University of Virginia Library

SCÆNA. VI.

To them Macrinus, Lacero, Serpix; Three totter'd common Souldiers, with a Drummer before them; And Cock-feathers in their Hats.
Call.
How now? What have we here? The Signe oth' Battle
'Twixt Time and Ragged Breeches? And whither now
Tends your most totter'd March? What make your foure
Halfe Doublets from your Colours?

Macr.
Sir, we are
Imployed as publique persons, by our Companies,
To tell the King our Greivances. Beat on
To th'Kings Pavilion.

Neand:
Publique: 'Tis true, you are;
Your Elbowes witnesse for you; There's not one
Bare part about you that's not publique. But
Pray stay, pray stay a little, Gentlemen;
What Greivances have your most lousy valours
To present now?

Lac:
Such, Sir, as we have often
Complain'd to you of, and you'l not redresse us.

Serp:
The King is Just, Sir, and allowes us pay,
Which you melt up by th'way. You may make sport,
And laugh at our poore Ruines; But 'tis our Ragges,
And barenesse, which doth make you glitter.

Mac:
If
We had our Right, your large Scarfes, every one
Of which display'd, would make the Colours to
A Company, should be our Shirts.

Art.
How, Sir?

Lac:
Sir, it is true; And your large Feathers, each
Of which, wav'd by the Winde, does make you walke
In perfect flourish; And present you like
Three winged Dedalus's, prepar'd to fly,
Should be our Coates, and plume us.

Ser.
And that shine
And blaze of plate about you, which puts out
Our eyes, when we march 'gainst the Sunne, and armes you
Compleatly with your owne gold Lace, which is
Laid on so thicke, that your owne Trimmings doe
Render you Engine proofe, without more Armes,
Should goe to buy us bread.

Art.
This is most rare
With reference to the Feathers in your Hats,
Most pilfring Gentlemen, which show you have
Skirmished with Neighbouring poultry, lately, and having
Eaten part of your Conquest; weare the rest
As Emblems of your wandring from the Campe,
And Inrodes on Backsides. If I may aske you,
Where have you learnt this Eloquence? I do not
Read that Demosthenes declaym'd with Toes
Looking through leather Casements. Or that He was
Sent in an Embassie with halfe a Stockin,
Or such decay'd Caparisons, as I
Observe in your retinue.

Macr.
Sir, wee need
No Teacher but our wants to find us words.

Lacer.
Had you Three reckon'd th'Age oth' Warre by fasting
As we have done; who by our hunger know
'Tis now a month since it began; or did you
Know onely these two poore Releefes, Warme daies
For Clothes, Warme Ayre for food.

Serp.
Or had you
Beene Three Camerades like us, Three daies to one.
Dryed Bisket, and borne Stock fish, both which might
Be shot for Battery, And for hardnesse be
Reckon'd into th'Artillery, we doe
Beleeve you would not starve in silence; Or
Depart this life without some Testimony
That you were famisht hence.

Call.
Why harke you, you
Rascalls, who thinke the life of man consists
In eating; And that you were sent into the world
To devoure Flocks and Heards; what are you made for?
Resolve mee, if you can; What is the End
Of your Creation, but to fight, Goe naked,
And starve in Sun shine?

Neand.
True; what other use
Can there be of you in a State, but either
To be hang'd if you steale, if you do not
To suffer hunger, and be lowsie in
Your Countries Cause? And if you scape the Sword,
And do survive, to be a Burthen to
The Common wealth, to be dispatcht by famine,
for the publique ease?

Art.
Besides, why do you trouble
Us with your meager visages? what are
Your torne necessities to us?

Mac.
Does not
Our pay passe through your hands? Are not you our Captains?

Art:
And are there no wayes, Sir, to live, besides
Your foure and eight pence weekely?

Lac:
Wee'd be glad
To learne them, Sir.

Art:
Pray let me aske you, then,
And answer with discretion. What is
The naturall use of Capons, Hens, and Geese?
For what serve Turkies?

Mac:
To be eaten.

Art:
Right;
You and I jumpe. And what's the use of Sheep?
I do not meane with fleeces; (That falls under
Another question:) But as they are Mutton?

Lac:
Why to be eaten too.

Art:
Still right. And lastly,
What is the use of Wooll made into Cloth?
Is't not to cover?

Serp:
'Tis so, Sir,

Art:
And what's
The use of Plate and Money? Is't not to
Supply Mens Wants, and buy the things they need?

Serp:
Most true Sir,

Art:
And are these times which do make
The stealth of all these lawfull,And reach out
All these unto you for the venturing: And
Are you so cowardly, or rather so
In love with your owne Lice, that you must aske
Us for releife? Or thinke of such a base,
Poore, contemptible thing as Pay?

Mac:
Is this
The answer you will give us?

Art:
This is all.
Plundering's a large Revenue; 'Tis your owne
Fault if Townes cloth you not; Or if the Fields
Afford you not provision.

Mac:
We must then
Here let you know, wee'l Mutiny. Beat backe.

Call:
You Mutiny, you ill fac'd Rascals; Have you
A minde to cheat the Hangman with your Wardrobes?
Or an itch to disgrace the Gibbet with
Your Goblin Carkasses before your times?

Lac:
Wee'l raise the Campe against you.

Serp:
Come, let's raise
Let's raise the Campe.

Neand:
Away you heaps of vermin.
Earth your selves in your Trenches; And there live
The quiet life of Meles; Feed on the Rootes.
Ex: Mac: Lac: Ser:
Of wholsome hearbs which grow about you Goe.

Call.
My Lords, we must take leave.

Art:
You see the peace
Oth' Army lyes on't.

Neand:
We kisse your Lordships hands.

Exeunt.