University of Virginia Library

1.

[Theres an out-landish man now newly landed]

Theres an out-landish man now newly landed,
With rare inuentions, rich conceited tires:
From Court vnto the Citty he is bandied,
To shew his wares which suddainely inspires.
The inconstant fancie of the foolish buyers,
The price is great, therefore the wares the better,
Halfe on't downe paid, halfe on't remaine his debtor
And this superfluous waste expence in spending,
Makes Courtiers euer borrowing, neuer lending.
Yet Ladies best speed when thy spend most of all
For spend they nere so much their wastes still small.

2

[This straunger now is sent for to the Cittie]

This straunger now is sent for to the Cittie,
Where he does shew some relique of a fashion:
A great ruffe rare, a little one that's pretty,
Another excelent with alteration.
The Citty Damsels giue more and pay better:
That I conclude your Citties wastes are greater.

3

[Philo is iealious and to his wife would proue]

Philo is iealious and to his wife would proue,
That in a little iealousie dwels much loue:
Which in her eare so often he did crie,
That she at last began to edefie.
And said deare husband hence forth I will be:
More ielous ouer you then you of me.
Which he likt well and wisht it would be so:
And now with lesse mistrust from home doth go.
The whilst some friend steps in then doth she feare,
And still is iealous Philo thou art neare.

4.

[A madbraine vickar in a desperate moode]

A madbraine vickar in a desperate moode,
Would sometimes sweare to play at dice was good
And he himselfe would venter many a crowne,
Amongst his best parishoners in the Towne.
The vicar lost, yet knew no reason why:
Vnlesse there were quick-siluer in the Die.
The Die was broake, quick-siluer there was none,
Yet was the vickars siluer quickly gone.

8

[What Gallant's this atir'd all in blacke]

What Gallant's this atir'd all in blacke,
It is no Courtier sure, not what do you lacke,
Some ordinary Gallant ten to one,
That liueth idly here about the Towne,
What is it he, I know him tis a Gull,
Thats conicatcht by euery scuruy trull,
His father's lately dead and he is heire,
Of large possessions and reuenues faire,
I haue heard some say, great Lordships to him fall,
Yet this I am sure his maners are but small.

9.

[Another Gallant who was light of heele]

Another Gallant who was light of heele,
Would take vpon him for to runne with any,
For he had run round about fortunes wheele,
And neuer yet was he out run by any,
He ran, and ran, some twenty yeares together,
And neuer lookt behinde him, till he met,
A Seriant at the shoulder, clad in leather,
Then he perceiu'd how he had runne in debt,
And now began to stay, yet he must on,
En'e faire and softly vnto prison.

10.

[Varius the traueller who doth not know]

Varius the traueller who doth not know,
That has bin further than any map can show,
Or ventrous Drake, Haukins, or Forbisher;
None ere receiu'd like grace of the Emperor,
The Sophie & he sworne brothers, twas his lot,
To drinke carouse in Solymans owne pot,
Yet here he staid not long, but still went on,
To take acquaintance of great Prastor Iohn,
Where he was welcome, and it was his chance,
To kisse his empresse, and with his daughter dance,
His lies are monstrous great, and yet but young,
Gargantua sure was father of his Tounge.

11

[A Pretty Creature of the lightest fashion]

A Pretty Creature of the lightest fashion,
Was early once inuited to a marriage,
Before the Cocke had giuen last relation,
Of the worlds beauty burner on his carriage,
Vp she was got, and got vnto her Truncke,
Wherein complexions were that better'd natures,
The very Daffa-downe-dilly of a Puncke,
Besides her Art puts downe Venetian features,
But now, either because of hast, or want of light,
Painted her face all red and her lips whight.

12

[Who er'e will go vnto the presse may see]

Who er'e will go vnto the presse may see,
The hated Fathers of vilde balladrie,
One sings in his base note the Riuer Thames,
Shal sound the famous memory of noble king Iames
Another sayes that he will to his death,
Sing the renowned worthinesse of sweet Elizabeth,
So runnes their verse in such disordered straine,
And with them dare great maiesty prophane,
Some dare do this, some other humbly craues,
For helpe of spirits in their sleeping graues,
As he that calde to Shakespeare, Iohnson, Greene,
To write of their dead noble Queene,
But he that made the Ballads of oh hone,
Did wondrous well to whet the buyer on,
These fellowes are the slaunderers of the time,
Make ryming hatefull through their bastard rime.
But were I made a iudge in poetry,
They all should burne for their vilde heresie.

13.

[Clodio some for thy feather take thee for a horse]

Clodio some for thy feather take thee for a horse
All for an Asse if thou but once discourse.

