 | The Poetical Works of John Payne |  |
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LIGHT O' LOVE.
WE dwelt within a wood of thought,
I and my days; and no man sought
Or cared to comfort us in aught.
I and my days; and no man sought
Or cared to comfort us in aught.
A strange sad company we were,
Calm with the quiet of despair,
As sunset in the autumn air.
Calm with the quiet of despair,
As sunset in the autumn air.
No thing we had nor cared to win
Of all for which men toil and spin:
We took no kind of joy therein.
Of all for which men toil and spin:
We took no kind of joy therein.
Nor any glimpse to us was given
Of that for which we once had striven,
The love that likens earth with heaven.
Of that for which we once had striven,
The love that likens earth with heaven.
But some strange spell was wound about
Our lives, a charm of hope and doubt,
That severed us from lives without;
Our lives, a charm of hope and doubt,
That severed us from lives without;
A charm that was not weft of flowers
Of night alone or winter hours,—
This binding gramarye of ours,—
Of night alone or winter hours,—
This binding gramarye of ours,—
But grew of delicate sweet blooms
That, found of old in woodland glooms,
Had drawn us from the waste world-rooms
That, found of old in woodland glooms,
Had drawn us from the waste world-rooms
To seek the singing solitudes,
Where some unforced enchantment broods
And never any foot intrudes.
Where some unforced enchantment broods
And never any foot intrudes.
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There, drinking deep of dews that fell
And sparkled in some woodflower's bell,
Made potent with a drowsy spell,
And sparkled in some woodflower's bell,
Made potent with a drowsy spell,
The charm on us had taken hold
And like a mist about us rolled,
The pale dreams wavered white and cold;
And like a mist about us rolled,
The pale dreams wavered white and cold;
A mist of charms that spread between
Us and the world, so that, I ween,
We were not heard of men or seen.
Us and the world, so that, I ween,
We were not heard of men or seen.
But folk passed by and knew us not:
And day by day, the fatal lot
A stronger hold upon us got;
And day by day, the fatal lot
A stronger hold upon us got;
Until the sighs and tears we spent
About us for bewilderment
Did fructify, and earth was sprent
About us for bewilderment
Did fructify, and earth was sprent
Around us with a flush of flower
Sad-hued; and tall dusk trees did tower
And clung about us like a bower.
Sad-hued; and tall dusk trees did tower
And clung about us like a bower.
So that, one day, when we awoke,
I and my days, and would have broke
The dream and let the gold sun-stroke
I and my days, and would have broke
The dream and let the gold sun-stroke
Into our lives, the outward way
Was set with hawthorns white and grey
And trees that shouldered back the day.
Was set with hawthorns white and grey
And trees that shouldered back the day.
And from the world of men there came
Nor sound of bell nor sight of flame,
And no man called us by our name.
Nor sound of bell nor sight of flame,
And no man called us by our name.
But outerward we heard the roll
Of daily life through joy and dole
And pleasant labour; but no soul
Of daily life through joy and dole
And pleasant labour; but no soul
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Strayed from the highway or the mart
To where within the wild wood-heart
I and my days we sat apart.
To where within the wild wood-heart
I and my days we sat apart.
Then to my days I said, “Behold,
The memory of our life is cold
And no man knows us as of old.
The memory of our life is cold
And no man knows us as of old.
“Shall we go forth and seek for grace?
Lo, men have all forgot our face:
Another sitteth in our place.
Lo, men have all forgot our face:
Another sitteth in our place.
“Let us sit down again, my days,
Here where our dreams have built a maze
Of flowers for us and woodland ways.
Here where our dreams have built a maze
Of flowers for us and woodland ways.
“For of a surety no thing
Shall profit us of sorrowing,
Nor strife can comfort to us bring.
Shall profit us of sorrowing,
Nor strife can comfort to us bring.
“Here will we sit and let the sweep
Of life go by: in this wood-deep,
Our dreams shall carol us to sleep.”
Of life go by: in this wood-deep,
Our dreams shall carol us to sleep.”
Then, in that pleasant woodland-shade,
I and my days full fain we made
A dwelling-place and therein stayed.
I and my days full fain we made
A dwelling-place and therein stayed.
Most fair that forest was and full
Of birds and all things beautiful;
And many a pleasant green-set pool
Of birds and all things beautiful;
And many a pleasant green-set pool
Was there, where fawns came down to drink
At eventide and on the brink
The nodding cuckoo-bells did blink.
At eventide and on the brink
The nodding cuckoo-bells did blink.
By one of these, thick-bowered among
A nest of hawthorns, all a-throng
With birds that filled the air with song,
A nest of hawthorns, all a-throng
With birds that filled the air with song,
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We builded us a dwelling-place,
Set in a little sun-screened space,
Midmost the forest's dreamy grace.
Set in a little sun-screened space,
Midmost the forest's dreamy grace.
And there full many a day we spent,
Lost in a dream of dim content,
I and my days, what while there went
Lost in a dream of dim content,
I and my days, what while there went
Without the many-coloured hours,
Golden or sad. With flush of flowers
We calendared this life of ours.
Golden or sad. With flush of flowers
We calendared this life of ours.
