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 | 'Twixt Kiss and Lip or Under the Sword. By the author of "Women Must Weep," [i.e. F. W. O. Ward] Third edition |  |
A CLERICAL CAUCUS.
Forth they flocked from mews and mansion,
Horsey men with strange expansion,
Sheepish forms from shady pen;
Slaves of awful early rising,
Timid souls apologising—
Wondering if they were men.
Horsey men with strange expansion,
Sheepish forms from shady pen;
Slaves of awful early rising,
Timid souls apologising—
Wondering if they were men.
Punctual man with virtuous visage,
Doubtful man (whatever's his age?),
Yellow leaf and foliage green;
Lovers from their love and cottage,
Not so provident in pottage,
As perhaps they might have been.
Doubtful man (whatever's his age?),
Yellow leaf and foliage green;
Lovers from their love and cottage,
Not so provident in pottage,
As perhaps they might have been.
Bachelors, divided fractions,
Seeking better halves and actions,
Figures that enchant them most;
Winter pear just turning mellow,
And the jealous Moor, Othello,
With the late incumbent's ghost.
Seeking better halves and actions,
Figures that enchant them most;
Winter pear just turning mellow,
And the jealous Moor, Othello,
With the late incumbent's ghost.
548
Stretching like a band elastic,
Came the pied ecclesiastic,
Black in nature, white in face;
Striving with some private leaven,
To commingle earth and heaven,
And in neither finding place.
Came the pied ecclesiastic,
Black in nature, white in face;
Striving with some private leaven,
To commingle earth and heaven,
And in neither finding place.
Came the cockney from his villa,
Aquila without Priscilla,
And the poet in his pride;
Fanatics disposed to further
Force, and meditating murther,
But committing suicide.
Aquila without Priscilla,
And the poet in his pride;
Fanatics disposed to further
Force, and meditating murther,
But committing suicide.
Mean men on the via media,
Growing seedier and seedier,
Safe and sapient in vain:
Men indifferent to quarter,
Moderates of milk and water,
Chiefly water on the brain.
Growing seedier and seedier,
Safe and sapient in vain:
Men indifferent to quarter,
Moderates of milk and water,
Chiefly water on the brain.
Maiden speakers, soft as crumpets,
Like small children blowing trumpets,
Little flourishes and shoots;
Evangelicals past mending,
Deeper, deeper, still descending,
Down into their native boots.
Like small children blowing trumpets,
Little flourishes and shoots;
Evangelicals past mending,
Deeper, deeper, still descending,
Down into their native boots.
Men with just the right solution,
Radicals with revolution,
Voting things established null;
Men of peace with pious fables,
Fixed in views like vegetables,
Dear, delightful, good, and dull.
Radicals with revolution,
Voting things established null;
Men of peace with pious fables,
Fixed in views like vegetables,
Dear, delightful, good, and dull.
Prayer-book men, the smart and dowdy,
And alas! the reverend rowdy,
Souls of pleasure, souls of grief;
Men for party and for faction,
And short-tempered men of action
Ready to be “curst and brief.”
And alas! the reverend rowdy,
Souls of pleasure, souls of grief;
Men for party and for faction,
And short-tempered men of action
Ready to be “curst and brief.”
Pretty parsons coyly blushing,
Sentimental subjects gushing,
Greedy men who clutched at gain;
Heavy whale and sportive minnow,
Chaffy men like fans that winnow,
Sometimes too against the grain.
Sentimental subjects gushing,
Greedy men who clutched at gain;
Heavy whale and sportive minnow,
Chaffy men like fans that winnow,
Sometimes too against the grain.
Idle fellows sat with active,
Ugly faces by attractive,
Though they inferences drew;
Unattached men stuck to fixtures,
Simple-minded men to mixtures
Of all matters old and new.
Ugly faces by attractive,
Though they inferences drew;
549
Simple-minded men to mixtures
Of all matters old and new.
Came though redolent of sherry,
Bibulous Augustus Perry,
Panting for the pious fray;
Blending levity ethereal,
With the graver mode imperial
Of the lofty Roman way.
Bibulous Augustus Perry,
Panting for the pious fray;
Blending levity ethereal,
With the graver mode imperial
Of the lofty Roman way.
