All the workes of Iohn Taylor the Water-Poet Being Sixty and three in Number. Collected into one Volume by the Author [i.e. John Taylor]: With sundry new Additions, corrected, reuised, and newly Imprinted |
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 | All the workes of Iohn Taylor the Water-Poet |  |
[A WHORE.]
DEDICATED To no matter who: Lord, Master, Goodman, Gaffer, or
Knaue; Lady, Mistresse, Good-Readers. wife, Gammer, or Whore.
[A Common Whore with all these graces grac'd]
A Common Whore with all these graces grac'd;Shee's very honest, beautifull and chaste.
With a comparison betweene a Whore and a Booke.
105
[Now after this, I'l bee exceeding briefe]
Now after this, I'l bee exceeding briefeTo send another Pamphlet call'd a Thiefe;
The Hue and Cry is out, and I protest,
Though hee scape hanging, yet hee shall be prest.
Iohn Taylor.
A WHORE.
[_]
In this poem footnotes are anchored in the text. Where anchors and footnotes do not correspond, no attempt has been made to match them.
My Booke, an honest Whore I fitly call,
Because it trears of whores in generall:
Then though this Pamphlet I doe name a Whore,
Let no man shun her company therefore.
For if ten thousand with her lodge and lye,
No reputation they shall lose thereby.
No cost
for dyet she at all requires,
No charge for change of changeable attires,
No Coaches, or Carroaches she doth craue,
No base attendance of a Pand'ring Knaue,
Perfumes and Paintings she abhorres and hates,
Nor doth she borrow haire from other pates.
And this much more Ile boldly say for her,
Whoso redeemes her from the Stationer,
(With whom she as a Slaue is kept in hold,
And at his pleasure daily bought and sold)
I say, that man that doth her ransome pay,
She will requite his kindnesse euery way;
Her Inside with such Treasury is stor'd,
As may become the Pocket of a Lord;
All, from the Cottage, to the Castle high,
From Palatines vnto the Peasantry,
(If they'l permit their wisedomes rule their will)
May keepe this whore, and yet be honest still.
Yet is she Common vnto all that craue her,
For sixe pence honest man or knaue may haue her,
To be both turn'd and tost, she free affords,
And (like a prating whore) she's full of words;
But all her talke is to no other end,
Then to teach Whoremasters and Whores to mend.
She in plaine termes vnto the world doth tell,
Whores are the Hackneys which men ride to Hell,
And by comparisons she truely makes
A whore worse then a common Shore, or Iakes.
A Succubus, a damned sinke of sinne,
A mire, where worse then Swine doe wallow in.
And with a whore (although thus plaine she be)
She shewes a Whoremonger as bad as she.
And though I barren am of Eloquence,
Nor neuer vnderstood my Accidence:
Yet though I haue no learning to my share,
A whore to broken Latine Ile compare:
First, if her minde on whoring she doth fix,
Shee's all compact of mirth, all Meretrix,
And with small teaching she will soone decline
Mulier into the Gender Masculine,
By her Attire, of which sex she should be,
She seemes the doubtfull Gender vnto me,
To either side her habit seemes to leaue,
And may be taken for the Epicene.
Vnto the Newter I compare her can,
For she's for thee, or me, or any man.
In her Declensions she so farre doth goe,
As to the common of two or three, or moe,
And come to horum, harum, Whorum, then
She proues a great proficient amongst men.
Then after she had learn'd these Lessons right,
She forward goes vnto hoc leue light:
She paints out pulcher, ayded by her glasse,
She's neither bonus, or yet bonitas.
Homo for all men, is a common name,
And she for all men is a common shame.
Not lapis singularly, her can please,
She loues the plurall number lapides.
To construe plainly, she is seldome curious,
The two hard words of durus and of durius,
Though she's not past the Whip, she's past the Rods,
And knowes to ioyne her qui's, her quæ's, and quod's.
The Actiue from the Passiue shee'l deriue,
Her Mood commands like the Imparatiue;
She knowes no Concords, yet to all men thus,
She faine would be Iucundus omnibus;
Clam is the Cloake, that couers her offence,
Her goodnesse all is in the Future tense.
She's facile fieti, (quickly wonne)
Or Const'ring truly, Easie to be done.
Parui dacitur probitas, sets forth
Her honesty is reckoned little worth:
And he shall finde, that takes her for his choyce,
An Interiection, or Imperfect voyce.
Among the rules of Gender, she by heart,
Can without missing daily say her part.
The first among them all she liketh best,
Propria quæ Maribus, and there she'l rest.
Thus may a Whore be made (by this construction)
Vnto the Grammar Rules an Introduction.
But yet if Learning might be gotten so,
Few to the Vniuersities would goe.
And all degrees, tagge, ragge, and old, and yong,
Would be well grounded in the Latine tongue:
Whil'st many learn'd men would be forc'd to seeke
Their liuings from the Hebrew and the Greeke:
For mine owne part I dare to sweare and vow,
I ne'r vs'd Accidence so much as now,
Nor all these Latine words here enterlac'd,
I doe not know if they with sense are plac'd,
I in the Booke did find them, and conclude,
At random to a Whore I them allude.