For many a precious thing and fair
We had heaped up and garnered there,
And many a jewel bright and rare;
We had heaped up and garnered there,
And many a jewel bright and rare;
And of a truth our hands were full
Of memories most beautiful
And dreams whose glitterance did dull
Of memories most beautiful
And dreams whose glitterance did dull
Remembered sunlight in our thought:
So rich we were, that memory brought
No yearning for the world in aught.
So rich we were, that memory brought
No yearning for the world in aught.
And too, each one of these my days
Had, wandering in the wild wood-ways,
Caught from the birds some note of lays
Had, wandering in the wild wood-ways,
Caught from the birds some note of lays
More sweet than waking ears can deem
Or in the mazes of the dream
Had found some gem of all that teem
Or in the mazes of the dream
Had found some gem of all that teem
Within the mystery of thought,
Some pearl of hidden arts, or caught
Some strange sweet secret, all inwrought
Some pearl of hidden arts, or caught
Some strange sweet secret, all inwrought
With scent of leaves and forest-flowers
And glitter of enchanted showers
Fallen athwart the sunset-towers.
And glitter of enchanted showers
Fallen athwart the sunset-towers.
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And all the wonders of the wood
And all the pleasance that did brood
Within that silver solitude,
And all the pleasance that did brood
Within that silver solitude,
Jewelled with cups of gold and blue
And veined with waters cleaving through
The live green of the leafage new,
And veined with waters cleaving through
The live green of the leafage new,
Some one of these could bring to sight.
One led to where, like living light,
The clearest thread of streams took flight
One led to where, like living light,
The clearest thread of streams took flight
Across the mosses and could tell
The hour when on the water fell
The shadow of some mystic spell
The hour when on the water fell
The shadow of some mystic spell
That called the hidden nymphs to sight
And from the dell-deeps, in the night,
The wood-girls flashed out, tall and white,
And from the dell-deeps, in the night,
The wood-girls flashed out, tall and white,
Across the moonbeams; or the time,
When through the birds' sunsetting chime
The glades rang with the tinkling rhyme
When through the birds' sunsetting chime
The glades rang with the tinkling rhyme
Of the wild wood-folk: and one knew
Where such a flush of violets grew,
That therewithal the earth was blue.
Where such a flush of violets grew,
That therewithal the earth was blue.
And yet another one could show
The wood-nooks where the blue-bells blow
And banks are sweet with lily-snow.
The wood-nooks where the blue-bells blow
And banks are sweet with lily-snow.
And one had heard the wild bird sing—
In some dim close, where in a ring
The apple-trees together cling—
In some dim close, where in a ring
The apple-trees together cling—
So sweet a song, it seemed the breath
Of souls that know not life nor death,
In fields where Heaven's Spring flowereth.
Of souls that know not life nor death,
In fields where Heaven's Spring flowereth.
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And one, the youngest of them all,
Had heard the elf-dance rise and fall,
Where with the moon the woodbind-wall
Had heard the elf-dance rise and fall,
Where with the moon the woodbind-wall
Shines silver in the wood-glooms deep:
And one had seen the white nix leap,
When the blue water lay asleep.
And one had seen the white nix leap,
When the blue water lay asleep.
And one had caught the mystic tune
The sea sings underneath the moon,
When earth with Summer lies aswoon.
The sea sings underneath the moon,
When earth with Summer lies aswoon.
And one had lit by fairy grace,
Wandering afield, upon a place
Where, if a man shall lie a space
Wandering afield, upon a place
Where, if a man shall lie a space
And slumber in the flower-swaths dim,
The sweet dreams whisper love to him,
Till night burns dawn-red at the rim.
The sweet dreams whisper love to him,
Till night burns dawn-red at the rim.
And yet another, wandering,
Had found the caves where rubies cling
To earth and many a precious thing
Had found the caves where rubies cling
To earth and many a precious thing
Of jewelries burns manifold,
Within the darkness, and the mould
Is spangled with the dust of gold.
Within the darkness, and the mould
Is spangled with the dust of gold.
And some had trod the secret ways
Where in the dusk the sun's lost rays
Harden into the diamond's blaze;
Where in the dusk the sun's lost rays
Harden into the diamond's blaze;
And threading through the hill-caves brown,
Had lit upon vast chambers, strown
With coloured crystals, and had known
Had lit upon vast chambers, strown
With coloured crystals, and had known
The silver splendours of the caves
That run out underneath the waves,
Walled with thick pearl and hung with glaives
That run out underneath the waves,
Walled with thick pearl and hung with glaives
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Of branching coral, and the maze
Of all the golden sweet sea-ways,
Where, jewel-like, the thin light strays
Of all the golden sweet sea-ways,
Where, jewel-like, the thin light strays
On golden fish and pearléd sand
And like a wood, on either hand,
The waving banks of seaweed stand.
And like a wood, on either hand,
The waving banks of seaweed stand.
