 | The What D'ye Call It |  |
Ay, now for the Wedding.
Where's he that plays the Parson. Now,
Neighbours, you shall see what was never
shewn upon the London Stage.—Why, heigh
day! what's our Play at a stand?
Enter a Countryman.
Country-man.
So, please your Worship, I
should have play'd the Parson, but our Curate
would not lend his Gown, for he says it is a
Profanation.
Sir Roger.
What a scrupulous Whim is this?
an innocent thing! believe me an innocent
thing.
[The Justices assent by Nods and Signs.
Enter Stave the Parish-Clark.
Stave.
Master Doctor saith he hath two
and twenty good Reasons against it from the
Fathers, and he is come himself to utter them
unto your Worship.
Sir Roger.
What shall our Play be spoil'd?
I'll have none of his Reasons—call in Mr. Inference.
Stave goes out, and re-enters.
Stave.
Sir, he saith he never greatly affected
Stage Plays.
Within.
Stave, Stave, Stave.
Sir Roger.
Tell him that I say—
Within.
Stave, Stave.
Sir Roger.
What shall the Curate controul
me? Have not I the Presentation? Tell
him that I will not have my Play spoil'd;
I say he shall.
Stave goes out, and re-enters.
Stave.
The Steward hath perswaded him
to join their Hands in the Parlour within—
but he saith he will not, and cannot in Conscience
consent to expose his Character before
neighbouring Gentlemen; neither will he enter
into your Worship's Hall; for he calleth it
a Stage pro tempore.
Sir Humphry.
Very likely: The good Man
may have Reason.
Justice Statute.
In troth, we must in some
sort comply with the scrupulous tender conscienc'd
Doctor.
Sir Roger.
Why, what's a Play without a
Marriage? and what is a Marriage, if one sees
nothing of it? Let him have his Humour—
but set the Doors wide open, that we may see
how all goes on.
[Sir Roger at the Door pointing.
So natural! d'ye see now, Neighbours? the
Ring, i-faith—to have and to hold! right again
—well play'd, Doctor; well play'd, Son
Thomas. Come, come, I'm satisfy'd—now
for the Fiddles and Dances.
Enter Steward, Squire Thomas, Kitty, Stave, &c.
Steward.
Sir Roger, you are very merry.
The dreadful Reck'ning, and Men smile no more.
I wish you Joy of your Play, and of your
Daughter. I had no way but this to repair
the Injury your Son had done my Child—She
shall study to deserve your Favour.
[Presenting Kitty to Sir Roger.
Sir Roger.
Married! how married! can
the Marriage of Filbert and Carrot have any
thing to do with my Son?
Steward.
But the Marriage of Thomas and
Katharine may, Sir Roger.
Sir Roger.
What a plague, am I trick'd
then? I must have a Stage Play, with a Pox!
Sir Humphry.
If this Speech be in the Play,
remember the Tankard, Sir Roger.
Squire Thomas.
Zooks, these Stage Plays
are plaguy dangerous Things—but I am no
such Fool neither, but I know this was all
your Contrivance.
Justice Statute.
Ay, Sir Roger, you told
us it was you that gave him the Hint.
Sir Roger.
Why Blockhead! Puppy! had
you no more Wit than to say the Ceremony?
he should only have married you in Rhime,
Fool.
Squire Thomas.
Why, what did I know
ha? but so it is—and since Murder will
out, as the Saying is; look ye Father, I was
so much for that—If I be a Husband, I be
a Husband, there's an End on't.—sure I must
have been married some time or other.
[Sir Roger walks up and down fretting, and goes out in a Passion.
Sir Humphry.
In troth, it was in some sort
my Opinion before; it is good in Law.
Justice Statute.
Good in Law, good in
Law—but hold, we must not lose the
Dance.
A DANCE.
| The What D'ye Call It | |