The Works of John Hall-Stevenson ... Corrected and Enlarged. With Several Original Poems, Now First Printed, and Explanatory Notes. In Three Volumes |
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MAKARONY FABLES; WITH THE NEW FABLE OF THE BEES.
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The Works of John Hall-Stevenson | ||
MAKARONY FABLES; WITH THE NEW FABLE OF THE BEES.
IN TWO CANTOS.
ADDRESSED TO THE SOCIETY.
BY COSMO, MYTHOGELASTICK, PROFESSOR, AND F.M.S.
Ars longa vita brevis.
FABLE I. THE RESIGNATION .
A certain house swarmed with huge Rats,Traps, poison failed, baits they touched none;
An able chief amongst the Cats
Picked them up slily one by one.
All Libertines that stayed out late,
All vagabonds, shared the same fate;
This rous'd the Hanoverian breed ,
It grew to be a serious case;
If he was suffer'd to proceed,
He would extinguish the whole race.
A vote ensu'd, an order pass'd,
A proclamation for a fast.
Pursuant to their resolution,
They watch'd and pray'd, entrench'd like moles,
Studied to draw them from their holes.
He knew 'twas folly to pretend
To act the patriot, or the friend.
What people wish they soon believe,
The Cat fell sick , and took his bed;
He formed his project to deceive,
By lying down and seeming dead;
He shut his eyes, his breath held in,
Stretch'd out and streight,
He lay in state,
Just like a cat, worth nothing but his skin.
He cannot long continue so,
Says an old sage, stir not from hence;
This dying comes too à propos,
To be aught else than a pretence.
The wiser sort maintain'd their ground;
Grimalkin, baffled for this bout,
Rose from the dead, and with a bound
Rais'd the blockade, and let them out.
That sally'd forth, paid for their peeping.
Even thus, according to report,
Edward's Grimalkin left his post;
Or, in the language of the court,
Thus Gaveston gave up the ghost.
And though the subtile Gascoon lord
Assur'd the barons he was dead;
The barons would not take his word,
Till they had taken off his head.
The court declar'd him dead in law,
And some weak folks bit at the show;
But found that his contracted paw
Retir'd to strike the surer blow.—
Cats seldom die a natural death,
As seldom favourites resign
Naturally, without design,
Till they resign their forfeit breath.
FABLE II. The DOCTOR and STUDENT.
Scrap'd an acquaintance with a Snake;
To learn his suppleness and arts,
He boarded at the serpent's house;
Lobsters have not the quickest parts,
Arm'd cap-a-pee without much νους.
Although he knew, Lob was audacious;
Long'd much to try what could be made
Out of a head-piece so testaceous;
All that a soldier can possess
He oft repeated with a smile,
With strength and courage, is address,
In other words a little guile;
As yet you are but raw, I see,
Though far beyond your A B C;
A sentiment for Kings to drink;
Let every one, not only live
According to his rank, but think.
You have a comprehensive mind,
Lobsters ought not to think like oisters;
They were not made to be confin'd,
And spend their days like them in cloisters;
To stand when they should stir and bustle,
Gaping and studying like a muscle.
Cadmus preferr'd, in all his lectures,
Facts and experience to conjectures;
Lobsters, by an instinctive force,
Act selfishly, without design;
Their feelings commonly are coarse,
Their honour always superfine.
Unfeeling, resolute, and cool,
But tutor'd in the serpent lore,
Lob grew, by taking pains at school,
Ten times more selfish than before;
Serpentine doubts and conscious fear
Were hourly whispering in his ear,
“Will sacrifice you in the end;
“Bravely exert yourself and try
“To be before-hand with your friend.”
'Twas what he often try'd, but found,
Instead of gaining, he lost ground;
Perhaps his brain was too much strain'd,
Too weak to hold all it contain'd;
So through some little crack or chink
His plots were smelt, and soon detected;
Like snuffers cramm'd, that, by their stink,
Betray the snuffs they have collected.