And others of the band could tell
Tales of the lands delectable,
Upon whose glory, like a spell,
Tales of the lands delectable,
Upon whose glory, like a spell,
The splendour of the unknown lies;
Stories of Ind and Orient skies,
Of far East isles where never dies
Stories of Ind and Orient skies,
Of far East isles where never dies
The golden noonlight quite away,
But night is like a silver day;
And of vast cities, which men say
But night is like a silver day;
And of vast cities, which men say
Gods built; or that sweet Syrian stead,
The city rose-engarlanded,
Girdled with many a silver thread
The city rose-engarlanded,
Girdled with many a silver thread
Of rivers running sweet and wild
Through gardens tamarisk-enisled
And orange-groves with blossom piled;
Through gardens tamarisk-enisled
And orange-groves with blossom piled;
Or that clear Paradise that stands,
Builded of old by giant hands,
Invisible among the sands
Builded of old by giant hands,
Invisible among the sands
Of those enchanted plains of Fars,
Where from the East narcissus-stars
Spread white toward the sunset-bars;
Where from the East narcissus-stars
Spread white toward the sunset-bars;
And stories of the strange sweet lands
Where, like a tower, the tulip stands
And jasmines through the wood link hands;
Where, like a tower, the tulip stands
And jasmines through the wood link hands;
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Where, curtain-like, the mosses fall,
Silver, athwart the banyan-hall
And in the night the wild swans call;
Silver, athwart the banyan-hall
And in the night the wild swans call;
And of the clear-eyed lakes that shine
Bright as the laughing heart of wine,
Alive with flower-hued snakes that twine
Bright as the laughing heart of wine,
Alive with flower-hued snakes that twine
Round mystic flowers therein that are,
Blue lotus and gold nenuphar
And many a silver lily-star.
Blue lotus and gold nenuphar
And many a silver lily-star.
These all they knew, and many a thing
Yet lovelier in remembering:
And eke full many an one could sing
Yet lovelier in remembering:
And eke full many an one could sing
Such soul-sweet songs, the very deer
Came down at eventide to hear:
And as they rang out soft and clear,
Came down at eventide to hear:
And as they rang out soft and clear,
The singing echoes of the wood
Woke up out of their silent mood
And with full tones the strains pursued
Woke up out of their silent mood
And with full tones the strains pursued
Through all the lengthening cells of sound,
And all the trees that stood around
Waved to the rhythm, music-bound.
And all the trees that stood around
Waved to the rhythm, music-bound.
Some clarion-shrill, some softliest
Did sing; and some sighed as the west
Sighs to the night; but in my breast
Did sing; and some sighed as the west
Sighs to the night; but in my breast
A nest of singing birds I had,
Whose song was sweet, but very sad;
And yet bytimes it made me glad.
Whose song was sweet, but very sad;
And yet bytimes it made me glad.
And these, past all, I loved to hear,
What while they fluted, low and clear,
Soft songs that did caress mine ear
What while they fluted, low and clear,
Soft songs that did caress mine ear
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With memories of a Paradise,
That ne'er before my weary eyes
Had risen nor should ever rise
That ne'er before my weary eyes
Had risen nor should ever rise
Till Death (mayhap) should set the gate
Open for me and I, elate,
See all my hopes for me await.
Open for me and I, elate,
See all my hopes for me await.
And sometimes many a weary day
The birds within my bosom lay
Voiceless and still. And then full grey
The birds within my bosom lay
Voiceless and still. And then full grey
And sick my life was even to death;
Till, with a swift and sudden breath
Of impulse, as of some sweet faith
Till, with a swift and sudden breath
Of impulse, as of some sweet faith
New risen, all the silence fled,
The voices rose up from the dead
And with one gush of music spread
The voices rose up from the dead
And with one gush of music spread
New waves of peace through all my soul;
And then my life put off its dole
And of my grief I was made whole.
And then my life put off its dole
And of my grief I was made whole.
So many days this life we led,
Curtained with solitudes and fed
With drink of dreams; and as the dead
Curtained with solitudes and fed
With drink of dreams; and as the dead
Hear afar off, with listless ears,
The hurry of the outer years,
But sleep, absolved of doubts and fears,
The hurry of the outer years,
But sleep, absolved of doubts and fears,
So unto us bytimes would come
An echo of the worldly hum,
Breaking our silence spirit-dumb,
An echo of the worldly hum,
Breaking our silence spirit-dumb,
And stirred our thought to memories
Of earthly passion: but, like sighs
Of some vague melody that dies
Of earthly passion: but, like sighs
Of some vague melody that dies
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If one give heed unto its strain,
The distant hum did faint and wane;
And peace encurtained us again.
The distant hum did faint and wane;
And peace encurtained us again.
For all our life was filled and sweet
With fair glad dreams; and every beat
Of the clear-echoing hours did greet
With fair glad dreams; and every beat
Of the clear-echoing hours did greet
Our sense with some new ravishment
Of thoughts and fancies: and a scent
Of mystic unseen flowers was blent
Of thoughts and fancies: and a scent
Of mystic unseen flowers was blent
For ever with our daily air,
As if some angel, hovering near,
Shook odours from his floating hair.
As if some angel, hovering near,
Shook odours from his floating hair.
And thus our days went by for long,
Filled with the glory of a song;
And not a touch of care did wrong
Filled with the glory of a song;
And not a touch of care did wrong
The eternal Springtide of our dream,
And not a ripple broke the gleam
That slept along our life's full stream.
And not a ripple broke the gleam
That slept along our life's full stream.