And from Dullford hied the Doctor,
Like a Convocation Proctor,
With amendments on the brain—
With interminable fussing,
The same question still concussing,
O'er and o'er and o'er again.
Like a Convocation Proctor,
With amendments on the brain—
With interminable fussing,
The same question still concussing,
O'er and o'er and o'er again.
Leering over learned glasses
Came like Saul in search of asses,
Peeping up and peeping down,
The tremendous Oxford scholar,
Stiff emerging from his collar,
Only not to find a crown.
Came like Saul in search of asses,
Peeping up and peeping down,
The tremendous Oxford scholar,
Stiff emerging from his collar,
Only not to find a crown.
Wade, who loveth the “Girls' Friendly”
Came in eager haste from Wendly,
And brought with him his new broom;
Torn from parish teas and pleasures,
Ripe for the most sweeping measures,
In his young Induction bloom.
Came in eager haste from Wendly,
And brought with him his new broom;
Torn from parish teas and pleasures,
Ripe for the most sweeping measures,
In his young Induction bloom.
He who thinks the East position
Is the sure way to perdition,
Came with murder in his mouth;
Prompt to question or to quibble
Standing the North end of Kibble,
Strenuously facing south.
Is the sure way to perdition,
Came with murder in his mouth;
Prompt to question or to quibble
Standing the North end of Kibble,
Strenuously facing south.
Spoke that ancient one, the Dodo,
With his suaviter in modo,
And his fortiter in re;
Proving like a pair of snuffers,
All who doubted him were duffers,
And the only sage was he.
With his suaviter in modo,
And his fortiter in re;
Proving like a pair of snuffers,
All who doubted him were duffers,
And the only sage was he.
He from Combe, the scourge of varmint,
Left, as Joseph left his garment
And fled, hounds and hunting lore;
But it must be owned, that Snarker
Only made the subject darker,
Which was not too clear before.
Left, as Joseph left his garment
And fled, hounds and hunting lore;
But it must be owned, that Snarker
Only made the subject darker,
Which was not too clear before.
550
Came the saintly from his cloister,
Like a consecrated oyster,
Fresh from ceremonial tricks;
Swearing no State laws could bind him,
Looking like Lot's wife—behind him,
On his cross and candlesticks.
Like a consecrated oyster,
Fresh from ceremonial tricks;
Swearing no State laws could bind him,
Looking like Lot's wife—behind him,
On his cross and candlesticks.
Pussy curates, to keep thè line
Taken, scratched in ways quite feline,
Sticking to it like a burr;
Caterwauling in surprising
Tones not feeling, catechising,
Though accustomed more to purr.
Taken, scratched in ways quite feline,
Sticking to it like a burr;
Caterwauling in surprising
Tones not feeling, catechising,
Though accustomed more to purr.
Quibblers with the dew of college,
Flaunting their degrees and knowledge,
Quick at thrusting and at fence,
Forced the pace and made the running,
Drawing their distinctions cunning
Without any difference.
Flaunting their degrees and knowledge,
Quick at thrusting and at fence,
Forced the pace and made the running,
Drawing their distinctions cunning
Without any difference.
Whigs with ample upper storeys,
And with cellars only Tories,
But good wine in them at least;
Latitudinarian peoples,
Longitudinarian steeples,
Stretched and soared at Reason's feast.
And with cellars only Tories,
But good wine in them at least;
Latitudinarian peoples,
Longitudinarian steeples,
Stretched and soared at Reason's feast.
Pale dyspeptics, slow and sleepy,
Blinking bookworms, crabbed and creepy,
Dimly crawled into the light;
Owls and bats from country corners,
Huddled like a mob of mourners,
Sighing for their native night.
Blinking bookworms, crabbed and creepy,
Dimly crawled into the light;
Owls and bats from country corners,
Huddled like a mob of mourners,
Sighing for their native night.
Literary stars, and fogeys,
Grammarless and scared by bogeys
Sprung from prejudice or beer;
Men who borrowed each conviction,
Martyrs to the last affliction,
From the Street whose name is Queer.
Grammarless and scared by bogeys
Sprung from prejudice or beer;
Men who borrowed each conviction,
Martyrs to the last affliction,
From the Street whose name is Queer.
Prigs with nothing, prigs with sóme bent
Came, encumbrance and incumbent,
For the glory to be won;
Old and young each with opinions,
Squarsons proud of their dominions,
And unhappy men with none.
