Maggots :: :: University of Virginia Library

So call'd from the Story of the Pyrate, who being taken by Alexander's Captains, and brought and accused before him, answered undauntedly, that Alexander was the greater Thief of the two, who robb'd with whole Armies, when he himself only with two little Ships.

The Great Grecian Robber of his Household was careless,
Compar'd to his bountiful Tutor old Arles,
Whose Barns, 'tis no wonder, grow fatter and faster
Than his, since their Diet was Meat for his Master.

See Quintus Curtius's History. He lead 'em over vast Desarts to the Conquest of the Indys.

An hungry starv'd Army o're Desarts and Stones,
This lead till he fought 'em to nothing but Bones.
But far more are the Slaves whom his Tutor does fetter;
And you'll see by and by how he feeds 'em far better.
Like Tantalus, One his poor Souldiers did mock,
And fed 'em with nothing but a Bit and a Knock:
Sure they leapt at a Crust, since to frighten poor Strangers,

When Alexander had conquer'd the Indys, at his departure he built Mangers for his Horses as high as a man could reach, and other things proportionable, to amuse posterity, and make 'em conceive a nobler Image of him and his Army: tho', as one says wittily, if his horses had eat no Oates but out of those Mangers, they would not have been very fit for Service; for such feeding would soon have starv'd even Bucephalus himself.

He built up their Cupboards as high as their Mangers.
Thô 'tis true, they as well as their Captain did fare;
He forsooth was a God, and could live upon Air!
When his Army's all mortal, and poor hungry Sinners,
Must eat up their Foes if they'll get any Dinners.
A hunting lean Glory thro' the World he does roam,
While the subtle Phylosopher batters at home;

The Funeral-pile; it being the Custom of the Ancients to burn, not bury their Dead.

Nor had all his Souldiers, tho' they scap'd from the Faggot,

One Mouthful of Flesh to oblige a poor Maggot.
But Learning, tho' Envy unjustly does charge her,
Crams all her coopt Houshold, tho' a thousand: times larger:
He could not afford all his Army one Suttler,
She makes the fat Stagyrite both her Cook, and her Butler.
See what a large Drove, which his Power confesses,
Humbly gape at his Hatch for Commons and Messes!
He kindly provides gaudy-dayes all the year,
And this is a Bill of their prodigal Chear.

Either the Egg made with the Scrapings of the Egg-shell, Bread and Butter, &c. or that appointed to the Schollar, who proving two Eggs were three;—One and one's two, and one and two's three,—had only the third allotted him for his share.

A Scholar's light Egg pickt as clean as a bone,

Or a worse than a Scholar's, a Logical one:
Chymerical Pullets, digested too soon,

Aristotle's own Fire, (which since he found, he is like to keep) dreamt of in Concavo Lunæ.

Dress'd at his own Fire by the Man in the Moon.
Such Dishes as these, 'tis confess'd, are design'd
For Stomachs abstracted, and Palates refin'd.
For your poor duller Mortal other Provenders found,
And Coquus, if he's able, will please 'em all round.

Broath which for meer Element one may mistake,
'Tis smaller than Tiff, and as lean as a Rake;
So pure, and so clear, that 'twould Christal disgrace,
If you heave't to your Nose, you may see all your Face.
When at last the whole Hogs-head of Porridge is o're,
And Colon still swears and grumbles for more,
Sometimes you've a Commons, and sometimes you've none,
The fat greasie Flap, or the Prentice's bone.
When they've serv'd out their time, and at last are got free,
Their Table advances, as does their Degree:
There's Pudding, and Pudding, and Pudding, and then

Æsop feasted his Master with nothing but Tongues, when order'd to buy the best and the worst of Meats.

Like Æsop's Tongues, Pudding, and Pudding agen.
Let no man then envy the Schollar's renown,
Since fewer are fed by the Sword, than the Gown;
Since the more they're the merrier, as ever they were,
(Tho' the less there be of 'em, the better they fare.

University of Virginia Library

In plain, sober, earnest English, [Aristotle feeds more than Alexander.] Which is to be prov'd. Plures aluit Aristoteles quam Alexander.

In plain, sober, earnest English, [Aristotle feeds more than Alexander.] Which is to be prov'd.

Plures aluit Aristoteles quam Alexander.