University of Virginia Library

With our all-weather flashlight,
pencil, paper, and key in hand, we
took 5-M without a struggle. Our
hearts pounding as we entered the
dark recesses of the inner sanctum,
we made our way cautiously as the
grate clanged behind us. Though we
had both worked in the library for
over a year, we had never
scrutinized, volume by volume, the
forbidden fruits of Alderman. And
what we found shocked us! Almost
into silence. Feeling ourselves
indeed fortunate to have returned
unmolested, we would like to spare
others the trauma that wretched
place provoked. To that end, we
hereby publish the complete,
unadulterated, TRUTH! Here, in its
entirety, is what we found:

Twelve shelves, both sides PL
480 books.

Two shelves, both sides, PL 480
serials. (An example of the above
is: Textual criticism of the
Sudamacaritra, a Hindi KHAN
DAKAVYA of the 16th Century
A.D. by Haladharadasa.)

Esquire

Playboy

Two shelves, one side only,
genealogical books.

Fifteen books, none
pornographic, related to sex (now
in the process of being catalogued).

...And in the attic, even further
from the beaten path, we found:

Old set of Harvard Classics

Very old encyclopedias
(Britannica, Compton's etc.)

Outdated Who's Who in America
(duplicate).

PL 480 storage boxes

Air filters,

British events of the year,
summarized (1700's).

Fire extinguisher.

Old library fine receipt books.

Classification books for the
Dewey Decimal system.

Old shelving.

Broken chairs.

Boxes of cards (blank).

One box of assorted Classical
music scores (in poor condition).

Back copies of Publishers'
Weekly.

Copy 2 of the Saturday Review.

One empty safety match box
with picture entitled "The
Fireside" on cover.

Yours, in the interest of honor
among thieves,