University of Virginia Library

Tricks At The Flicks

In case you haven't seen a
Wahoo perform at the zoo, let me
give you an idea of his vast array of
animal tricks. The most famous
trait of the Wahoo is his ability to
consume alcohol (whether it be
pure, grain, or rubbing). Walton
estimates that after each Dirty Half
Dozen showing, he and his staff
pick up between three and four
dozen empty liquor bottles and
three or four hundred empty beer
cans that are scattered around the
theatre. You see, once his thirst is
quenched, the Wahoo throws his
beer can at the screen, and if he hits
a naked woman in an erotic zone he
scores two points.

Now I ask you, what's more
natural than a drunk Wahoo? A
drunk Wahoo with his pants down,
of course. Walton reports that a
number of 'Hoos get up on stage
and perform their own strip show.

The Wahoo is also adept at
making quick quips. For instance,
on "opening night" one Wahoo,
feeling gypped, left before the movie
was over. While making his exit, he
shouted to the assembled
multitude, "Suckers!" to which
the reply came, "Suck yours!"

And then there was this line in
the film, spoken by a woman to her
spouse's fishing partner: "My
husband says you're the best
fisherman in the world." A sped
Wahoo reasoned why and
screamed: "That's 'cause he has the
biggest worm!"

Walton is very lenient in dealing
with the raucous behavior of the
Wahoo in heat, letting him exhibit
his primitive mating techniques
however he wishes, as long as he
doesn't physically damage the zoo
in the process. Walton wants the
Wahoo to have as much fun as
possible, so he'll return the
following week.