University of Virginia Library

Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the fourth Booke.

1 To an ill Reader.

The verses, Sextus, thou doost read, are mine;
But with bad reading thou wilt make thē thine.

2 In lectorem inuidum.

VVho reades our verse, with visage sowre and grim.
I wish him enuy me, none enuy him.

3 Of Table friends.

You thinke his faith is firme, his friendship stable,
Whose first acquaintance grew but at your Table:
He loues your venison, snytes, quailes, larks, not you:
Take me such fare, and take my friendship too.

4 The Authour to his wife, of partition.

Some Ladies with their Lords diuide their state,
And liue so when they list, at seuerall rate;
But I'le endure thee, Mall, on no condition,
To sue with me a writ of such partition.
Twice seuen yeeres since, most solemnly I vow'd,
With all my worldly goods I thee endow'd,
Then house, plate, stuffe, not part, but all is thine:
Yet so, that thou, and they, and all are mine.
Then let me goe, and sue my writ of dotage,
If I with thee part house, or close, or cottage.
For, where this is my Lords, and that my Ladies,
There some, perhaps, think likewise of their babies.

5 Of Treason.

Treason doth neuer prosper, what's the reason?
For if it prosper, none dare call it Treason.

6 Of the warres in Ireland.

I prays'd the speech, but cannot now abide it,
That war is sweet, to those that haue not try'd it:
For I haue prou'd it now, and plainely see't,
It is so sweet, it maketh all things sweet.
At home Canarie wines and Greeke grow lothsome:
Here milke is Nectar, water tasteth toothsome.
There without bak't, rost, boyld, it is no cheere.
Bisket we like, and Bonny Clabo heere.
There we complaine of one reare rosted chicke:
Heere viler meat, worse cookt, ne're makes me sicke.
At home in silken sparuers, beds of Downe,
We scant can rest, but still tosse vp and downe:
Heere I can sleepe, a saddle to my pillow,
A hedge the Curtaine, Canopy a Willow.
There if a child but cry, oh what a spite!
Heere we can brooke three larums in one night.
There homely roomes must be perfum'd with Roses:
Here match and powder ne're offends our noses.
There from a storme of raine we run like Pullets:
Heere we stand fast against a showre of bullets.
Lo then how greatly their opinions erre,
That thinke there is no great delight in warre:
But yet for this (sweet warre) Ile be thy debter,
I shall for euer loue my home the better.

7 Of Women learned in the tongues.

You wisht me to a wife, faire, rich and young,
That had the Latine, French and Spanish tongue.
I thank't, and told you I desir'd none such,
And said, One Language may be tongue too much.
Then loue I not the learned? yes as my life;
A learned mistris, not a learned wife.

8 The Author to his wife, of the twelue Signes, how they gouerne.

Marke here (my Mall) how in this dozen lines,
Thus placed are the twelue celestiall Signes:
And first, the Ram beares rule in head and face,
The stiffe-neckt Bull in neck doth hold his place,
And Twins mine armes and hands do both imbrace.
Then Cancer keepes the small ribs and the brest,
And Leo back and heart hath aye possest.
Then Virgo claimes the entrailes and the panch,
Libra the nauell, reynes, and either hanch.
Scorpio pretends power in the priuy parts,
Both thighes are pierst with Sagitaries darts.
Then Capricorne to knees his force doth send,
Aquarius doth to legges his vertue lend.
Pisces beneath vnto the feet discend.
Thus each part is possest; now tell me, Mall,
Where lies thy part? in which of these? In all.
In all? content. Yet sure thou art more iealous
Of Leo's part and Scorpio's, then their fellowes.

9 Against Swearing.

In elder times an ancient custome was,
To sweare in weighty matters by the Masse.
But when the Masse went downe (as old men note)
They sware then by the crosse of this same grote.
And when the Crosse was likewise held in scorne,
Then by their faith, the common oath was sworne.
Last, hauing sworne away all faith and troth,
Only God dam'n them is their common oath.
Thus custome kept decorum by gradation,
That losing Masse, Crosse, Faith, they find damnation.

10 Of little pitie.

When noble Essex, Blount and Danuers died,
One saw them suffer, that had heard them tried:
And sighing, said; When such braue souldiers dye,
Is't not great pitie, thinke you? No, said I:
There is no man of sense in all the citie,
Will say, 'Tis great, but rather little pitie.

11 Of a Booke called the Gentle Craft.

I past this other day through Pauls Church-yard,
And heard some reade a booke, and reading laught,
The title of the booke was Gentle Craft.
But when I markt the matter with regard,
A new-sprung branch that in my minde did graft,
And thus I said, Sirs, scorne not him that writ it:
A gilded blade hath oft a dudgeon haft,
And well I see, this writer roues a shaft
Neere fairest marke, yet happily not hit it.
For neuer was the like booke sold in Poules,
If so with Gentle Craft it could perswade
Great Princes midst their pompe to learne a trade
Once in their liues to worke, to mend their soules

12 Of the games that haue beene in request at the Court.

I heard one make a pretty Obseruation,
How games haue in the Court turn'd with the fashion
The first game was the best, when free from crime,
The Courtly gamesters all were in their prime:
The second game was Post, vntill with posting
They paid so fast, 'twas time to leaue their boasting.
Then thirdly follow'd heauing of the Maw,
A game without Ciuility or Law,
An odious play, and yet in Court oft seene,
A sawcy knaue to trump both King and Queene.
Then follow'd Lodam, hand to hand or quarter,
At which some maids so ill did keep the Quarter,
That vnexpected, in a short abode
They could not cleanly beare a way their load.
Now Noddy follow'd next, as well it might,
Although it should haue gone before of right.
At which I saw, I name not any body,
One neuer had the knaue, yet laid for Noddy.
The last game now in vse is Bankerupt,
Which will be plaid at still, I stand in doubt,
Vntill Lauolta turne the wheele of time,
And make it come about againe to Prime.

