Satires And Biography :: :: University of Virginia Library

[As glitt'ring Vanity could never be]

As glitt'ring Vanity could never be
A resident within my ample breast,
Let not her ministry insult me dead;
The world's acclaim is caught by wily men,
The world's acclaim's of no import to me!
When all the Functions leave this tender frame,
(As genial swallows fly th'inclement Pole)
And the heart's gushing crimson channel's froze,
Should obsequies be wrought or eloge mouth'd,
Or Parian or Carara's entrails hewn,
To pile sepulchral quarries on my dust:
Or monumental rhapsody inscrib'd,
In posing, mutilated, classic lore,
Telling the observant all that I was—not!
May my hot curse discomfit ye more dire,
Then elemental wrath the murderer's bark!

Be industry your solace and your guide,
Ye cannot, like the Prophet in the wild,
Be Raven fed with cutlets ready drest.

Guarding no coffers I'm but demi-curst,

Sleep's door is bruis'd not by the thumps of Thought:
Ye do not wish me brain'd for what I have,
As having nought Avidity's my friend:
I never brought a ducat to my palm,
By ways the Monitor within disdain'd!
His Grace I know not—I can't soothe a knave;
Courts I abominate—I cannot lie!
The vile and meretricious, Plutus lauds,
Greatness—Goodness, never, never, never!
They're cast, like Remus, naked to the winds,
All their restricted dow'r is—Heav'n and Peace.

Whene'er ye meet a Gander by the mere,
Let the swol'n Coxcomb strut and be himself;
This is a Theatre they call their own,
And who'd deny their privilege to hiss?
The irritated Grub that tilts at Geese,
Awakens Pleasantry amid the Gods,
Who'd cease to banquet, listen, look and smile!
Prithee, my children, let the Losels swell,
Engender, carol, incubate and bathe,
Sibilant, silly, suscitating Snubs:
Th'apparent Base are fashion'd for an end,
Beauty's establish'd by opposing tints;
E'en thus the worthless make the worthy priz'd.

I trust ere Phœbus, many, many times,
Shall circumscribe and gild this pendant mass,
All prejudice irrational and rude,
Will, like the fen-born Vapour, pass away,
And leave Perception, Truth without a vest:
Ye, who are callow, may exist, and see,
Benignant Equity resume her throne,
When Sophistry shall close her subtile eye;
Shapeless Irregularity uncrook'd,
And all our policy be—doing well!

My gallant boys—my excellent young Knights,
Heroic Chevaliers to Beauty sworn:
I importune ye with the rage of Love,
To hold these puny Wenches to your hearts,
And give them welcome in the inmost core:
Fraternal feeling should precede this wish:
The boast of Hardihood's to shield the Fair!
Keep them from knowing Turpitude had birth:
Guard them immaculate as Cygnet's down:
Pledges of joy, and archetypes of Truth:

By antic Curiosity enforc'd,
They'll wander over Luxury's parterre!
(A Demon who inhabits but extremes)
Amble 'mong serpents in th'embroider'd mead,
And pluck inopportune the thorny rose:
Tripping obedient to the Flatterer's beck:
Licentious frisk it to the fraudful brink,
Slip from the precipice, and—charm no more!
When Woman falls 'tis from an awful height,
(On which Opinion elevates their worth)
Deep stung by Terror as they see th'Abyss,
Each toils, repentant, to regain the cliff,
But that sublime attainment cannot be;
Their pinions of salvation are half fledg'd,
Unequal to the vigorous wings of men!
Hope sorrowing yields the victim to her fate,
Who weeps—looks up, and sinking, fades in night
Sooner may ye re-whiten the chaste snow,
Smear'd by the brawny Cyclop's sooty limb,
Then wipe the odium from a nymph beguil'd!
We worship them, as Chinese do their Jos,
A porc'lain Deity, most sumptuous clad,
Which Demolition shivers at a blow.
Our daughters are palladiums to our state,
The brittle honors of the nuptial bed:
They, like the Africk apple, bring their cares,
Their brightness lures—their value is their ill.

When that red Orb shall expedite a beam,
Fevering the Zephyrs of a summer's day:
And you behold a feeble, fainting Ant,
Lab'ring to top the summit of a mound;
(The subterraneous spurnings of a Mole)
Painfully laden with an oaten ear,
Or seed of wheat, or atom of a crust!
Seeking his granary, most aptly scoop'd
Beneath the root of some salubrious herb,
Where he deposits his unblighted corn,
To feed and solace when stern Winter foams
And shuts the fissures of the teeming earth:
Impede not the assiduous, panting elf,
Crush not his fibres, or arrest his freight,
But bid the unbreech'd Poults and Pullets gaze,
Reflect, reform, and wonder and be wise:
Tho' man eats man, and Might o'er Merit strides,

Let us not copy institutes so vile.
Example clears the optics of the soul,
In this the fear of famine stands confest!
What wild atchievements will not Famine do!
Vault over space, and pillage Tempé's plains,
Burrow beneath Potosi's antient mine,
Traverse the yawning deep when Ruin howls,
Climb Mona's side and seize the Eagle's young,
Pierce to the center cas'd with ribs of rock,
Shiver the adamantine heart of Pride,
And tear the horn from Plenty's lusty limb!

Pert Predilection leads the mob astray,
Authoritative Oafs combine to teize
Unhappy Oaflings—undiploma'd Curs,
Thus are the archives stain'd in Warwick-Lane!