University of Virginia Library

Fred Heblich

For The Record

When you think about it, there
are really only two things this
university can do to you if you
break any rules. One, they can
throw you out; two, they can put it
on YOUR PERMANENT RECORD.

Remember in eighth grade:
"Stop talking or I'll send you to
Principal Poop and he'll put it on
YOUR PERMANENT RECORD,
and when you try to get a job and
your employer takes a look at
YOUR PERMANENT RECORD,
you'll wish you had kept quiet
during social studies." Remember?

In other societies they beat you
up, or exile you, or just get rid of
you if you step out of line (or just
leave you alone because no one
really gives a shit), but Americans
are different. The invented the
PERMANENT RECORD. It is
something that follows you through
your entire life and it is something
that you are brainwashed into being
afraid of from an early age.

The American school child
grows up with the fear of someone
looking over his shoulder. Because
he knows that somewhere, some
omniscient being is keeping score
on him, marking, erasing, tabulating
his PERMANENT RECORD. This
follows him not only through high
school, but also college.

At registration each year every
student has to fill in information
which goes on his PERMANENT
RECORD. The information runs
through sex, address, age, etc. Then
it gets meaty; it asks about religion
and race.

The race and religion parts are
the most fun to do. For race all you
have to put is "pink," "pale," or
"I'm from New Jersey" and they
will mark you as "White." But if
you fill in "Daytona 500," or
"Rat," or something along that line
they get upset.

When they get upset Paul Saunier
sends you a letter. The letter
explains that they need the information
and by being wise you are
hassling them. One student last year
who filled in "Human" on his
registration from got such a letter.
The letter said that if he didn't fill
out the correct information they
would (and here's the real threat)
"have no choice but to register him
as OTHER." In other words they
were threatening to THROW HIM
OUT OF THE HUMAN RACE!

Faced with this alternative the
student relented. He gave in because
he knew that if he didn't that
his PERMANENT RECORD would
state that he had been thrown out
of the human race. And you can't
argue with YOUR PERMANENT
RECORD.

There is a rumor that in one of
the dean's offices a secretary cut
the "Letters To The Editor" out of
The Cavalier Daily and files them
under the author's PERMANENT
RECORDS. As Sartre would say,
there is no exit.