But leauing Latine, eu'ry trading wench
Hath much more vnderstanding of the French.
If shee hath learn'd great P, O Perse O,
She'le quickly know De morbo Gallico.
If in these rudiments she well doth enter.
With any man she neuer feares to venter:
She's impudently arm'd, and shamelesse too,
And neuer dreads what man to her can do:
Her neather part to stake shee'l often lay,
To keepe her vpper part in fashion gay;
She blushes not to haue her Trade well knowne,
Which is, she liues by vsing of her owne.
Her shop, her ware, her fame, her shame, her game,
'Tis all her owne, which none from her can claime.
And if she be halfe mad, and curse and sweare,
And fight, and bite, and scatch, and domineere:
Yet still she proues her patience to be such,
'Midst all these passions she will beare too much.
She is not couetous for any thing,
For what she hath, men doe vnto her bring,
(Her Temp'rance is a vertue of much honour)
And all her Commings in are put vpon her.
She's generall, she's free, she's liberall
Of hand and purse, she's open vnto all,
She is no miserable hidebound wretch,
To please her friend at any time shee'l stretch;
At once she can speake true, and lye, or either,
And is at home, abroad, and altogether.
Shee's nimbler then a Tumbler, as I thinke,
Layes downe, and takes vp, whilst a man can winke:
And though she seeme vnmeasur'd in her pleasure,
'Tis otherwayes, a Yard's her onely measure.
But as most Whores are vicious in their fames,
So many of them haue most Vertuous names,
Though bad they be, they will not bate an Ace
To be cald Prudence, Temp'rance, Faith, or Grace,
Or Mercy, Charity, or many more,
Good names (too good to giue to any Whore.)
Much from the Popes of Rome they doe not swerue,
For they haue Names which they doe ill deserue;
Onely betwixt them here's the difference on't,
A Whore receiues her Name first at the Font:
The Roman Bishop takes a larger scope,
For he doth change his name, when he's a Pope.
As if he were a Persecuting Saul.
If he please hee'l be call'd a Preaching Paul.
Is his name Swinesnowt, he can change the Case,
And swap away that name for Boniface:
If he be most vngodly, and enuious.
Yet if he please, he will be called Pius:
Be he by Nature to all mischiefe bent,
He may and will be called Innocent;
And be he neuer so doggedly inclin'd,
Hee'l be nam'd Vrbano, if it be his mind.
If he be much more fearefull then a Sheepe,
The name of Leo he may haue and keepe.
And though he be vnmercifull, yet still
He may be called Clement if he will.
Thus Popes may haue good names, though bad they be,
And so may Whores, though different in degree.
The Anagram of Whore's her mortall foe,
Deuided into two words, 'tis Her Wo.
And seriously (to lay all lesting by)
A Whore is Her owne Woe, and misery.
For though she haue all pleasures at the full,
Much more then Thais, that proud Corinthians Trull,
Who suffered none but Kings and Potentates
To haue their pleasures, at Excessiue rates,
Yet all that Deare-bought Lechery would be
The greater brand of lasting Infamy,
And though her Carrion Corps, rich clad, high fed,
(Halfe rotten liuing, and all rotten Dead)
Who with her hellish Courage, stout and hot,
Abides the brunt of many a prickshaft shot:
Yet being dead, and doth consumed lye,
Her euerlasting shame shall neuer dye.
Ixion (in his armes) he did suppose
That he the Goddesse Iuno did inclose:
But in the end his franticke error show'd,
That all which he imbrac'd was but a Cloud.
So whosoeuer doe their Lust embrace,
In stead of Loue are clouded with disgrace.
The Godlesse Goddesse Venus, honour'd farre,
For conqu'ring of the Conqu'ring God of Warre,
To hide their shame they no defence could get,
When limping Uulcan tooke them in a net;
And being past shame, with that foule offence,
She arm'd her selfe with shamelesse Impudence.
And with vngodly articles would proue,
That foule Concupiscence and Lust is Loue.
For which each bawdy Knaue, and filthy Whore,
Her Deuillish Diety doe still adore.
I haue read Histories that doe repeat
Whores were of old in estimation Great:
Pandemus King of Corinth, he erected
(That he from Perses power might be protected)
A Temple vnto Venus, as some say,
Where whores might for his safety safely pray.
And some in Ephesus did Temples reare,
In whom the Paphean Queenes adored were,
Where they that were the wickedst whores of all,
Were the chiefe Priests in robes Pontificall.
And in the Ile of Paphos, 'twas the vse
Maides got their Dowries, by their Corps abuse:
But if that order were allowed here,
So many would not portions want I feare.
The Art of Bawd'ry was in such respect
Amongst the Egyptians, that they did erect
An Altar to Priapus, and their guise
Was, that their Priests on it did Sacrifice.
Wise Arictotle was in wit so poore,
He Sacrific'd to Hermia his whore,
Great Iulius Cæsar, was so free and Common,
And cald a husband vnto euery woman.
Procullus Emperour, (the Story sayes)
Deflowr'd one hundred Maydes in fifteene dayes.