But time and fortitude at last
Paid him for all his patience past;
One day he enter'd without rapping,
And caught the wary Cadmus napping:
Lob scarce could credit what he saw,
Finding him coil'd, and fast asleep,
Fatigued with meditations deep,
He choak'd his master with his claw.—
Now ponder well, and be severe,
Look sharp for some smart application;
If you have any provocation;
Whether a Courtier, Statesman, or a Cit,
Throughout you'll find some famous Biter bit.
FABLE III. THE NIGHTINGALE.
A nightingale, in her retreat,Exerted all her native powers;
Compos'd and sung plaintively sweet,
To charm the silent hours.
A hungry Hawk in ambush lay,
And seiz'd the hapless songster for his prey;
The warbling Victim tried in vain
To melt a cruel tyrant's heart;
Proof against every moving strain,
Of nature or of art.
Charmer, said he, I wait too long,
Hawks require food more solid than a song:
Then with a villain's smile he struck
The loveliest tenant of the wood;
In her poor heart his beak he stuck,
Rioting in her vital blood.
Listen, ye fair ones, to my lay,
Your ways with trembling caution mark!
How many virgins fall a prey,
To some base murderer in the dark.
Add to the brutal fire fresh fuel;
Deaf to compassion, dead to shame,
Selfishness is always cruel.
Ye candid souls, whose pulses beat
With no distemper'd selfish heat,
View here again a wretch oppress'd,
And heaven and earth in vain implor'd;
Robb'd of his property and rest,
Devour'd by a rapacious Lord.—
When Avarice and Power unblushing meet,
Woe to the humble Neighbour of the Great.
FABLE IV. THE BLACK BIRD
In concert with the curfew bell,An Owl was chaunting vespers in his cell;
Upon the outside of the wall,
A Black Bird, famous in that age,
From a bow-window in the hall,
Hung dangling in a wicker cage;
Instead of psalmody and pray'rs,
Like those good children of St. Francis;
He seculariz'd all his airs,
And took delight in wanton fancies.
Whilst the bell toll'd, and the Owl chaunted,
Every thing was calm and still;
All nature seem'd wrapt and enchanted,
Except the querulous, unthankful rill;
Unaw'd by this imposing scene,
Our Black Bird the enchantment broke;
Flourish'd a sprightly air between,
And whistled the Black Joke.
Set nature in a gayer light;
Quite over-turn'd the Monks devotion,
And scatter'd all the gloom of night.
I have been taught in early youth,
By an expert Metaphysician;
That ridicule's the test of truth,
And only match for superstition.
Imposing rogues, with looks demure,
At Rome keep all the world in awe;
Wit is profane, learning impure,
And reasoning against the law;
Between two tapers and a book,
Upon a dresser clean and neat,
Behold a sacerdatol Cook,
Cooking a dish of heavenly meat!
How fine he curtsies! Make your bow,
Thump your breast soundly, beat your poll;
Lo! he has toss'd up a ragout,
To fill the belly of your soul.
Even here there are some holy men
Would fain lead people by the nose;
Benevolently interpose.
My good Lord Bishop, Mr. Dean,
You shall get nothing by your spite;
Tristram shall whistle at your spleen,
And put Hypocrisy to flight.
FABLE V. POUR MOI MEME.
Within a Joiner's shop upon a stool,With countenance serene and grave;
A Cat examin'd every tool,
As nicely as Rousseau's Elève.
A File that understood its trade,
Provok'd her Ladyship past bearing;
Observing the great waste it made,
By clipping artfully and paring.
I'll serve you your own way, you knave,
For that, says Puss, let me alone;
I'll lick you with my tongue, you slave,
Till I have lick'd you to the bone.
She lick'd till her whole tongue was flead,
And laugh'd to see the villain bleed;
With blood he was all over red:
Determining the File to kill,
The Cat lick'd on, believing still
It was the File, and not her tongue, that bled.
My Groom, my Butler, the whole Corps,
Are objects to vent spleen upon,
Whene'er the bileous pot boils o'er;
But I'll grow better when I'm able,
To fume and fret is not worth while.
I am the Cat that bleeds in fable,
My Family—th' unfeeling File.
FABLE VI. THE TORTOISE.
Creatures made chiefly for defenceAre seldom overstock'd with sense.
