University of Virginia Library

Underground Church Seeing Red

By Fred Heblich
Cavalier Daily Staff Writer

Everyone knows that the
"Communists" are in control
just ask any John Bircher,
Minuteman, Crypto-Nazi, Lester
Maddox, or a reasonable
facsimile they'll all tell you
the same thing: "The Communists
are in control."

All those long-hairs?

Communist!

All those liberals?

Communist!

All them politickers in
Washington?

Communist!

The list of Communists goes
on to include the stock market,
the news media, foreigners,
student activists, longshoremen,
in fact almost anyone.

How does everyone know
that all those institutions and
people are Communist or Communist-controlled?

Because everyone reads
about the stock market in the
newspapers, sees the newsreels
of the student activists rioting,
and listens to the radio about
the union strikes.

Yep, everyone knows that
the Communists are in control
that is everyone but the
Communists. Either no one has
told them yet that they are in
control, or they don't really
believe it, or they don't really
care.

They think all the stories
about them being in control
are a capitalistic plot to discourage
them so they'll pack
up shop and go home.

Even when the Communists
deny that they are in control, no
one believes them. But even though
the Communists are in control,
they still haven't taken over everything
yet. However, the day is
coming, and coming soon.

The Minutemen are so sure that
the Communists are in control that
they have men stationed in Louisiana
guarding the mouth of the
Missouri River, because they think
that when the Communists take
over they will invite their friends,
the Red Chinese, to come up the
river in gunboats, move into New
Orleans, and abolish the Mardi Gras
in favor of Chinese New Year.

—Go Underground

Several years ago the Minutemen
tried to cross the Mexican border to
contain a Chinese invasion of the
Baja Peninsula. Not long ago they
held field maneuvers in Long Island
to prepare for the coming invasion.
Unfortunately, the FBI happened
to discover their ammunition supply
train and locked them up so
they can wipe out the growing
Communism in our prisons.

But others are fighting the
growing threat of Communist takeover
in more subtle ways. They are
arming the strongest fortress against
the godless Reds, the Church.

All across the country thousands
of people are preparing for the
advent of Communist atheism by
creating what is known as "The
Underground Church."

The Underground Church already
has a congregation numbering
in the tens of thousands, and it is
growing rapidly with each Supreme
Court decision and campus riot:
signs that the day of take over is on
its way.

A look at Russia and Eastern,
Europe has convinced these people
that when the Communists come,
they will bring copies of Marx, not
the Good Book. They well remember
the struggles of Christianity
under the Romans, and in
Jerusalem during the Crusades.
They are preparing for the day
when God-fearing Christians will be
thrown to hungry lions in Shea
Stadium, and the cautious will read
Cotton Mather in subways, hidden
by copies of the Daily News.

These people are arming themselves
not with guns or Molotov
Cocktails, but with Bibles, and
Bible literature.

A University student who sold
Bibles this summer in Ohio and
other parts of the Mid-West, reported
that at least one out of
every 10 people he talked to asked
if he sold little Bibles that they
could hide easily. Several other
people bought dozens of copies of
larger books and buried them in
their back yards, so that they will
have Bibles when the Communists
wipe out the Church.

Change of Heart

All these people said the same
thing, "The Communists are in
control and they are going to kill
Christianity."

At the rate it's going, the
Underground Church could soon
encompass the whole nation.
People will be planting Bibles
instead of tomatoes in their gardens.
People will be Burying Bibles
instead of pot when the big bust
comes.

Yep, the Communists are in
control. But don't tell them or they
might go into the shovel business,
and decide to become Capitalists.