If all be true that Poets vse to write,
Hercules lay with fifty in one night.
When Heliogabulus Romes Scepter sway'd,
And all the world his lawlesse Lawes obay'd;
He in his Court did cause a Stewes be made,
Whereas Cum priuilegio, whores did trade:
H'inuited two and twenty of his friends,
And kindly to each one a whore he lends.
To set whores free, that then in bondage lay,
A mighty masse of money he did pay:
He (in one day) gaue to each whore in Rome
A Duckat (a large and ill bestowed summe.
He made Orations vnto whores, and said
They were his Souldiers, his defence and ayde;
And in his speech he shew'd his wits acute,
Of sundry formes of Bawdr'y to dispute.
And after giuing vnto euery whore,
For list'ning to his tale three Duckats more,
With Pardon vnto all and Liberty
That would be whores within his Monarchy.
And yeerly Pensions, hee freely gaue,
To keepe a Regiment of whores, most braue.
And oft he had (when hee in Progresse went)
Of whores, Bawds, Panders, such a Rabblement,
Sixe hundred Waggons, History reports,
Attended onely on these braue consorts.
This was a Royall whoremaster indeed,
A speciall Benefactor at their need:
But now since Heliogabalus deceast,
I thinke the world with whores is so increast,
That if it had an Emperour as mad,
He might haue twice so many as he had.
For by experience wee see euery day,
That bad things doe increase, good things decay.
And vertue (with much care) from vertue breeds,
Vice freely springs from vice, like stinking weeds.
Sardanapalus King of Babylon,
Was to his whores such a companion,
That hee in their attire did sow and sing,
(An exercise vnfitting for a King.)
This feruent Lust, (which some call ardent Loue)
Did cause the Bastard of the mighty Ioue
To please his Iöle, hee tooke a Wheele,
And (laying by his Club) did spin and Reele.
Great Ioue himselfe could not this snare escape,
Lust led him on to many a shamelesse Rape.
Poore Hebe, Hele, Darna, and Europa,
Alemena, Iö, Semele, and Leada,
Antiopa, Asterie, Ganemede,
These and a number more his fancy fed.
To compasse which, his shifts were manifold,
T'a Bull, a Ram, a Swan, a showre of Gold,
To dreadfull Thunder, and consuming fire,
And all to quench his inward flames desire.
Apollo turn'd faire Daphne into Bay,
Because shee from his Lust did flye away,
Hee lou'd his Hiacinct, and his Coronis,
As feruently as Venus and Adonis,
So much hee from his God-head did decline,
That for a wench he kept Admetus Kine.
And many other gods haue gone astray,
If all be true which Ouids Booke doth say.
Thus to fulfill their Lusts, and win their Truls,
Wee see that these vngodly gods were Guls.
The mighty Captaine of the Mermidons,
Being captiu'd to these base passions,
Met an vntimely vnexpected slaughter,
For faire Polixena, King Priams daughter.
Lucrecia's Rape, was Tarquins ouerthrow,
(Shame often payes the debt that sinne doth owe.)
What Philomela lost, and Tereus wonne,
It causde the lustfull Father eate his Sonne.
In this vice, Nero tooke such beastly ioy.
He married was to Sporus, a yong Boy.
And Periander was with Lust so led,
He with Mellissa lay when shee was dead.
Pigmalion, with an Image made of Stone,
Did loue and lodge: (I'le rather lye alone.)
Aristophanes, ioyn'd in loue would be
To a shee Asse: but what an Asse was he?
A Roman Appius did in Iale abide,
For loue of faire Virginia, where hee dyde.
Our second Henry Aged, Childish, fond,
On the faire feature of faire Rosamond:
That it rais'd most vnnaturall hatefull strife
Betwixt himselfe, his children, and his wife.
The end of which was, that the iealous Queene
Did poyson Rosamond in furious spleene.
The fourth King Edward lower did descend,
He to a Goldsmiths wife his loue did bend.
This sugred sinne hath beene so generall,
That it hath made the strongest Champions fall.
For Sichem rauisht Dina, for which deed
A number of the Sichemites did bleed.
And Samson, in the prime of manly strength,
By Dalila was ouercome at length.
King Dauid frailely fell, and felt the paine,
And with much sorrow was restor'd againe.
Though Saul his foe he no way would offend,
Yet this sinne made him kill his loyall friend.
Ammon with Thamar, Incest did commit,
And Absalon depriu'd his life for it.
And Salomon allow'd most Royall meanes
To keepe three hundred Queenes, seuen hundred queanes,
By whose meanes to Idolatry he fell,
Almost as low as to the gates of Hell.
At last repeating, he makes declaration,
That all was vanity, and spirits vexation.
Aboundance of examples men may finde,
Of Kings and Princes to this vice inclin'd,
Which is no way for meaner men to goe,
Because their betters oft haue wandred so;
For they were plagu'd of God, and so shall we
Much more, if of their sinne we partners be.