13 The Author to Queene Elizabeth, in praise of her reading.

For euer deare, for euer dreaded Prince,
You read a verse of mine a little since,
And so pronounst each word, and euery letter,
Your Gracious reading, grac't my verse the better.
With then your Highnes doth by gift exceeding,
Make what you read, the better in your reading,
Let my poore Muse your paines thus far importune,
To leaue to read my verse, and read my fortune.

14 Of King Henries wooing.

Vnto a stately great outlandish Dame,
A Messenger from our King Henry came,
Henry of famous memory the eight)
To treat with her in matter of great weight;
Is namely, how the King did seeke her marriage,
Because of her great vertue and good carriage.
She (that had heard the King lou'd change of pasture)
Repli'de, I humbly thanke the King, your Master,
And would, (such loue his fame in me hath bred,)
My body venter so, but not my head.

15 Two witty answers of Bishop Bonner.

Bonner , that late had Bishop beene of London,
Was bid by one, Good morrow Bishop quondam:
He with the scoffe, no whit put out of temper,
Reply'd incontinent, Adieu knaue Semper.
Another in such kinde of scoffing speeches,
Would beg his tippet, needs, to line his breeches.
Not so (quoth he) but it may be thy hap,
To haue a foolish head to line thy cap.

16 Of Lynus borrowing.

Lynus came late to me, sixe crownes to borrow,
And sware God damn him, hee'd repai't to morrow.
I knew his word, as currant as his band,
And straight I gaue to him three crownes in hand;
This I to giue, this he to take was willing,
And thus he gaind, and I sau'd fifteene shilling.

17 A good answere of the Poet Dant to an Atheist.

The pleasant learn'd Italian Poet Dant,
Hearing an Atheist at the Scriptures iest,
Askt him in iest, which was the greatest beast?
He simply said; he thought an Elephant.
Then Elephant (quoth Dant) it were commodious,
That thou wouldst hold thy peace, or get thee hence,
Breeding our Conscience scandall and offence
With thy prophan'd speech, most vile and odious.
Oh Italy, thou breedst but few such Dants,
I would our England bred no Elephants.

18 Of Quintus almes.

When Quintus walketh out into the street,
As soone as with some begger he doth meete,
Ere that poore soule to aske his almes hath leasure,
He first doth chafe and sweare beyond all measure,
And for the Beadle all about he sends,
To beare him to Bridewell, so he pretends.
The Begger quickly out of sight doth goe,
Full glad in heart he hath escaped so.
Then Quintus laughes, and thinks it is lesse charges,
To sweare an oath or two, then giue a larges.

19 Of Marcus his drunken feasting.

When Marcus makes (as oft he doth) a feast,
The Wine still costs him more then all the rest.
Were water in this towne as deare as hay,
His horses should not long at liuery stay.
But tell me, is't not a most foolish tricke,
To drinke to others healths till thou be sicke?
Yet such the fashion is of Bacchus crue,
To quaffe and bowze, vntill they belch and spue:
Well, leaue it, Marcus, else thy drinking health,
Will proue an eating to thy wit and wealth.

20 A good iest of a Crow.

A Baron and a Knight, one day walking
On Richmond greene, & as they were in talking,
A Crow, that lighted on the raile by Fortune,
Stood becking, and cry'd kaw with noise importune.
This bird, the Baron said, doth you salute,
Sir Knight, as if to you he had some sute,
Not vnto me, the Knight reply'd in pleasance,
'Tis to some Lord he makes so low obeysance.

21 Of kissing the foote.

A courtier, kinde in speech, curst in condition,
Finding his fault could be no longer hidden,
Went to his friend to cleere his hard suspition,
And fearing lest he might be more then chidden,
Fell to a flattering and most base submission,
Vowing to kisse his foote, if he were bidden.
My foote? (said he) that were too submisse,
But three foote higher you deserue to kisse.

22 Of a sawcy Cator.

A cator had of late some wild-fowle bought,
And when vnto his Master them he brought,
Forthwith the Master smelling nigh the rump,
Said, Out, thou knaue, these sauour of the pump.
The man (that was a rude and sawcy Lout)
What Sir, said he, smell you them there about?
Smell your faire Lady there, and by your fauour,
Your fortune may meete with a fulsome sauour.

23 Of a certaine Man.

There was (not certain when) a certaine preacher,
That neuer learn'd, and yet became a Teacher,
Who hauing read in Latine thus a Text
Of erat quidum homo, much perplext,
He seem'd the same with study great to scan
In English thus; there was a certaine man.
But now (quoth he) good people, note you this,
He saith there was, he doth not say there is:
For in these daies of ours, it is most certaine,
Of promise, oth, word, deed, no man is certaine:
Yet by my text you see it comes to passe,
That surely once a certaine man there was.
But yet I thinke, in all your Bible no man
Can finde this text; there was a certaine woman.

