 | Vulgar Verses |  |
99
Her New Place.
Yes, I ha' gotten that place;
For I took my character,
An' the missis liked it an' liked my face,
An' I liked the looks o' her.
For I took my character,
An' the missis liked it an' liked my face,
An' I liked the looks o' her.
Nesh little body an' neat—
Nobbut half the size o' me;
An' the littlest hands and the littlest feet
As ever I did see.
Nobbut half the size o' me;
An' the littlest hands and the littlest feet
As ever I did see.
Lor! When her seed my arm
(For my short-sleeved frock was on)
Her said, surely I was used to a farm,
To ha' gotten sich arms as yon!
(For my short-sleeved frock was on)
Her said, surely I was used to a farm,
To ha' gotten sich arms as yon!
Used to a farm? thinks I,
Aye, an' used to field-work too!
But to tell that tale to a lady—why
I know'd it wouldna do.
Aye, an' used to field-work too!
But to tell that tale to a lady—why
I know'd it wouldna do.
So I said I was country bred,
An' hadna been long in a town;
An' that was why my arms was red,
An' my hands was big an' brown.
An' hadna been long in a town;
An' that was why my arms was red,
An' my hands was big an' brown.
100
Then her look'd me over, her did,
Fro' my bonnet down to my toes;
Her look'd as glum as a coffin lid,
Through the glasses 'at stuck on her nose.
Fro' my bonnet down to my toes;
Her look'd as glum as a coffin lid,
Through the glasses 'at stuck on her nose.
Her axed me, could I cook?
An' could I fettle an' clean?
But her words was as hard as a printed book
For to reckon up what they mean.
An' could I fettle an' clean?
But her words was as hard as a printed book
For to reckon up what they mean.
Still, I reckon'd 'em up at last,
For I studied afore I spoke:
You munna get on wi' yer talk too fast,
When you're in wi' the gentle-folk.
For I studied afore I spoke:
You munna get on wi' yer talk too fast,
When you're in wi' the gentle-folk.
Bless you, it's on'y their way
As they learn 'em when they're young:
They've allas gotten a summat to say
On the very tip o' their tongue.
As they learn 'em when they're young:
They've allas gotten a summat to say
On the very tip o' their tongue.
Aye—but it's bad to make out;
It inna plump nor plain;
You're tied te think what it's all about,
Afore you answer again:
It inna plump nor plain;
You're tied te think what it's all about,
Afore you answer again:
You canna tell what they're at,
Nor weer they're a-drivin' to;
For you niver can get 'em to say what's what
Right out, like a servant do.
Nor weer they're a-drivin' to;
For you niver can get 'em to say what's what
Right out, like a servant do.
101
Eh, but what does it matter to me
As they talk so terrible high?
They reckons to be what they wants to be—
An' a good job too, says I!
As they talk so terrible high?
They reckons to be what they wants to be—
An' a good job too, says I!
For when wonst I've took to a place
An' sattled inside o' the door,
My missis may talk herself black i' the face,
But her winna bash me no moor.
An' sattled inside o' the door,
My missis may talk herself black i' the face,
But her winna bash me no moor.
No, I sticks to my work downstairs,
What I wants no tellin' to do;
An' the upstairs folk, they mun stick to theirs—
An' that's a good job too.
What I wants no tellin' to do;
An' the upstairs folk, they mun stick to theirs—
An' that's a good job too.
An' this here missis I've got,
Her's a right un, I'll be bound:
Her's gi'en me wages a goodish lot,
An' sugar an' tea all found;
Her's a right un, I'll be bound:
Her's gi'en me wages a goodish lot,
An' sugar an' tea all found;
An' what if her did look glum,
Or make a bit of a stir?
I lay it's as easy as kiss-my-thumb,
For to have my way wi' her.
Or make a bit of a stir?
I lay it's as easy as kiss-my-thumb,
For to have my way wi' her.
So just you wait, my lad,
Till they've gotten used te my ways:
Then, I'll gie ye as good as ye've iver had
I' the best o' your coortin' days.
Till they've gotten used te my ways:
Then, I'll gie ye as good as ye've iver had
I' the best o' your coortin' days.
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