To shew what Women haue beene plagued in
The bottomlesse Abysse of this sweet sinne,
There are examples of them infinite,
Which I ne'r meane to read, much lesse to write,
To please the Reader, though I'l set downe some,
As they vnto my memory doe come.
Flora, a Whore in Rome, great wealth did win,
By her deare trading and her Commings in,
Which wealth she freely gaue when she did dye,
Vnto the Roman people generally,
For which they all (to shew their thanks vnto her)
Made her a Goddesse, and did Reuerence doe her.
And Lais of Corinth, ask'd Demosthenes
One hundred Crownes for one nights businesse:
For which a crue of Whores did set vpon her,
A Whore she was, and whores to death did stone her.
There was a famous Whore Rhodope nam'd,
Who for her gaine at such high price she gam'd,
That she (most liberall) did the charges beare,
A stately high Piramides to reare.
Great Iulius Cæsar was much ouerseene
With Cleopatra, the Ægyptian Queene:
And after, she insnar'd Marke Antony,
For which, they both by their owne hands did dye.
Semiramis plaid the inhumane Trull,
And was enamour'd with a beastly Bull:
So did Pasipha, but me thinks 'tis strange,
That Queenes so farre from womenhood should range.
Mirha (Adonis mother) caus'd her father
The flower of her virginitie to gather.
If wise Vlysses had not well beene arm'd,
Inchanting Circe had his honor charm'd.
When youthfull Paris stole the lustfull Punke,
Faire Hellen, had the ship that bore them iunke,
Then thirty Kings in peace at home had staid,
Nor Troy or Troians in their ruines laid:
Faire Messalina, a most royall Whore,
(Wife vnto Claudius the Emperour)
The sports of Venus in the Stewes did play,
Sometimes full fiue and twenty times a day.
Marcus Aurelius did faire Faustine wed,
And she with Whoring did behorne his head.
And many Princes and great Potentates,
With Vulcans crest haue arm'd their noble pates:
This to the poorest Cuckold seemes a bliss,
That he with mighty Monarchs sharer is,
That though to be cornuted be a griefe,
Yet to haue such braue partners is reliefe.
These Whores and Whore-masters which I haue nam'd,
And thousands more (in histories defam'd)
With partiall selfe-opinion did approue,
Their sensuality and Lust was Loue.
When as the ods is more then day from night,
Or fire from water, blacke from purest white.
The one with God, one with the Deuill doth dwell,
Loue comes frō heauen, & lust doth spring from hell.
But the old Prouerbe, ne'r will be forgot,
A Lechers loue is (like Sir Reuerence) hot,
And on the sudden cold as any stone,
For when the lust is past, the loue is gone.
But Loue is such a blessing from on hie,
Whose zealous feruency can neuer die;
It out-liues life, and the ascending flame,
Mounts to the God of Loue, from whence it came.
Lust made Seths sons, with fornication vaine,
Ioyne with the daughters of accursed Cain.
And the world suffered, for their fornication,
Depopulation, by the inundation.
And twenty and foure thousand Israelites
Dyde for this sinne amongst the Madianites.
For the not punishing this fact (almost)
The Tribe of Beniamin were slaine and lost.
May this be call'd loue? Then call vertue vice,
And euery bawdy house a Paradise.
If lust were loue, it would not like a Wolfe,
Drowne Louers hearts in desperations Gulfe.
A Theban, Hamon, himselfe madly kill'd,
On his too deere deers Tombe his heart bloud spild.
For Phaon (a poore Watermans sweet sake)
Faire Sapho from a rocke, her necke shee brake.
Pheadra for her Hippolitus, they say,
Did hang her selfe, and make a Holli-day.
And Phillis for Demophoon did as much:
Ile neuer loue, if Loues effects be such.
To quench the Carthaginian Queenes desire,
Shee burnt her selfe vpon a pile of fire.
If either Priamus, or Thisby had
Not beene starke fooles, or else exceeding mad:
The doting, idle, misconceiuing Elues,
So desperately, had ne'r fore-done themselues.
Thus all the difference betwixt loue and lust,
Is one is iust, the other is vniust.
Search but in Histories, and men may find
Examples beyond numbring, of this kind,
How of both Sexes, and each state and sort
Of people from the cottage to the Court,
Haue madly run this course; some hang'd, some drownd,
Burnt, staru'd & stab'd thēselues with many a woūd,
Or pin'd away like Coxcombs, euer crauing
To haue the thing, that's neuer worth the hauing.
In Antwerp many filthy Whores I saw,
That for their Trading were allowde by Law.
And I in Prague did see a street of Whores,
An English mile in length, who at their doores
Did stand and ply (rich clad, and painted rare)
More hard then euer I plyde for a fare.
Th'Italian Stewes (to make the Pope good cheere)
Payd twenty thousand Duckets in a yeere.
Besides, they giue a Priest (t'amend his fee)
The profit of a Whore, or two, or three.
Me thinkes it must be bad Diuinity,
That with the Stewes hath such affinity.