24 Of Lesbia.

Old widdow Lesbia, after husbands fiue,
Yet feeleth Cupids flames in her reuiue.
And now she takes a gallant youth and trim.
Alas for her, nay, nay, alas for him.

25 The horne Cinque-apace.

Who wishes, hopes, and thinks, his wife is true,
To him one horne, or vnicorne is due.
Who sees his wife play false, and will not spy it,
He hath two hornes, and yet he may deny it.
The man that can indure when all men scorne,
And pardon open faults, hath treble horne;
Who brings fine Courtiers oft to see his bride,
He hath one paire of hornes on either side.
But he that sweares hee did so happy wiue,
He can be none of these, let him haue fiue.

26 Of cursing Cuckolds.

A lord that talked late in way of scorne,
Of some that ware inuisibly the horne,
Said he could wish, and did (as for his part)
All Cuckolds in the Thames, with all his heart.
But straight a pleasant Knight reply'd to him,
I hope your Lordship learned hath to swimme.

27 Of the pillars of the Church.

In old time they were the Churches pillars,
That did excell in learning and in piety,
And were to youth examples of sobriety,
Of Christs faire field the true and painefull tillers:
But where are now the men of that society?
Are all those tillers dead? those pillars broken?
No, God forbid such blasphemy be spoken;
I say, to stop the mouthes of all ill-willers,
Gods field hath harrowers still, his Church hath pillars.

28 Of Exchange.

Old Caius sold a wench, to buy a barke.
Yong Titus gaue the ship, to haue the slut.
Who makes the better mart, now let vs marke,
Th' one loues to roue, the tother goes to rut.

29 Of Lesbias kissing craft.

Lesbia with study found a meanes in th'end,
In presence of her Lord to kisse her friend,
Each of them kist by turnes a little Whelpe,
Transporting kisses thus by puppies helpe.
And so her good old Lord she did beguile:
Was not my Lord a puppy all the while?

30 Of sixe sorts of Fasters.

Sixe sorts of folkes I find vse fasting dayes,
But of these sixe, the sixt I onely praise.
The sicke man fasts, because he cannot eate.
The poore doth fast, because he hath no meate.
The miser fasts, with mind to mend his store.
The glutton, with intent to eate the more.
The hypocrite, thereby to seeme more holy.
The vertuous, to preuent or punish folly.
Now he that eateth fast, and drinkes as fast,
May match these fasters, any but the last.

31 Of Cinna.

Pvre Cinna gets his wife a maiden Cooke
With red cheeks, yellow locks, & cheerfull looke.
What might he meane hereby? I hold my life,
She dresseth flesh for him, not for his wife.

32 Of Claudia.

Claudia , to saue a noble Romans blood,
Was offred by some friends that wisht his good,
A iewell of inestimable price;
But she would not be won by this deuice:
For she did take his head, and leaue the iewell.
Was Claudia now more couetous, or cruell?

33 A rule to Play.

Lay down your stake at play, lay down your passion:
A greedy gamester still hath some mis-hap.
To chafe at play, proceeds of foolish fashion.
No man throws still the dice in fortunes lap.

34 Of a drunken Tobacconist.

When Marcus hath carrowst March Beere and Sack,
And that his brains grow dizzy therewithall,
Then of Tobacco he a pipe doth lacke,
Of Trinidade in cane, in leafe, or ball,
Which tane a little, he doth spit and smacke,
Then laies him on his bed for feare to fall,
And poore Tobacco beares the name of all.
But that same pipe which Marcus braine did lade.
Was of Medera, not of Trinidade.

35 Tristis es & fœlix, sciat hoc fortuna Caueto.

To a Lady.

Froward yet fortunate? if fortune knew it,
Beleeue me, Madam, she would make you rue it.

36 A Salisbury tale.

Faire Sarum's Church, beside the stately tower,
Hath many things in number aptly sorted,
Answering the yeere, the month, weeke, day & houre,
But aboue all (as I haue heard reported,
And to the view doth probably appeare)
A piller for each houre in all the yeere.
Further, this Church of Sarum hath beene found,
To keepe in singing seruice so good forme,
That most Cathedrall Churches haue beene bound,
Themselues ad vsum Sarum to conforme:
I am no Cabalist to iudge by number,
Yet that this Church is so with pillers fill'd,
It seemes to me to be the lesser wonder,
That Sarums Church is euery hower pill'd.
And sith the rest are bound to Sarums vse,
What maruell if they taste of like abuse?

37 Of a faire Shrew.

Faire, rich, and yong? how rare is her perfection,
Were it not mingled with one foule infection?
I meane, so proud a heart, so curst a tongue,
As makes her seeme, nor faire, nor rich, nor yong.

38 Of Gods part.

One that had farm'd a fat Impropriation,
Vs'd to his neighbours often exhortation,
To pay to him the tithes and profits duely,
Affirming (as he might affirme most truely)
How that the tithes are God Almighties part,
And therefore they should pay't with all their heart.
But straight replyed one amongst the rest,
(One that had crost him oft, but neuer blest.)
It is Gods part indeed, whose goodnes gaue it;
But yet oft times we see the Diuell haue it.