A Tortoise once, a military Beau,
Hardy to give the beast his due,
Walk'd to and fro' solemnly slow,
Like Prussians at a review
Completely arm'd from head to tail,
Proof against either cut or stab;
As full of blubber as a Whale,
With brains no better than a Crab.
Suppose ambition was inclin'd,
To captivate his torpid mind,
What could she do with such a mass?
All that she could propose at most,
Would be to lead him to some pass,
And leave him standing like a post.
But if conceit, instead of her,
Should make a puncture in his breast;
And labour to outdo the best.
And thus accordingly, one day,
Busy and rolling in his way,
Upon his axis like a Porpoise;
I mean contemplating himself;
Conceit came like a fairy elf,
And took possession of my Tortoise.
Under a rock the formal fop,
With reconnoitring air and state,
Observ'd an airy near the top,
And saw an Eagle at the gate.
Eagle, the Coxcomb cries, descend,
I hate both grotto and alcove;
Be it my glory to attend,
And emulate the bird of Jove.
I feel all feathery and light,
Flush'd with warm vigour from fresh springs;
Descend, and mount me out of sight,
Consign me then to my own wings.
The Eagle lighted on the plain,
Arguments of all shapes he try'd;
Some were too strait, and some too wide.
Hard by, upon a thistly bed,
An aged Ass repos'd, half dead;
'Tis nought but Hypocondriac pride,
The fumes that laziness has bred;
Before you try to fly, he cry'd,
Hop over that old Ass's head.
The fool, like all in that condition,
Always flew out at opposition.
Alas! what pains poor envy takes,
The flimsy cap that she puts on
Is too transparent, says the Don,
To hide her execrable snakes;
Stung to the soul with this reproach,
The Eagle bade the sot approach;
And, mounting him as high as he could soar,
Now ply your wings, said he, 'tis time,
Whether you nobly chuse to climb,
To fall like light'ning, or to sweep the shore.
He spoke, down dropp'd the Tortoise plum,
With an explosion like a bomb;
His armour, once as hard as brass,
Lay like a heap of broken glass,
Lying upon a heap of jelly.
Such I have met with in my walk,
Tortoises of distinguish'd air,
Creeping about to ask a talk,
At Bloomsbury or Grosvenor square.
They all are persons of great skill,
They know what's fittest to be done;
Landmen or Seamen, as they will,
And Statesmen every mother's son;
They can compose with their own hands
All civil broils, all foreign jars;
Not one of them but understands
The disciplines of wars.
Let but the Royal Eagle take him,
Take any one, and mount him high;
No arguments on earth can shake him;
They all believe that they can fly.
But, if he drops him, down he goes,
And makes a pudding for the crows.
FABLE VII. THE COOK .
Æsop is always a new book,Æsop in a judicious hand;
But 'tis in vain on it to look,
Without the grace to understand.
Pleasant his fables are indeed,
Profound, ingenious, and sly;
Fables that infancy may read,
Maturity alone apply.
A Cook was busy with his battery;
Two sycophants, two knaves, I mean,
Sat by, and play'd with red hot flattery,
Against the battery Cuisine.
Both engineers by profession,
Their flattery was so well planted,
They soon dismounted his discretion,
Which was the only point they wanted;
Larded his fowls, barded his larks;
As he had other fish to fry,
He left the field to my two sparks;
And, whilst he slash'd and carbonnaded,
Stewed and hash'd, and gasconnaded,
A Fish of a superb appearance
Vanish'd from the kitchen table,
Made a confusion worse than Babel;
One of those fish, miscall'd by some,
In which St. Peter us'd to deal;
Stamp'd for himself, with his own thumb,
The ancient Piscatory Seal.
Therefore let Peter have the glory,
Let us to him ascribe the Dorys;
Call it not John but Peter Dory,
Given Sub Sigillo Piscatoris.
Advancing to the chopping block,
Peace, cry'd the Cook, your clamours cease;
Then with his cleaver gave a knock,
And all the Kitchen was at peace.
No Cat comes here, I'll take my oath;
Therefore it must be one or t'other;
He quite forgot, it might be both.