'Tis a mad Doctrine, Lechery should pay
A Church-mans stipend, that should preach & pray,
And in those stewes, where women are so common,
In entertaining all, refusing no man,
Whereas a father with a Whore may lye,
Which done, his sonne his place may hap supply,
And then an Vnkle, or a Brother may
Succeed each other in that damned play:
For no propinquity, or no degree
Of kin, that hant there, that can sweare th'are free
From this commixion: and, which is worst,
A Whore may haue a bastard, borne and nurst,
And growne a woman, and to this trade set her,
May be a Whore to him that did beget her;
Or to her brothers, or to all her kin,
Shee may be prostituted in this sin.
And therefore to conclude this point, I muse
That Christian Common-wealths allow a Stewes.
I thinke that Thieues as well allow'd should be,
As Whores and Whoremasters should thus be free.
They from the Heathen doe examples bring,
That Whoring is a rare commodious thing,
There was an ancient vse in Babylon,
When as a womans stocke was spent and gone,
Her liuing it was lawfull then to get,
Her carkasse out to liuerie to let,
And Venus did allow the Cyprian Dames,
To get their liuings by their bodies shames.
Licurgus did a Law in Sparta make,
That all men might their barren wiues forsake:
And by the same Law it ordained was,
Wiues might vnable husbands turne to grasse.
And the wise Solon the Athenian,
Allow'd whores to be free for any man.
And though these things the Pagan people did,
Yet Christian gouernments these things forbid.
But ther's no Common-wealth maintains the same,
But where the Pope is Landlord of the game.
The Stewes in England bore a beastly sway,
Till the eight Henry banish'd them away:
And since those common whores were quite put downe,
A damned crue of priuate whores are growne,
So that the diuell will be doing still,
Either with publique or with priuate ill.
Thus much for whoring I must say agen,
It hath produced many valiant men:
Braue Bastards haue beene famous Conquerours,
And some great Lords, and Kings, and Emperours.
As Hercules Ioues mighty Bastard-sonne,
And Alexander King of Macedon:
Clodouee King of France, from Bastardie,
And William Conqueror, from Normandie.
These, and a number more I could recite,
Besides the vnknowne numbers infinite.
And sure that wretched man that married is
Vnto a wife dispos'd to this amiss,
Is mad to wrong himselfe at all thereby,
With heart-griefe and tormenting iealousie.
If he hath cause for't, let him then forsake her,
And pray God mend her, or the diuell take her:
If she hath no cause to be iealous then,
He's worthy to be made the scorne of men.
Thus cause or no cause, man himselfe should arme,
That iealousie should neuer doe him harme.
The Nicholaitans, to auoid the paine
Of iealousie, amongst them did ordaine,
That all their married wiues, of each degree,
To euery one a common Whore should be.
And so amongst them one could hardly finde,
A Cuckold that did beare a iealous minde.
When I but thinke what Sciences, and Arts,
What men and women, full of ex'lent parts,
Forget their functions, lay their vertues by,
And wait and liue, and thriue by Lecherie.
A Poets Art, all other Arts excell,
If he hath skill and grace to vse it well:
Yet many times 'tis vs'd most base and vile,
When it descends vnto a bawdy stile,
To turne good humane studies, and diuine,
Into most beastly lines, like Aretine;
To seeke to merit euer-liuing Bayes,
For sordid stuffe (like Ouids lustfull Layes.)
With false bewitching verses to entice
Fraile creatures from faire vertue to foule vice,
Whose flattry makes a Whore to seeme a Saint,
That stinkes like carrion, with her Pox and paint.
Comparing her (with false and odious lies)
To all that's in or vnderneath the skies,
Her eyes to Sunnes, that doe the Sunne Eclips,
Her Cheekes are Roses (Rubies are her lips)
Her white and red Carnation mixt with snow,
Her teeth to orientall pearle, a Row,
Her voice like Musicke of the heau'nly Spheares,
Her haire like thrice refined golden Wires,
Her breath more sweet then Arromaticke drugs,
Like Mounts of Alabaster are her dugs.
Her Bracelets, Rings, her Scarfe, her Fan, her Chaine,
Are subiects to inspire a Poets braine:
But aboue all, her Smock most praise doth win,
For 'tis the Curtaine next vnto her skin.
Her loose Gowne, for her looser body fit,
Shall be adored with a flash of wit,
And from the Chin-clowe, to the lowly Slipper,
In Heliconian streames his praise shall dip her.
I leaue vnnam'd what is affected best.
As 'tis most fit, for it maintaines the rest;
Her thighs, her knees, her legs, her feet, and all,
From top to toe are supernaturall.
Her Iuory hands, with saphire veines inlaid.
Which cannot be by mortall pen displaid.
Her smile makes cold December Summer like,
Her frown, hot Iune with shiuering Frost can strike,
And life, and doath doth in her lookes abide,
Or many Knaues and Fooles that said so, lyde.
Her Shapperoones, her Perriwigs and Tires,
Are Reliques, which this flatt'ry much admires,
Rebaroes, Manke, her Busk and Busk-point too,
As things to which mad men must homage doe.
Her Verdingale, her Garters, Shooes and Roses;
Her Girdle that her wastfull waste incloses.
Not one of these but's honour'd with a Sonet,
If the said Poet be but set vpon it.