39 Of Lalus symoniacall horse-coursing.

Pvre Lalus gate a benefice of late,
Without offence of people, Church, or State;
Yea but aske eccho how he did come by it,
Come buy it? No with oathes he will deny it.
He nothing gaue direct, or indirectly.
Fie, Lalus, now you tell vs a direct lye:
Did not your Patron for an hundred pound,
Sell you a horse was neither yong nor sound,
No Turke, no Courser, Barbary, nor Iennit?
Simony? No, but I see money in it.
Well, if it were but so, the case is cleere;
The Benefice was cheape, the Horse was deare.

40 An addition to the same Epigram.

41 Of Cinna.

Fiue yeeres hath Cinna studied Genesis,
And knowes not what in Principio is;
And greeu'd that he is graueld thus, he skips,
Ore all the Bible, to th'Apocalips.

42 Of bagge and baggage.

A man appointed, vpon losse of life,
With bag and baggage at a time assign'd,
To part a towne; his foule vnweildy wife,
Desired him that she might stay behind.
Say, quoth the man, Ile neuer be so kind,
As venture life, for such an vgly hag
That lookes both like a baggage and a bag.

43 Of a womans kindnes to her husband.

One that had liued long by lewdest shifts,
Brought to the Court that Corne from cockle sisis,
Starchamber, that of Iustice is the mirror,
Was senten'st there, and for the greater terrour,
Adiudged, first, to lye a yeere in fetters,
Then burned in his forhead with two letters,
And to disparage him with more disgrace,
To slit his nose, the figure of his face.
The prisoners wife with no dishonest mind,
To shew her selfe vnto her husband kind,
Sued humbly to the Lords, and would not cease,
Some part of this sharp rigour to release.
He was a man (she said) had seru'd in warre,
What mercy would a Souldiers face so marre?
Thus much said she: but grauely they replied,
It was great mercy that he thus was tried:
His crimes deserue he should haue lost his life,
And hang in chaines. Alas, repli'd his wife,
If you disgrace him thus, you quite vndoe him,
Good my Lords hang him, pray be good vnto him.

44 Of Don Pedro.

Don Pedro neuer dines without red Deere;
If red Deere be his guests, graffe is his cheere:
I, but I meane, he hath it in his dish,
And so haue I oft what I doe not wish.

45 The Author to his wife.

Mall , once in pleasant company by chance,
I wisht that you for company would dance,
Which you refus'd, and said, your yeeres require,
Now, Matron-like, both manners and attire.
Well Mall, if needs thou wilt be Matron-like,
Then trust to this, I will a Matron like:
Yet so to you my loue may neuer lessen,
As you for Church, house, bed, obserue this lesson.
Sit in the Church as solemne as a Saint,
No deed, word, thought, your due deuotion taint.
Vaile (if you will) your head, your soule reueale
To him, that onely wounded soules can heale.
Be in my house as busie as a Bee,
Hauing a sting for euery one but mee,
Buzzing in euery corner, gathering hony.
Let nothing waste, that costs or yeeldeth mony.
And when thou seest my heart to mirth incline,
The tongue, wit, bloud, warme with good cheere and wine,
Then of sweet sports let no occasion scape,
But be as wanton, toying as an Ape.

46 Of Lelia.

When louely Lelia was a tender girle,
She hapt to be deflowred by an Earle;
Alas, poore wench, she was to be excused,
Such kindnesse oft is offered, seld refused.
But be not proud; for she that is no Countesse,
And yet lies with a Count, must make account this,
All Countesses in honour her surmount,
They haue, she had, an honourable Count.

47 Of a drunken Smith.

I heard that Smvg the Smith, for ale and spice
Sold all his tooles, and yet he kept his vice.

48 Of Soothsaying.

Might Kings shun future mischief by foretelling
Thē amongst Soothsayers 'twere excellēt dwelling
But if there be no means such harmes repelling,
The knowledge makes the sorrow more excelling.
But this, deare Soueraigne, me comfort doth,
That of these Sooth-sayers, very few say sooth.

49 A good request of a Lawyer.

A pleasant Lawyer standing at the barre,
The Causes done, and day not passed farre,
A Iudge to whom he had profest deuotion,
Askt him in grace, if he would haue a motion:
Yes Sir, quoth he, but short, and yet not small,
That whereas now of Satieants is a call,
I wish (as most of my profession doe)
That there might be a call of Clyents too:
For sure it brings vs Lawyers mickle cumber,
Because of them we find so small a number.

50 Of Friendship.

New friends are no friends; how can that be true?
The oldest friends that are, were somtimes new.

51 Of Caius increase in his absence.

While Caius doth remaine beyond the Seas,
And followes there some great important suit,
His Lands bare neither Oates, nor Beanes, nor Pease,
But yet his wife beares faire and full-growne fruit.
What is the cause that brings his Lands sterility,
And his wiues fruitfulnes and great fertility?
His Lands want occupyers to manure them,
But she hath store, & knows how to procure them.

52 Of a toothlesse Shrew.

Old Ellen had foure teeth as I remember,
She cought out two of them the last December;
But this shrewd cough in her raign'd so vnruly,
She cought out tother two before twas Iuly.
Now she may cough her heart out, for in sooth,
She said shrewd cough hath left her ne're a tooth.
But her curst tongue, wanting this common curbe,
Doth more then erst the houshold all disturbe.

