Matin Bells and Scarlet and Gold By "F. Harald Williams"[i.e. F. W. O. Ward]. First Edition |
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“SUDDEN DEATH” SAM. |
 | Matin Bells and Scarlet and Gold |  |
“SUDDEN DEATH” SAM.
“Sudden Death” is a horrible sham
With his bulldog a brindle,
Though his proper name really is Sam—
He's a regular swindle;
For his conduct is certainly queer,
And his diet tobacco and beer
With a casual herring;
He has each heavy fault of his class,
And sometimes is hitched on to an ass—
Like himself sadly erring.
Imposition for him is his breath,
And most oddly he lives by his death.
With his bulldog a brindle,
Though his proper name really is Sam—
He's a regular swindle;
For his conduct is certainly queer,
And his diet tobacco and beer
With a casual herring;
He has each heavy fault of his class,
And sometimes is hitched on to an ass—
Like himself sadly erring.
Imposition for him is his breath,
And most oddly he lives by his death.
He would gammon the very elect—
Even you, neighbour, and I
Might be cheated by him, I suspect,
And his mode operandi;
It does give me a positive pain
To reveal it, but let me explain—
It's as plain as a pimple;
He observes with a curious glance
All the wayfarers yielding a chance,
Looking out for the simple;
When one passes to suit his desire,
He proceeds at his ease to expire.
Even you, neighbour, and I
Might be cheated by him, I suspect,
And his mode operandi;
It does give me a positive pain
To reveal it, but let me explain—
It's as plain as a pimple;
He observes with a curious glance
All the wayfarers yielding a chance,
Looking out for the simple;
When one passes to suit his desire,
He proceeds at his ease to expire.
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For he has a fair portion of wits
And at acting is clever,
And no humbug can beat him at fits—
Though a few may endeavour;
In a moment, to some one's distress,
He goes off like a railway express
On his back foaming, kicking,
And subsides with a gurgle and gasp,
Should he fancy your purse will unclasp
At his masterly tricking;
If he hears then the magical sound
Of a coin, he as quickly comes round.
And at acting is clever,
And no humbug can beat him at fits—
Though a few may endeavour;
In a moment, to some one's distress,
He goes off like a railway express
On his back foaming, kicking,
And subsides with a gurgle and gasp,
Should he fancy your purse will unclasp
At his masterly tricking;
If he hears then the magical sound
Of a coin, he as quickly comes round.
'Tis a shocking performance to do
You may cry, my dear madam;
He's a hypocrite, but what are you
With that cunning old Adam?
He is kind to his bulldog and ass,
Though he likes (as your husband) his glass,
But betrays none with kisses;
He deceives, just because it s his trade,
And prefers (as you often) the shade—
What of your stolen blisses?
Imposition to him is his bread,
And he only lives when he is dead.
You may cry, my dear madam;
He's a hypocrite, but what are you
With that cunning old Adam?
He is kind to his bulldog and ass,
Though he likes (as your husband) his glass,
But betrays none with kisses;
He deceives, just because it s his trade,
And prefers (as you often) the shade—
What of your stolen blisses?
Imposition to him is his bread,
And he only lives when he is dead.
| Matin Bells and Scarlet and Gold | |