University of Virginia Library

SCENE II.

Enter CALLIDAMATES.
Cal.
Soon as I'd buried drowsiness, and slept off
The night's debauch, Philolaches inform'd me
His father was return'd; and how his servant
Had, e're he could arrive, impos'd upon him—
He dreads, he tells me, to appear before him;
And I'm deputed from our company
Ambassador of peace to the old man—
And, apropos! he's here—Health to Theuropides!
I'm glad you're safe arriv'd—You sup
To-day with us?—

Theu.
The same to Callidamates.
As to your supper, I'm oblig'd to you—

Cal.
But you will come—

Tra.
Promise him, master mine;
If you don't chuse it, I'll go in your stead—

Theu.
Rascal! still sneering!—

Tra.
What, because I offer
To go to supper for you?—

Theu.
You shan't go.
I'll have you hang'd as you deserve, you villain.

Cal.
Come let this pass, and go with me to supper.

Tra.
Say you will come?—What, master, not a word?

Cal.
Fool of all fools! Why do you refuge take
There at that altar?—

Tra.
For his coming frighted me.
Now, master, say, what have I done? Here stands
An umpire 'twixt us—Let's debate the matter.

Theu.
My son you have corrupted—That I say—

Tra.
[to Cal.]
Why, do but hear—He has been to blame, I own,
Has freed his mistress—taken money up
While you was absent—spent it—But in this,
Has he done more than other youth of rank?

Theu.
I must take care how I engage with you,
You are too sly an orator for me.

Cal.
Let me then act as judge in this affair—
Get up; and I'll sit there—

Theu.
Do by all means.
Take on yourself the course, make it your own—

Tra.
Is there no trick in this?—But I consent,
So from my fears he free me; and those fears
He take upon himself, and make his own.

Theu.
I value nothing but the ways he took
To play upon his master—

Tra.
That's the best on't.
I glory in it—Grey heads should be wiser—

Theu.
What shall I do? Should Demipho my friend,
Philonides, or—

Tra.
Tell them how your servant
Deceiv'd you neatly, 'twere a subject fit
For any Comedy—

Cal.
Peace but a little,
'Tis my turn now to speak—Attend—

Theu.
Be't so—

Cal.
Of your son's friends you know I am the first;
To me then he applied; for he's asham'd
To look you in the face, as he is conscious
Of what he has done, and that you know it all.
Pardon, I beg, these follies of his youth:
He is your son—You are not now to learn
That at that time of life, such pranks are frequent.
What he has done, he has done with us in common:
We're all to blame—The principal and interest,
The whole expence attending on this mistress,
All, we'll repay—Share it alike—The loss
Shall all be ours, and not a drachma yours.

Theu.
No orator could influence me more.
Nor am I angry with Philolaches,
Nor any thing resent—Ee'n in my sight,
Wench, drink, and do your pleasures—If he's but
Asham'd of his extravagance, I'm satisfied—

Tra.
And I'm asham'd—Be satisfied with that.—
What will be now my fate?—

Theu.
Tied for the scourge,
Dirt, as you merit—

Tra.
What, tho' I'm asham'd?

Theu.
As I'm alive, I'll be the death of thee,
By Hercules!—

Cal.
Come, grant a general pardon.
For my sake pardon Tranio his offence.

Theu.
Any thing else you easier might command,
Than not permit me to return him evil,
This scoundrel! for his evil deeds—

Cal.
Nay, pardon him.

Theu.
See how the villain keeps his post—

Cal.
Be quiet,
If you've your senses left—Be quiet, Tranio—

Theu.
Do you be quiet—Urge this thing no farther—
The lash shall quiet him—

Cal.
In truth no need.—
Let me prevail on you—

Theu.
Insist not on it.

Cal.
By Hercules! I beg you—

Theu.
Press me not.

Cal.
Vain's your refusal, this one only fault—
Pardon this one—I beg it for my sake.

Tra.
And why so loth to pardon? As if I
Should not commit another fault to-morrow—
And then, you'll have a right to punish me
For this and that at once—

Cal.
Let me prevail.

Theu.
About your business then—Begone, unpunish'd:
But hear me, thank him for it—Now, spectators,
The Play is finish'd—Give us your applause.