minit man & she says well go on up stares
& sleep it off & I says sleep what off & she
says stop talking so loud do you want the
naybers to wake up & I says whos talking loud &
she says o go to bed & I says I am talking in
conversational tones & she says well you must
be conversing with somebody in Boston & I
says o you mean that little blond on Beecon
St. & Ethen she went a 1,000,000 mi. up in the
air & I seen it wasnt no use to try & tell her
that the reason I was feeling good was on
acct. having drank a Boston swelt hed to sleep
without feeling any affects & I bet the next
time I get a chanct I am going to get snooted
right because a fello gets blamed just as much
if he doesnt feel the affects as if he was
brought home in a stuper & I was just kidding
her about that blond on Beecon St. Some
women dont know when they are well off
Ethen & I bet that guy from Bostons Tom
Duffy I mean wife wishes she was in Prudences
shoes instead of her having married a
man what cant holt no more than a qt. without
being brought home in a stuper.