Came, encumbrance and incumbent,
For the glory to be won;
Old and young each with opinions,
Squarsons proud of their dominions,
And unhappy men with none.
Lo the silent ate the chatty
And the lean devoured the fatty,
And the tall oppressed the short;
Poor men had their fling at rich men,
And proved facts and faces which men
Stuck to claret, which to port.
And the lean devoured the fatty,
And the tall oppressed the short;
551
And proved facts and faces which men
Stuck to claret, which to port.
Came the widower in trouble,
Which his cat had rendered double,
By departing from this life;
Clothed in garments grave and shabby,
Mourning for his favourite tabby,
More than for his prudent wife.
Which his cat had rendered double,
By departing from this life;
Clothed in garments grave and shabby,
Mourning for his favourite tabby,
More than for his prudent wife.
Good companions, fond of lasses,
Breathed benevolence and Bass's,
And to hidden music moved;
Satisfied the Church was meetest,
And its present state the sweetest,
That could never be improved.
Breathed benevolence and Bass's,
And to hidden music moved;
Satisfied the Church was meetest,
And its present state the sweetest,
That could never be improved.
Imitators of old Sparta,
Free men fond of Magna Charta,
Slaves exulting in their chains;
Prophets like the trump of doom's tones,
Resurrectionists on tombstones,
Picking one another's brains.
Free men fond of Magna Charta,
Slaves exulting in their chains;
Prophets like the trump of doom's tones,
Resurrectionists on tombstones,
Picking one another's brains.
Stern and lengthy was the struggle,
As they strove in vain to juggle
Simple words, and make them dark;
Crafty Greek was matched with Trojan,
And divine met theologian,
Like the creatures in the Ark.
As they strove in vain to juggle
Simple words, and make them dark;
Crafty Greek was matched with Trojan,
And divine met theologian,
Like the creatures in the Ark.
Vicars tilted against Rectors,
And Diocesan Inspectors
Laid about them with a will;
Curate combated with curate,
And soft hearts grew quite obdùrate,
As they mauled each other still.
And Diocesan Inspectors
Laid about them with a will;
Curate combated with curate,
And soft hearts grew quite obdùrate,
As they mauled each other still.
Never was there such a shining,
Such reflecting and refining,
Such displays of Logic's arm;
Inferences and inductions,
Stern conclusions and destructions,
That did nobody a harm.
Such reflecting and refining,
Such displays of Logic's arm;
Inferences and inductions,
Stern conclusions and destructions,
That did nobody a harm.
And, pray, what was all this action,
Objurgation and retraction,
Agonies of learned lore?—
Why, they somehow were not able,
To agree about the Table—
If before it meant “before.”
Objurgation and retraction,
Agonies of learned lore?—
Why, they somehow were not able,
To agree about the Table—
If before it meant “before.”
552
Only one bold man was certain,
Who had drawn aside the curtain,
Which obscures the Rubric's frame;
With a private revelation,
From the Church Association—
Looking east is sin and shame.
Who had drawn aside the curtain,
Which obscures the Rubric's frame;
With a private revelation,
From the Church Association—
Looking east is sin and shame.
After endless combinations,
Of their wits' exercitations,
It was passed without a No;
To let be the solemn question,
Which produced but indigestion,
Quietly in statu quo.
Of their wits' exercitations,
It was passed without a No;
To let be the solemn question,
Which produced but indigestion,
Quietly in statu quo.
But what was the status ante,
None could tell—not even Dante,
Who knew earth and heaven and hell;
Yet, though he might so enchant age
And youth, he lacked the advantage
Of the Rubrics we know well.
None could tell—not even Dante,
Who knew earth and heaven and hell;
Yet, though he might so enchant age
And youth, he lacked the advantage
Of the Rubrics we know well.
It was passed without objections,
Save the doctor's grim reflections,
Who would croak till “crack of doom;”
And they left him at the ending,
Still protesting, still amending,
To the silent empty room.
Save the doctor's grim reflections,
Who would croak till “crack of doom;”
And they left him at the ending,
Still protesting, still amending,
To the silent empty room.
| 'Twixt Kiss and Lip or Under the Sword. By the author of "Women Must Weep," [i.e. F. W. O. Ward] Third edition | |