University of Virginia Library

ACT V.

SCENE I.

PHRONESIUM and ASTAPHIUM appear before the door.
Enter STRATOPHANES.
STRATOPHANES.
Why did I love!—Now, here a second time
I come, alas! a suppliant to my mistress.
However she receiv'd the presents of me,
I've thrown away, yet have I brought her more—
How's this? [seeing them.]
Both maid and mistress here before
The door!—I'll speak to her—What are you doing?

Phro.
Don't speak to me—

Stra.
Ah! you are too inhuman.

Phro.
Let me be as I am—Can't you be quiet?

Stra.
My sweet Astaphium, what's the matter now?

Ast.
By Castor! she has reason to be angry.

Phro.
Who, I?—Not angry half enough with him.

Stra.
If heretofore, my love, I've been to blame,
I bring you some amends for't now, a mina—
And, if you won't believe me, why examine it.

Phro.
My hands forbid me to believe, before
They have possession of it—Here we want
Food for the child—and for the bather too—
A swinging skin of old wine for the nurse—
That she may tipple night and day—We want
Coals, wood, and cradles, pillows, whittles, swaths,
Flour, and oil for the child—We want from morn
To th'night: nor can all things be had at once;
For we shall be continually in want.
Officers children can't be fed with onions.

Stra.
But look upon me now—accept of this—
Sure this will be enough—

Phro.
Well, give it me—
But 'tis too little—

Stra.
Sometime hence I'll add
Another mina—

Phro.
O 'tis far too little.

Stra.
Command just what you will, I'll give it you.
Give me a kiss then—

Phro.
No, I won't—Hands off!
You filthy creature—

Stra.
So, I make no progress—
I meet with no return of love, but waste
The day—I'll answer for it, I have lost
Ten pounds of love—

Phro.
[to a slave.]
Take this, and bear it in.

SCENE II.

Enter STRABAX.
Strab.
Where in the world's my mistress now?—I do
No business, neither here, nor in the country—
I'm eaten up with rust, I'm grown quite callous,
With lolloping so long upon the couch.
But look you, there she is—Holla!—Sweet heart!
What are you doing? Ha!—

Stra.
Who is that fellow?

Phro.
One I much better love than you—

Stra.
Than me!
How so?

Phro.
So that you mayn't torment and teize me.

Stra.
What, now you've got your money, you are going?

[going.]
Phro.
What you have given me, I've laid up within—

Strab.
Come here, sweet heart, I speak to you.

Phro.
To you
I was just coming.

Strab.
What! to me, my love?

Phro.
Seriously yes—By Hercules! I was.

Strab.
Tho' I may seem not over wise to you,
I like to have a little recreation—
And troth, your beauty will be my misfortune,
Unless I may enjoy some favours—Come—

Phro.
Would you that I embrace you, love—and kiss you?

Strab.
Whate'er you do will be agreeable.

Stra.
Shall I bear this? Shall I see her caress
Another man before my face?—By Hercules!
I'd rather die—Woman, hands off; unless
You'd have me kill both of you with my sword—

Phro.
If you expect my love, don't bluster, captain.
'Tis not your iron, but your gold, Stratophanes,
Will scare away my lover—

Stra.
How a plague!
What! you a beauty and a wit besides,
Love such a fellow!—

Phro.
Don't you recollect
What once an actor said—Every one knows
Nicely to pick and chuse for his own profit.

Stra.
Do you caress such a foul filthy fellow?

Phro.
Altho' he is so filthy and so foul,
He's fair enough for me—

Stra.
Have I not giv'n you
Gold, Madam?

Phro.
Me? You've given your child some food.

Strab.
Another mina's needful, if you hope
To have her.

Stra.
Hence—Go, hang, you country put.

Strab.
But don't you give her all—Reserve a little
To serve you on your journey back—What does
She owe you?—Three things only—

Stra.
What three things?

Strab.
A night, a kiss, and some perfumes—

Phro.
In troth
He's even with him—If you love me, give
Some little trifling matter from your store.

Stra.
What can I give you? only say, and if
'Tis left, 'tis yours—

Phro.
You trifle now—Go, go—
I have consider'd this affair.

[Strab. kisses Phro.]
Stra.
Take care
You wound her not—To you I speak—You there
With th'iron teeth—In general, she all
Admits; but see that you take off your hands.

Strab.
Now, to thy cost, be whipt, thou man of might.

Stra.
I gave her gold—

Strab.
Ay, and I gave her silver.

Stra.
I gave her too a robe, a purple one.

Strab.
I'll give her wool, and sheep, and many things
Besides, which she may ask—You'd better vie
In mina's, than in menaces with me.

Phro.
A merry blade, by Castor!—Well, my Strabax,
Proceed—I beg you would—While we're secure,
[aside.]
A mad man and a fool contend which shall
Be ruin'd first—

Stra.
Younker, do you begin—
Give something—

Strab.
You begin; waste, and be ruin'd.

Stra.
Accept this—pray—Here is a talent for you,
'Tis Philippæan—

Phro.
Ay, so much the better.
Be now esteem'd part of our family;
But live, as usual; at your own expence

Stra.
[to Strabax.]
For you now—Where's your present?—Come, produce it.
Untie your purse-strings—

Phro.
A fair challenge that!

Stra.
What art afraid of?

Strab.
You're a sharper—I
Live here, and stand in awe of my relations—
I ramble not, nor stroll about—I've brought her
A flock of sheep, tied up here, in my purse.

Stra.
A pretty present that!—I've cut his comb.

Strab.
No, I've cut thine, in that my present's made.

Phro.
Prithee walk in with me. [to Strabax.]
—Ay, and you too—

[to Stratophanes.
Stra.
Then I shall have your company—

Strab.
What's that?
What! shall this fellow have your company?

Stra.
I gave the last.

Phro.
Your present, troth, is given;
His is to come—I am possess'd of yours,
His is in expectation—I'll take care
To please you both; and even as you wish—

Stra.
Well, be it so—We must, I find, take things
Rough as they run—

Strab.
My place you shall not have
I promise you—

Phro.
I've fairly caught them both,
And to my wish, by Castor! My affairs
Have had success, and so I'd manage yours.
What's yet to do, I prithee, let me know—