University of Virginia Library

THE CONFERENCE OF 1882.

There went forth a mysterious rumour,
That the Sick Man was bad;
Though some said it was only the tumour
That he always had had.
There were sounds in each surgical college,
Of the sharpening of knives;
With a furbishing up of old knowledge,
And of rusty old lives.

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Lo, the Frenchman, with shrugging of shoulder,
Came the first to the front;
But his confidence somehow seemed colder,
Than before it was wont.
Operations, though often mere guesses,
He accounted a feast;
If he numbered but scanty successes,
He was brilliant at least.
Then the Englishman came in suspicion
Of his livelier friend;
And he swore that the patient's condition
Must now fatally end.
Dr. Granville prescribed a pomatum
Though his spirit was vext;
And protested this new ultimatum
Was the last—till the next.
The Italian came looking absurder,
For the grapes were so sour;
But his will, which was equal to murder,
Alas! wanted the power.
For his own constitution was rotten,
He had left on the shelf
His loved lancets, and had not forgotten
He took medicine himself.
All agreed that the patient was dying,
And would go before long;
But all measures suggested for trying,
All concluded were wrong.
Some advised of saltpetre a powder,
And of iron a pill;
The prescriptions grew longer and louder,
As the worse grew the ill.
For the ill required less of incision,
Than decision of deed;
While the Sick Man looked on with derision,
And objected to bleed.
Till the German, with wisdom Egyptian,
And grave shaking of head,
Said, “In vain is your grandest prescription,
For the patient is dead.”