But, as the years went on and on,
All gradually our lives grew wan
With some vague yearning and there shone,
All gradually our lives grew wan
With some vague yearning and there shone,
Day after day, less gloriously
The softened splendours in the sky;
And one by one, the lights did die
The softened splendours in the sky;
And one by one, the lights did die
Within our spirit. Day by day,
Less joy we took in all that lay
Of beauty in wood-dell or way;
Less joy we took in all that lay
Of beauty in wood-dell or way;
And the heaped jewels in the shade
Of our new gloom did change and fade
And waste before our eyes dismayed.
Of our new gloom did change and fade
And waste before our eyes dismayed.
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And no more did we love to go
About the woodlands, in the glow
Of noonday, or to watch the flow
About the woodlands, in the glow
Of noonday, or to watch the flow
Of rillets through the flower-ringed grass,
Or see the dappled shadows pass
Across the lake's full-lilied glass.
Or see the dappled shadows pass
Across the lake's full-lilied glass.
But all our early joys seemed dead
And colourless to us: like lead,
Upon our lives the stillness weighed.
And colourless to us: like lead,
Upon our lives the stillness weighed.
The ringdove's voice and every note
The wild lark shook out from his throat
And all the linnet's music smote
The wild lark shook out from his throat
And all the linnet's music smote
Upon our senses like a knell;
And day by day, a sterner spell
Of hopeless yearning on us fell.
And day by day, a sterner spell
Of hopeless yearning on us fell.
And each fair thing, that we had won
In times bygone, did seem fordone
Of all its loveliness: and none
In times bygone, did seem fordone
Of all its loveliness: and none
Of all my days had aught of price
Or any delicate device
Could cheer them; but the cruel ice
Or any delicate device
Could cheer them; but the cruel ice
Of death seemed on them all to lie,
And all their dainty lore laid by;
So that they saw with careless eye
And all their dainty lore laid by;
So that they saw with careless eye
The secret things they loved so well
And wandered on through wood and dell,
Careless of aught to them befell.
And wandered on through wood and dell,
Careless of aught to them befell.
And some, on treasure having lit,
Had dug a grave and buried it,
So that it gladdened them no whit.
Had dug a grave and buried it,
So that it gladdened them no whit.
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And now each sound of toil or sport,
That reached our weary ears athwart
The wood-screens of our forest-court,
That reached our weary ears athwart
The wood-screens of our forest-court,
Maddened our yearning; and full fain
We grew toward the world again;
And gladly would we now have ta'en
We grew toward the world again;
And gladly would we now have ta'en
The olden burdens: but the way
Was shut with tangled woods that lay
And closed each exit to the day.
Was shut with tangled woods that lay
And closed each exit to the day.
And oftentimes our weary feet
Did wander from the wood-deeps sweet,
Green-golden in the noontide heat,
Did wander from the wood-deeps sweet,
Green-golden in the noontide heat,
Into a little path, that led,
Through tangling hawthorns blossom-spread,
To where sea-cliffs rose white and red
Through tangling hawthorns blossom-spread,
To where sea-cliffs rose white and red
Above a many-coloured beach;
And through a rugged mountain-breach,
We came to where the sea did reach
And through a rugged mountain-breach,
We came to where the sea did reach
Into the golden-margined sky:
And there wide ripples came to die
Upon the sands, with one long sigh
And there wide ripples came to die
Upon the sands, with one long sigh
So sad and so monotonous,
In very sooth it seemed to us
It was our own grief rendered thus.
In very sooth it seemed to us
It was our own grief rendered thus.
And there we loved to sit and hear
The long waves murmur in our ear
And watch the ripples low and clear
The long waves murmur in our ear
And watch the ripples low and clear
Lengthen across the swelling tide:
And now and then our eyes espied
A distant snowy glimmer glide
And now and then our eyes espied
A distant snowy glimmer glide
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Along the sky-line, as it were
Some white-sailed vessel that did fare
Toward the shore. But never near
Some white-sailed vessel that did fare
Toward the shore. But never near
The vision drew: and wearily
We watched the glimmer fade and flee,
Then turned our footsteps from the sea.
We watched the glimmer fade and flee,
Then turned our footsteps from the sea.
But yet a spark of old delight
Gladdened us sometimes; and the light
Slid over all and made life bright
Gladdened us sometimes; and the light
Slid over all and made life bright
Bytimes awhile: for in my breast
The songbirds sang out from their nest
Sweetlier than ever (though the rest
The songbirds sang out from their nest
Sweetlier than ever (though the rest
Were silent). And my days and I,
We listened, as the hours went by:
It seemed all hope should never die,
We listened, as the hours went by:
It seemed all hope should never die,
Whilst in my heart the sweet birds sang,
That therewithal the whole wood rang
And all the thrushes with their clang
That therewithal the whole wood rang
And all the thrushes with their clang
Of joyful music answered it.
Yet often through my heart would flit
A stinging fear lest it were writ
Yet often through my heart would flit
A stinging fear lest it were writ
That some sad day the birds should fly
Away and leave me there to die.
But, day by day, more lovelily
Away and leave me there to die.
But, day by day, more lovelily
The sweet notes quivered through the air
And day by day the singing bare
Its wonted solace to my care.
And day by day the singing bare
Its wonted solace to my care.
