 | 'Twixt Kiss and Lip or Under the Sword. By the author of "Women Must Weep," [i.e. F. W. O. Ward] Third edition |  |
THE STORY OF A ST---K (Tellurium) .
I had once a friend, I deemed,
Whom I tenderly esteemd,
Of old;
For he really did inherit
A large amount of merit
And—gold.
Whom I tenderly esteemd,
Of old;
For he really did inherit
A large amount of merit
And—gold.
There is nothing like a friend,
Who has money you can spend
At your will;
Who does not in conclusion.
Overwhelm you with confusion
And—a bill.
Who has money you can spend
At your will;
Who does not in conclusion.
Overwhelm you with confusion
And—a bill.
And his gentle name was Jones,
I can't speak it without groans
Like a knell;
For he sank below my level,
When he sold him to the Devil,
For—a smell.
I can't speak it without groans
Like a knell;
For he sank below my level,
When he sold him to the Devil,
For—a smell.
Now there is an awful drug,
Which is worse than any b-g
That sneaks;
Take enough, though it's expensive,
It will make you most offensive,
For weeks.
Which is worse than any b-g
That sneaks;
Take enough, though it's expensive,
It will make you most offensive,
For weeks.
533
And it has a ghastly name,
As befits a thing of shame
And worse;
I will tell it unto nó men,
For to think it (absit omen)
Is a curse.
As befits a thing of shame
And worse;
I will tell it unto nó men,
For to think it (absit omen)
Is a curse.
But one day there came by post,
A strange letter like a ghost,
With the news;—
“I am happy beyond measure,
For I always eats at pleasure
What I chews.”
A strange letter like a ghost,
With the news;—
“I am happy beyond measure,
For I always eats at pleasure
What I chews.”
Then soon after up in Town,
We met at the “Sword and Gown,”
To make fun;
And I noticed an effluvium,
Like the vilest of alluvium
In the sun.
We met at the “Sword and Gown,”
To make fun;
And I noticed an effluvium,
Like the vilest of alluvium
In the sun.
He responded with a shrug,
“I have eaten of the drug,
You malign'd;
And though it breeds an odour,
It leaves brandy even and soda
Far behind.”
“I have eaten of the drug,
You malign'd;
And though it breeds an odour,
It leaves brandy even and soda
Far behind.”
But he was so far from sweet,
And besotted with conceit
In his choice;
That I begged for some assistance.
And the mellowing touch of distance,
To find voice.
And besotted with conceit
In his choice;
That I begged for some assistance.
And the mellowing touch of distance,
To find voice.
So we parted still as friends,
While we had our different ends
In view;
I, before a month's expiry,
To make a grand enquiry,
He—to chew.
While we had our different ends
In view;
I, before a month's expiry,
To make a grand enquiry,
He—to chew.
I read all the books I found,
That could anyone confound
With shame;
I grew sadder still and seedier,
As every cyclopœdia
Said the same.
That could anyone confound
With shame;
I grew sadder still and seedier,
As every cyclopœdia
Said the same.
And then in the open air,
It was Trafalgar Square,
Once again;
We met, hé with exultation,
And I in indignation
To complain.
It was Trafalgar Square,
Once again;
534
And I in indignation
To complain.
For a pestilential breath
Hung over him like death
Or its blast;
And I marked even men like Moses,
Held handkerchiefs to noses,
As they passed.
Hung over him like death
Or its blast;
And I marked even men like Moses,
Held handkerchiefs to noses,
As they passed.
And I said unto him, “Jones!”
In sad and solemn tones,
“Is it well?”—
(The truth is, what I stated,
Can hardly be related)—
“You smell!”
In sad and solemn tones,
“Is it well?”—
(The truth is, what I stated,
Can hardly be related)—
“You smell!”
But I drew it rather mild,
And he looked at me and smiled,
As possesst:—
“I don't care if I am chidden,
The fruit that is forbidden,
Is the best.”
And he looked at me and smiled,
As possesst:—
“I don't care if I am chidden,
The fruit that is forbidden,
Is the best.”
He even cracked a joke,
Because I sadly spoke,
With a wink;
So I talked a little longer,
And then put it rather stronger,
“You stink!”
Because I sadly spoke,
With a wink;
So I talked a little longer,
And then put it rather stronger,
“You stink!”
But I could not make him grave,
He continued to behave,
Liko a wench;
So I shot a bitter arrow,
Though I knew its point would harrow,
“You're a stench!”
He continued to behave,
Liko a wench;
So I shot a bitter arrow,
Though I knew its point would harrow,
“You're a stench!”
But he ventured still to stay,
And to boldly give me nay,
Till l said:—
“Though you wear the finest clothing,
You're a horror and a loathing,
Like the dead.
And to boldly give me nay,
Till l said:—
“Though you wear the finest clothing,
You're a horror and a loathing,
Like the dead.
Then he turned upon his heel,
Like a ghoul that's made its meal
In the tomb;
He had sold his soul for ages,
And was drifting by dark stages
To his doom.
Like a ghoul that's made its meal
In the tomb;
He had sold his soul for ages,
And was drifting by dark stages
To his doom.
535
And unto this very day,
When people go that way,
Through the Square;
I mark even men like Moses,
Put handkerchiefs to noses,
And—swear.
When people go that way,
Through the Square;
I mark even men like Moses,
Put handkerchiefs to noses,
And—swear.
For a fetid odour still,
Unremoved by human skill
And lime,
Yet haunts the spot, past mending;
And will haunt it till the ending
Of time.
Unremoved by human skill
And lime,
Yet haunts the spot, past mending;
And will haunt it till the ending
Of time.
And I saw, as in a dream,
Adown the mighty stream
Of life,
A chemical solution
Of every evolution
At strife.
Adown the mighty stream
Of life,
A chemical solution
Of every evolution
At strife.
For I saw how men and things,
And our high imaginings,
All fell,
Before the dread artillery,
Far worse than any pillory,
Of—a smell.
And our high imaginings,
All fell,
Before the dread artillery,
Far worse than any pillory,
Of—a smell.
I saw constitution, throne,
And ministry, undone
In a wink;
Not by grape shot and old courses,
But by the direr forces
Of—a stink.
And ministry, undone
In a wink;
Not by grape shot and old courses,
But by the direr forces
Of—a stink.
And I saw the grandest powers,
That we fondly think are ours,
Nor will blench;
Yet in a moment shattered,
And with all their engines scattered,
By—a stench,
That we fondly think are ours,
Nor will blench;
Yet in a moment shattered,
And with all their engines scattered,
By—a stench,
And I said, “The future lies
With the cunning chemistries
That illume;
And with weeping and with laughter,
Men will pave the great hereafter
With—perfume.
With the cunning chemistries
That illume;
And with weeping and with laughter,
Men will pave the great hereafter
With—perfume.
With good odours landlords will
Their barren acres till,
And get rents;
And the world with little trouble,
Will be governed (be it double)
By—scents.
Their barren acres till,
And get rents;
536
Will be governed (be it double)
By—scents.
For the restless nations can,
As every prudent man
May suppose,
When their hearts are most divided,
Be only safely guided
By—the nose!
As every prudent man
May suppose,
When their hearts are most divided,
Be only safely guided
By—the nose!
| 'Twixt Kiss and Lip or Under the Sword. By the author of "Women Must Weep," [i.e. F. W. O. Ward] Third edition | |