University of Virginia Library

Canto I.

BARD.
When Men of Mettle thought it Nonsence
To heed that cleping Thing ca'd Conscience;
And by free Thinking had the Knack
Of jeering ilka Word it spake:
And as a learned Author speaks,
Imploy'd it like a Pair of Breeks,
To hide their lewd and nasty Sluces,
Which eith slipt down for baith these Uses.
Then Duniwhistle worn with Years,
And gawn the Gate of his Forbears,
Commanded his three Sons to come
And wait upon him in his Room:
Bad Bristle steek the Door, and syne
He thus began:—

DUNIWHISTLE.
—Dear Bairns of mine,
I quickly maun submit to Fate,
And leave you three a good Estate,
Which has been honourably won,
And handed down frae Sire to Son,
But Clag or Claim for Ages past;
Now that ye mayna prove the last,
Here's three Permission Bonnets for ye,
Which your Grand Gutchers wore before ye;
And if ye'd hae nae Man betray ye,
Let naithing ever wile them frae ye,
But keep the Bonnets on your Heads,
And Hands frae signing foolish Deeds,
And ye shall never want sic Things
Shall gar ye be made of by Kings:
But if you ever with them part,
Fou sair ye'll for your Folly smart.
Bare-headed then ye'll look like Snools,
And dwindle down to silly Tools.
Had up your Hands, now swear and say,
As ye shall answer on a Day,—
Ye'll faithfully observe my Will,
And a' its Premisses fulfill.

BRISTLE.
My worthy Father I shall strive
To keep your Name and Fame alive,
And never shaw a Saul that's dastard,
To gar Fowk tak me for a Bastard:
If e'er by me ye're disobey'd,
May Witches nightly on me ride.

JOUKUM.
Wha e'er shall dare by Force or Guile
This Bonnet aff my Head to wile,
For sic a bauld Attempt shall rue,
And ken I was begot by you.
Else may I like a Gipsie wander,
Or for my daily Bread turn Paunder.

BAWSY.
May I be jyb'd by great and sma',
And kytch'd like ony Tenis Ba',
Be the Disgrace of a' my Kin,
If e'er I with my Bonnet twin.

BARD.
Now soon as each had gi'en his Aith,
The Auld Man yielded up his Breath,
Was row'd in Linnen white as Snaw,
And to his Fathers born awa.
But scarcely he in Mools was rotten
Before his Testment was forgotten,
As ye shall hear frae future Sonnet,
How Joukum sinder'd with his Bonnet,
And bought frae's senseless Billy Bawsy,
His to propine a giglet Lassy,
While worthy Bristle, not sae doner'd,
Preserves his Bonnet and is honour'd.
Thus Caractacus did behave,
Tho' by the Fate of War a Slave;
His Body only,—for his Mind
No Roman Power could break or bend.
With Bonnet on he bauldly spake,
His Greatness gart his Fetters crack.
The Victor did his Friendship claim,
And sent him with new Glories hame.
But leave we Birss and Similie,
And to our Tale with Ardour flee.
Beyond the Hills where lang the Billies
Had bred up Queys and Kids and Fillies,
And foughten mony a bloody Battle,
With Thieves that came to lift their Cattle,
There liv'd a Lass kept Rary-shows,
And Fidlers ay about her House,
Wha at her Table fed, and ranted
With the stout Ale she never wanted.
She was a winsome Wench and waly,
And cou'd put on her Claiths fu' brawly;
Rumbled to ilka Market Town,
And drink and feight like a Dragoon:
Just sic as her wha far aff wander'd
To get her sell well Alexander'd.
Rose had a Word of meikle Siller,
Whilk brought a hantla Woers till her.
Amang the Rest young Master Jouk
She conquer'd ae Day with a Look;
Frae that Time forth he ne'er cou'd stay
At Hame to mind his Corn or Hay,
But grew a Beau, and did adorn
Himself with Fifty Bows of Corn,
Forby what he took on, to rigg
Him out with Linnings, Shoon and Wig,
Snuff-boxes, Sword-knots, Canes and Washes,
And Sweeties to bestow on Lasses,
Cou'd newest Aiths genteely swear,
And had a Course of Flaws perquire:
He drank and danc'd, and sigh'd to move
Fair Rosie to accept his Love.
After dumb Sings he thus began,
And spake his Mind to 'er like a Man.

JOUKUM.
O tack me Rosie to your Arms,
And let me revel o'er your Charms;
If ye say na, I needna care
For Rapes or Tethers made of Hair,
Penknives or Pools I winna need,
That Minute ye say na, I'm dead.
O let me ly within ye'r Breast,
And at your dainty Table feast;
Well do I like your Gowd to finger,
And sit to hear your Staneless Singer,
While on this Sun-side o' the Brae,
Belangs to you, my Limbs I lay.

ROSIE.
I own, sweet Sir, ye woo me frankly,
But a' your Courtship sars sae rankly
Of selfish Interest, that I'm fleed
My Person least imploys your Head.

JOUKUM.
What a Distinction that's you're making,
When your poor Lover's Heart is breaking?
With little Logick I can shew,
That every Thing you have is you;
Beside the Beauties of your Person,
These Beds of Flowers ye set your A--- on,
Your Claiths, your Lands, and lying Pelf,
Are ev'ry ane your very self,
And add fresh Lustre to those Graces
With which addorn'd your Saul and Face is,

ROSIE.
Ye seem to have a loving Flame
For me, and hate your native Hame;
That gars me ergh to trust ye meikle,
For fear ye shou'd prove fause and fikle.

JOUKUM.
In Troth my rugged Billy Bristle,
About his Gentries makes sic fistle,
That if a Body contradict him,
He's ready with a Durk to stick him;
That wearies me of hame I vow,
And fain wad live and die with you.

BARD.
Observing Jouk a wee Tate tipsy,
Smirking, reply'd the pauky Gypsie.

ROSIE.
I wad be very wae to see
My Lover tack the Pet and die;
Wherefore I am inclin'd to ease ye,
And do what in me lies to please ye:
But first, e'er we conclude the Paction,
You must perform some gallant Action,
To prove the Truth of what you've said,
Else I for you shall die a Maid.

JOUKUM.
My dearest Jewel gie't a Name,
That I may win baith you and Fame:
Shall I gae feight with Forrest Bulls,
Or cleave down Troops with thicker Sculls?
Or shall I dowk the deepest Sea,
And Coral pou for Beads to thee?
Penty the Pope upon the Nose,
Or pish upon a hundred Beaus?

ROSIE.
In Trouth, dear Lad, I wad be laith,
To risk your Life or do you Skaith,
Only imploy your canny Skill
To gain and rive your Father's Will,
With the Consent of Birss and Bawsy,
And I shall in my Bosom hawse ye,
Soon as the fatal Bonnets three
Are tane frae them and gi'en to me.

JOUKUM.
Which to preserve I gied my Aith,
But now the Case is Life and Death,
I must, or with the Bonnets part,
Or twin with you and break my Heart:
Sae tho the Aith we took was awfu',
To keep it now appears unlawfu':
Then, Love, I'll answer thy Demands,
And fly to fetch them to your Hands.

BARD.
The famous Jilt of Palastine,
Thus drew the Howks o'er Sampson's Een,
And gart him tell where lay his Strength,
Of which she twin'd him at the Length,
Then gied him up in Chains to rave,
And labour like a Galley Slave:
But Rosie, mind, when growing Hair
His Loss of Pith 'gan to repair,
He made of Thousands an Example,
By crushing them beneath their Temple.