So went the days by, one by one,
And many a year was past and done,
Until one morning, with the sun,
And many a year was past and done,
Until one morning, with the sun,
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A new sweet freshness seemed to rise
And all things shone before our eyes,
As with the dews of Paradise.
And all things shone before our eyes,
As with the dews of Paradise.
And none the less on us took hold
An unformed hope, a joy untold:
And in our hearts, all blank and cold,
An unformed hope, a joy untold:
And in our hearts, all blank and cold,
There sprang a new sweet prescience,
That was like wine of life, a sense
Of some expectant glad suspense,
That was like wine of life, a sense
Of some expectant glad suspense,
A waiting, sure of its desire,
For some new gladness to transpire
And touch our pallid lips with fire.
For some new gladness to transpire
And touch our pallid lips with fire.
Nor was our yearning hope belied;
For, as the clear fresh morning died
Into the golden summer-tide
For, as the clear fresh morning died
Into the golden summer-tide
That fills the noonday, there came one
That brought into the woodlands dun
The fulfilled splendour of the sun.
That brought into the woodlands dun
The fulfilled splendour of the sun.
Along a slope of grass she came:
And as she walked, a virgin shame
Lit up her face's snow with flame.
And as she walked, a virgin shame
Lit up her face's snow with flame.
Full slight and small she was and bent
Her lithe neck shyly, as she went,
In some childlike bewilderment.
Her lithe neck shyly, as she went,
In some childlike bewilderment.
Gold was the colour of her hair;
The colour of her eyes was vair;
The sun shone on her everywhere.
The colour of her eyes was vair;
The sun shone on her everywhere.
O fair she was as hawthorn-flowers!
It seemed the flush of the Spring-hours
Lay on her cheeks and Summer-showers
It seemed the flush of the Spring-hours
Lay on her cheeks and Summer-showers
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Had bathed her in a calm content,
A virginal faint ravishment
Of peace; for with her came a scent
A virginal faint ravishment
Of peace; for with her came a scent
Of flowers plucked with a childish hand
In some forgotten Fairyland,
Where all arow the sweet years stand.
In some forgotten Fairyland,
Where all arow the sweet years stand.
And all the creatures of the wood
Crept from their leafy solitude
And wondering around her stood.
Crept from their leafy solitude
And wondering around her stood.
The fawns came to her, unafraid,
And on her hand their muzzles laid:
And fluttering birds flew down and stayed,
And on her hand their muzzles laid:
And fluttering birds flew down and stayed,
Singing, upon her breast and hair,
Most fearlessly, and nestled there,
Such charms of peace about her were.
Most fearlessly, and nestled there,
Such charms of peace about her were.
Then all my weary days arose,
As doves rise from the olive-close,
When the dawn opens like a rose,
As doves rise from the olive-close,
When the dawn opens like a rose,
And said, “We have been sad too long:
From morning-gold to even-song,
We have bemoaned ourselves for wrong;
From morning-gold to even-song,
We have bemoaned ourselves for wrong;
“And now the pleasant years are fled,
(Say, is our mouth the early red?)
And our life hastens to the dead;
(Say, is our mouth the early red?)
And our life hastens to the dead;
“And yet our yearning is unstayed.
But now the hope for which we prayed
Is found; the comfort long-delayed
But now the hope for which we prayed
Is found; the comfort long-delayed
“Shines in our sight. We will arise
And go to her; for in her eyes
The promise of the new Spring lies.
And go to her; for in her eyes
The promise of the new Spring lies.
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“Lo! this is the Deliverer,
Awearied for from year to year;
See, the sun's sign is gold on her.”
Awearied for from year to year;
See, the sun's sign is gold on her.”
Then with a strange and sudden thrill,
A new life seemed to rise and fill
The channels of my brain, until
A new life seemed to rise and fill
The channels of my brain, until
The old sad solitary peace
Fell off from me; and there did cease
From round me, with a swift decrease,
Fell off from me; and there did cease
From round me, with a swift decrease,
The ancient agony of doubt
And yearning for the things without:
And therewithal my soul flowered out
And yearning for the things without:
And therewithal my soul flowered out
Into a rapture of desire
Celestial; and some new sweet fire
Of hope rose in me high and higher.
Celestial; and some new sweet fire
Of hope rose in me high and higher.
For in her kind child-eyes there shone
A radiance tender as the dawn
And by their light my heart was drawn
A radiance tender as the dawn
And by their light my heart was drawn
To auguries of life fulfilled;
And hope o'erleapt the line grey-hilled,
That shut my days in, sad and stilled,
And hope o'erleapt the line grey-hilled,
That shut my days in, sad and stilled,
Into some fresh clear world beyond,
Where thought is with fulfilment crowned
And Life to Love alone is bond.
Where thought is with fulfilment crowned
And Life to Love alone is bond.
To me she came and laid to mine
The velvet of her lips divine
And looked into my faded eyne
The velvet of her lips divine
And looked into my faded eyne
With eyes that seemed to swim in gold
Of perfect passion and to hold
The Love that never shall grow cold.
Of perfect passion and to hold
The Love that never shall grow cold.
