University of Virginia Library

Scena Quarta.

Furfante, drest like a Woman on one side, and like himself on the other, and Buggio.
Fur.
And how do I become the Petticoat?

Bug.
As a Thief the Gallows, admirably well.

Fur.
If I can but counterfeit a Voice, between
Laughing and crying, a right Womans voice;
I am past discovery to a blind Man.

Bug.
Study Pythagoras, and transform thy self to
A Parsons Pig, that squeak will do it.

Fur.
No I will speak like a Bakers Widow
Kneading of Cake-bread for her Husbands Funeral.

Bug.
Either will serve with the help of my faculty.
Enter Clara.
But what Dandiprat's this?

Fur.
A Pillow Querister, that sings my Lady asleep.

Bug.
And after plays with her Lips to make
Her Dream of kisses.

Fur.
Kisses are loves earnest before they seal
The bargain, but if we don't seal his Lips,
Our design will be reduc'd to its first principle,
Nothing.

Bug.
Fear not, we'll make him as silent as a Chamber
Maid in her Lords bed, when her Lady lyes over her.

Fur.
Or she under him, the Simile will hold both ways.

Cla.
Where's my Lady? ha, ha, ha, I cannot forbear
Laughing whilst I look on him.

Fur.
You might show better manners Sirrah.

Cla.
What, to a Fool?

Bug.
To your Lady, 'sdeath are you blind?

Cla.
I were blind indeed to mistake a Baboon
For a Phenix.

Bug.
I wonder Madam, you'l keep such a Jack-sawce

Fur.
I must have him corrected,

Cla.
This is rare fooling.

Bug.
He's beyond drunk, mad, or bewitch'd.

Cla.
These impudent Fellows are able to outface
Truth, and make her fly the Dukedom.

Bug.
Nay you must not enter there.

Cla.
VVhat do they mean? I begin to fear them,
For certainly they are extreamly drunk;
Furfante, without fooling, where's my Lady?

Fur.
Thou sawcy impudence.

Bug.
I wonder Madam that you don't discharge him.

Cla.
Tho' Furfante plays the Rogue, th'other
Seems a sober Gentleman.

Fur.
That's not your way Sirrah, get y'out of my Doors.

Bug.
How the Boy stares! do you not hear your Lady?

Cla.
I hear a sawcy Coxcomb.

[Cicco within.
Cic.
Furfante, Arabella, Furfante.

Fur.
My Master comes, what shall we do?
This Boy will ruine us.

[he seems to threaten.
Bug.
Let me alone to charm him, I'le make
Him believe the Devil walks above ground.

[Enter Cicco.
Cic.
Are none of my Knaves within?
Or is my Daughter deaf—Furfante!

Fur.
Your pleasure Sir.

Speaks with his Maleside towards him.
Cic.
Did you not hear me call?

Fur.
I was so taken up with grief for my young Mistress.

Cic.
Why what of her?

Fur.
Alas poor Gentlewoman, she has wept her Eyes out.

Cic.
Wept! for what?

Fur.
Her Lover Signior Honorio who shou'd have made
Her a Woman, with her own consent Sir.

Cic.
'Sdeath, what of him?

Fur.
Why Sir, he has disappointed her expectation;
He is not come according to promise, and
She poor Bride, sits yonder blubbering
Her Eyes out.

Cic.
Foolish Girl! 'tis early, he'll come, fear not.

Fur.
'Tis rather growing late Sir.

Cic.
'Tis breakfast time with thee.

Fur.
That's a season I never was acquainted with
Since I knew your VVorship, but if you please
'Tis dinner time.

Cic.
How Rogue! are we not newly up?

Fur.
You may take your ease, but we under—Officers
Of the Family, rose six hours ago.
Signior Buggio has been here these three hours.

Cic.
How! Signior Buggio, here?

Furfante seems to threaten and keep off Clara.
Bug.
Your Servant Signior.

Cic.
Y'are welcom Sir, 'tis late it seems.
I wonder the Bridegroom comes not.

Bug.
'Tis past twelve half an hour.

Cic.
He's mad too, damnably mad, or drunk.
Why, I am but newly up.

Bug.
That's no news to me Sir, we have
Ply'd you these four hours with hot Cloaths,
Till at last you began ro groan, and we
Believ'd it but a deep sleep.

Cic.
Did I appear so insensible?