53 To Doctor Sharpe.

Late I tooke leaue of two right noble dames,
And hasted to my wife as I protested:
You will'd me stay awhile, and thus you iested:
You Sir, may please your Wife with Epigrams.
Well said, 'twas Doctor-like, and sharply spoken,
No friendship breakes, where iests so smooth are broken
But now you haue new orders tane of late,
Those orders, which (as you expound Saint Paul)
Are equall honourable vnto all;
I meane of marriage the holy state,
I hope, in Lent, when flesh growes out of date,
You will, in stead of tother recreation,
Be glad to please your wife with some Collation

54 Of the Papists Feasts, and the Brownists Fasts.

A Papist dwelling to a Brownist neere,
Their seruants met, and vanted of their cheere,
And first, the Papists man did make his bost,
He had each festiuall both bak't and rost,
And where (said he) your zealous sort allow,
On Christmasse day it selfe to goe to plow,
We feast, and play, and walke, and talk, and slumb
Besides, our holy dayes are more in number:
As namely, we doe keepe with great festiuity,
Our Ladies, both assumption and natiuity;
S. Pauls conuersion, S. Iohns decollation,
S. Laurence broyld, S. Swithens moyst translation,
S. Peters chaines, and how with Angels vision
He brake the prison, quite without misprision.
I grant, the tother said, you seeme more gainesome,
But for your sport, you pay too deare a ransome.
We like your Feasts, your Fastings bred our greeues,
Your Lents, your Ember weekes, and holy Eeues.
But this coniunction I should greatly praise,
The Brownists fasts, with Papists holy daies.

55 Of Mile the glutton.

Milo with haste to cram his greedy gut,
One of his thumbs vnto the bone had cut:
Then straight it noysed was about by some,
That he had lost his stomack with his thumb.
To which one said, No worse hap fall vnto him:
But if a poore man finde it, 'twill vndoe him.

56 Of Fortune.

Fortune, men say, doth giue too much to many:
But yet shee neuer gaue enough to any.

57 Of deuotion and promotion.

I met a Lawyer at the Court this Lent,
And asking what great cause him thither sent,
He said, that mou'd with Doctor Androes fame,
To heare him preach, he onely thither came:
But straight, I wisht him softly in his eare,
To find some other sense, else some will sweare,
Who to the Court come onely for deuotion,
They in the Church pray onely for promotion.

58 Of a painted Lady.

I saw dame Leda's picture lately drawne,
With haire about her eares, transparent Lawne,
Her Iuory paps, and euery other part,
So limd vnto the life by Painters Art,
That I that had been long with her acquainted,
Did think that both were quick, or both were painted.

59 Of Galla's gallantry.

What is the cause our Galla is so gallant,
Like ship in fairest wind, top and top gallant?
Hath she of late been courted by some Gallant?
No sure: How then? Galla hath quaft a gallon.

60 In Cornutum.

A Thais? no, Diana thou didst wed:
For she hath giuen to thee Acteons head.

61 Of Paulus, a Flatterer.

No man more seruile, no man more submisse,
Then to our Soueraigne Lady Paulus is.
He doth extoll her speech, admire her feature,
He calls himselfe her vassall, and her creature.
Thus while he dawbes his speech with flatteries plaster,
And calls himselfe her slaue, he growes our Master,
Still getting what he list without controle,
By singing this old song, re mi fa sol.

62 Of Lynus, an ill ghest.

Aske you what profit Kew to me doth yeeld?
This, Lynus, there I shal see thee but seeld;
For where good ghests may take a cottage gratefull,
There, such as thou do make a Palace hatefull.

63 Against Pius Quintus, that excommunicated Queene Elizabeth.

Are Kings your Foster-Fathers, Queens your nurses,
Oh Roman Church? Then why did Pius Quintus
With Basan bulls (not like one pius intus)
Lay on our sacred Prince vnhallowed curses?
It is not health of soules, but wealth of purses
You seek, by such your hell-denouncing threats,
Oppugning with your chaire, our Princes seats,
Disturbing our sweet peace; and that which worse is
You suck out blood, and bite your Nurses teats.
Learne, learne, to ask your milk, for if you snatch it,
The nurse must send your babes pap with a hatchet.

64 Of finding a Hare.

A gallant full of life, and voyd of care,
Asked his friend if he would find a Hare?
He that for sleepe more then such sports did care,
Said, Goe your waies, and leaue me here alone;
Let them find Hares that lost them, I lost none.

65 Of Merit, and Demerit.

A knight, and valiant seruitor of late,
Playn'd to a Lord and Councellor of State,
That Captaines in these dayes were not regarded,
That onely Carpet Knights were well rewarded:
For I, saith he, with all my hurts and maimes,
Get not the recompence my merit claimes.
Good Cousin (said the Lord) the fault is yours,
Which you impute vnto the higher Powers,
For where you should in Pater noster pray,
Giue vnto vs our daily bread to day;
Your misdemeanors this petition needs,
Our trespasses forgiue vs, and misdeeds.

66 Of Faustus, Esquire.

Faustus , for taking of a wrong possession,
Was by a Iustice bound vnto the Session:
The Cryer the Recognizance doth call,
Faustus, Esquire, come forth into the Hall.
Out (said the Iudge) on all such foolish Cryers,
Diuels are Carpenters, where such are Squires.

