University of Virginia Library

ACTUS III.

SCENA I.

Honorio, Constantia, Clara,
Hon.
Sister, I'le canvass your affair at leasure,
And as you satisfie my doubts,
Conclude your guilt, or innocence.

Con.
My Virtue Sir dare suffer any Test.

[Exit.
Hon.
I do both wish, and hope it, now thy message.

Cla.
Y' are to resolve me a short question first.

Hon.
Willingly, proceed.

Cla.
Do you entirely love fair Arabella?

Hon.
Do I love honour, life, or health? she's more,
Commands my soul, governs my heart.

Cla.
She that has all the power you confess,
Has sent you a Command.

Hon.
Which I'le obey more joyfully, than Slaves.
Receive their liberties, speak thy command.

Cla.
'Tis to leave loving her.

Hon.
Cease to love her! I tell thee cruel youth
I must first cease to live.

Cla.
Behold the truth of men! did you not say
She sway'd your heart, yet see if you'l obey.

Hon.
You must distinguish Boy, if she by love
(As that's her only Title) sway my heart,
I am no longer bound to an obedience,
Than whil'st her high commands suit with that love:
But when she waves that right, and bids it cease,
I justly disobey her hate, not her.
For if a Monarch shou'd command me kill him,
Were't not in me a Treason to obey?
Surely it were, nor can my Inconstancy,
'Cause she commands it, a less Treason be.

Cla.
He argues cunningly—But you'l appear
A double Traytor, both to her, and love,
If you obey not, for on this command
Depends her love, and life.

Hon.
I understand you not, explain your self.

Cla.
Sir, I shall both explain my self, and her.
Love gives her to Garbato, she'd have you
Cease your false claim, and let him have his due.

Hon.
My answer Boy, shall be as home, and brief.
Her duty makes her mine, and I'de have her
Banish my Rival, and my Love prefer.

Cla.
It rests in you to mitigate her Crime,
Her Father too with duty may dispense,
But there are none, when mutual vows are knit
Can cancel Love, till death determine it.
Is she contracted then?

Cla.
Less cou'd not disingage her from her duty.

Hon.
Tell her I shall not discompose her peace,
Nor long I fear survive her cruelty.

Cla.
Oh that he had but this concern for me!

Hon.
Having deliver'd this short message to her,
Obtain her leave to visit me again:
Methinks your Faces have such sweet resemblance
I cou'd delude my Passion, and adore
In thee my Arabella.

Cla.
I will not fail to visit you.

Hon.
Do my kind Boy, and then we'll weep together,
And sigh, and sing grief to a Lethargy,
Shall we not Boy?

Cla.
You shall command me any thing.

[Exeunt severally.

Scena Secunda.

Enter Furfante.
Fur.
So, thanks to my happy fate, he's fast again,
And thinks it wants three hours yet of day,
What a Rogue was I t'abuse a poor blind Man
Thus? by making him believe't Night, and that
His Daughter's return'd, when she's as far from
Being visible as the Motion of time on a Dial.

Enter Buggio.
Bug.
Where's thy Master?

Fur.
Measuring his length, upon a Feather-bed, a sleep.

Bug.
This Fellow has got my faculty, and lyes extempore,
The Sun is mounted in the Meridian.

Fur.
But I perswaded my Master it was not full East.

Bug.
Delicate Varlet, I cou'd kiss thee, did he lend faith?

Fur.
Like a young Mercer, who had never been deceiv'd
By a Court Customer; he believ'd most religiously.

Bug.
As many do by an implicite faith.
But how goes the Wedding forward!

Fur.
As honest Men thrive, and Crabs crawl, backwards,
Backwards—The Bride's fled Sir.

Bug.
Escap'd!

Fur.
Like a Canary Bird, fled to her Country.

Bug.
What Province is that?

Fur.
A Place most Virgins delight in, their Lovers bosom.

Bug.
Thou'rt a rare Rogue, does the old Man
Know it?

Fur.
He dreams as little of it as a Thief of the
Gallows, whil'st he's committing Burglary.

Bug.
Does he not miss her?

Fur.
Yesternight he did, but now thinks her safe
At home between flaxen.

Bug.
Thou mean'st a Bed, did'st tell him so?

