University of Virginia Library

II

A calm untroubled Sunday afternoon
Was always, for Matthias, a good hour
For thanks, and for acquisitive meditation
On who should feel him next and yield to him.
He was no worse than others not unlike him,
And he was worthier far than many of them
Who pelted him with envy or maligned him
With mirrored attributes of enmity
That was not his, but theirs. He did not hate them;
He measured and reduced them. They annoyed him
So little as only to admonish him
To a more capable humility
In his achievement; and a pleasant Sunday,
With daylight fading, was a time prepared
For peace, and for thanksgiving, and for rest.

1089

But there was less today of any of these
Than he had known since he was born. Today
There were new shadows while it was too early
For shadows, and there was a recurring chill
While it was not yet cool or late enough
For any such thing to be. It was so warm
That Natalie, preoccupied and restive,
Was saying nothing till Matthias told her
Where her thoughts were.
“And why are you so still,
Now that he 's gone? He was not much to you,
Or me, or anyone; and was least of all
To himself. He was a poor defeated soul,
And one for God to judge. I do not judge him.
I'm sorry for him.”
“Why did you send men
Down to that awful hollow in the night,
As if you knew they were to find him there?”
Natalie asked. “When you came yesterday
Out of that place, you looked as if the dead
Had driven you out.”
“Because I came from there
With two eyes following me, and a man's words
That would not leave my ears. They were not words
That we are here to say. I did not know,
Until too late, that one who was alive
Was dead already—which is not uncommon,
Or not unknown.”
“It does not seem uncommon
To me,” she said, and sighed. “There are so many
Who are like that, that I have wondered why.

1090

But to creep into a hole and poison himself
In the dark—it was not nice. Were I to do it,
Should I be weak, or brave—in your opinion?
You have opinions.”
“And I hope, my dear,”
He said, with lips that smiled, “that when time calls
On you for bravery, it will be for more
Becoming and heroic proof of it
Than going into a hole in a dark rock
And dying there alone. I may have doubts,
And a few fears, but none of them are drawn
To make a picture of you doing such things
As that. O yes, I'm only a man living—
While God permits; and I must have therefore
My doubts and common fears. I have a fear
Of growing old that is unnatural—
One that I might believe my only fear.
I like to live. I would live on with you,
And always. Which a woman, if driven to it,
Might make herself believe a compliment.”
She felt his warm proprietary eyes
Admiring and possessing her, and smiled.
“Or you might, after a few centuries,
Be tired of her, and have eyes for another,”
She said. “We are not old enough to know
All things; and I'm as happy that we are not.”
“I have seen happier faces, if none fairer,
Than yours today,” he said. “Your thoughts are living
Down there too long—down there in the dark, with him.
But he is not there now, and you had better
Be somewhere else. You had better be here, with me.
I like to see you here. You are so fair

1091

To me, sometimes, that I'm afraid of you—
Or rather of the place my world would be
Without you in it.”
“It would be the same,”
She said; “or it would be so nearly so
That only you would see the difference.
The worlds we live in are not very large,
With room in them for only a few faces.
We meet the others, but we do not see them.”
Matthias looked away over the trees
That filled the gorge below. “You will have moods
Until you die,” he said, “and I am sorry.
They are like summer clouds that make us ask
If more are coming.”
“No, there are no more coming,”
Said Natalie. “It was only that poor man,
Down there alone, where you were yesterday.”
She turned, hearing a sound more felt than heard
Of one behind her, and Matthias rose.
“So long as this poor man is out of it,
And unaccused, he'll have his innocence
To travel on,” said a melodious voice.
“God help the homeless. I am glad to see you.
Matthias, you are solemn.”
“It's all Garth,”
He said; “and I was saying, Timberlake,
To Natalie that Garth will do no harm
To anyone now—unless she thinks of him
Unwisely.”
“I should not think of him unwisely;
And I should not forget him; or not wholly—

1092

Or not at once.” This man who had arrived
So quietly found a chair, and with the others
Looked off across the trees. He had blue eyes
That held a kindly sparkle, not so bright
As it was once, and a face made of wrinkles.
The story of the world was in his wrinkles,
Natalie said, if one could only read them;
Yet they were not the manuscript of age,
Or of decrepitude. He was built straight
And tight, and with a tree 's economy
Of slender strength. His face would have been hard,
But for a gentleness that softened it
Somehow to a thin sort of living leather,
Browner than red—a face for women to see,
While other faces waited. “I came home
And heard of Garth,” he said, “and was no more
Surprised than you are. I have outlived surprise—
Which is my symptom of antiquity;
For which I beg your pardon.”
“You had better,”
Natalie said, and made a face at him:
“If I should find myself without an age,
And crying for one, I could almost wear yours.”
“No, I am not surprised. I am only sorry.”
Matthias looked at Natalie, whose answer
Was nothing that she said.
“And why be sorry?”
Timberlake looked at each of them in turn,
Saying his question over silently.
“I am sorry more for leaving him alone,”
Matthias answered, “than for his leaving life

