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98

THE THRESHER AND THE RAT.

'T was when the bridge the frost had made,
Had robbed the Charon of his trade;
When slipping sleighs and jingling bells
Supplied the place of rattling wheels;—
When side-long looked the southing sun,
And labor out-of-door was done,
A farmer to his barn did go
To thresh, as he was wont to do.
He was as strong a man as ever
Beneath the bowlders thrust a lever;
As brave a man as aught of those
Who faced on Bunker-Hill their foes;
As honest as the man who sweat
For forty years to pay a debt;
A patriot, and no truer one
Tecumseh was, or Washington;—
He was, to make description short,
A yankee of the goodly sort.
The wheaten sheaves he spread and pounded;
The echoes to his flail resounded;

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The ox looked wise at what he saw,
And tasted daintily the straw;
The fowls came craking round the door
For seeds that flew beyond the floor;
And loudly in the thresher's ear
Sang old time-keeping Chanticleer.
But moodily the thresher wrought,
And thinking, (for he must have thought,)
While he the bearded grain was threshing,
Of men who needed such a dressing.
The seventh shock he'd just begun—
(He chalked the number, one by one,)—
But scarce had he a dozen thumped,
When forth a rat, confounded, jumped!
THRESHER.
Stop thief! here, Jowler, come and shake him!
Here, pussy, pussy! quick, and take him!
These blasted rats have torn my sheaves,
Like old ‘Aunt Lizzy's’ bible leaves.
No candidate, in search of Sunday,
E'er owned a horse one-half so hungry.
His words with speech inspired the rat;
He turned, and on his haunches sat:

RAT.
I pray thee, goodman, stop thy grieving
That I, poor body, get a living;

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And, rather pity, when I tell ye
You've pounded me almost to jelly.

THRESHER.
High words, indeed, for rats to speak!
I thought at most they could but squeak.
You must be leader of the throng
That 's troubled me so much and long.
By night I hear you, on my bed,
Chase one another overhead,
And rattle up and down the wall
Some plunder to your dens to haul;
And in my barns the live-long day,
You waste my precious grain away.

RAT.
You 've little charity, I see,
For such a needy wretch as me.
I taste your grain a little, true;
'T is quite as good for me as you;
And it's the fashion now-days, neighbor,
To get a living without labor.

THRESHER.
You have more brass, conceited knave,
In your old phiz, than thieves should have;
Think you I'll harvest corn and wheat
For miserable rats to eat?
Look at the ant, that toils and strives,
And on her own exertion lives;

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Look at the bees, wee, busy things,
That make a food that 's fit for kings;
Look at your cousin in the bushes,
He is content with grass and rushes;
The prowling fox, that now and then
Comes to my yard and steals a hen,
Would say you were of rogues the chief;
The skunk would spurn you for a thief.

RAT.
Look here! if preaching is your object,
I'll show you more important subject:
Now did it never strike your mind
That there are rats among mankind?
The rat of human-kind, you see,
In form is different from me;
He stands six feet, or less, or more;
Walks on two feet, instead of four;
Wears a fine coat with pendent tail,
With pockets in it,—where I fail;
Has hands whose single grasp can seize
More than my twelve-month's bread and cheese;
And, to crown all, his Maker kind
Gives him a shrewd, discerning mind,
All his base life, on earth to find
Bye-paths through which to seek his leaven,
And dream of rat-holes, too, in heaven.
Now, sir, your eyes are oped, I wis;
‘Look on this picture, and on this;’
And, on the whole, you must opine
His breed is worse, by far, than mine.


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THRESHER.
All true, old rat! thou speakest sense!
Fill once thy maw, and get thee hence;
For since thy wit has cooled my choler,
I would not harm thee for a dollar.

RAT.
Nay, goodman, hear me till I 've done,
Then, if you're willing, I will run.
Some human rats, of whom I speak,
The garner of your nation seek;
They talk about the public good,
As those who gull the public should;
Line well their nests with ‘Biddle's rags,’
Filch from the people's money-bags,
And then, to hide the thefts they 've made,
With law and logic make parade;
Call a sham court; put in the chair
Some ancient rat of presence rare,
Whose views of justice and intention
Are past all common comprehension;
Whose verdicts, ninety in a hundred,
Are to the public never rendered.
Or some old rat, benignly feeling,
To give the rest more chance for stealing,
Slips quietly among some cargo
That puts to sea without embargo,
And on a foreign shore arrives,
With spoils to last him while he lives.

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In short, they live so free and easy,
That thoughts of envy often tease me;
For when, like me, in theft detected,
They sneak aside, and live respected.
I would proceed, and tell you more,
How at the sanctuary door
These precious rats sometimes go in
With pious horror, feigned, for sin,
And there for hapless sinners groan,
Whom they 've dissected to the bone.
I could dilate for full an hour,
To tell you how they get at power;
How scrambling o'er the backs of fools,
They use the willing dupes for tools,
And dig their way through virtuous worth,
And trample genius in the earth,
Till puffed with spoils, and damned with fame,
True rats in everything but name.
I 'd tell you all; but this must do,
For I perceive I'm hindering you;
But when at night you hear us run,
Think of the gang at Washington;
And rack your powers of invention
For traps to hold them in detention;
And when for us you 'd call the cat,
Call Sootie for the human rat.
The rat, no more with speech inspired,
Now turned, and suddenly retired.