Fur.
I did a little impose upon his faith.

Bug.
Sweet Rascal, let me hug thee, thou
May'st in time grow up a Mr.

Fur.
In the Art of lying.

Bug.
The Noble Science Varlet.

Fur.
But now to make this good when he wakes
Wou'd be a Master-piece.

Bug.
Trust to these brains and I'le secure thee,
We'll perswade him he slept two days,
And dream't a third.

Fur.
And I have such a quickning Mornings draught.

Bug.
Will it exalt the Genius?

Fur.
To the fift Region.

Bug.
Let's in, and taste it Boy; may it inspire
Our Sculls with fancy, and our Noses fire.

[Exeunt.

Scena Tertia.

Riccamare, Garbato, Arabella.
Ric.
I'le neither meddle, nor make with you that's flat;
I cannot answer 't to my Brother.

Gar.
Prithee change humours; As he pretends to see,
And sees not, seem you blind tho' you see.

Ric.
I've been blind too long, when she came, she
Wou'd but speak a Word, and straight return.

Ara.
But having weigh'd my Fathers temper since,
(Which as you know is highly passionate)
I dare not tempt his fury by my presence
Till by some Friend I mediate my peace.

Gar.
Nor can I think it safe; she ought to be
Of some concern to you, you are her Uncle.

Ric.
I can't go with her now, were she my Mother.
You know my concern.

Gar.
Let her stay here till our return.

Ric.
Not I, carry her where you please, I won't be
Known I ever saw her.

Gar.
Then I must wait her home, all places else
Will be injurious to her fame.

Ric.
You promis'd to attend me to the Widow.

Gar.
And you to me a Treat, of which your
Niece was to partake.

Ric.
And will perform it.

Gar.
Very like, and grutch your Niece a poor
Days habitation.

Ric.
Well Signior, you shall see the contrary
I'le hazard for your sakes, my Brothers love,
Niece you shall stay a week and welcom.

Gar.
This favour will oblige me still to serve you.

Ric.
But since I hazard for your sakes a Brother's
Love, I hope you'l spare my Purse.
In th'entertainment.

Gar.
Most willingly, and if our stay be long,
Pay for our Diets too, at your own rate.

Ric.
We shall not disagree, so, here's profit,
My Widow, and my Niece are at distance
With her Father, all makes for me, our time
Draws near.
[Exit Riccamare.

Gar.
I'le wait upon you.
Though we have gain'd a breathing time
For love,
And fortune seems t'applaud our enterview,
Yet still my timerous concerns for thee
Grow strong upon me, and allay my Joyes.

Ara.
Let's not destroy our present happiness
With fears of what may happen, leav't
To time.
Let Fathers rage, and fate denounce our ruin.
Yet whil'st we Love, and can thus breath
Our Vowes,
Into each others breasts, what can impair
Our real happiness?

Gar.
Whil'st you continue thus, fortune may show
Her teeth, but never bite us—But I forget.
Your Uncle—life of my soul! farewel.

[Exit.
Ara.
So dying Bodies with their Spirits part,
So Virgins to their Ravishers do yield
Their honours up, with such a dying smart
Does wounded honour oft forsake the Field,
As I Garbato's sight, till whose return,
My heart seems dead, my body as its urn.

Scena Quarta.

Furfante, drest like a Woman on one side, and like himself on the other, and Buggio.
Fur.
And how do I become the Petticoat?

Bug.
As a Thief the Gallows, admirably well.

Fur.
If I can but counterfeit a Voice, between
Laughing and crying, a right Womans voice;
I am past discovery to a blind Man.

Bug.
Study Pythagoras, and transform thy self to
A Parsons Pig, that squeak will do it.

Fur.
No I will speak like a Bakers Widow
Kneading of Cake-bread for her Husbands Funeral.

Bug.
Either will serve with the help of my faculty.
Enter Clara.
But what Dandiprat's this?

Fur.
A Pillow Querister, that sings my Lady asleep.

Bug.
And after plays with her Lips to make
Her Dream of kisses.

Fur.
Kisses are loves earnest before they seal
The bargain, but if we don't seal his Lips,
Our design will be reduc'd to its first principle,
Nothing.