14

[When Gatra died great store of wealth was foūd]

When Gatra died great store of wealth was foūd
In cofers, truncks, great chests, & leather bags,
In cubberds, hampers, and vaults vnder ground,
Iewels wrapt vp (in pollicie) with rags.
Some say he got more then the begger did,
That was so ritch and excellent at the trade,
Others thinke deuils mong'st his Angels hid,
Who vp to the necke in Common-wealth did wade
He was no Marchant beater of the burse,
Nor neuer pleading at the barre did braule,
Yet he found meanes to bumbast out his purse,
For many say he got the deuill and all,
Well say he did, it seemes he let him goe,
But now the diuell has him hele not do so.

An Epita.

Here lyes the man who dyed in paine,
Yet would haue liu'd to haue dyed againe,

15 Of Stone the Iester.

Looke at what time Pomgranets do wax scant,
At the same time Stone witty iests doth want,
Then gainst Paules pillers or some other post,
He leanes to finde his chapman whole giue most.
I oftentimes and others muse at it,
So great a head should haue so little wit,
The miracles not so great the iest once knowne,
Who i'st would looke for wit in any Stone.

16

[I gaue Coxhead more title to his name]

I gaue Coxhead more title to his name,
And cal'd him Coxcombe for his greater fame,
But he was angry, was he not a mome?
Who euer saw Coxhead without a Combe.

17

[Clogo is knighted, but he knowes not by whom]

Clogo is knighted, but he knowes not by whom,
Sayes twas by a fine man and in a fine roome,
Well fare his wife yet, who is not such a babie,
But knowes what foole it was made her a Lady.

18

[If any man looke but on Dabus wife]

If any man looke but on Dabus wife,
He is straight a Cuckolde he dares lay his life,
But if one talke with her then it is so,
Though all the sooth-sayers in the Towne say no,
But if you kisse her ay then he is vp in blood,
And sweares she beares two faces vnder one hoode.

19

[All Sims valour consists in his Tounge]

All Sims valour consists in his Tounge,
He swore full mouth'd oathes,
He'd pocket vp no wrong,
When we that were with him,
Beleft him soone.
For wrongfully he did pocket vp,
A guilt siluer spoone.

20

[Vnconstant Fortune partiall in thy guifts]

Vnconstant Fortune partiall in thy guifts,
Who puts poore gentle men vnto their shifts,
And crossest them, and them vncrosse againe,
For to be crost you know is a hellish paine,
But to be vncrost, why ti's ten times worse,
To haue more siluer on the sword then purse.

21

[Why is base Nemius iudged to be ritch]

Why is base Nemius iudged to be ritch,
Because he lookes so grim and weares seale rings,
Or cause he buyes commodities of Fish,
Of Cheese, of Butter and such other things,
Or ist because he talkes of Bondes and Billes,
Of Leases, and of morgaging of Land,
Of Lordships, Mannors, and of making willes,
Of many paunes that lie vpon his hand,
Or is't because like a great Alderman,
He weares a gown lac't round, laid down with furre,
Or miser like a pouch where neuer man,
Could thrust his finger but this Island curre.
All these are signes that he is not belyed,
And yet he has ten thousand markes beside.

22

[Mounsir Montaingnis to the Tailor owes]

Mounsir Montaingnis to the Tailor owes,
Some forty shillings for his swaggering hose,
Taylor for mony came, Mounsir was ill,
Could not endure to looke vpon his bill,
The Taylor seeing that did him this grace,
To leaue his bill behinde but brought a mace.

23

[If any man of monsters chance to talke]

If any man of monsters chance to talke,
Or big boaned Giants that this land did walke,
Cacus steps forth and telles you of his Sire,
And his long may-pole legs which reached higher,
Then strong imagination will giue leaue,
Or probability of truth receiue,
T'is but to signifie vnto this age,
His monstrous birth and high borne parentage,

28.

[Lais all of deformity is compact]

Lais all of deformity is compact,
Splay-footed, beetle-brow'd, crook't-backe,
I ask't her how it came she answers all,
When she was yong by an vnhappy fall:
But Lais, Lais, you might auoyded well,
The fall you had which made your belly swell.

29

[Ianus the ritch fat vsurer desird]

Ianus the ritch fat vsurer desird,
To be a knight and yet was loath to giue,
The compleate summe which of him was requird,
And once a yeare a feast while he did liue.
Ambition yet gaue couetousnes a blow,
That stroke two hundred pounds out of his purse,
But of his knighthood such great charge doth grow
That he repents of what he did disburse,
And wisely now his knighthood doth compare,
To pickle herring or tough martlemas beife,
(Which being eaten not for common faire)
Though it be ready bought yet playes the theefe,
meaning as those salt meates do steale down drinke
So doth his knight-hood steale away his chinke.

