University of Virginia Library

ACT V.

SCENE I.

Enter STRATIPPOCLES.
How ill this banker here obeys my orders!
Who nor demands his money, nor brings home
The girl, I purchas'd from the spoils.—But see!
Epidicus!—Why are his brows so purs'd!

Enter EPIDICUS, at a distance.
Epi.
[aside.]
Should Jove himself, with his eleven Gods
Come to his aid, they could not save Epidicus,
From condign punishment. I saw Periphanes
Buying of manacles: Apœcides
Was with him; and they're now, I take for granted,
In search of me. They've smelt me out, and know
I have impos'd upon them—

Stra.
Ho! how fares
My useful rascal, my commodity?

Epi.
As well as such a wretch as I am, can.

Stra.
Why, what's the matter?

Epi.
Prithee now equip me
With necessaries for a march, before
I'm quite undone. E'en now, the two old fellows,
Whom I've been fleecing, are in search of me,
With manacles a full half inch in breadth.

Stra.
Have a good heart.

Epi.
And, wherefore should I not,
When I'm so sure my liberty's at hand— [ironically.]


Stra.
Well, I'll take care of you.

Epi.
By Pollux temple!
These two old fellows will take better care,
If once they catch me. But, what girl is that;
And who that red-hair'd fellow that is with her?

[seeing the Banker and the Musick-Girl at a distance.
Stra.
O, 'tis the banker: and with him, the girl
I purchas'd from the spoils.

Epi.
What! is that she?

Stra.
The same. Is she not all I said? observe her.

Epi.
Is't she indeed!

Stra.
But mark her well, Epidicus;
From top to toe she is a paragon.
Is she not? say. Consider, view her well.
There's painting for you!

Epi.
Yes, you are foretelling
A pretty piece of painting on my back,
Which our old Zeuxes and Apelles there,
[meaning Periphanes and Apoecides.
With their elm pencils—will delineate—

SCENE II.

Enter the BANKER, and TELESTIS.
Stra.
[to the Banker.]
How tedious you have been? why sure, a fellow
With his feet swell'd, would have been sooner here.

Ban.
By Pollux' temple, she it was detain'd me.

Stra.
Nay, if you staid on her account, if she
Would have it so, why, you are come too soon.

Ban.
Come, come, dispatch me, and count out the money,
That I may not detain my company.

Stra.
'Tis counted out already.

Ban.
Take this bag,
And put it in it.

Stra.
Wisely done! Stay here,
I'll fetch it strait.

Ban.
Quick, then—

Stra.
'Tis here at home.

[Exit.
Epi.
Have I the right use of my eyes, or no?
Do I not see Telestis there, the daughter
Of old Periphanes, and of Philippa
The Theban, who was bred at Epidaurus?

Tel.
Who are you, say, that call me by my name,
My parents too by theirs?

Epi.
Don't you then know me?

Tel.
Not as I recollect.

Epi.
What, not remember,
I brought you on your birth-day, a gold toy,
A crescent, and a gold ring for your finger?

Tel.
I do remember. Was it you then, friend?

Epi.
I am the man; and there's your brother: both
[pointing to Stratippocles.
Own the same father, but another mother.

Tel.
What, is my father then alive?

Epi.
He is.
Compose yourself, and hold your peace.

Tel.
The gods,
Should this be true, have sav'd me from perdition.

Epi.
I have no interest in deceiving you.

Enter STRATIPPOCLES from the house.
Stra.
Here, take your money; 'tis just forty minæ.
[to the banker.
If there are any bad, I'll change them for you.

Bank.
'Tis very well—adieu, Sir.—
[Exit Banker.

Stra.
Now, my girl,
You're mine. [to Telestis.]


Tel.
Yes, your's indeed. I am your sister.
Brother, well met!

Stra.
Has she her senses?

Epi.
Yes:
And sense enough, if she calls you her brother.

Stra.
I did but just step in and out again;
And in a trice am I become her brother?

Epi.
Keep your good fortune to yourself: be silent.

Stra.
You've lost me, sister, lost as well as found me.

Epi.
Say not a word, you fool! By my contrivance,
The musick girl you love, waits you at home;
And I have freed your sister.

Stra.
True, Epidicus,
I own it.

Epi.
In then, order a warm bath:
I'll tell you all the rest at leisure.

Stra.
Sister,
Follow me in.

Epi.
[to Stratippocles.]
I'll send out Thesprio to you.
But you'll remember, should the old man rave,
You and your sister are to stand my friends—

Stra.
That's a request will easily be granted—

[Exit Stratippocles with Telestis.
Epi.
Thesprio, do you go round the garden way,
And when I'm in the house, besure assist me.
Great matters are in hand.—Th'old folks, methinks
Are not so dreadful as but now.—I'll in;
Prepare me for our guests; and tell Stratippocles
The whole I know, within—I'll not abscond;
I'll stand my ground at home.—Nor shall he say,
My feet have done him any injury.
I'll enter.—I've stood talking here too long.

[Going off: but seeing Periphanes and Apoecides entering, retires.

SCENE III.

Enter PERIPHANES and APŒCIDES.
Per.
Has not this fellow play'd his tricks sufficient
On two such old, decrepid fools as we!

Apoe.
Yes, troth! you too have plagu'd me not a little.

Per.
'St! 'st! say nothing: but let me alone
To find the fellow out.

Apoe.
You'd beter find
A fit companion for you in this business;
My legs are swell'd in keeping pace with you.

Per.
How oft has he this day made us two fools!
How has he drain'd the bottom of my purse?

