University of Virginia Library

SCENE II.

—A chamber in Fairford's house.
Dogherty enters.
DOGHERTY.
So, there's no fight at last! Well, let it go.
Some folks, I see, can quarrel without fighting;
My countrymen can fight without quarrel.
'Tis mighty neat and natural for a gentleman,
Who makes a pastime in that kind of sport,
And loses nothing when his life is lost;
But not quite so commodious for a lord,
Who occupies a castle,—not like those
Which some of my good friends build in the air,
But solid brick and stone on the dry ground.

Ruth enters.
RUTH.
Ah, Mr. Dogherty, wou'd you believe it?
My lady is gone out.

DOGHERTY.
I believe that,
Because I saw it.

RUTH.
Nay, but hear me out—
As sure as can be, she will make it up
With her false lord.—Were I so fine a lady,
Aye, and so rich withal, wou'd I do that?
No: I wou'd bring him down upon his knees,
That's what I wou'd; and so I tell my lady,
And so I say to every one.

DOGHERTY.
Stop there!
I wish to breathe a secret in your ear,
Which, if you blab it, shall remain a secret;
For I will never tell it you again.

RUTH.
Oh, Mr. Timothy, I am so happy
To hear you talk!

DOGHERTY.
Then you must hold your tongue.
Observe me now—There are two kinds of silence:
One is a silence that don't talk at all;
That's not your method—T'other is a way
To keep all folks from talking but yourself:
Now in that sort of silence you are perfect.

RUTH.
Well! I have done; I've done.

DOGHERTY.
Recollect then,
That damsels of the bed-chamber like you,
Who are a virgin (if I'm wrong, correct me),
Shou'd never prate about their lords and ladies.
It is not seemly—Shut your lips, sweet Ruth,
And don't be cackling to betray your nest.
There, there; that's all. Here's Mr. Heartright coming—
Good b'ye, sweet Ruth!

RUTH.
Ah, you're a cunning creature;
You twist and turn me just which way you will.

[Exit.
Heartright enters, meeting and stopping Dogherty.
HEARTRIGHT.
Where is your lady?

DOGHERTY.
Not at home just now.

HEARTRIGHT.
Gone out?

DOGHERTY.
You've hit upon it, worthy sir:
She is gone out, and therefore not at home.

HEARTRIGHT.
Is Fairford in the house?

DOGHERTY.
Aye is he; close
With that old Codicil, driving the quill
To separate these poor creatures from each other;
Which you know may be law, but is not gospel.

HEARTRIGHT.
I think of it as you do.

DOGHERTY.
To be sure.
'Tis strangulation to my lord at once;
And under favour, I'm not rightly sure
'Twou'd be quite wholesome in my lady's case.
And where's the use of battering their brains
For slight-of-hand tricks now, to slip the knot
That blessed Mother Church had tied too tight
For all their botheration to undo?

HEARTRIGHT.
Fear nothing, my good fellow: I'm persuaded
I have a weapon to defeat their purpose.

DOGHERTY.
You have indeed, if you've a stout shelelah
To carry with you into consultation.
It splits a difference in no time at all,
And beats all heads into the same opinion.

HEARTRIGHT.
I bear the olive, Tim, and not the sword.

DOGHERTY.
If you take one without the other, sir,
Ev'n tie the olive branch about your neck,
And ask the next stray friend to tuck you up.

[Exeunt.