I have it not, the Thief reply'd,
I stole it not, cried the Receiver;
Both swore, protested, and deny'd,
And so the Cook laid down his cleaver.
The case seem'd so perplex'd and odd,
And the Cook's thoughts were so divided;
All three referr'd the case to God,
And there it rests till he decide it.—
Now from this Fable it appears,
Or from this Fable I surmise;
Some folks give credit to their ears,
When they should scarce believe their eyes.
This foolish Cook puts me in mind
Of the most dupeable of nations;
Busy and active; but resign'd
To flattery on all occasions:—
And so, because my moral's stale,
I'll close my Fable with a Tale.
Alludes to the supposed union between Lord Chatham and Lord Bute, in the autumn of 1763 and summer of 1766.
A TALE.
How many years it was ago,To ascertain I don't engage;
Nor in what reign; I only know
It happen'd in the Golden Age.
Upon the record thus it stands:—
Two worthy Ministers combin'd,
To play into each other's hands,
To cheat and puzzle all mankind.
The silly people were cajol'd;
And all their tricks went glibly down:
At length one of them grew so bold,
He laid his hands upon the crown;
And, with more bravery than labour,
Handed it to his crafty neighbour.
When you say Crown, you often mean
The owner, whether King or Queen;
In such a case you may believe,
The Priests would pray, the Laymen swear,
A few would laugh, and some would grieve,
And many want to hang this pair.
I steal! cries Will , a likely thing!
Stolen or stray'd, however gone,
It was not I that stole your King.
Thus us'd to puzzle and confound them,
This nation's fury soon was past;
The people left them as they found them,
Forc'd to appeal to Heaven at last.
Fortune was seldom known so cross;
Few disappointments are completer:
To lose their King was a great loss;
Not to recover him a greater.
FABLE VIII .
A Nonpareil, an Apple Tree ,A Commoner, haughty and proud ,
And a Pome-granate, a Grandee ,
One day disputed hard and loud:
I am the Favourite of the nation,
The Apple said, that's a plain case;
I know your rank and occupation,
And laugh'd in the Pomegranate's face;
My merit's known to all mankind,
I never courted your choice spirits;
Your noble virtues are confin'd,
Few people know your latent merits;
Nor know your Virtues, like the Beaver's,
Lie in your seminal Receivers.
A Bramble , sneaking like a rogue,
Out of a hedge, and out of sight;
Be Freends, and let us aw Unite.
When the Great quarrel, the small Fry,
Stir, and affect important vigour;
Then Æsop says, the Ciphers try,
But never can make any figure.
Alludes to the conference between the duke of Bedford, Mr. Grenville, and lord Bute, early in the year 1766, at lord Eglintoun's.
THE NEW FABLE OF THE BEES:
IN TWO CANTOS.
CANTO I.
THE ARGUMENT.
A preliminary discourse—The origin of police—The divine right of kings asserted upon new principles, more suitable to the goodness of God and good sense than the old principles that are taught at Oxford—The nature of courts—The court of Heaven—The court of requests—Angels—Ministers—The bee-piper—A speech—A prayer—A curse, in which all good people are desired to join—The conclusion.
(With all the temper that you please)
That started fair, and fairly ran
Through the old fable of the bees:
Because the verse the author chose,
If verse, like ours, be verse indeed,
Was made to introduce the prose,
But never meant to take the lead;
Whereas it should be the reverse,
The prose should be the 'squire, or usher,
To grace and wait upon the verse,
Not a competitor or pusher.
Verse ill-conducted or misplac'd,
Meets with cold treatment and distaste;
Much like a sermon, or discourse,
With which you have been tir'd and vex'd;
Upon the body of a text,
Made nor created, but proceeding,
Incomprehensibly from reading.
Through a variety of matter,
And learned dirt, you splash and walk,
Both for impertinence and chatter,
Like his own lady's table-talk:
But a good parson hates to poach;
All his delight is in fair sporting,
No harlot-text will he approach,
But first to scripture goes a courting:
A text by wooing he obtains,
He takes her in a proper trim,
And so begets with proper pains
A sermon sound in wind and limb.
It is a spurious production
Begot in any other shape;
Either the offspring of seduction,
Or lawless issue of a rape.