312
And there with hers my life was made
One, as it seemed. From dell to glade,
The wild wood lifted off its shade;
One, as it seemed. From dell to glade,
The wild wood lifted off its shade;
And through the aisles the frank sun leapt
And startled out the dreams that slept
And filled with smiles the eyes that wept.
And startled out the dreams that slept
And filled with smiles the eyes that wept.
And all my tearful days and sad
Put off their gloom and were made glad;
For there was that in her forbad
Put off their gloom and were made glad;
For there was that in her forbad
The sourest sorrow to abide,
Where once its place was glorified
By that clear presence sunny-eyed:
Where once its place was glorified
By that clear presence sunny-eyed:
And like the wild rose after rain,
They lifted up their eyes again,
The clearer for the bygone pain,
They lifted up their eyes again,
The clearer for the bygone pain,
Love-led by hers: and all their store
They gave and taught her o'er and o'er
The secrets of their dainty lore.
They gave and taught her o'er and o'er
The secrets of their dainty lore.
So Hope and I made friends anew,
Whilst over all the morning dew
Fell down; the clouded sky broke blue
Whilst over all the morning dew
Fell down; the clouded sky broke blue
Through tears of joy and ravishment;
And all my lifeless life was blent
With faith and peace, what time we went,
And all my lifeless life was blent
With faith and peace, what time we went,
I and my lady, hand in hand,
Where all the hours run golden sand,
In Love's enchanted Fairyland.
Where all the hours run golden sand,
In Love's enchanted Fairyland.
Ah love, how sad remembrance is
Of lips joined in the first love-kiss
And all the wasted early bliss!
Of lips joined in the first love-kiss
And all the wasted early bliss!
313
Ah, bitter sad it is to stand
And look back to the ghostly strand,
Where our lost dreams lie hand in hand
And look back to the ghostly strand,
Where our lost dreams lie hand in hand
And slumber in the grey of years!
Ah, weary sad to rain down tears
Upon their graves, until the biers
Ah, weary sad to rain down tears
Upon their graves, until the biers
Give up to earth the much-loved dead
And one by one, with drooping head,
Our dead hopes pass by us adread,
And one by one, with drooping head,
Our dead hopes pass by us adread,
Each with its beauty of the Past,
Pale with long prison and aghast,
Whilst on the wind there shrills a blast
Pale with long prison and aghast,
Whilst on the wind there shrills a blast
Of moaning dirges that for us
Of old were songs melodious,
Our sweet days rendered to us thus!
Of old were songs melodious,
Our sweet days rendered to us thus!
Ah, sadder still to live and live,
Till Death itself it seems can give
Hardly the rest for which we strive!
Till Death itself it seems can give
Hardly the rest for which we strive!
How long the new life lasted me,
I cannot tell: the hours did flee
Like summer winds across the sea,
I cannot tell: the hours did flee
Like summer winds across the sea,
Unseen, unheard; for day was knit
To golden day and night was lit
With such delight, I had no wit
To golden day and night was lit
With such delight, I had no wit
Of Time. The shadow of his flight
Scarce showed against the blaze of light
Wherewith love flooded day and night.
Scarce showed against the blaze of light
Wherewith love flooded day and night.
And in that new illumining
Of Hope and Faith, each precious thing,
From which the light had taken wing
Of Hope and Faith, each precious thing,
From which the light had taken wing
314
In our old night of dreariment,
Put off its sadness and was blent
With our new life in ravishment.
Put off its sadness and was blent
With our new life in ravishment.
Ah, how we loved, my days and I,
To lead her where old dreams did lie,
Buried of yore with many a sigh,
To lead her where old dreams did lie,
Buried of yore with many a sigh,
To clear the rank grass from the tomb
And watch the dead delight out-bloom,
Lovelier than ever, from the gloom,
And watch the dead delight out-bloom,
Lovelier than ever, from the gloom,
At one glance of her radiant eyne,
And all those desert wastes of mine,
Conscious of her, arise and shine!
And all those desert wastes of mine,
Conscious of her, arise and shine!
So went I with her, hand in hand,
Through dell and glade of all the land;
And everywhere, at her command,
Through dell and glade of all the land;
And everywhere, at her command,
Sprang into life forgotten flowers,
Long laid asleep beneath the hours;
And from entangling weeds, waste bowers
Long laid asleep beneath the hours;
And from entangling weeds, waste bowers
Of rose and woodbind blossomed out
Into new beauty, hymned about
With bird-song; and a joyous rout
Into new beauty, hymned about
With bird-song; and a joyous rout
Of echoes ran from dell to dell,
Praising her presence and the spell
That like a perfume from her fell.
Praising her presence and the spell
That like a perfume from her fell.
Nay, at her voice the monsters fled,
That had so long, in doubt and dread,
Held my life level with the dead;
That had so long, in doubt and dread,
Held my life level with the dead;
And through the tangled forest shade,
There was, meseemed, a new way made,
In which my hope trod, unafraid,
There was, meseemed, a new way made,
In which my hope trod, unafraid,
315
Toward the gracious world of men
And drank, beneath the free sun's ken,
The breath of daily life again.
And drank, beneath the free sun's ken,
The breath of daily life again.
And then my song-birds, if before
Their song was sweet, ah! how much more
It rang out lovely than of yore!