Bug.
Fear not, we'll make him as silent as a Chamber
Maid in her Lords bed, when her Lady lyes over her.

Fur.
Or she under him, the Simile will hold both ways.

Cla.
Where's my Lady? ha, ha, ha, I cannot forbear
Laughing whilst I look on him.

Fur.
You might show better manners Sirrah.

Cla.
What, to a Fool?

Bug.
To your Lady, 'sdeath are you blind?

Cla.
I were blind indeed to mistake a Baboon
For a Phenix.

Bug.
I wonder Madam, you'l keep such a Jack-sawce

Fur.
I must have him corrected,

Cla.
This is rare fooling.

Bug.
He's beyond drunk, mad, or bewitch'd.

Cla.
These impudent Fellows are able to outface
Truth, and make her fly the Dukedom.

Bug.
Nay you must not enter there.

Cla.
VVhat do they mean? I begin to fear them,
For certainly they are extreamly drunk;
Furfante, without fooling, where's my Lady?

Fur.
Thou sawcy impudence.

Bug.
I wonder Madam that you don't discharge him.

Cla.
Tho' Furfante plays the Rogue, th'other
Seems a sober Gentleman.

Fur.
That's not your way Sirrah, get y'out of my Doors.

Bug.
How the Boy stares! do you not hear your Lady?

Cla.
I hear a sawcy Coxcomb.

[Cicco within.
Cic.
Furfante, Arabella, Furfante.

Fur.
My Master comes, what shall we do?
This Boy will ruine us.

[he seems to threaten.
Bug.
Let me alone to charm him, I'le make
Him believe the Devil walks above ground.

[Enter Cicco.
Cic.
Are none of my Knaves within?
Or is my Daughter deaf—Furfante!

Fur.
Your pleasure Sir.

Speaks with his Maleside towards him.
Cic.
Did you not hear me call?

Fur.
I was so taken up with grief for my young Mistress.

Cic.
Why what of her?

Fur.
Alas poor Gentlewoman, she has wept her Eyes out.

Cic.
Wept! for what?

Fur.
Her Lover Signior Honorio who shou'd have made
Her a Woman, with her own consent Sir.

Cic.
'Sdeath, what of him?

Fur.
Why Sir, he has disappointed her expectation;
He is not come according to promise, and
She poor Bride, sits yonder blubbering
Her Eyes out.

Cic.
Foolish Girl! 'tis early, he'll come, fear not.

Fur.
'Tis rather growing late Sir.

Cic.
'Tis breakfast time with thee.

Fur.
That's a season I never was acquainted with
Since I knew your VVorship, but if you please
'Tis dinner time.

Cic.
How Rogue! are we not newly up?

Fur.
You may take your ease, but we under—Officers
Of the Family, rose six hours ago.
Signior Buggio has been here these three hours.

Cic.
How! Signior Buggio, here?

Furfante seems to threaten and keep off Clara.
Bug.
Your Servant Signior.

Cic.
Y'are welcom Sir, 'tis late it seems.
I wonder the Bridegroom comes not.

Bug.
'Tis past twelve half an hour.

Cic.
He's mad too, damnably mad, or drunk.
Why, I am but newly up.

Bug.
That's no news to me Sir, we have
Ply'd you these four hours with hot Cloaths,
Till at last you began ro groan, and we
Believ'd it but a deep sleep.

Cic.
Did I appear so insensible?

Bug.
As if y' had been an Alabaster
Figure, for your own Tomb.

Cic.
'Tis strange, I feel my self well, and lusty.

Bug.
I'me sure we pinch'd you till our Fingers
Ak'd, and pull'd you by the Nose till the
Gristle crack'd, and made us fear the
Bridg-fall, yet all this while we saw
No sign of life.

Cic.
No sign of life! how my heart fails me?

Bug.
He looks as if he'd faint with imagination.

Cic.
Nay I find I was very ill.

Bug.
I never saw a Man nearer's grave, and live.

Cic.
I believe it, for my heart akes yet, I feel
A strange pricking. Hem, a hem—But
Where's my Daughter?

Bug.
There's a second affliction too—the poor
Soul's undone.

Cic.
Undone! the Gods forbid!

