University of Virginia Library

Add to the list of the great
strategists of time, the name of
Major Juggles.

His axioms are few, his tactics
year; yet even these go undetected,
for herein lies his greatness. It lies
in the confusion he leaves, in the
scattered remnants of rebellions
behind, in the dissipated and torn
masses beneath, him.

Charged to quell the mutinous
mass, he plotted, and schemed, and
fully executed a masterful plan.
"First," says he, "go where you
wanna go, move where you wanna
move when ever you might please."

"Don't let the mass collect,"
says he, "don't let them pack
crowd fever is dangerous you
know."

"If you can," says he, "march
them by, one by one, piercing them
personally by."

"Take charge at once, don't
hesitate. Insist the whistle was you,
that they are in your fetch."

"If you lack natural leadership,
never fear," says he, "compensate
- bluster, demand, intimidate."

"Divide, if you can, if you want
to succeed, vertically, horizontally;
if all together in one slice, then all
the better."

"Beat to the punch," says he,
"if you fear what they might raise
- raise your own."

"Hard line first time, next time
long time comin'."

"Nothing agreed, nothing compromised,
nothing done," says he,
"means success."

"Carry with you a Christmas
tree, a cross, a little child, or a
repute too far to reach."

"Be smug," says he, "in your
prowess, confident in your smile.
Be absurd if you want, for appearances
only count."

In sum, Major Juggles is a
shrewd man. With deft interception
and calculated moves, he
controls, and moves - you: Major
Juggles.

"What to do?" say you. "Tis
simple," Publicize, Proselytize, Propagandize
- Disband, Regroup,
Reorganize - Refute, Recall, Confront
Again. The past abolished, the
future clean, go over his head, if
that can be seen. Counterattack,
move about, encircle and "fire"
him. Drive a wedge down his forces,
coup support away from his clan.
Tax, then write it out, week by
week, let it be known what you're
at. If you can't muster the numbers
you need, go outside, get one with
the style you need. Ostracize, be
obstinate, obstinate as only the
obstinate can understand. Coin a
phrase, a catchy phrase, a phrase of
force, and a phrase of scorn.

Today at eight is the time to
meet, to collect, to synthesize, to
decide - unless, of course, it is
your choice, to opt for Major
Juggles.