University of Virginia Library

Rosen Offers Thoughts
On Wilson Hall Use

By Robert Rosen

Mrs. I.B. Cauthen related a story
to me that went as follows: A
visitor to the Grounds of the
University was told on her guided
tour that the Rotunda had once
been used as the library. Upon
seeing the landmark, she could not
help but wonder what its present
function was. So she asked a
member of the Building and
Grounds crew who happened to be
nearby. He replied, "Well, M'am, it
used to be a library."

"I know that," she said, "but
what is it used for now? The old
Virginian was puzzled. He scratched
his head. Finally he replied, "I
don't rightly know, Miss, I guess
it's just used as a Rotunda."

The gentleman's reply was not
only correct, but also rather humorous.
And I think it is in this vein
that the designers of the new Wilson
Hall set out to do their work.
Certainly the University community
has accepted it in this vein.
After all, if a building at a university
of this stature cannot provoke
a good quip now and again,
what in deed is its purpose?

It is a little known fact that
Wilson Hall was actually named for
Woodrow Wilson, conflicting
rumors to the contrary notwithstanding.
It was deemed to be a
fitting memorial to an alumnus who
did so much for Princeton University,
if not the nation! Thus,
Wilson Hall's first contribution to
the University community is its
unobtrusiveness. Hidden as it is by
Rousse Hall and Cabell Hall, the
new building provides more of
those interesting little by ways that
visitors and students alike have always
loved to follow about the
Grounds. Its quiet seclusion, which
blends in so harmoniously, so
naturally, yes! so gracefully with
the surrounding environs of trees
and gardens is yet another source of
joy to the contemplative souls who
until the present have had only
Gilmer Hall and the Chemistry
Building to repair to in moments of
reflection.

Another contribution of Wilson
Hall is its pathbreaking introduction
of what are called "Springing
Seats" in its lectured halls. I
have it on the best authority that
these seats, in which it is virtually
impossibly to remain seated without
the continuous application of
one's muscular energy, are to be
living memorials to President Wilson's
heroic, but unsuccessful
attempt to seat this nation in the
League of Nations. A constant reminder
to students, these Springing
Seats may very well change the
course of history...or force some
thinner students to change their
history course.

This is not the only memorial to
the President within the Hall. Constant
recordings of his speeches are
on tap in two areas. The first is a
series of large air vents which blow
out a continuous stream on uncontrollable
air. This is to prevent any
untruths from being heard, even if
they are uttered (The Master
Planners have explicitly forbidden
this practice in Wilson Hall) in this
intellectual sanctuary. The second
area is, of all places, in each of the
men's rooms. A simple, white, box-shaped
machine with a large silver
button will be placed on each of
the rooms and will provide a dual
purpose: it will automatically release
Wilsonian rhetoric as it dries
one's hands.

A fitting quotation from President
Wilson's vast rhetoric is being
sought at this very moment for
inscription over Wilson Hall's front
door, wherever that is. It is thought
that the quotation will somehow
reflect Wilson's enduring meaning
to the American people as well as
symbolize thy Truth and Beauty
that is truly Wilson Hall. So far as I
am able to learn, no decision has
yet been reached, but "he Kept Us
Out of War" seems to be the most
appropriate choice.

Although the University community
is nearly unanimous in its
praise for the new structure, there
has been some slight opposition,
with which I will immediately
dispose. The opposition has come
mainly from the "Law'n Order"
Society, a group of fraternities who
claim that Mr. Jefferson's
architectural wonder should not be
surrounded by disgraceful, second rate
additions to Sandford White's
disgraceful, second-rate additions to
the Grounds. They have already
begun a series of bomb threats, the
purpose of which is to get the
Administration to stop building
offensive buildings.

Dean I.B. Cauthen has rightly
refused to even discuss peace terms
with these fanatics, who are standing
in he way of Progress. Mr.
Cauthen has preferred to say only
"There's such a thing as a man
being too proud to fight" and " 'No
Smoking' also applies to bombs."

In sum, Wilson Hall is a profitable
addition to the Grounds, to
the English Department, and to the
R.E. Lee Construction Company.
Though, admittedly, it ranks
slightly beneath the Rotunda and
those motel wings that lead up to
it, Wilson Hall, after all, serves a
utilitarian purpose.

It is going to be used as a Wilson
Hall.