1093

Behind him. There was no purpose left in it,
For him; and I'll assume it was God's way,
Not his, that he was taking when he left us.
I can afford forgiveness, I dare say,
Of all he said to me.”
“And what was that?”
Timberlake asked. His blue eyes held a laugh
That all his vigilance would not conceal,
And all his wrinkles listened.
“It was more,
If I may say so, than was necessary,
And more than I've a reason to remember.
It was the old confusion failure makes,
And will make always—or as long as men
Prefer to fail. I am not judging him;
I'm only sorry that he should make a show
For me, at last, of an undying envy.
I should have said, indeed, that in his envy
There was, till yesterday, a friendliness
That was almost affection. I was friendly,
But I was not his guardian, or torch-bearer.
My own torch was as many as I could carry,
And trim, and keep alive. Seeing him so bitter
In his contempt of God, and man, and me,
I might have wondered that he was not angry;
But now I see that his intent was only
To put me in my place. Poor soul! Poor soul!
When I see folly that has pawned its wings
Hating itself because it cannot fly,
I'd rather turn my eyes the other way.”
“You always do, Matthias,” Natalie said,
And smiled with a demure impulsiveness
Of one not meaning to be critical.

1094

Timberlake held his lips together tightly,
So that he might not grin, saying at last,
“That was in ways an able argument,
And in ways mostly music. I'm like you,
Matthias, in my not judging those who leave us,
Or those who are still here. Natalie says
I'd better not. And now that Garth is gone,
I'll say to you it will be safe and friendly
On your part to believe that he was friendly—
As I believe he was. In his last hours
He may have lost himself, and his proportions.
For all I know, a fellow may swerve a little
In his diplomacy before he swallows
At once what 's left of life. Having heard Garth,
And seen him, yesterday, you may know more
Of that than I. For me, I'll trust the chances.
I shall not go until my name is called.”
Matthias, with a sudden inward flinching,
Saw fronting him again, as in a darkness,
A dark Egyptian door. He sighed, and smoothed
His forehead with his hand. “No, Timberlake,”
He said, “we are not waiting for an end
In any dark hole for you. You are not wise
In all ways, and you are not silly enough
To see yourself dishonored and destroyed
By needless failure and futility.”
“My sovereign sometimes has a tendency
To the sententious. And why say ‘dishonored,’
Matthias?” Natalie asked.
“Matthias means
‘Unfortunate,’ maybe,” said Timberlake.
“Our words have our complexions, like our skins.

1095

Accomplishment and honor are not the same,
Matthias; and one may live without the other.”
“Yes, Timberlake. A man may throw himself
Utterly to the dogs and say to them
That his accomplishment is less than honor.
The dogs would be impressed.” Matthias chuckled.
“Of course,” Natalie said. “He should say, ‘Dogs,
I am not much, but I am honorable.
So wag your tails at me, and do not bark.’
That would soon quiet them.”
“Perhaps it would,”
Matthias muttered, after a long breath.
“My God! I'm tired of all this easy greasing
Of rusted wheels with soft apology.
Do you think that will make them go again?
If Garth was honest—and I'll go as far
With you as to say that—am I not honest?
Men who are soft will say that I am hard,
Only because they can 't make holes in me.
I can see nothing so miraculous
Or damnable in my not being a fool.”
“You are not judging him,” said Natalie;
“You are doing with him as he did yesterday
With you. You are just putting him in his place.”
He came as near to scowling at his wife
As a man should, and said, respectfully,
“Forgive me if I have a few convictions
As to what we should make of what we are.”
“You have a right to them,” said Timberlake;
“Though as an errant brother I'm not feeling

