17. XVII.
ASSISTS DRAFT RESISTERS.
In the Hands uv Linkin Hirelin }
Hoskinvill, March 26, 1863.
I am in durance vile. Wunst more the tree uv
liberty is uprooted in my person; wunst more hev
the unrighteous tools uv the monster Linkin seized
my venerable form and incarceratid it in a basteel.
So many times hev I bin imprisoned fer
opinion's sake, that, ef I kin get a pardner with
capital, I shel go into the marterin biznis. But 2
my narrashen. When the news reechd me uv the
bold stand made by the heroes uv Hoskinvill in
opposition to the draft, I determined to throw myself
“in2 the deadly and imminent breech,” ez
W. Shakspeer hez it. I made my way to Hoskinville,
wuz reseeved with the wildest enthoosiasm
by the patriots ther assembled, and wuz to
wunst placed in command uv the forces. It wuz
a prowd day fer Nasby! Before me stood, leaned,
and laid, (akordin ez they hed emptied their canteens,
wich wuz all filled with new fitin whisky,)
two hundred uv the brave sons uv Hoskinvill,
from the rich, hory-headed farmer, (uv whom I
promptly borrerd 80 odd dollars,) to the gay and
sportive yooth uv 16, all consoomd with onquenchable
arder. I drilled sech uv them ez were suffishently
sober to keep their feet, nigh onto two
days, amoozin ourselves, into the intervals, with
passin resolooshens denouncin Linkin, and pledgin
ourselves to resist even un2 death.
At last our scouts brot us intelligence that two
companies uv bloo-coated hirelins wuz within 9
miles uv us, approachin at the rate uv wun and a
half miles per hour. “Ha!” shoutid I, “the foe!
they comest! Now, men uv Hoskinville and visinnity,
show yourselves men!” Accordinly another
meetin was immejitly organizd, chairman and
sekretary appointid, and a resolution passed,
pledgin the meetin to resist even un2 death, the
proseedins to be published in all the Dimekratik
papers. We adjourned, and I wuz about drawin
on em up in line uv battle, and wuz instructin uv
em to hold the muzzle uv the gun from instid uv
toward theirselves when they fired, and wuz explainin
to others the nesessity uv puttin the powder
down the barrel before the ball, and makin
sech other arrangements ez a wise and prudent
commander, determined to conker or die, would,
when suthin like a dozen uv em ejakilates:
“Gineral!”
Drawin myself up to my full hite, I anserd,
“Wat!”
“Gineral,” sez wun uv the oldest, “we are not
advantajesly postid. Wood it not be better on
the hill,” sed he, pintin to a high eminence jest
east uv the town. I perseeved at a glance the
strategik importance uv the position, as the enemy
wuz approachin from the west, and I ordered the
men to deploy by squadrons, in open right file
platoons, and okepy the summit. Never wuz a
order obeyed with greater alacrity. I hev a reputashen
fer speed—I kin rival the courser and outstrip
the jentle gazelle, but they shot past me like
a arrow. Their enthoosiasm carried em to the
top uv the hill, and how much further I hev no
menes uv knowin, ez when I reached the top uv
the hill not wun uv the resisters wuz in site.
I wuz arrested that nite. In vain I protested
that I wuz a Methodist preacher sellin fruit-trees,
My nose, wich blossoms ez the lobster, and a copy
of the Noo York Day-Book I hed in my pocket,
wuz aginst me, and I wuz to wunst confined. My
feelins is hurt.