All kinds of governments that are,
That of an emperor or king,
Nay, even down to my lord-mayor,
Or, what's exactly the same thing,
Down even to my lady mayoress.
Accordingly the wits of Greece,
And idle poets of all nations,
Have studied bees for the police
Of kingdoms, states, and corporations:
That there are queens that rule the bees,
Has been a point agreed long since:
The learned say e'en lice and fleas
Are govern'd by a sovereign prince;
Through microscopes they plainly trace,
In vermin that escape the sight,
Monarchy and a royal race;
Nature in Kings takes such delight;
A fact that leads by steps direct,
Farther, perhaps, than you suspect;
That monarchs are of right divine
Is evidently prov'd from hence;
For Filmer's patriarchal line
Proves nothing but his want of sense:
What none but wicked Whigs condemn,
That monarchy is God's invention,
Far too ingenious for them:
But then 'twill follow full as plain,
That, as they're kings by God appointed,
All kings by the same patent reign;
Sovereigns equally anointed;
For the Creator of all creatures
Is neither fond of shape nor size,
Nor loves queen Bessy's eyes and features
More than a Spider's face and eyes;
Equally Source and God of all,
All kings are equal in his sight,
Whether the monarch's great or small,
Whether a Brunswick or a mite.
When treason spawns and traitors work,
God will weigh both in equal scales,
Whether a desperate Damien lurk
Within a rotten cheese, or at Versailles.
Kings, therefore, by God's charter reign,
Monarchy seems to be a plan,
Licentious insects and vain man.
Wherever there are kings and queens
There must be plenty of intrigues;
Variety of ways and means,
Enmities, jealousies, and leagues;
Both courts and Heaven, as David sings,
In waiting, place their chief ambition,
To see God's face, the queen's or king's,
Both call the Beatific Vision:
If heaven be a happier place,
There are no sexes thereabout,
No ministers but those of grace;
For all the devils are turn'd out.
Ladies, I own, one must be spiteful,
Bad as a Turk, worse than a Jew,
To think that Heaven could be delightful,
If Heaven had no place for you:
Heaven's harmony, as fools report,
Would be quite drown'd in female noise:
Heaven is not shut, like the Pope's court,
To all but priests, eunuchs and boys.
Ladies that once were made like ours;
But then they level all distinction,
Before they enter into bliss;
Each sex must suffer an extinction,
They neither marry there nor p---ss.
Our courts are the reverse of Heaven's,
In everlasting change delighting;
Always at sixes and at sevens,
Intriguing, catterwauling, fighting:
Here we abound in nought but sin,
Here peace and rest were never known;
Here all the devils are kept in,
All that have any grace are flown.
Within a hive a wand'ring drone,
Of an uncommon size and mien,
Stole by, unnotic'd, near the throne,
And struck the fancy of the queen:
When once a royal fancy's struck,
The striker never leaves it short,
Not only strikes, pushing his luck,
But kicks the proudest of the court:
Nor much in favour of the many,
Who, though allow'd to wear a sting,
Are kick'd by creatures without any:
He kick'd them up and down by dozens,
But that which cut them to the quick,
He sent for all his dirty cozens,
And gave them liberty to kick.
Gentle or simple 'twas the same,
Once they began, all was fair game.
A humble Bee , once much in vogue,
Who in an instant could inflame;
Or, when enrag'd, the demagogue
Could make an apiary tame:
In an assembly held apart,
Display'd the wonders of his art;
First he deplor'd their present state,
Then he amus'd them with a hum,
Then he grew noisy and elate,
And rais'd their spirits like a drum:
By drumming and by elocution,
Often inspire both men and boys
With eagerness and resolution.
When their drum's brac'd, if they have skill,
They move their audience as they will.
Just so, by varying his notes,
And adding action to the tone,
He could have made them cut the throats
Both of the courtiers and the drone.
For Humble Bees to grandeur climb
By oratory humbuzzonic,
Like the great speakers of our time,
By rhetoric stentorophonic;
My dearest countrymen, said he,
Far be it from me to despise
A Drone for being not a Bee,
I hate him for not being wise;
When there's no wisdom in a guide,
When once the guide loses his way,
Whether we walk, or sail, or ride,
'Tis ten to one we go astray.