Another seekes to win his Wenches will,
With oylie Oratories smoothing skill.
Because it trears of whores in generall:
Then though this Pamphlet I doe name a Whore,
Let no man shun her company therefore.
For if ten thousand with her lodge and lye,
No reputation they shall lose thereby.
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No charge for change of changeable attires,
No Coaches, or Carroaches she doth craue,
No base attendance of a Pand'ring Knaue,
Perfumes and Paintings she abhorres and hates,
Nor doth she borrow haire from other pates.
And this much more Ile boldly say for her,
Whoso redeemes her from the Stationer,
(With whom she as a Slaue is kept in hold,
And at his pleasure daily bought and sold)
I say, that man that doth her ransome pay,
She will requite his kindnesse euery way;
Her Inside with such Treasury is stor'd,
As may become the Pocket of a Lord;
All, from the Cottage, to the Castle high,
From Palatines vnto the Peasantry,
(If they'l permit their wisedomes rule their will)
May keepe this whore, and yet be honest still.
Yet is she Common vnto all that craue her,
For sixe pence honest man or knaue may haue her,
To be both turn'd and tost, she free affords,
And (like a prating whore) she's full of words;
But all her talke is to no other end,
Then to teach Whoremasters and Whores to mend.
She in plaine termes vnto the world doth tell,
Whores are the Hackneys which men ride to Hell,
And by comparisons she truely makes
A whore worse then a common Shore, or Iakes.
A Succubus, a damned sinke of sinne,
A mire, where worse then Swine doe wallow in.
And with a whore (although thus plaine she be)
She shewes a Whoremonger as bad as she.
And though I barren am of Eloquence,
Nor neuer vnderstood my Accidence:
Yet though I haue no learning to my share,
A whore to broken Latine Ile compare:
First, if her minde on whoring she doth fix,
Shee's all compact of mirth, all Meretrix,
And with small teaching she will soone decline
Mulier into the Gender Masculine,
By her Attire, of which sex she should be,
She seemes the doubtfull Gender vnto me,
To either side her habit seemes to leaue,
And may be taken for the Epicene.
Vnto the Newter I compare her can,
For she's for thee, or me, or any man.
In her Declensions she so farre doth goe,
As to the common of two or three, or moe,
And come to horum, harum, Whorum, then
She proues a great proficient amongst men.
Then after she had learn'd these Lessons right,
She forward goes vnto hoc leue light:
She paints out pulcher, ayded by her glasse,
She's neither bonus, or yet bonitas.
Homo for all men, is a common name,
And she for all men is a common shame.
Not lapis singularly, her can please,
She loues the plurall number lapides.
To construe plainly, she is seldome curious,
The two hard words of durus and of durius,
Though she's not past the Whip, she's past the Rods,
And knowes to ioyne her qui's, her quæ's, and quod's.
The Actiue from the Passiue shee'l deriue,
Her Mood commands like the Imparatiue;
She knowes no Concords, yet to all men thus,
She faine would be Iucundus omnibus;
Clam is the Cloake, that couers her offence,
Her goodnesse all is in the Future tense.
She's facile fieti, (quickly wonne)
Or Const'ring truly, Easie to be done.
Parui dacitur probitas, sets forth
Her honesty is reckoned little worth:
And he shall finde, that takes her for his choyce,
An Interiection, or Imperfect voyce.
Among the rules of Gender, she by heart,
Can without missing daily say her part.
The first among them all she liketh best,
Propria quæ Maribus, and there she'l rest.
Thus may a Whore be made (by this construction)
Vnto the Grammar Rules an Introduction.
But yet if Learning might be gotten so,
Few to the Vniuersities would goe.
And all degrees, tagge, ragge, and old, and yong,
Would be well grounded in the Latine tongue:
Whil'st many learn'd men would be forc'd to seeke
Their liuings from the Hebrew and the Greeke:
For mine owne part I dare to sweare and vow,
I ne'r vs'd Accidence so much as now,
Nor all these Latine words here enterlac'd,
I doe not know if they with sense are plac'd,
I in the Booke did find them, and conclude,
At random to a Whore I them allude.
But leauing Latine, eu'ry trading wench
Hath much more vnderstanding of the French.
If shee hath learn'd great P, O Perse O,
She'le quickly know De morbo Gallico.
If in these rudiments she well doth enter.
With any man she neuer feares to venter:
She's impudently arm'd, and shamelesse too,
And neuer dreads what man to her can do:
Her neather part to stake shee'l often lay,
To keepe her vpper part in fashion gay;
She blushes not to haue her Trade well knowne,
Which is, she liues by vsing of her owne.
Her shop, her ware, her fame, her shame, her game,
'Tis all her owne, which none from her can claime.
And if she be halfe mad, and curse and sweare,
And fight, and bite, and scatch, and domineere:
Yet still she proues her patience to be such,
'Midst all these passions she will beare too much.
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For what she hath, men doe vnto her bring,
(Her Temp'rance is a vertue of much honour)
And all her Commings in are put vpon her.