Apoe.
Plague on this son of Vulcan! in his wrath
He burns whate'er he touches: stand but near him,
He'll scorch you with his heat.

Epi.
[apart.]
I have twelve Gods,
More than there are in heaven, to assist me,
And fight upon my side. I've that at home,
Will stand my friend, and amply make atonement.
I laugh at all my foes—

Per.
Where in the world
Shall I go seek this rascal—

Apoe.
In the bottom
O'th'sea, you may go seek him out for me;
So you insist not on my company.—

Epi.
[advancing.]
Why look for me, Sir? Wherefore all these pains?
Why plague your friend thus? Here, you see, I am.
Have I attempted, Sir, to run away?
To leave the house, or hide me from your presence?
I ask no pardon. Is it, Sir, your pleasure
I should be hand-cuff'd? Here, Sir, are my hands.
The thongs are ready; for I saw you buy them.—
What is't you wait for? bind me instantly.

Per.
The affair's all over—Of his own accord
He comes, and wants no bail for his appearance.

Epi.
Why don't you bind my hands, and tye them fast?

Per.
By Pollux temple! an ungracious slave.

Epi.
And as for you, Apœcides, I want not
[ironically.]
You for my advocate.—

Apoe.
You easily
Prevail on me to be excus'd, Epidicus.

Epi.
Why do you not proceed?

Per.
Am I to execute
Your will and pleasure?

Epi.
Yes, 'tis mine by Hercules!
And not your own. These hands you're now to bind.

Per.
'Tis not my pleasure.

Epi.
What! not have me bound?

Per.
I would examine you at liberty.

Epi.
You will get nothing out of me.

Apoe.
The fellow
Is forging means, although we scent them not,
To get your head again into his net.—

Epi.
You but lose time, while I'm at liberty.
So instant tie my hands, and tie them hard.

Per.
I rather choose to examine you at liberty.

Epi.
You may—But you'll get nothing out of me.

Per.
[to Apoe.]
What had I best to do?

Apoe.
What best to do?—
Why, humour him I think.

Epi.
Worthy Apœcides!

Per.
Hold out your hands then?

Epi.
Ready. There they are.
But bind them tight: Spare me not.

Per.
“There—Both of you,
“Say, are they tight enough?

Epi.
“Yes, yes, they'll do.
“Examine me, now ask me what you please.”

Per.
First then, how durst you say, with what assurance,
The girl you purchas'd for me three days since,
Was my own daughter?

Epi.
'Twas my pleasure; there
You have, Sir, my assurance.

Per.
What! your pleasure?

Epi.
My pleasure: and now lay me any wager
That she is not a daughter.

Per.
When her mother
Owns her not?

Epi.
That she's not her mother's daughter.
Bet me your talent then against my sesterce.

Per.
That's all a sophistry. Who's this woman then?

Epi.
To tell you the whole truth, this woman is
The mistress of your son.

Per.
And thirty minæ
Did I not give you, say; to purchase her,
Supposing her my daughter?

Epi.
Yes, you did.
And with that very money did I purchase
This musick-girl, the mistress of your son,
And made her pass upon you for your daughter!
For thirty minæ, Sir, I touch'd you there.

Per.
But why then top this other girl upon me?

Epi.
I have so done; and thought it right to do so.

Per.
But the last money that I gave you! say,
What is become of that?

Epi.
I'll tell you, Sir.
I gave it no bad man, nor yet to one
Unworthy of you; to your son Stratippocles.

Per.
Why did you dare to give it him?

Epi.
Because
It was my pleasure so to do.

Per.
You rascal!
What impudence is this?

Epi.
I'm scolded at,
As if I was your slave.

Per.
I should be glad
To know you had your freedom. [ironically.


Epi.
I deserve
To have it now.

Per.
Yes, you deserve it truly?

Epi.
Go, look within doors; there you'll quickly see
How I've deserv'd it.

Per.
What d'you mean by this?

Epi.
The thing will speak itself—Go you but in.

Per.
He says not this without a meaning—You,
[to Apoecides.
Look to the fellow carefully.

[Exit into the house.
Apoe.
Epidicus,
What is this business?

Epi.
'Tis unjust, by Hercules!
That I should stand here bound, when by my means,
He has this day discover'd a lost daughter.

Apoe.
What say you, that you've found his daughter?

Epi.
Yes.
And she's at home too—But 'tis very hard,
For my good deeds, to reap this evil harvest.

Apoe.
How have we toil'd in searching you today!

Epi.
I am fatigu'd with finding, you with seeking.

Enter PERIPHANES, from the house.
Per.
[speaking to those within.]
You need not press the thing so vehemently,
I find he has well deserv'd; and I'll take care
He shall not lose his recompence. Hold out
[to Epidicus.
Your hands, that I may loose them.

Epi.
Touch me not.

Per.
Hold them out then.

Epi.
Not I.

Per.
You are to blame.

Epi.
Not till you've given me proper punishment.

Per.
You ask no more than what is just and right.
A pair of sandals, vest, and cloak are yours.

Epi.
What else?

Per.
Your freedom.

Epi.
Yes, and something more.
A new made freedman should have wherewithal
To pick a bit.

Per.
No more: it shall be done.
I'll give you a meal's meat.

Epi.
By Hercules!
You shan't unbind me, till you've ask'd my pardon.

Per.
If I unwittingly have done you wrong,
Honest Epidicus, I ask your pardon—
And so—I make you free—

Epi.
I pardon you—
But 'tis against the grain—of pure necessity—
Here are my hands, unbind them when you please.