Big with terrificable woe,
If any Bees within this place
Are willingly Bee-wilder'd so,
Such Bees I heartily renounce,
However dignify'd and styled;
Such Bees must be, I do pronounce,
Bee-fooled, Bee-sotted, and Bee-guiled.
What wickedness is left undone?
What folly has not been committed?
You are not only over-run,
By stupid drones you are out-witted:
Our colonies do they not bleed?
Are not our brothers scorn'd and slighted,
Except our brethren from the Tweed,
With us mellifluously united?
Is not the cause of this well known?
You all of you know what I mean,
You know the bagpipe of the drone
Fascinates our gracious queen.
What flesh alive can bear his scheamers,
And their abominable schemes?
And his interpreters of dreams?
One of his Tools try'd to be funny,
Talk'd of his savings and his sparings,
Attempted to seize all your honey,
And make you live on apple-parings;
A Drone (perdition catch his soul!)
Full of pretensions and vain-glory;
So very like a certain mole,
I cannot help telling the story :
“With intellects by nature muddy,
A Mole kept moiling under ground,
Liv'd, like Duns Scotus, in his study,
And got the name of the profound:
At last by labouring and boring
Amongst the blind and the Bee-nighted;
And, by continually poring,
He was accounted second-sighted:
Knew well the genius of the youth;
She was not such a dupe to Fame,
To take all her reports for truth;
She left her house, she came, in short,
To judge herself of the report:
Mother, said he, by all that's bright,
I saw you tripping o'er the plain;
What a fine thing is second-sight!
'Tis the perfection of the brain.
I knew you, mother, well enough,
I heard your step an hour ago,
And smelt the fragrance of your ruff,
As I was studying below.
That you, says she, were always blind,
Was not a point that wanted clearing,
But now, alas, I also find,
You've neither feeling, smell, nor hearing,
Therefore, to keep your reputation,
Lock yourself up, my learned son,
If you converse, you are undone.
Such is this Treasurer of yours,
Who should be sent, might I advise,
To banishment, far from our flowers,
And live on excrements with flies:
There let him, without interruption,
As a reward for his invention,
Grow sleek and wanton with corruption;
Let him enjoy a stinking pension.”
Watch and protect the royal comb!
Confound his instrument, and send
The Piper to his native home:
Dismiss his mercenary Drones,
Expose them to contempt and laughter,
And finally break all their bones,
If they attempt to enter after.
But perorating in that fashion,
They rose up like a Polish Diet,
And drew their sabres in a passion.
Had he been there in that confusion,
They were so heated with this actor,
He had not 'scap'd for a contusion,
Nor even for a simple fracture.
CANTO II.
THE ARGUMENT.
The great Humming Bee delineated-A list of orators—An exceeding fine speech-Tories, why called-Conclusion-Moral.
Till growing cooler by degrees,
An Humble Bee , with an arch smile,
Answer'd the speech of Pericles ;
Pericles means, 'tis a Greek name,
A Bee of an exalted fame.
'Twas not a common hackney tit,
No, nor Bambalio with his clangor,
Nor Taratantara , whose wit
Is quite as harmless as his anger;
Nor he whose balmy words run off,
No words run smoother or distincter,
So oily, they would cure a cough,
As soon as Hill's Balsamic Tincture;
Nor the Bee-swain , a Bee as rare,
All cloath'd in sattin and in silk,
Like poultices of bread and milk;
Nor Boreas , like a rumbling car,
Nor Bumbo , who must ever speak ill,
Whose eloquence resembles tar,
Much more than honey or even treacle,
Though he is sometimes called Molosses ,
Which signifies the scum of sugar,
So saith the druggerman Colossus ,
Who sold his master hugger-mugger;
This Humble Bee, far from a ranter,
Could not endure a noise and clatter,
His fort was sly socratic banter,
As to his name 'tis no great matter;
Said he , the honourable Humble
Is plac'd so high in our esteem,
I shall believe it is a dream.
