University of Virginia Library

Squirrels

It is especially comforting
to know that someone has
finally discerned the peril we,
not only as a community, but
as a nation, face due to
squirrels. I experienced this
danger personally this fall
while touring our nation's
capital. While admiring our
President's home, I was
viciously, and no doubt,
premeditatedly, assaulted by a
wily rodent.

I was paralyzed with fear as
the malicious mammal
maneuvered with uncanny
speed up and down my person.
It was only be shear good
fortune that by shedding outer
garments and running blindly
from the scene I avoided
serious injury from the
tenacious teeth of my furry
assailant.

I commend the staff of the
Cavalier Daily as well as the
Board of Visitors for their
policies and actions in regard
to such grave conditions.
Surely we as concerned citizens
can join together to rid
ourselves of these and other
menacing monsters before
someone else is less fortunate
than I.