30

[A foole saith Clinius euery one would make him]

A foole saith Clinius euery one would make him
I thinke they haue don't for so al men take him
Ti's marle they will offer being so common a rule,
For him himselfe, to make himselfe a foole.

31

[Lord what a colle there was to be a Lady]

Lord what a colle there was to be a Lady,
By mistris Wood beon a gentle woman,
Wife to yong Hary holdfast, Knight that may be,
Nay will be, though his fathers but a yeoman
Madnes has ceas'd on his wiues troubled braine,
Because the present time she was no Lady,
He seekes to comfort her and ease her paine,
She does not like this shall be nor this may be,
Shall Maulkin milke-maide her high words exalt,
In euery place before me I abhorre it,
Whose fresh gentillity was pickt from malt,
What reason law or conscience haue you for it,
Away he went in hast, home knighted came,
And she was turnd from a mad dame to madam.

23

[Fvrius a louer was, and had louing fits]

Fvrius a louer was, and had louing fits,
He lou'd so madly that he lost his wits,
Nay he lost nought yet grant I he was mad,
How could he loose that which he neuer had.

33

[When Muske & Ciuet two nere kinsmen meete]

When Muske & Ciuet two nere kinsmen meete,
Each other in the middle Ile of Paules,
Straight they incounter with embraces sweete,
From head vnto the foote each other falles,
Theile daunce a galliard cut in complement,
And chaine each other to the bosome fast,
Then say their prayers in curtsie and repent,
The negligence that hath betweene them past,
Then breath a while, without a word make stay.
Salute a fresh againe and so away.

34.

[A curious Gallant chanc't to haue a sight]

A curious Gallant chanc't to haue a sight,
Of these slight Epigrames first infancie,
Who Pedunt wise did tax them (not for spight)
Of their lame harsh vnmeasurd quantities,
They halt not so to lie vpon the parish,
As much to say vpon the Printers hand,
The hole hath promised the lame to cherish,
But now he findes two Adiectiues to stand,
Ioyned together that small fault or none,
One Adiectiue can neuer stand alone,

An Epitath vpon Singer.

Death was so bolde his dayes to shorten,
Who altogether liu'd by fortune.

35

[Sylla hath many parts that blase her fame]

Sylla hath many parts that blase her fame,
All do not know her that know her name,
She Makes a Lute speake in his airy voice,
Will force sad melanchollies selfe reioyce,
The Syrens tunes bewitching Trauailer,
Themselues would be bewitcht should they here her
Daunces without compare, paints best in Towne,
Yet for all this I know one puts her downe.

36

[A worthy Lady of great eminence]

A worthy Lady of great eminence,
Who holds all borrowed beauty in disdaine,
Out of whose wisedome shines her excellence,
The Muses are attendant on her traine,
And they doe her and she doth them sustaine,
Her acute iudgement did vouchsafe to reede,
An Epigrame which this Booke doth containe,
And pai'd in words what she will pay in deed,
(For Ladies nere make promises in vaine)
Were so much giuen for one ist not a fall,
That for a Tester (Reader) thou hast all.

Ænigma.

The Court hath got the Citty with Childe,
Which well hath cost their purse,
The Country with it is be guild,
With whom it is at nurse.

[There is a thing which barkes not, yet doth bite]

There is a thing which barkes not, yet doth bite,
Worse then the wildest beast A ( )

37

[Phrigio lay bed-rid now lies in his graue]

Phrigio lay bed-rid now lies in his graue,
Look't like a spittleman and worse diseased,
His wife fresh, lusty, stately, gallant, braue,
Yet the same sickness was on her encreased,
Which she brook't well, and made not such a doe,
As you did Phrigio yet lay bed-rid to.

An Epita.

Here lies he knowne to his furd Cloake,
Liu'd like the Salamander by fire and smoake.

38

[Mvn has a wife but knowes not how to vse her]

Mvn has a wife but knowes not how to vse her,
And yet he knowes too wel how to abuse her.

39

[Ficus was fat in body and in purse]

Ficus was fat in body and in purse,
And vnto Sea is gone himselfe to purge,
Some fifteene hunderd markes he did disburse,
To receiue three for one, a tempting scourge,
To whip my Gallant vp the surging seas,
And daunce to Venice with a whistling winde,
There to evacuate for stomachs ease,
The home-bred crudities his flesh did bind,
Of him we haue not heard vnto this day,
That I beleeue he's purged all away.