And yet I wish he would take the trouble,
To shew his conduct in each point;
Right when 'tis simple, better double,
Most natural when out of joint.
I do not mean, I am not so blind,
So ignorant a ninny-hammer,
That Pericles should be confin'd
To rules of conduct or of grammar;
I only wish that he would shew
His right, by purchase or donation,
To all the faith we can bestow,
As well as all our admiration.
'Twould cut at once the Gordian knot,
And reconcile each contradiction,
Tergiversation be forgot,
Duplicity and dereliction.
In the mean time, on all occasions,
Till he complies with these conditions,
I must consider his orations
Only as human compositions.
Though I admire I can't adore him.
Why are the bagpipes such a sin?
Or why in him alone a crime?
Pericles try'd them out and in,
But he could never play in time;
And try'd, when it was all lost labour,
To rival him with pipe and tabour:
Nay, in the porches of her ear,
Like Hamlet's uncle with a phial,
When he could get the queen to hear,
Pour'd the base notes of his bass-viol.
He said, indeed, that all his playing
Was meant to disenchant the queen ;
But does he say what he is saying,
Like people that say what they mean?
So far from that, there's not a citling,
That makes excursions in the summer;
That does not take him for a hummer:
Therefore I earnestly beseech,
In the behalf of this poor nation,
That you will not regard his speech,
More than his life and conversation.
His arguments prove, more or less,
However furbelow'd or dress'd;
'Tis not so much for our distress,
As for himself, that he's distress'd.
His arguments are truly curious,
He hates him not for his ambition,
Nor as a drone, but he is furious,
Because he is the queen's musician:
He hates his tunes, he hates his ways,
And hates the pipe on which he plays:
But if a bagpipe be essential
To every drone both great and small,
If Pericles be consequential,
Then Pericles must hate them all.
How Drones and Tories got their name;
Pipes were call'd Drones, and Pipers Tories,
Now Drone and Tory mean the same.
His compliment to Drones, I take it,
Is not impenetrably deep,
There are some Tory heads awake yet,
That he would rather lull to sleep.
To dream of honey, milk, and wine,
For Tory dreams are always fine;
As children in their nurses lap,
Or rock'd in cradles sweetly lying,
Are happier dreaming of their pap,
Than when they're 'broad awake and crying.
Now take your balance, and compare
His speeches with his life and dealings,
Or else you may, without such care,
Take fine professions for fine feelings:
He was a Trumpeter or Cornet ,
For spitting in the fav'rite's face,
And calling him an ugly hornet.
An old coquette amongst the wasps,
Whilst Pericles was fresh and young,
Whose sting and poison, like the asps,
Lay chiefly in her head and tongue,
Long after he was sent down stairs,
Seduc'd him with her harlot airs;
In the wasp cause he appeared hearty,
Assum'd their language and their form,
Vow'd to renounce the whole Bee-party,
And take her majesty by storm:
But when his passion was abated,
He veer'd about without much pain;
When love or avarice were sated,
He turn'd a loyal Bee again:
In all their fancies and requests;
Made the bells ring in every steeple,
And drove their foes from all their nests.
But ah! th' inconstancy of Bees!
Roving and changing every hour!
Wafted about by every breeze,
Allur'd by every specious flower;
For now, because the queen has pitch'd
Upon the Piper to amuse her,
Pericles swears she is bewitch'd ,
And sets his mob on to abuse her:
This sure is jealousy and spleen,
Not like true love and genuine duty;
For if, like me, he lov'd the Queen,
He could not injure such a beauty:
Yet, to do justice to his merits,
He always lov'd the Queen, I know;
It is the fever on his spirits
Makes him forget what subjects owe.
Let me too introduce my tale ;
In a debate, before to-day,
I have known a fable turn the scale.
A Lion with a wand'ring gout,
Upon his couch, or bed, lay roaring;
The courtiers all stood round about,
Every god and aid imploring.
Excruciated like a martyr,
The doctors brought a thousand slops;
To pave the way for his departure,
They pour'd them down the Lion's chops
Of all the courtiers that attended,
Waiting about him in a ring,
The Wolf officiously pretended,
To sympathize most with the King:
Whilst we are all in such a fright,
Sir, said the Wolf, it must appear,
That your attorney is not here;
My friend, the Fox, is much to blame,
Now that your Majesty's so ill,
To roam about killing your game,
When you may want to make your will.
