 | Every Man In His Humour |  |
Act IV, Scene ix
[Enter] BRAINWORM [disguised as a City sergeant]BRAINWORM
Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself, being in this sergeant's gown. A man of my present profession never counterfeits, till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says, he 'rests him, for then he brings him to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings we are, bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a young artichoke, that always carries pepper and salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I undergo by this exploit; pray heaven, I come well off.
[Enter MATTHEW andBOBADILL]MATTHEW
See, I think yonder is the varlet, by his gown.
BOBADILL
Let's go in quest of him.
MATTHEW
'Save you, friend, are not you here by appointment of Justice Clement's man?
BRAINWORM
Yes, an't please you, sir: he told me two gentlemen had willed him to procure a warrant from his master, which I have about me, to be served on one Downright.
MATTHEW
It is honestly done of you both; and see where the party comes you must arrest. Serve it upon him, quickly, afore he be aware-
[Enter STEPHEN in DOWNRIGHT's cloak]BOBADILL
Bear back, Master Matthew.
BRAINWORM
Master Downright, I arrest you, i' the Queen's name, and must carry you afore a Justice, by virtue of this warrant.
STEPHEN
Me, friend? I am no Downright, I, I am Master Stephen, you do not well to arrest me, I tell you, truly: I am in nobody's bonds, nor books, I, would you should know it. A plague on you heartily, for making me thus afraid afore my time.
BRAINWORM
Why, now are you deceived, gentlemen?
BOBADILL
He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us; but see, here 'a comes, indeed! This is he, officer.
[Enter DOWNRIGHT]DOWNRIGHT
Why, how now, Signior Gull! Are you turned filcher of late? Come, deliver my cloak.
STEPHEN
Your cloak, sir? I bought it, even now, in open market.
BRAINWORM
Master Downright, I have a warrant I must serve upon you, procured by these two gentlemen.
DOWNRIGHT
These gentlemen? These rascals? [Raises
his cudgel]
BRAINWORM
Keep the peace, I charge you, in her Majesty's name.
DOWNRIGHT
I obey thee. What must I do, officer?
BRAINWORM
Go before Master Justice Clement, to answer what they can object against you, sir. I will use you kindly, sir.
MATTHEW
Come, let's before, and make the Justice, Captain
BOBADILL
The varlet's a tall man, afore heaven!
[Exeunt MATTHEW and BOBADILL]DOWNRIGHT
Gull, you'll gi' me my cloak?
STEPHEN
Sir, I bought it, and I'll keep it.
DOWNRIGHT
You will.
STEPHEN
Aye, that I will.
DOWNRIGHT
[Gives BRAINWORM money]
Officer, there's thy fee, arrest him.
BRAINWORM
Master Stephen, I must arrest you.
STEPHEN
Arrest me, I scorn it. There, take your cloak, I'll none on't.
DOWNRIGHT
Nay, that shall not serve your turn now, sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the Justice's; bring him along.
STEPHEN
Why, is not here your cloak? What would you have?
DOWNRIGHT
I'll ha' you answer it, sir.
BRAINWORM
Sir, I'll take your word; and this gentleman's, too, for his appearance.
DOWNRIGHT
I'll ha' no words taken. Bring him along.
BRAINWORM
Sir, I may choose to do that: I may take bail.
DOWNRIGHT
'Tis true, you may take bail, and choose-at another time; but you shall not now,
varlet. Bring him along, or I'll swinge you. [Raises his cudgel]
BRAINWORM
Sir, I pity the gentleman's case. Here's your money again.
DOWNRIGHT
'Sdeynes, tell not me of my money, bring him away, I say.
BRAINWORM
I warrant you he will go with you of himself, sir.
DOWNRIGHT
Yet more ado?
BRAINWORM
[Aside]
I have made a fair
mash on't.
STEPHEN
Must I go?
BRAINWORM
I know no remedy, Master Stephen.
DOWNRIGHT
Come along, afore me, here. I do not love your hanging look behind.
STEPHEN
Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang me for it. Can he, fellow?
BRAINWORM
I think not, sir. It is but a whipping matter, sure!
STEPHEN
Why, then, let him do his worst, I am resolute.
[Exeunt]
| Every Man In His Humour | |