Bug.
As if y' had been an Alabaster
Figure, for your own Tomb.

Cic.
'Tis strange, I feel my self well, and lusty.

Bug.
I'me sure we pinch'd you till our Fingers
Ak'd, and pull'd you by the Nose till the
Gristle crack'd, and made us fear the
Bridg-fall, yet all this while we saw
No sign of life.

Cic.
No sign of life! how my heart fails me?

Bug.
He looks as if he'd faint with imagination.

Cic.
Nay I find I was very ill.

Bug.
I never saw a Man nearer's grave, and live.

Cic.
I believe it, for my heart akes yet, I feel
A strange pricking. Hem, a hem—But
Where's my Daughter?

Bug.
There's a second affliction too—the poor
Soul's undone.

Cic.
Undone! the Gods forbid!

Bug.
In her honour Sir, Honorio's gone to travel.

Cla.
My Wit shall teach me silence.

Cic.
Base Villain, to forsake my Daughter thus.
And cheat my good opinion of his worth;
But 'tis not Germany, nor all the World
Can hide his shame, tho' it secures him.

Bug.
It may prove false, all are not truths we hear.

Cic.
However Sir he can't be true to me,
Nor to my Child, the hour's long since past
He promis'd to be here, and make her his.

Fur.
He's rarely wrought, there is no Policy
Comparable to lying, and therefore I'le lye,
And tell lyes in this corner abundantly;
That is, counterfeit a Passion for my dear Honorio.

Cic.
Poor Girl! thy Passion made a better choice,
Than my too avaricious care; Garbato's love
Might have made thee more happy.

Cla.
This makes for Arabella.

Cic.
But Poverty's no Virtue doubting Fool.

Bug.
And blind Coxcomb to boot.

Cic.
'Tis good.
Since Manners are uncertain, we make sure
Of Gold, a Mineral that will endure.

Cla.
How small a time can age be generous!
But 'tis not strange; old Men are near the Grave,
And therefore care not how much earth they have.

Bug.
Your Daughter's full of grief, you wou'd do well
To comfort her.

Cic.
If I cou'd find her, this Rogue Furfante's
Still out oth' way, and I dare not call, for fear
Of discovering my imperfections.

Bug.
Sir you forget, your Daughter sits yonder
The most forlorn.

Cic.
I see her well enough, but she's a counterfeit.

Bug.
The liker her Father.

Cic.
And tho' she feigns a grief, loves secretly Garbato.

Fur.
I may cry my Eyes out for him, a loving
Father, I have.

[whines
Cic.
Arabella.

Fur.
Sir.

Cic.
So I'le follow the voice, it came from
Yonder Corner, she's not here.

[Furfante removes.
Bug.
How the blind Man's puzled?

Cic.
Why Arabella.

Fur.
Your pleasure Sir.

Cic.
My Ears have fail'd, she's at th'other end,
I'le call her to me, and save my credit yet,
Must I call twenty times? why come you not?

Furfante goes to him with his Female side towards him, and Cicco feels him.
Bug.
Sure this Man has suffered a mutation of
Sense, his Eyes feel, and his fingers see.

Cla.
These Rogues make sport able to kill the
Weeping Philosopher with laughter.

Cic.
Poor Arabella, come forget him Child.

Fur.
No sooner forc'd my heart t'obedience Sir,
Begin to love him, but I must lose him, oh ho.

Cic.
This is not altogether counterfeit,
For she has alter'd much her voice with grieving.
As your obedience did first force your love
To this inconstant Man, so my commands
Do now require a change, forget him Girl.

Cla.
This will be happy news to Arabella
Cou'd I but find her out, I shall go near it.

[Exit.
Cic.
My Arabella, what still blubbering?

Fur.
Good sweet honey Mistress, you'l so grieve my Mr.

Cic.
That Villain was here all this while.
Speaks this with his Mans side towards him.
I shall requite him Furfante.

Fur.
Sir—

Cic.
VVhere stands my Daughter now?

Fur.
Alas she's gone weeping to her Chamber.

Cic.
There let her tears discharge her grief,
But Rogue I shall make you more diligent.
Come lead me in.

[pulls him by th'ears.
Fur.
Oh pray sweet, good Sir.

[Exeunt.
Bug.
These lyes were carryed off with Gallantry,
The Management dilates my spleen, but
I'le not leave him thus, he's so excellent
A Subject for my brains to work on.

[Exit.