 | The Five Notions |  |
76
THE ABSENT-MINDED MULE
When you're walking out your Gloucesters and your Irish Fusiliers,
And you feel like slapping Kruger in the mouth,
Don't forget to keep an optic on a little chap with ears,
A gentleman in floor-boards, just come South;
He's an absent-minded beggar, and his style is pretty high—
Though, of course, we've got to take him as we find him—
He is here on active service, and he's been and done a guy,
And left a lot o' little things behind him!
And you feel like slapping Kruger in the mouth,
Don't forget to keep an optic on a little chap with ears,
A gentleman in floor-boards, just come South;
He's an absent-minded beggar, and his style is pretty high—
Though, of course, we've got to take him as we find him—
He is here on active service, and he's been and done a guy,
And left a lot o' little things behind him!
Old mule—bold mule—mule of the hairy tail—
Mule of spirit and swift hind-hoof and flabby scornful lip—
Each of him doing his country's work (how when he happens to fail?)
Never go nap on an army mule, 'cause he'll skip! skip! skip!
Mule of spirit and swift hind-hoof and flabby scornful lip—
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Never go nap on an army mule, 'cause he'll skip! skip! skip!
He's the thing for stony country, hard as nails, and tough as boot;
You can feed him cheap and work him very late;
You can load him up with most things, from lemonade to loot,
But small-arm ammunition ain't his weight:
Oh, the boys that kicked him casual, they'll be sorry now he's gone,
For an absent-minded beggar they will find him;
They're safe and sound with Joubert (and the fun just coming on!)—
Our poor Tommies that the mule has left behind him!
You can feed him cheap and work him very late;
You can load him up with most things, from lemonade to loot,
But small-arm ammunition ain't his weight:
Oh, the boys that kicked him casual, they'll be sorry now he's gone,
For an absent-minded beggar they will find him;
They're safe and sound with Joubert (and the fun just coming on!)—
Our poor Tommies that the mule has left behind him!
What mule?—pot mule—son of a blawsted gun—
Son of a Lambeth publican—born to give us the slip—
Each of him doing his country's work (Lordy, how it gets done!)
Never go nap on an army mule, 'cause he'll skip! skip! skip!
Son of a Lambeth publican—born to give us the slip—
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Never go nap on an army mule, 'cause he'll skip! skip! skip!
He'd been trained to smell blank cartridge and wink the other eye,
He delighted in the music of the band,
But he'd never seen no boulders, and he didn't want to die,
And shot and shell were more than he could stand:
He's an absent-minded beggar, though he heard his country's call,
And his reg'ment didn't need to send to find him;
He chucked his job and bolted—and the job before us all
Is to get the men he's went and left behind him!
He delighted in the music of the band,
But he'd never seen no boulders, and he didn't want to die,
And shot and shell were more than he could stand:
He's an absent-minded beggar, though he heard his country's call,
And his reg'ment didn't need to send to find him;
He chucked his job and bolted—and the job before us all
Is to get the men he's went and left behind him!
Rough job—tough job—job for Buller & Co.
Job for fifty thousand men (that's the bloomin' tip!).
Each of 'em doing his country's work, each of 'em having a go;
Each of 'em 'ware of the army mule what'll skip! skip! skip!
Job for fifty thousand men (that's the bloomin' tip!).
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Each of 'em 'ware of the army mule what'll skip! skip! skip!
We've retired, and retired, and “retired with the dawn,”
And fallen back and back and back and back;
We've “hammered Paul” like Britons, and carefully withdrawn
And scooted home along the Southern track;
Paul's an absent-minded beggar, and he may not see the joke,
But he doesn't need a lawyer to remind him
That, although his day is over and his oligarchy's broke,
We've never yet got through him or behind him!
And fallen back and back and back and back;
We've “hammered Paul” like Britons, and carefully withdrawn
And scooted home along the Southern track;
Paul's an absent-minded beggar, and he may not see the joke,
But he doesn't need a lawyer to remind him
That, although his day is over and his oligarchy's broke,
We've never yet got through him or behind him!
Fair war—square war—war of the fine old sort
(Fifty thousand horse and foot out for a little trip);
Each of 'em doing his country's work (and a trifle keen on the sport),
Yet it's no good running a righteous war on skip! skip! skip!
(Fifty thousand horse and foot out for a little trip);
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Yet it's no good running a righteous war on skip! skip! skip!
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