At his return the Fox was told
How handsomely his friend had serv'd him;
His spite at me is very old,
Says master Fox, I have observ'd him;
Only because I go a fowling,
Am rich, and entertain my friends,
Whilst he, for very hunger howling,
Is fit to eat his fingers ends.
Volpone, that instant ran to court,
Salutes the Wolf quite frank and hearty,
The Monarch cried, had you good sport?
Sir Reynard, who was of your party?
Your Majesty, says the attorney,
Is misinform'd about my journey;
Making the strictest perquisitions
Of the most eminent physicians
About a remedy for you.
When your gout's fix'd or quite remov'd,
Then, Sir, my care and pious zeal,
For you, and for the common-weal,
Will be acknowledg'd and approv'd.
In the mean time, I must proceed
To tell my sov'reign of his cure;
His royal heart, I know, will bleed;
I feel myself, what he'll endure:
A Wolf must presently be got,
In such a case it is no sin,
Flay him alive, and piping hot
Wrap the King up in the Wolf's skin.
Thus Sir, if you will be directed,
Your pains will quickly be abated,
The morbid matter be ejected,
And health and vigour re-instated.
Proceeding without any heat
With one stroke only on the head,
Laid the Wolf breathless at his feet;
For simple vanity indited,
If the Mole's exile was decreed ,
I think the Wolf, that's so sharp-sighted,
Was with the greatest justice flay'd ,
For to vain-glory and weak pride,
He added perfidy beside.
If any here was flay'd alive,
Drawn in by any tempting snare,
To make the Queen alert and thrive,
'Twas not the Drone's plot you may swear.
But to conclude, let me advise
Pericles to withdraw his motion,
He must at last open his eyes,
'Tis so undutiful a notion;
His Sovereign better for the future;
And that you'll vote the Queen shall chuse
Whatever instrument may suit her.
As she loves bagpipes out of measure,
As Pericles is her aversion,
Indulge her royal health and pleasure,
It is an innocent diversion:
Let her old piper play his lilts,
Let him go on in his vocation;
Suffer not Pericles on stilts
To take away her consolation.
They all concurred, as you will guess,
And, as you must have pre-conceiv'd,
Drew up, and went with an address,
And were most graciously receiv'd.
The whole was nothing but collusion;
But what makes me, and should make you sick;
Pericles, chief of the confusion,
Was made the chief of the Queen's musick;
And thus these two renown'd debators,
Amus'd the people with sham matches;
They made the fools pay for their scratches.
The Piper pipes, the Drones continue,
The Buzzers only gape and gaze,
Pericles, with a grand retinue,
Is humming somewhere about Hayes.
MORAL.
'Tis Anti-Mandivally true,True as the Gospel, or St. Paul,
The private vices of a few
Will be the ruin of us all.
This speech assumes to be the speech of Mr. Burke; and it contains some features of a speech of that Gentleman's in the House of Commons, soon after the dismission of Lord Rockingham, and the appointment of Lord Chatham to the office of Privy Seal. The Reader will still observe, that Pericles is Lord Chatham, and the Bagpiper Lord Bute.
The Poet does not here mean literally the Queen. In every hive of bees there is one large bee, called the Queen-bee. Under this character he includes the Court; or, more properly speaking, the Closet, and the secret influence that was asserted to prevail there.
By Drones here are meant the Country Gentlemen. But in other places (particularly in the last stanza, before the moral) the word signifies the Lords of the Bedchamber, and other sinecure placemen in the court and household, who are members or peers of parliament.
When Mr. Pitt accepted the title of Earl of Chatham, his popularity suffered a temporary diminution.
This tale is an allegorical description of Lord Chatham's illness at Bath, in 1767; and of the changes in the ministry, and the coalition with the Bedford party, which took place early in the year following. The Wolf is Lord Shelburne; the Fox (or attorney) Lord Camden.
The Works of John Hall-Stevenson | ||