Bug.
In her honour Sir, Honorio's gone to travel.

Cla.
My Wit shall teach me silence.

Cic.
Base Villain, to forsake my Daughter thus.
And cheat my good opinion of his worth;
But 'tis not Germany, nor all the World
Can hide his shame, tho' it secures him.

Bug.
It may prove false, all are not truths we hear.

Cic.
However Sir he can't be true to me,
Nor to my Child, the hour's long since past
He promis'd to be here, and make her his.

Fur.
He's rarely wrought, there is no Policy
Comparable to lying, and therefore I'le lye,
And tell lyes in this corner abundantly;
That is, counterfeit a Passion for my dear Honorio.

Cic.
Poor Girl! thy Passion made a better choice,
Than my too avaricious care; Garbato's love
Might have made thee more happy.

Cla.
This makes for Arabella.

Cic.
But Poverty's no Virtue doubting Fool.

Bug.
And blind Coxcomb to boot.

Cic.
'Tis good.
Since Manners are uncertain, we make sure
Of Gold, a Mineral that will endure.

Cla.
How small a time can age be generous!
But 'tis not strange; old Men are near the Grave,
And therefore care not how much earth they have.

Bug.
Your Daughter's full of grief, you wou'd do well
To comfort her.

Cic.
If I cou'd find her, this Rogue Furfante's
Still out oth' way, and I dare not call, for fear
Of discovering my imperfections.

Bug.
Sir you forget, your Daughter sits yonder
The most forlorn.

Cic.
I see her well enough, but she's a counterfeit.

Bug.
The liker her Father.

Cic.
And tho' she feigns a grief, loves secretly Garbato.

Fur.
I may cry my Eyes out for him, a loving
Father, I have.

[whines
Cic.
Arabella.

Fur.
Sir.

Cic.
So I'le follow the voice, it came from
Yonder Corner, she's not here.

[Furfante removes.
Bug.
How the blind Man's puzled?

Cic.
Why Arabella.

Fur.
Your pleasure Sir.

Cic.
My Ears have fail'd, she's at th'other end,
I'le call her to me, and save my credit yet,
Must I call twenty times? why come you not?

Furfante goes to him with his Female side towards him, and Cicco feels him.
Bug.
Sure this Man has suffered a mutation of
Sense, his Eyes feel, and his fingers see.

Cla.
These Rogues make sport able to kill the
Weeping Philosopher with laughter.

Cic.
Poor Arabella, come forget him Child.

Fur.
No sooner forc'd my heart t'obedience Sir,
Begin to love him, but I must lose him, oh ho.

Cic.
This is not altogether counterfeit,
For she has alter'd much her voice with grieving.
As your obedience did first force your love
To this inconstant Man, so my commands
Do now require a change, forget him Girl.

Cla.
This will be happy news to Arabella
Cou'd I but find her out, I shall go near it.

[Exit.
Cic.
My Arabella, what still blubbering?

Fur.
Good sweet honey Mistress, you'l so grieve my Mr.

Cic.
That Villain was here all this while.
Speaks this with his Mans side towards him.
I shall requite him Furfante.

Fur.
Sir—

Cic.
VVhere stands my Daughter now?

Fur.
Alas she's gone weeping to her Chamber.

Cic.
There let her tears discharge her grief,
But Rogue I shall make you more diligent.
Come lead me in.

[pulls him by th'ears.
Fur.
Oh pray sweet, good Sir.

[Exeunt.
Bug.
These lyes were carryed off with Gallantry,
The Management dilates my spleen, but
I'le not leave him thus, he's so excellent
A Subject for my brains to work on.

[Exit.

Scena Quinta.

Amante.
Aman.
My Clara's gone, and I must never more
Expect to see those beauteous Eyes agen,
Nor from the rays of her Divinity,
Receive one comfortable beam.

Enter Clara.
Cla.
'Tis Amante, I'le listen nearer.

Aman.
She's gone for ever, and I've nothing left
But her poor Aiery name to dote upon;
Cou'd Heaven be so merciless as to punish
With such severity one slip of Love?
Yet sure 'tis just since I did falsifie
My Vows to th'first, I for the second dye.

Cla.
I cannot apprehend this second love;
Constantia was his first.

