The three tours of Doctor Syntax In search of 1. The picturesque, 2. Of consolation, 3. Of a wife. The text complete. [By William Combe] With four illustrations |
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 | The three tours of Doctor Syntax |  |
The morning of the following day Did by its hurrying scene betray
His wild impatience to be gone From this ungenial, smoky town.
Once more he saw the foundling press'd
To the fond nurse's welcome breast,
And view'd with scrutinizing eye The spot mark'd by the Strawberry.
His bills were then cast up and paid,
And gen'rous presents duly made,
When Mrs. Broom, with added zeal,
Prepar'd once more his dainty meal:
Thus did he in contentment dine,
And cocker'd up with hope and wine,
He felt the evening, as the last, Must be with friendly Vellum past.
Nor did the Doctor fail to go To the bright region of the Row;
There tiff'd his punch and talk'd and smok'd,
Was sometimes grave and sometimes jok'd;
But when he ventur'd to explore Th'adventure at the chamber door,
And 'gan to tell the curious tale, Vellum cried hush! and, like a snail,
Mov'd slowly onward, as in search Of some one waiting in the lurch.
At length he said, “It is most true,
The secret I may tell to you, I wish'd to keep my wife in view:
I sought with caution to find out What my good woman was about;
For, I believe, in human nature,
There ne'er was such a curious creature,
So fond to place a list'ning ear Where'er she may a secret hear;
But as a meagrim in her head Has sent her to an early bed,
You may, my Rev'rend Sir, proceed, And tell of this irrev'rent deed.”
—Syntax proceeded to unveil The strange and unexpected tale,
Nor, from false shame or awkward pride, Did he his real feelings hide:
Nay, told, with an expressive eye, Where last he saw a Strawberry.
“—Mercy,” said Vellum, “if my dear
Had caught a tithe of what I hear,
O what a blessed curtain lecture Might my foreboding fear conjecture!
She would, by jealousy beguil'd, Have made me father of the child,
And sworn that you, to hide my sin,
Had ta'en th'adult'rous bantling in.
You hear Paul's clock now striking ten,
And 'till that hour is struck again,
When the grave bus'ness of the day
Must call me from her tongue away,
She would not those revilings cease Which interrupt domestic peace,
And ev'ry child she heard or view'd
Would have the painful scene renew'd.
She also might, to aid her jeers, Have beat my wig about my ears,
For 'tis, to you the truth I own,
No more than what her hand has done;
Nay, from the pillows, 'tis most certain,
I've oft been shelter'd by the curtain.
Doctor, that matrimonial ring I've found a very serious thing!
And should Poll be the first to die,
Should that be Heav'n's kind destiny,
That ring she in her shroud shall wear, Nor will I e'er the loss repair:
Nay, when this symbol death shall smother,
I swear I ne'er will buy another.
—If you had said, to save my bacon,
Dear Madam, you are quite mistaken,
You're not to Vellum's virtue just, And wrongfully his love mistrust,
As I explain the facts to you, The story's literally true;
Had you said this and even more Her tranquil spirit to restore,
You would have heard this warm reply,
‘Doctor! I tell you, Sir, you lie!’
—Not all the water in the streams That swell the flow of silver Thames,
No, nor the Thames, in all its pride,
When heighten'd by the Ocean's tide,
No, nor all the power of reason,
Would cleanse me from the fancied treason.”
—Syntax did not the subject press,
But smil'd and wish'd him all success
In ev'ry scheme of passing life, That might embrace or books or wife:
When Vellum thus, in flatt'ring strain,
Did certain gainful views maintain.
“—Genius like yours, profound, refin'd, Inspiring such an active mind,
Cannot sit still beneath the shade
Which your name has immortal made,
But must in those pursuits engage
Which both improve and charm the age,
And I my services commend To my learn'd patron and my friend;
From whom I've had a letter'd store, And only want a little more.”
“'Tis very true,” replied the Sage,
“That I have many a scatter'd page,
Which I may still collect together,
In wint'ry nights and rainy weather:
But, as I think again in town My time-worn phiz will not be shown,
You for your own, or for my sake, Or both perhaps, a tour must make,
And fetch the Learning from the Lake.”
—Thus with kind words from head and heart,
These friendly folk were seen to part:
Vellum's rich hopes were running o'er,
And Syntax gain'd an added store
To what from Sommerden he brought,
When he, with nuptial fancies fraught,
The promis'd smiles of Hymen sought.
—As he pass'd on, St. Paul's hoarse bell
Struck, as he said, the welcome knell
Of his departure, to regain The blessings of his Sylvan reign.