She's generall, she's free, she's liberall
Of hand and purse, she's open vnto all,
She is no miserable hidebound wretch,
To please her friend at any time shee'l stretch;
At once she can speake true, and lye, or either,
And is at home, abroad, and altogether.
Shee's nimbler then a Tumbler, as I thinke,
Layes downe, and takes vp, whilst a man can winke:
And though she seeme vnmeasur'd in her pleasure,
'Tis otherwayes, a Yard's her onely measure.
But as most Whores are vicious in their fames,
So many of them haue most Vertuous names,
Though bad they be, they will not bate an Ace
To be cald Prudence, Temp'rance, Faith, or Grace,
Or Mercy, Charity, or many more,
Good names (too good to giue to any Whore.)
Much from the Popes of Rome they doe not swerue,
For they haue Names which they doe ill deserue;
Onely betwixt them here's the difference on't,
A Whore receiues her Name first at the Font:
The Roman Bishop takes a larger scope,
For he doth change his name, when he's a Pope.
As if he were a Persecuting Saul.
If he please hee'l be call'd a Preaching Paul.
Is his name Swinesnowt, he can change the Case,
And swap away that name for Boniface:
If he be most vngodly, and enuious.
Yet if he please, he will be called Pius:
Be he by Nature to all mischiefe bent,
He may and will be called Innocent;
And be he neuer so doggedly inclin'd,
Hee'l be nam'd Vrbano, if it be his mind.
If he be much more fearefull then a Sheepe,
The name of Leo he may haue and keepe.
And though he be vnmercifull, yet still
He may be called Clement if he will.
Thus Popes may haue good names, though bad they be,
And so may Whores, though different in degree.
The Anagram of Whore's her mortall foe,
Deuided into two words, 'tis Her Wo.
And seriously (to lay all lesting by)
A Whore is Her owne Woe, and misery.
For though she haue all pleasures at the full,
Much more then Thais, that proud Corinthians Trull,
Who suffered none but Kings and Potentates
To haue their pleasures, at Excessiue rates,
Yet all that Deare-bought Lechery would be
The greater brand of lasting Infamy,
And though her Carrion Corps, rich clad, high fed,
(Halfe rotten liuing, and all rotten Dead)
Who with her hellish Courage, stout and hot,
Abides the brunt of many a prickshaft shot:
Yet being dead, and doth consumed lye,
Her euerlasting shame shall neuer dye.
Ixion (in his armes) he did suppose
That he the Goddesse Iuno did inclose:
But in the end his franticke error show'd,
That all which he imbrac'd was but a Cloud.
So whosoeuer doe their Lust embrace,
In stead of Loue are clouded with disgrace.
The Godlesse Goddesse Venus, honour'd farre,
For conqu'ring of the Conqu'ring God of Warre,
To hide their shame they no defence could get,
When limping Uulcan tooke them in a net;
And being past shame, with that foule offence,
She arm'd her selfe with shamelesse Impudence.
And with vngodly articles would proue,
That foule Concupiscence and Lust is Loue.
For which each bawdy Knaue, and filthy Whore,
Her Deuillish Diety doe still adore.
I haue read Histories that doe repeat
Whores were of old in estimation Great:
Pandemus King of Corinth, he erected
(That he from Perses power might be protected)
A Temple vnto Venus, as some say,
Where whores might for his safety safely pray.
And some in Ephesus did Temples reare,
In whom the Paphean Queenes adored were,
Where they that were the wickedst whores of all,
Were the chiefe Priests in robes Pontificall.
And in the Ile of Paphos, 'twas the vse
Maides got their Dowries, by their Corps abuse:
But if that order were allowed here,
So many would not portions want I feare.
The Art of Bawd'ry was in such respect
Amongst the Egyptians, that they did erect
An Altar to Priapus, and their guise
Was, that their Priests on it did Sacrifice.
Wise Arictotle was in wit so poore,
He Sacrific'd to Hermia his whore,
Great Iulius Cæsar, was so free and Common,
And cald a husband vnto euery woman.
Procullus Emperour, (the Story sayes)
Deflowr'd one hundred Maydes in fifteene dayes.
If all be true that Poets vse to write,
Hercules lay with fifty in one night.
When Heliogabulus Romes Scepter sway'd,
And all the world his lawlesse Lawes obay'd;
He in his Court did cause a Stewes be made,
Whereas Cum priuilegio, whores did trade:
H'inuited two and twenty of his friends,
And kindly to each one a whore he lends.
To set whores free, that then in bondage lay,
A mighty masse of money he did pay:
He (in one day) gaue to each whore in Rome
A Duckat (a large and ill bestowed summe.
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They were his Souldiers, his defence and ayde;
And in his speech he shew'd his wits acute,
Of sundry formes of Bawdr'y to dispute.
And after giuing vnto euery whore,
For list'ning to his tale three Duckats more,
With Pardon vnto all and Liberty
That would be whores within his Monarchy.
And yeerly Pensions, hee freely gaue,
To keepe a Regiment of whores, most braue.
And oft he had (when hee in Progresse went)
Of whores, Bawds, Panders, such a Rabblement,
Sixe hundred Waggons, History reports,
Attended onely on these braue consorts.