1096

Any too sure today of how my doings
May look to a stern eye. If you, Matthias,
Were not a friend of mine, I might by now
Be cheered with your unprejudiced estimation
Of my deserts. I am as honorable
As possible, but you have not seen my house
Which I shall never build.”
Matthias gazed
At Timberlake and, smiling, shook his head:
“We can do nothing with a man like you
But leave you as you are—to go your way.”
“To the same dogs, you think, that followed Garth.
It may be so. Sometimes I'll hear a barking,
And ask how far away the brutes may be.”
“Not the same, Timberlake. You are not Garth.
There are dogs, and dogs. If Garth had kicked the first
Out of his way, he would have scared the others.”
“Perhaps the others would have bitten him,
And not been scared at all,” said Natalie;
And her words had a sharpness for Matthias
That he had never felt before: “I'm not
So sure that you know all there is to know
Of dogs, and dogs. It may be that we 'd best
Not know too much of what their teeth may do
Till we are bitten. I can fancy them
Following us without our seeing them
And tearing us to death. It 's not their barking,
Matthias, that mangles us; it is their teeth.
Garth could have told you. He had felt their teeth,
And he had bled where they had bitten him.
None of us know for certain when the dogs
Are on the watch, or what they are waiting for.

1097

And as for Garth, I doubt if it 's as easy
To write his life in saying he was a fool
As you imagine. I can find other names
For one who did much good, and did no harm.
I find a sort of bravery, if you like,
In his way out. Try it yourself, and tell me.”
She laughed at Timberlake, who stared at her,
And at Matthias, and in a wonderment
Of premonition. “Never mind me,” she said;
“I'm in a mood. Matthias knows I have them,
Or should know; and he knows how to forget them.”
“Twilight will be around us before long,”
Said Timberlake; “and I don't see in the dark.
I've had for some time an uneasiness
Of one who has arrived at a wrong hour.
Garth has upset your hive, and all your bees
Are flying about your heads and about mine,
As active as they are invisible.
You may not hear them, but they make a noise
Like thunder rumbling in another world—
Which may be one where Garth is. So good night,
And wish me joy, for I am going home.
My home is where I take my collar off,
And presently my shoes.”
Natalie flashed
A look at Timberlake that he remembered;
And then, remembering it, she laughed. “Good Lord!
Don't go away,” she said, “leaving us here,
Or Garth may come between us, like a sword;
Which would be awful, and unnecessary.”
“Some of your language is unnecessary,”
Matthias warned her, gently. “Why is Garth

1098

A burden for you now? He won 't come back;
And I can show no better friendliness
To him than in my joy he may not;
For the same life would be awaiting him,
And one more death. For cause that was apparent,
Dying was his career. When a man says
Unceasingly what things he is to do,
Until he says at last he can do nothing,
He meets a desperation.”
“Or a dog,”
Said Natalie, “whose name is Desperation.
I shall shriek, certainly, if this goes on.
Women are funny, but there 's nothing alive
So funny as men when they are telling others
How to put fate in a cage—as they have done.”
“I'll set mine free and follow it, and go home,”
Timberlake said, and rose. “When fates are restive,
They let us know. Natalie, you had best
Believe Matthias, and say no more of Garth.
He has gone forward, and that's well for him.”
She seized him with a long inquiring look
That was not happy. “How do you know,” she said,
“Where Garth has gone? I'd fly for such a knowledge.”
He waited there, with his eyes held by hers,
Till all three in the twilight, though together,
Were like the three strangers who were there alone.
“I don't,” he said. “Good night.” And he was gone.
Natalie turned her face to find Matthias
Observing her with eyes that had a light
As kind as twilight. “He might be as far

1099

Away from us,” he said, “for all we see,
As Garth has gone. He leaves a loneliness.”
“It might be so,” she said, “if it were so.
A lonely chair, a match, and a few ashes,
Are like a death, saying where friends have been—
Friends who may not return. They will be there,
Sometime, for the last time. That 's Garth again,
Giving me fancies. I must have liked that man.
I'm sorry if I was too unsociable,
Matthias; and if I was, it was all Garth.”
She tapped his cheeks and kissed him on the nose,
Which had for years been her best way of saying
That everything was right.
She would have moved
Away then, but she failed. She felt his hands
Like iron that held her without hurting her,
And her arms yielded. She looked up at him
With a serenity that bewildered him,
Smiling with eyes in which he could see twilight,
And waiting for his hands to let her go.
She laughed at him, and then she said, “What is it?”
For a long time she waited for an answer
That would not come. Only his tightening hands
Told her that he had heard, until he said,
“Women like you are not demonstrative,
And men like me may not be always vocal.”
“If I were too demonstrative, Matthias,
I might surprise you. Now it is you, instead,
Who are surprising me. I'm rather patient,
And have been cherished for my disposition;
Yet, I suppose, if it should have no end,

1100

I might be weary of this. What have I done?
What is it?”
With eyes unwilling to leave hers,
He watched her while his hands, reluctantly,
Released her prisoned arms. “Nothing,” he said.
“Nothing,” he said again. “It was all Garth.”