Their song was sweet, ah! how much more
It rang out lovely than of yore!
For from my bosom where they lay
And measured all the weary day
With madrigal and roundelay,
And measured all the weary day
With madrigal and roundelay,
I took them singing in their nest
And laid them in my lady's breast,
To sing to her their loveliest.
And laid them in my lady's breast,
To sing to her their loveliest.
Thence, as we went about the ways
Of that strange wonderland, my days
And I had given our lives to raise,
Of that strange wonderland, my days
And I had given our lives to raise,
Their voices filled the sun-shot air
With music such as spirits hear
Ring down the golden city's stair,
With music such as spirits hear
Ring down the golden city's stair,
When to the new-fledged soul arise,
Bathed in the light that never dies,
The citadels of Paradise.
Bathed in the light that never dies,
The citadels of Paradise.
Ah! dreary labour of despair,
To tell again the joys that were,
The dead delights that have been fair!
To tell again the joys that were,
The dead delights that have been fair!
When hardly can dull thought retrace,
Even in dreams, the lost love's face,
The sweetness of the vanished grace.
Even in dreams, the lost love's face,
The sweetness of the vanished grace.
For lost it is to me for aye,
My dream of love born but to die,
My glimpse of Heaven so soon past by.
My dream of love born but to die,
My glimpse of Heaven so soon past by.
316
It seemed my bliss had worn away
Hardly a summer's space of day
And hardly yet the full light lay
Hardly a summer's space of day
And hardly yet the full light lay
Upon my winter-wasted years,
When round my joy a mist of fears
Began to gather: in mine ears
When round my joy a mist of fears
Began to gather: in mine ears
A sound of sobbing winds did sigh
And in full sunshine clouds swept by,
Darkening the visage of the sky.
And in full sunshine clouds swept by,
Darkening the visage of the sky.
And but too surely did my soul,
Though Summer in the land was whole,
Forethink me of the coming dole:
Though Summer in the land was whole,
Forethink me of the coming dole:
For on my short-lived sunny tide
The shadow of old griefs would glide,
With wings of memories grey and wide,
The shadow of old griefs would glide,
With wings of memories grey and wide,
Breaking the promise of the sun:
And wraiths of ancient hopes fordone
Rose in my pathway, one by one,
And wraiths of ancient hopes fordone
Rose in my pathway, one by one,
Each with some mocking prophecy
Of happiness condemned to die,
As ever in the days gone by.
Of happiness condemned to die,
As ever in the days gone by.
And voices of forgotten pain
Sang round me, with a weird refrain,
Of short-lived Summers that did wane
Sang round me, with a weird refrain,
Of short-lived Summers that did wane
To dreary Autumns of despair
And winters fiercer for the fair
Lost memories of Junes that were.
And winters fiercer for the fair
Lost memories of Junes that were.
And all in vain the coming fate,
That in my pathway stood await,
I strove to conjure from Love's gate;
That in my pathway stood await,
I strove to conjure from Love's gate;
317
Its omen lay upon my bliss
And stole the sweetness from Love's kiss:
I stood and looked on an abyss,
And stole the sweetness from Love's kiss:
I stood and looked on an abyss,
That gaped to end that life of ours,
And strove in vain with lavish flowers
To stay the progress of the hours.
And strove in vain with lavish flowers
To stay the progress of the hours.
Even in my lady's eyes of light
I saw the presage of the night;
And in the middle love-delight,
I saw the presage of the night;
And in the middle love-delight,
Bytimes across her face would flit
A shadowy sadness, past Love's wit
To slay the hidden snake in it.
A shadowy sadness, past Love's wit
To slay the hidden snake in it.
At last (so prescient was my grief
Its grim fulfilment seemed relief)
The storm, that o'er my flower-time brief
Its grim fulfilment seemed relief)
The storm, that o'er my flower-time brief
So long had brooded, broke the spell
Of imminent thunder, —and I fell
Straight from Love's Heaven down to Hell.
Of imminent thunder, —and I fell
Straight from Love's Heaven down to Hell.
For, one sad morn, awakening,
An added sadness seemed to cling
And hover over everything;
An added sadness seemed to cling
And hover over everything;
The sun gave but a ghost of light
And for the funeral of the night,
The flowers seemed shrouded all in white:
And for the funeral of the night,
The flowers seemed shrouded all in white:
And listening, full of some vague fear,
For those sweet songs that used to cheer
My saddest hours, there smote mine ear
For those sweet songs that used to cheer
My saddest hours, there smote mine ear
No note of birds from east to west;
The wood was dumb: but in my breast
The ancient dirges of unrest
The wood was dumb: but in my breast
The ancient dirges of unrest
318
Began with doubled stress to tear
My heartstrings, burdened as it were
With some renewal of despair.
My heartstrings, burdened as it were
With some renewal of despair.
Then gradually into my thought
The full sad sense of all was wrought
And starting up, alarmed, I sought
The full sad sense of all was wrought
And starting up, alarmed, I sought
My love's hands and her lips' delight,
Ay, and her bosom's silver-white,
To heal me of my soul's affright.
Ay, and her bosom's silver-white,
To heal me of my soul's affright.
Alas! mine eyes could find no trace
Of her late presence: and her place
Was empty of my lady's grace.