67 Of Peleus friendship.

When Peleus is brought vp to London streets,
By Proces first to answer waighty sutes,
Oh then how kind he is to all he meets!
How friendly by their names he them salutes!
Then one shall haue a Colt of his best race,
Another gets a warrant for a Buck:
Some deeper brib'd, according as their place
May serue his turne, to worke or wish good luck.
But when his troubles all to end are brought
By time, or friendly paines on his behalfe,
Then straight (as if he set vs all at nought)
His kindnes is not now so much by halfe.
Sith then his suites in Law his friendship doubles,
I for his friendships sake could wish him troubles.

68 Of inclosing a Common.

A Lord, that purpos'd for his more auaile,
To compasse in a Common with a rayle,
Was reckoning with his friend about the cost
And charge of euery reule, and euery post:
But he (that wisht his greedy humour crost)
Said, Sir, prouide you posts, and without fayling,
Your neighbors round about wil find you rayling.

69 The Author to his wife, of too much stomack.

Late hauing been a fishing at the Foord,
And bringing home with me my dish of Trouts,
Your minde that while, did cast some causelesse doubts:
For while that meat was set vpon the boord,
You sullen silent, fed your selfe with powrs.
I twice sent for you, but you sent me word,
How that you had no stomack to your meat.
Well I fear'd more, your stomack was too great.

70 A witty choice of a Country fellow.

A rich Lord had a poore Lout to his ghest,
And hauing sumptuous fare, and costly drest,
Caru'd him a wing of a most dainty Bird;
Affirming seriously vpon his word,
Those birds were sent him from his louing cosen,
And were well worthy twenty markes a dozen.
He that for such great dainties did not care,
Said, I like well your Lordships courser fare:
For I can eat your Beefe, Pig, Goose and Cony,
But of such fare, giue me my share in mony.

71 To a great Magistrate, in Re and in Spe.

Those that for Princes goods do take some paine
(Their goods to whō of right all paines we owe)
Seeke some reward for seruice good to gaine,
Which oft their gracious goodnesse doth bestow:
I for my trauell, begge not a reward,
I begge lesse by a sillable, a Ward.

72 A comparison of a Booke, with Cheese.

Old Haywood writes, & proues in some degrees,
That one may wel compare a book with cheese;
At euery market some buy cheese to feed on,
At euery mart some men buy bookes to read on.
All sorts eate cheese; but how? there is the question
The poore for food, the rich for good disgestion.
All sorts read bookes, but why? will you discerne?
The foole to laugh, the wiser sort to learne.
The sight, taste, sent of cheese to some is hateful,
The sight, taste, sense of bookes to some's vngratefull.
No cheese there was, that euer pleas'd all feeders,
No booke there is, that euer lik't all Readers.

73 A Scottish verse.

Rob . Will. and Dauy,
Keepe well thy Pater noster and Aue:
And if thou wilt the better speed,
Gang no further then thy Creed:
Say well, and doe none ill,
And keepe thy selfe in safety still.

74 To beggers of Bookes.

My friend, you presse me very hard,
my bookes of me you craue;
I haue none, but in Pauls Church-yard,
for mony you may haue.
But why should I my coyne bestow
such toyes as these to buy?
I am not such a foole I trow:
forsooth no more am I.

75 In Paulum Athaium.

Proud Paulus, led by Sadduces infection,
Doth not beleeue the bodies resurrection,
But holds them all in scorne and deepe derision,
That talke of Saints or Angels apparision:
And saith, they are but fables all, and fansies
Of Lunaticks, or folkes possest with frensies.
I haue, saith he, trauell'd both neere and farre,
By land, by sea, in time of peace and warre,
Yet neuer met I spirit, or ghost, or Elfe,
Or ought (as is the phrase) worse then my selfe.
Well, Paulus, this I now beleeue indeed,
That who in all, or part, denyes his Creed;
Went he to sea, land, hell, I would agree,
A Fiend worse then himselfe, he could not see.

76 Of double Fraud.

A fellow false, and to all fraud inured,
In high Starchamber court was found periured,
And by iust sentence iudg'd to lose his eares:
A doome right fit for him that falsly sweares.
Now on the Pillory while he was preaching,
The Gaolor busie for his eares was searching:
But all in vaine, for there was not an eare,
Onely the places hid with locks of haire.
Thou knaue, said he, I will of thee complaine
Vnto the Lords, for cousonage againe.
Why so, said hee? their order me doth binde
To lose mine eares, not you mine eares to finde.

77 Of taking a Hare.

Vnto a Lawyer rich, a Client poore
Came early in the morning to his doore,
And dancing long attendance in the place,
At last, he gat some counsell in his case;
For which the Lawyer look't to haue beene paid:
But thus at last the poore man to him said,
I cannot giue a fee, my state's so bare:
But will it please you, Sir, to take a Hare?
He that tooke all that came, with all his hart,
Said that he would, and take it in good part.
Then must you runne apace (good Sir) quoth he:
For she this morning quite out-stripped me.
He went his way, the Hare was neuer taken.
Was not the Lawyer taken, or mistaken?

