University of Virginia Library

SCENE II.

The Mirror publication office, filled with poets and authors.
Phi.
Stand all apart—cousin of Epigram,
At length, by thy assistance, here I am
Applauded by the daily press—but say,
Shall we but wear these laurels for a day,
Or shall they last as fresh as they are now?

Epi.
I hope for ages, sir, they'll grace thy brow.

Phi.
Oh! Epigram! reluctant I proceed,
To try if thou be steadfast friend indeed.
Now, though thy friendly hand once took my part,
When envious Slander threw a venomed dart,
I would have some kind friend to aid me still.

Epi.
Why you have here a thousand, sir, that will.

Phi.
Cousin, thou wert not wont to be so dull—
Shall I be plain? I wish thy teeming skull
To furnish a poetical address,
About this chaplet, and the Mirror press.

Epi.
I must attempt whate'er your highness pleases.

Phi.
Indeed! methinks thy former kindness freezes.
Thou dost refuse me, then?

Epi.
Allow me time
To think, and I may hammer out a rhyme.
[Exit Epigram.

Phi.
I'll henceforth deal with bards of nobler flight;
None write for me, who can't compose at sight.
High-reaching Epigram grows circumspect,
And studies hard, but seldom writes correct.
Still there are traits of excellence about him;
The best on 't is, it can be done without him—
Better, perhaps, for did he not decline,
Why, then the verses had been his, not mine.
We'll make a shift as 't is. Come here, Finance;
Didst thou to Caustic certain sums advance?

Fin.
I did, sir.

Phi.
Give him, then, this note, and say,
Ourselves would speak a word with him to-day.
[Exit Finance.
This plodding Epigram no more shall be
The neighbor of my councils. What! has he
So long held out untired, nor paused to blow,
And stops he now for breath? well, be it so.
Enter Stanley.
Well, Stanley, have you any news to tell us?

Stan.
I hear, my liege, that Sedley has grown jealous,
And will get up a paper of his own,
And vows the Mirror shall be overthrown.
He calls his sheet the Comet, and has paid
A year's advance for your Conundrum's aid.

Phi.
Why let him go, we've many such to spare.
Hark thee, friend Selim, where is Mrs. Thayer?

Selim.
In the far West, I hear she 's teaching school.

Phi.
I'll write to her, before my purpose cool.

Enter Epigram.
Epi.
My lord, I have considered in my mind
Your late request, and do not feel inclined
To undertake that curious rhyming medley.

Phi.
Well, let that rest. Conundrum writes for Sedley.

Epi.
I 've heard the news, sir.

Phi.
He 's your kinsman, Stanley.
But you'll condemn an action so unmanly.

Epi.
My lord, I claim that gift, by promise due,
A dozen hats—but I'll compound for two—

Phi.
Stanley, beware! for if your wife see fit
To write for Sedley, you shall answer it.

Epi.
What says your highness to my just request?

Phi.
I do remember me, when once my guest,
This Sedley wrote an interesting column,
For number one, I think, of our ninth volume,
And our friend Fay did prophesy that he
Some future day, an editor would be.
Enter Finance.
'T is odd—an editor—perhaps. Where's Caustic?

Fin.
At your book-table, writing an acrostic.

Epi.
May 't please you to resolve me in my suit?

Phi.
Conduct him to my closet—but be mute.

[Exit Finance.
Epi.
I beg your highness' ear, my lord, again.

Phi.
I'm busy—thou troublest me—I'm not i' th' vein.
[Exit Philus.

Epi.
By the lord Harry! is it thus he pays
My services, and all my lines of praise?
If his contributors have any sense
Of such ungentle treatment, they'll dispense
Their favors to the “Comet”—grave Viator,
Claudius, Potentus, Caustic, Fabulator,
Congerro, Croaker, Gamut, and the rest,
Till a new galaxy shall light the West.

[Exit.