40.

[Seignior Tobacco that braue Caualier]

Seignior Tobacco that braue Caualier,
Came swaggering frō the Tauerne here & there
From wall to kennell, from kennell to the wall,
Was not land roome enough for him to saile,
At last he meetes a Dray-man with his carte,
And much good sport there was ere they did part,
For about wine and beare they did discourse,
Yet he knew not the Brewer from his horse.

41

[A country man who had some suite belike.]

A country man who had some suite belike.
(With a blacke box downe pendant at his side)
Walking from Westminster the stones did strike,
With his naild shooes that euery step did slide,
So came he making legs vp Ludgate hill,
And lookt as if he'd eate what he had seene,
At last he Ludgate spied and then stood still,
Gaping vpon the picture of the Queene,
The prisoner gan his cry, then he for feare,
Started and askt if there the Lyons were.

42

[Sislie reports Angels appeare to her]

Sislie reports Angels appeare to her,
And comforts her in all extremity,
Nay and besides they do presse neare to her,
Promising aide in great'st calamity,
But this you must suppose they come in night,
For Sislies Angels neuer came in sight.

43

[Sylla can play on any instrument]

Sylla can play on any instrument,
Yet neuer doth she worke her owne content,
The reason is so they that know her say,
Because she giues her minde too much to play.

44

[Caius thus complements at dinner; sir will you sit]

Caius thus complements at dinner; sir will you sit
Bv Iesus Christ I will not eate a bit,
Vntill you come, but straight doth call for beare,
Then by your fauour sir, please you be here,
What wine do you drinke to aske hele neuer misse,
But hele be sure you shall drinke none of his.

45.

[A wondrous thing, olde Phiro goes a woing]

A wondrous thing, olde Phiro goes a woing,
To shew himselfe a Maid, longs to be doing.

46

[Phantastique Pedants say these Poets are]

Phantastique Pedants say these Poets are,
The vainest fellowes that liue vpon the earth,
In Platoes Common-wealth they banish'd were,
For ther's no musicke in them nor no mirth,
But whats the reason they thus Poets blame,
Because their dearth of wit requires the same.

Epita.

Here lies an Astronomer that studied by the rule
Dyed because the Starres allotted him a foole.

47

[I talkt with Iulia in good modest phraise]

I talkt with Iulia in good modest phraise,
But she my meanings and my words dispraise,
And in a coynesse thus replies to me,
I am not her you take me sir to be,
Well Iulia, ile beleeue what you haue said,
But ile besworne I tooke you for a maide.

48

[Clinius misdoubtes himselfe, sayes that all men]

Clinius misdoubtes himselfe, sayes that all men,
Doe ride and play vpon him now and then,
Fie Clinius fie, neuer make such strife,
Better they play on you then on your wife.

49

[Lvcius protesteth his loue blinded sight]

Lvcius protesteth his loue blinded sight,
Sees in the darke best by his mistris light,
Or his light mistris, and it well may be,
For light Owles, do by Owle-light clearest see.

50

[When Dicke a letter to his ritch vncle writ]

When Dicke a letter to his ritch vncle writ,
He superscrib'd it to the R. worshipfull,
Now I knew what he meant and smild at it,
To thinke how he would gul the kings leige people
He would haue writ the word right out at large,
But that he thought was not his vnckles due,
Yet I vpon me tookt for his discharge,
To make it ritch and that I am sure was true,
Iudge where I wrong'd him now, or did't on spight
When I am sure he would haue had it right.

51.

[Ficus hath lost his nose, but knowes, not how]

Ficus hath lost his nose, but knowes, not how,
And that seems strange to euery one that knows it,
My thinkes I see it written in his brow,
How, wherefore, and the cause that he did lose it,
To tell you true Ficus I this suppose,
Twas some French Caniball bit of your nose.

52

[Antonio Flora stabd good reason why]

Antonio Flora stabd good reason why,
He being a Souldier she gaue him the lie,
And yet the desperate wench would nere refraine,
To giue it him till she was stabd againe.

An Epigrame vpon a Booke intituled the three Sisters, to a new Straine.

Straind he not hard (thinke you) that straind such sence,
From the three Sisters in their difference,
To deale with Widdow, Wife, and Maid was paine,
That it was marl'e he did not ouerstraine.

[Reader I know not how I haue pleas'd thy mind]

Reader I know not how I haue pleas'd thy mind,
With these rude Epigrams harsh vnrefind,
But if they be not drest vnto thy taste,
Then blame the Cooke for making too much hast,
Ile ner'e make promise to remaine thy debter,
But if thou likst them not, would thou hadst better.