Aman.
But wherefore she, she who was so guiltless
Of all my Crimes shou'd want a Monument,
Be lost to all Posterity, I apprehend not.

Cla.
All this discourse, is still beyond my reach.

Aman.
Yet blessed Clara, wherefoe're thou art,
Thou hast a Noble shrine within this breast.

[he lies down.
Cla.
The ridle's now explain'd, 'tis me he loves.
For when I took this shape, 'twas given out
(By my command) that I was dead, but how,
Or where conceal'd; yet it seems strange
That I shou'd prove the cause of his Revolt
Who ne're was yet belov'd, perhaps his Vow's
Directed to some other of my name,
I wish it were, I'le satisfie how e're my
Curiosity: ho! Signior Amante, ho!
He's in an Extasie, or else asleep.
Signior Amante.

Aman.
Ha! Thou blest Idea, and divinest form
Of that fair Maid my soul ador'd,
Instruct me where to find her Sepulchre.

Cla.
He takes me sure for Deaths Embassadour.
I understand you not, nor know I her.

Aman.
Do not disguise your message, for I know
Y'are sent by Clara, on some blest errand.

Cla.
I'le humour him, it may have good effect.
Sir 'tis most true I am by Clara sent,
Whose restless soul wanders without content,
Because your Passion does disturb her peace,
If that you love her, you your flame will cease.
Else she as cause must suffer in her urn
For your inconstancy, therefore return
To your first love.
[Exit Clara.

Aman.
Do I deprive my Clara of her bliss?
Wretch, let thy Crimes accumulate thy torments
Rather than injure her, but both's impossible.
How can she be concern'd in my Revolt,
That never knew my change? Heaven's too just:
She can but be an accidental cause,
And if to cause such bad effects were sin,
The Gods themselves are scarcely Innocent.

[Exit.

Scena Sexta.

Strega, Sanco panco, Riccamare, Garbato.
Streg. Sanco-panco.
Sanc.
What wou'd your worship forsooth?

Streg.
Set the Gentlemen some stools Sanco.

Gar.
Does not thy Stomach begin to wamble?
And Rowl like a Ship in a storm?

Ric.
Thou art too curious, she's rich, and I can
Digest a few imperfections.

Gar.
As the chattering of her chops like a new beaten
Ape, which, together with the salivation
Of her Nose, makes her kiss as moist, as a
Young Girl, that licks her Lips after stew'd Prunes.

Ric.
Thou art a sworn enemy to old Women.

Strega Coughs.
Gar.
Mark that Cough; she has had it ever since
The cold she got in Nebuchadnezzars days,
Doing homage to the Golden image.

Streg.
Gentlemen be pleas'd to seat your selves.

Gar.
She straines a complement, as if she were
Costive upon a close stool.

Ric.
Peace Infidel, Thy whineling Courtship
To Arabella, is ten times more ridiculous.

They all seat themselves and Strega in a VVicker-Chaire.
Streg.
Gentlemen, the observation of my younger
Days has instructed me from time to time
In the politick secrets of nuptial conjunction,
And of seven Husbands (heaven be prais'd)
I've buryed in my days, I found but one
That lov'd me for my self, Gallants, I
Mean for my well-favouredness, and this Man
Was my first, the other Six pretended Love,
But doted on my wealth: Now as my first
Did love for youth, and favour, my last must
Love for age, and comeliness of mind, I mean
Wisdom, and Experience.

Ric.
I am the Man that wou'd so love, and from
Each antique part of venerable age,
Make youthful pleasures spring joyes of mind.
Th'older the Body, and the more decay'd,
The soul's more youthful still and vigorous.
For as a Tenement that's held by time
Whose Walls and Roofes are half consum'd by age
Enjoyes a freer influence of the Sun
Than Towers newly built, or modern Caves,
So you participate the knowledg of—

Gar.
Making May Butter.

Ric.
So you participate the knowledg of—

Gar.
The wonderful use of a dry dogs-turd.

Ric.
Pox on thee, peace, the knowledg of—

Gar.
Stewing Prunes, and Munching Marmalade.

Ric.
A Pox confound thee, the knowledg of—
The superiour Powers.

Gar.
A rare speech in commendation of—
Arabian Mummy.

