The Poetical Entertainer Or, Tales, Satyrs, Dialogues, And Intrigues, &c. Serious and Comical. All digested into such Verse as most agreeable to the several Subjects. To be publish'd as often as occasion shall offer [by Edward Ward] |
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The Countryman's description of his Mistress.
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 | The Poetical Entertainer |  |
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The Countryman's description of his Mistress.
She had, Gaffer Dumbleton, ay marry had she,On each of her Brows a handful of Hair,
And rowl'd about two goggle Eyes like a mad she,
Was as rude as a Colt, and as rough as a Bear.
Her Udders no Cow newly calv'd could have bigger,
Her Belly so large, tho' I speak for no harm,
That whoever, I'm sure, has the Fortune to dig her,
Had need have a Spade full as long as my Arm.
Her Buttocks, no Mare can have plumper or fatter,
Like Stones in a Mill they most lovingly grind;
And if they're ne'er work'd by the strength of her Water,
I'm sure they are often supply'd by the Wind.
Of Cleanliness, Nouns, she's a notable Pattern,
Her sweaty black Locks she oft combs on her Cheese,
Upon which, with her Thumb, the sweet hussisly Slattern
Cracks heaps upon heaps, as it lies on her Knees.
Her Cloaths she becomes as a Sow does a Saddle,
Her Bonnet-flaps flies from her Pockfretten Face;
And whenever she walks e'ery Step is a Straddle,
As if the great Maukin was striding a Race.
No Hog in a Stye has a Hogo more frowsy,
Her Skin looks as yellow as rusty fat Bacon:
And can she believe I would wed such a Hussy?
No, no, if she does she is wound'ly mistaken.
| The Poetical Entertainer | |