Of her late presence: and her place
Was empty of my lady's grace.
How many a day my sad steps wore
The wild wood pathways and the shore,
I cannot tell: the brown sand bore
The wild wood pathways and the shore,
I cannot tell: the brown sand bore
No traces of her flying feet:
But now and then the tiny beat
Of wild deer's hoofs or the retreat
But now and then the tiny beat
Of wild deer's hoofs or the retreat
Of forest creatures through the trees,
That rustled in the passing breeze,
Mimicked the sound of one that flees:
That rustled in the passing breeze,
Mimicked the sound of one that flees:
And in my heart hope sprang again,
(Ah, cruel hope!) only to wane
And leave new sharpness to my pain.
(Ah, cruel hope!) only to wane
And leave new sharpness to my pain.
And so the weary days crept by,
Whilst in the greyness of the sky
The morning lights did rise and die
Whilst in the greyness of the sky
The morning lights did rise and die
And evening sunsets came and went
As tenderly as though they meant
To mock at my bewilderment.
As tenderly as though they meant
To mock at my bewilderment.
319
But nevermore my lady's sight
Gladdened mine eyes: the day and night
Went empty by of all delight
Gladdened mine eyes: the day and night
Went empty by of all delight
And dumb the wild wood was and still;
For all my birds, that wont to fill
The aisles with many a dainty trill
For all my birds, that wont to fill
The aisles with many a dainty trill
And gush of silver song, had fled,
Following where'er my lady led,
And left me lonely as the dead.
Following where'er my lady led,
And left me lonely as the dead.
The colours faded from the flowers:
And in the hollow midwood bowers,
The falling footsteps of the hours
And in the hollow midwood bowers,
The falling footsteps of the hours
Smote on the silence like a knell,
And on my soul the shadow fell
And lay there, irrevocable.
And on my soul the shadow fell
And lay there, irrevocable.
For Love, the sun of life, had set
And nevermore should morning let
The sunshine for me through the net
And nevermore should morning let
The sunshine for me through the net
That coming death had drawn about
My weary head. Despair and doubt
Reigned in me, since Love's light was out.
My weary head. Despair and doubt
Reigned in me, since Love's light was out.
Will she return, my lady? Nay:
Love's feet, that once have learned to stray,
Turn never to the olden way.
Love's feet, that once have learned to stray,
Turn never to the olden way.
Ah heart of mine, where lingers she?
By what live stream or saddened sea?
What wild-flowered swath of sungilt lea
By what live stream or saddened sea?
What wild-flowered swath of sungilt lea
Do her feet press and are her days
Sweet with new stress of love and praise
Or sad with echoes of old lays?
Sweet with new stress of love and praise
Or sad with echoes of old lays?
320
Meknoweth not: but this I know,
My wan face haunts her in the glow
Of sunset, and my sad eyes grow
My wan face haunts her in the glow
Of sunset, and my sad eyes grow
Athwart the darkness on her sight,
When in the middle hush of night
She sees the shadow grow moon-white.
When in the middle hush of night
She sees the shadow grow moon-white.
And in the pauses of a kiss,
There smite her, like a serpent's hiss
From out piled flowers, the memories
There smite her, like a serpent's hiss
From out piled flowers, the memories
Of all our passion of the past:
And then her face grows white and ghast
And all her summer is o'ercast
And then her face grows white and ghast
And all her summer is o'ercast
With shadows of the dead delight:
A little while, in her despite,
The old love claims again its right;
A little while, in her despite,
The old love claims again its right;
Her soul is one again with mine:
And gladly would she then resign
Her heedless life of summer-shine,
And gladly would she then resign
Her heedless life of summer-shine,
To seek once more the silent nest,
Wherein my life is laid, and rest
Her weary head upon my breast.
Wherein my life is laid, and rest
Her weary head upon my breast.
But ah! the way is all o'ergrown
With underwoods and many a stone
Blocks up the pathway, shadow-strown;
With underwoods and many a stone
Blocks up the pathway, shadow-strown;
And never may she win to me,
Nor I to her: Eternity
Is spread betwixt us like a sea.
Nor I to her: Eternity
Is spread betwixt us like a sea.
For Love, that pardoneth not, hath ta'en
Back to himself the golden chain
That bound our lives; and ne'er again,
Back to himself the golden chain
That bound our lives; and ne'er again,
321
Nor in this life of hours and days,
Nor in that hidden world that stays
For us beyond the grave-grown ways,
Nor in that hidden world that stays
For us beyond the grave-grown ways,
Our hands shall join, our lips shall meet;
Never again with aught of sweet
Shall our twinned hearts together beat.
Never again with aught of sweet
Shall our twinned hearts together beat.
But through the mists of life and death,
The sorrow that remembereth
Shall haunt her and the very breath
The sorrow that remembereth
Shall haunt her and the very breath
Of heaven be bitter to her spright,
(Grown sadder for its clearer sight)
For memories laden with despite
(Grown sadder for its clearer sight)
For memories laden with despite
Of that lost love so lightly seen,
So lightly left, that might have been
The fairest flower of heaven's sheen.
So lightly left, that might have been
The fairest flower of heaven's sheen.
| The Poetical Works of John Payne | |