Mirth and Metre :: :: University of Virginia Library

Britons, approach! a patient ear incline,
My Theme's as largely your concern as mine.
I sing not Cæsar from the field returning,
With Victory's laurels nodding on his brow;
I sing no Manlius for his country's weal
Rushing on death, alone, mid hosts of steel;
Nor Cincinnatus, with sole empire, yearning
For cottag'd peace, and his paternal plough;
Nor godlike Scipio, in youth's fullest fire,
Rigid in honour, victor of desire:
Such themes might suit Rome's ancient, heathen days,
But christian England scorns such maudlin praise!

Our continence gets fly-blown in an hour,
Just buds, but never ripens to a flower:

With us content is meanness; we despise
The sneak who sticks at any thing to rise;
Our Patriots, somewhat unlike those of yore,
Their Country make good bargains of, not for.
And then our Heroes, tho' we have a few;
Who fighting love, and get their share of't too;
But such electrifying names, I swear,
Of mine shall not one single reader scare.
A modern hero, all so smooth and smug,
Like pretty Poll, or little Master Pug;
The Mall or Lobby whose campaign Parade is,
Looks fierce alone to lap-dogs and to ladies;
With muslin valour, all cockade and feather,
Swoons at a sword, and trembles at the weather;
Minces the oath to swear at length would fright him;
And skips past every door with tim'rous haste,
By a grim lion for a knocker grac'd,
Fearing the monstor should—jump down and bite him.

I sing no Loan; to me it was n't lent,
Then where exists a cause for me to praise it?
What tho' the Premier did give Cent per Cent,
Perhaps a trifle more, ere he could raise it;
Why, in the name of sense, should I bewray it?
The devil is in't if I am ask'd to pay it!

I sing of no Convention Bill; not I!
Not that I suffer fear my tongue to tye;
I just act with it, as I did without it;
What business, then, have I to prate about it;
Likely as not, to prate myself to prison;
For what?—“The Nation's Benefit.”—The Nation?
You could not well have pick'd a lamer reason.
The Nation's gratitude is such, her end
Once gain'd, I'll tell you how she'd serve her friend—
I'll do it, like Dan Peter, by Quotation.