Streg.
Sir I perceive your affection, and how directed
The right way to knowledg and experience.
Your discretion therein, I must tell you, takes
Me much—uh uh hu—very much uh hu hu—
Give me a stick of liquorish uh hu uh hu
When you have seen my five imperfections—

Gar.
I believe one may see the Devil, with less horrour.

Streg.
And like me then, I sha'n't be hard hearted.

Ric.
I long for tryal like a teeming Wench
In an Orchard. Your imperfections will at
Worst appear like foyles to set off
The luster of your soul.

Streg.
You speak bravely, and I hope will like me,
I'le give you this encouragement, above my
Other Suitors, I like you.

Gar.
Better than Heaven, by the haste you make there.

Streg.
And as a secret in your ear, I am better
Worth than twenty thousand Crowns per annum,
Besides some Bags in a Corner.

Ric.
I value your self only, and hope—

Gar.
She'l dye, and make you her sole Executor.

Streg.
Sanco, fetch my dressing Table, and Boxes.

Gar.
Sure she meanes to lay her Carcass out in
Parcels, and dispose her Limbs in Legacies;
Or having boxed them severally, indorse
Them to her loving Kinsmen thrice
Removed—But her implyments are come.

Ric.
Prithee leave fooling and observe.

Gar.
How she's set together, as if she mov'd
By Wires, or Clockworks.

Streg.
How do you like me now?

She pulls off her Eye-brows.
Ric.
How shou'd I like you less, for want of
Such an idle excrement?

Streg.
Put them in their right Box Sanco.

Sanc.
I'le case them most exactly.

Gar.
And send them to France for a Pattern
That the Mode may pass into England.

Streg.
Giv me your opinion now.

[Pulls out an Eye.
Ric.
VVhere the soul has such a subtile knowledg
To discern, there needs no corporal light.

Gar.
Now wou'd she look like the figure of
Homer scanning of Verses, if her Beard
Were but half so venerable.

Streg.
VVhere's my Eye-Box Sanco?

Gar.
'Tis but a blind Eye that cannot
Hit its own Box: how dost like her?

Ric.
As I wou'd like a Treasure on a Dunghill,
I endure the stench o'th' one, for the lucre
Of the other.

pulls out her Teeth.
Streg.
Now view my third imperfection.

Gar.
She'll be sure to kiss soft, and thou
May'st venter thy Fingers in her Mouth
Safely.

Streg.
This is my fourth, consider't well.

pulls off her hair.
Ric.
This will never be seen in a Night-gear.
Besides 'tis a charitable age, we frequently
Borrow hair of one another.

Gar.
But art in earnest? ha?

Ric.
She's sufficiently ugly, but still I pray with
The Man, that was carried away by the
Devil, God bless us from worse.

Gar.
On my Conscience he'l go through stitch
And learn by her face to Picture deformity.

Ric.
Now for her last.

Gar.
Which he expects with as much curiosity
As a Court Lady th'arrival of a new Gown
From Paris.

Streg.
Sanco, help to untye.

Gar.
In the name of ugliness, what will she draw
From those parts?

Ric.
'Tis beyond the VVit of Man to imagine.
Look Garbato,—Look.

she pulls off her Leg.
Gar.
Remember she's rich.

Ric.
The Devil take her and her riches too Marry
A Stump, a VVooden Leg? I'le have flesh
Tho' ne're so ugly—Come away.

Gar.
Thou wilt not leave her thus.

Ric.
Dost think I'le ingender with Bedstaves,
And beget a generation of Scourg-sticks?
I'le see her whip'd first, 'tis pennance enough
To look on her, Don Belzebub shall
Marry her for me.

[Exeunt.
Streg.
Are all my pains come to this? The time may
Come, a rich Widow may be in more reverence,
I warrant he's an Elder Brother, by his ill
Breeding, and less Wit.

Sanc.
No he's a younger Brother forsoth.

Streg.
A younger Brother! then am I at my last
Prayers, and may dye without my eighth Husband,
And what a lamentable misfortune, that will be,
Let all venerable Damsels consider—
Come Sanco, lead me in, and as we go
Let's both together sing fortune's my foe.

[Exeunt.