78 The Author to his Wife.

Your maid Brunetta you with newes acquaints,
How Leda, (whom, her husband wanting issue,
Brought erst to Bath, our pilgrimage of Saints)
Weares her gowne veluet, kirtle, cloth of tissue,
A figur'd Sattin petticote Carnation,
With sixe gold parchment laces all in fashion,
Yet neuer was Dame Leda nobler borne,
Nor dranke in Gossips cup by Sou'raigne sent,
Nor euer was her Highnes woman sworne,
Nor doth her husband much exceed in rent.
Then Mall, be proud, that thou maist better weare them.
And I more proud, thou better dost forbeare them.

79 Of too high commendation in a meane person.

A scholler once, to win his Mistresse loue,
Compar'd her to three Goddesses aboue,
And said she had (to giue her due desarts)
Iuno's, Minerua's, and faire Uenus parts.
Iuno so proud, and curst was of her tongue,
All men misliked her both old and yong.
Pallas so foule, and grim was out of measure,
That neither gods nor men in her tooke pleasure.
Venus vnchaste, that she strong Mars entices,
With yong Adonis, and with old Anchises.
How thinke you, are these praises few or meane,
Compared to a shrow, a slut, or queane?

80 Of trusting a Captaine.

An Alderman, one of the better sort,
And worthie member of our worthiest Citie;
Vnto whose Table diuers did resort,
Himselfe of stomake good, of answeres witty,
Was once requested by a Table Friend;
To lend an vnknowne Captaine forty pound.
The which, because he might the rather lend,
He said he should become in statute bound.
And this (quoth he) you need not doubt to take,
For he's a man of late growne in good credit,
And went about the world with Captaine Drake.
Out (quoth the Alderman) that ere you sed it,
For forty pounds? no nor for forty pence.
His single bond I count not worth a chip:
I say to you (take not hereat offence,)
He that hath three whole yeeres been in a ship,
In famine, plagues, in stench, and storme, so rife,
Cares not to lye in Ludgate all his life.

81 In Cornutum.

What curld-pate youth is he that sitteth there
So neere thy wife, and whispers in her eare,
And takes her hand in his, and soft doth wring her,
Sliding his ring still vp and downe her finger?
Sir, tis a Proctor, seene in both the Lawes,
Retain'd by her, in some important cause;
Prompt and discreet both in his speech and action,
And doth her busines with great satisfaction.
And thinkest thou so? a horne-plague on thy head:
Art thou so like a foole, and wittoll led,
To thinke he doth the businesse of thy wife?
He doth thy businesse, I dare lay my life.

82 A Tragicall Epigram.

When doome of Peeres & Iudges fore-appointed,
By racking lawes beyond all reach of reason,
Had vnto death condemn'd a Queene anointed,
And found, (oh strange!) without allegeance, treason;
The Axe that should haue done that execution,
Shunn'd to cut off a head that had beene crowned,
Our hangman lost his wonted resolution,
To quell a Queene of noblenesse so renowned.
Ah, is remorse in hangmen and in steele,
When Peeres and Iudges no remorse can feele?
Grant Lord, that in this noble Ile, a Queene
Without a head, may neuer more be seene.

83 Of reading Scriptures.

The sacred Scriptures treasure great affoords,
To all of seuerall tongues, of sundry Realmes.
For low and simple spirits shallow Foords,
For high and learned Doctors deeper streames,
In euery part so exquisitely made,
An Elephant may swimme, a Lambe may wade.
Not that all should with barbarous audacity,
Read what they list, and how they list expound,
But each one suting to his weake capacity:
For many great Scriptureans may be found,
That cite Saint Paul at euery bench and boord,
And haue Gods word, but haue not God the word.

84 The Author to his wife: a rule for praying.

My deare, that in your closet for deuotion,
To kindle in your brest some godly motion,
You contemplate, and oft your eyes doe fixe
On some Saints picture, or the Crucifixe;
Tis not amisse, be it of stone or mettle,
It serueth in thy mind good thoughts to settle;
Such images may serue thee as a booke,
Whereon thou maist with godly reuerence looke,
And thereby thy remembrance to acquaint,
With life or death, or vertue of the Saint.
Yet doe I not allow thou kneele before it,
Nor would I in no wise you should adore it.
For as such things well vs'd, are cleane and holy,
So superstition soone may make it folly.
All images are scorn'd and quite dis-honoured,
If the Prototype be not solely honoured.
I keepe thy picture in a golden shrine,
And I esteeme it well, because 'tis thine;
But let me vse thy picture ne're so kindly,
'Twere little worth, if I vs'd thee vnkindly.
Sith then, my deare, our heauenly Lord aboue
Vouchsafeth vnto ours to like his loue:
So let vs vse his picture, that therein,
Against himselfe we doe commit no sinne;
Nor let vs scorne such pictures, nor deride them,
Like fooles, whose zeale mistaught, cānot abide them.
But pray, our hearts, by faith's eyes be made able
To see, what mortall eyes see on a Table.
A man would thinke, one did deserue a mocke,
Should say, Oh heauenly Father, to a stocke;
Such a one were a stocke, I straight should gather,
That would confesse a stocke to be her Father.