Impress'd with this delightful thought,
A calm but short night's rest he sought.
His wild impatience to be gone From this ungenial, smoky town.
361
To the fond nurse's welcome breast,
And view'd with scrutinizing eye The spot mark'd by the Strawberry.
His bills were then cast up and paid,
And gen'rous presents duly made,
When Mrs. Broom, with added zeal,
Prepar'd once more his dainty meal:
Thus did he in contentment dine,
And cocker'd up with hope and wine,
He felt the evening, as the last, Must be with friendly Vellum past.
Nor did the Doctor fail to go To the bright region of the Row;
There tiff'd his punch and talk'd and smok'd,
Was sometimes grave and sometimes jok'd;
But when he ventur'd to explore Th'adventure at the chamber door,
And 'gan to tell the curious tale, Vellum cried hush! and, like a snail,
Mov'd slowly onward, as in search Of some one waiting in the lurch.
At length he said, “It is most true,
The secret I may tell to you, I wish'd to keep my wife in view:
I sought with caution to find out What my good woman was about;
For, I believe, in human nature,
There ne'er was such a curious creature,
So fond to place a list'ning ear Where'er she may a secret hear;
But as a meagrim in her head Has sent her to an early bed,
You may, my Rev'rend Sir, proceed, And tell of this irrev'rent deed.”
—Syntax proceeded to unveil The strange and unexpected tale,
Nor, from false shame or awkward pride, Did he his real feelings hide:
Nay, told, with an expressive eye, Where last he saw a Strawberry.
“—Mercy,” said Vellum, “if my dear
Had caught a tithe of what I hear,
O what a blessed curtain lecture Might my foreboding fear conjecture!
She would, by jealousy beguil'd, Have made me father of the child,
And sworn that you, to hide my sin,
Had ta'en th'adult'rous bantling in.
You hear Paul's clock now striking ten,
And 'till that hour is struck again,
When the grave bus'ness of the day
Must call me from her tongue away,
She would not those revilings cease Which interrupt domestic peace,
And ev'ry child she heard or view'd
Would have the painful scene renew'd.
She also might, to aid her jeers, Have beat my wig about my ears,
For 'tis, to you the truth I own,
No more than what her hand has done;
Nay, from the pillows, 'tis most certain,
I've oft been shelter'd by the curtain.
Doctor, that matrimonial ring I've found a very serious thing!
And should Poll be the first to die,
Should that be Heav'n's kind destiny,
That ring she in her shroud shall wear, Nor will I e'er the loss repair:
Nay, when this symbol death shall smother,
I swear I ne'er will buy another.
362
Dear Madam, you are quite mistaken,
You're not to Vellum's virtue just, And wrongfully his love mistrust,
As I explain the facts to you, The story's literally true;
Had you said this and even more Her tranquil spirit to restore,
You would have heard this warm reply,
‘Doctor! I tell you, Sir, you lie!’
—Not all the water in the streams That swell the flow of silver Thames,
No, nor the Thames, in all its pride,
When heighten'd by the Ocean's tide,
No, nor all the power of reason,
Would cleanse me from the fancied treason.”
—Syntax did not the subject press,
But smil'd and wish'd him all success
In ev'ry scheme of passing life, That might embrace or books or wife:
When Vellum thus, in flatt'ring strain,
Did certain gainful views maintain.
“—Genius like yours, profound, refin'd, Inspiring such an active mind,
Cannot sit still beneath the shade
Which your name has immortal made,
But must in those pursuits engage
Which both improve and charm the age,
And I my services commend To my learn'd patron and my friend;
From whom I've had a letter'd store, And only want a little more.”
“'Tis very true,” replied the Sage,
“That I have many a scatter'd page,
Which I may still collect together,
In wint'ry nights and rainy weather:
But, as I think again in town My time-worn phiz will not be shown,
You for your own, or for my sake, Or both perhaps, a tour must make,
And fetch the Learning from the Lake.”
—Thus with kind words from head and heart,
These friendly folk were seen to part:
Vellum's rich hopes were running o'er,
And Syntax gain'd an added store
To what from Sommerden he brought,
When he, with nuptial fancies fraught,
The promis'd smiles of Hymen sought.
—As he pass'd on, St. Paul's hoarse bell
Struck, as he said, the welcome knell
Of his departure, to regain The blessings of his Sylvan reign.
Impress'd with this delightful thought,
A calm but short night's rest he sought.
| The three tours of Doctor Syntax | |