85 Pœnitentia pœnitenda: Of a penitent Fryer.

Bound by his Church, and Trentin Catechisme,
To vow a single life, a Cloystered Frier,
Had got a swelling, call'd a Priapisme,
Which seld is swag'd, but with a femall fire.
The Leach (as oftentimes Physicians vse)
To cure the corps, not caring for the soule,
Prescribes a cordiall med'cine from the Stewes,
Which lewd prescript, the Patient did condole:
Yet strong in Faith, and being loth to dye,
And knowing that extremes yeeld dispensation,
He is resolu'd, and doth the med'cine trie:
Which being done, he made such lamentation,
That diuers thought he was fall'n in despaire,
And therefore for his confirmation praid.
But when that they had ended quite their prayer;
After long silence, thus to them he said:
I waile not, that I thinke my fact so vicious,
Nor am I in despaire: no, neuer doubt it;
But feeling female flesh is so delicious,
I waile, to thinke I liu'd so long without it.

86 Of a picture with a Ferriman rowing in a tempest, with two Ladies in his boate, whereof he loued one, but she disdained him, and the other loued him, but he not her: now a voice came to his eare, that to saue his boate from beeing cast away, hee must drowne one of the Ladies: in which perplexitie hee speaketh these passions.

In troublous seas of loue, my tender bote,
By Fates decree, is still tost vp and downe,
Ready to sinke, and may no longer flote,
Except of these two Damsels one I drowne.
I would saue both: but ah, that may not be:
I loue the tone, the tother loueth me.
Heere the vast waues are ready me to swallow.
There danger is to strike vpon the shelfe.
Doubtfull I swim betweene the deepe and shallow,
To saue th'vngrate, and be vngrate my selfe.
Thus seeme I by the eares to hold a wolfe,
While faine I would eschue this gaping gulfe.
But since loues actions, guided are by passion,
And quenching doth augment her burning fuell,
Adieu, thou Nimph, deseruing most compassion,
To merit mercy, I must shew me cruell.
Aske you me why? oh question out of season!
Loue neuer leisure hath to render reason.

87 The old mans choice.

Let soueraigne Reason, sitting at the sterne,
And farre remouing all eye-blinding passion,
Censure the due desert with iudgement cleere,
And say, The cruell merit no compassion.
Liue then, kind Nimph, and ioy we two together:
Farewell th'vnkind, and all vnkind goe with her.

88 In Philautum.

Your verses please your Reader oft, you vaunt it:
If you your selfe doe reade them oft, I grant it.

89 To an old Batchelor.

You praise all women: well, let you alone,
Who speakes so well of all, thinks well of none.

90 Of two that were married and vndone.

A fond yong couple, making haste to marry,
Without their parents will, or friends consent,
After one month their marriage did repent,
And su'd vnto the Bishops Ordinary,
That this their act so vndiscreetly done,
Might by his more discretion be vndone.
Vpon which motion he awhile did pause:
At length, he for their comforts to them said,
It had beene better (friends) that you had staid:
But now you are so hampered in the Lawes,
That I this knot may not vntye (my sonne)
Yet I will grant you both shall be vndone.

91 In commendation of a straw, written at the request of a great Lady, that ware a straw Hat at the Court.

I vowd to write of none but matters serious,
And lawfull vowes to breake, a great offence;
But yet, faire Ladies hests are so imperious,
That with all Vowes, all Lawes they can dispence:
Then yeelding to that all-commanding Law,
My Muse must tell some honour of a straw.
Not of Iack Straw, with his rebellious crew,
That set King, Realme, and Lawes at hab or nab,
Whom Londons worthy Maior so brauely slew,
With dudgeon daggers honorable stab,
That his successors for that seruice loyall,
Haue yet reward with blow of weapon royall.
Nor will I praise that fruitlesse straw or stubble,
Which built vpon most precious stones foundation:
When fiery tryalls come, the builders trouble,
Though some great builders build of such a fashion,
To learned Androes, that much better can,
I leaue that stubble, fire, and straw to scan.
Now list I with Philosophers to range,
In searching out, (though I admire the reason)
How simpathising properties most strange,
Keepe contraries in straw, so long a season.
Yee, snow, fruits, fish, moist things, & dry & warme,
Are long preseru'd in straw, with little harme.
But let all Poets my remembrance wipe,
From out their bookes of Fame, for euer during,
If I forget to praise our Oaten pipe,
Such Musicke, to the Muses all procuring:
That some learn'd eares preferr'd it haue before
Both Orpharyon, Violl, Lute, Bandore.
Now if we lift more curiously examine,
To search in straw some profitable points,
Bread hath beene made of straw in time of famine,
In cutting off the tender knotted ioynts:
But yet remaines one praise of straw to tell,
Which all the other praise doth farre excell.
That straw, which men, & beasts, & fowles haue scorned,
Hath beene by curious Art, and hand industrious
So wrought, that it hath shadowed, yea adorned
A head and face of beauty and birth illustrious.
Now praise I? No, I enuy now thy blisse,
Ambitious straw, that so high placed is.
What Architect this worke so strangely matcht?
An yuory house, dores, rubies, windowes touch
A gilded roofe, with straw all ouerthatcht.
Where shall pearle bide, when place of straw is such?
Now could I wish, alas, I wish too much,
I might be straw-drawne to that liuely Tuch.
But herein we may learne a good example,
That vertuous Industry their worth can raise,
Whom slanderous tongs tread vnder foot & trample.
This told my Muse; and straight she went her waies:
Which (Lady) if you seriously allow,
It is no toy, nor haue I broke my vow.

92 In Romam.

Hate, and debate, Rome through the world hath spread,
Yet Roma Amor is, if backward read.
Then is't not strange Rome hate should foster? No:
For out of backward loue, all hate doth grow.