This was a Royall whoremaster indeed,
A speciall Benefactor at their need:
But now since Heliogabalus deceast,
I thinke the world with whores is so increast,
That if it had an Emperour as mad,
He might haue twice so many as he had.
For by experience wee see euery day,
That bad things doe increase, good things decay.
And vertue (with much care) from vertue breeds,
Vice freely springs from vice, like stinking weeds.
Sardanapalus King of Babylon,
Was to his whores such a companion,
That hee in their attire did sow and sing,
(An exercise vnfitting for a King.)
This feruent Lust, (which some call ardent Loue)
Did cause the Bastard of the mighty Ioue
To please his Iöle, hee tooke a Wheele,
And (laying by his Club) did spin and Reele.
Great Ioue himselfe could not this snare escape,
Lust led him on to many a shamelesse Rape.
Poore Hebe, Hele, Darna, and Europa,
Alemena, Iö, Semele, and Leada,
Antiopa, Asterie, Ganemede,
These and a number more his fancy fed.
To compasse which, his shifts were manifold,
T'a Bull, a Ram, a Swan, a showre of Gold,
To dreadfull Thunder, and consuming fire,
And all to quench his inward flames desire.
Apollo turn'd faire Daphne into Bay,
Because shee from his Lust did flye away,
Hee lou'd his Hiacinct, and his Coronis,
As feruently as Venus and Adonis,
So much hee from his God-head did decline,
That for a wench he kept Admetus Kine.
And many other gods haue gone astray,
If all be true which Ouids Booke doth say.
Thus to fulfill their Lusts, and win their Truls,
Wee see that these vngodly gods were Guls.
The mighty Captaine of the Mermidons,
Being captiu'd to these base passions,
Met an vntimely vnexpected slaughter,
For faire Polixena, King Priams daughter.
Lucrecia's Rape, was Tarquins ouerthrow,
(Shame often payes the debt that sinne doth owe.)
What Philomela lost, and Tereus wonne,
It causde the lustfull Father eate his Sonne.
In this vice, Nero tooke such beastly ioy.
He married was to Sporus, a yong Boy.
And Periander was with Lust so led,
He with Mellissa lay when shee was dead.
Pigmalion, with an Image made of Stone,
Did loue and lodge: (I'le rather lye alone.)
Aristophanes, ioyn'd in loue would be
To a shee Asse: but what an Asse was he?
A Roman Appius did in Iale abide,
For loue of faire Virginia, where hee dyde.
Our second Henry Aged, Childish, fond,
On the faire feature of faire Rosamond:
That it rais'd most vnnaturall hatefull strife
Betwixt himselfe, his children, and his wife.
The end of which was, that the iealous Queene
Did poyson Rosamond in furious spleene.
The fourth King Edward lower did descend,
He to a Goldsmiths wife his loue did bend.
This sugred sinne hath beene so generall,
That it hath made the strongest Champions fall.
For Sichem rauisht Dina, for which deed
A number of the Sichemites did bleed.
And Samson, in the prime of manly strength,
By Dalila was ouercome at length.
King Dauid frailely fell, and felt the paine,
And with much sorrow was restor'd againe.
Though Saul his foe he no way would offend,
Yet this sinne made him kill his loyall friend.
Ammon with Thamar, Incest did commit,
And Absalon depriu'd his life for it.
And Salomon allow'd most Royall meanes
To keepe three hundred Queenes, seuen hundred queanes,
By whose meanes to Idolatry he fell,
Almost as low as to the gates of Hell.
At last repeating, he makes declaration,
That all was vanity, and spirits vexation.
Aboundance of examples men may finde,
Of Kings and Princes to this vice inclin'd,
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Because their betters oft haue wandred so;
For they were plagu'd of God, and so shall we
Much more, if of their sinne we partners be.
To shew what Women haue beene plagued in
The bottomlesse Abysse of this sweet sinne,
There are examples of them infinite,
Which I ne'r meane to read, much lesse to write,
To please the Reader, though I'l set downe some,
As they vnto my memory doe come.
Flora, a Whore in Rome, great wealth did win,
By her deare trading and her Commings in,
Which wealth she freely gaue when she did dye,
Vnto the Roman people generally,
For which they all (to shew their thanks vnto her)
Made her a Goddesse, and did Reuerence doe her.
And Lais of Corinth, ask'd Demosthenes
One hundred Crownes for one nights businesse:
For which a crue of Whores did set vpon her,
A Whore she was, and whores to death did stone her.
There was a famous Whore Rhodope nam'd,
Who for her gaine at such high price she gam'd,
That she (most liberall) did the charges beare,
A stately high Piramides to reare.
Great Iulius Cæsar was much ouerseene
With Cleopatra, the Ægyptian Queene:
And after, she insnar'd Marke Antony,
For which, they both by their owne hands did dye.
Semiramis plaid the inhumane Trull,
And was enamour'd with a beastly Bull:
So did Pasipha, but me thinks 'tis strange,
That Queenes so farre from womenhood should range.
Mirha (Adonis mother) caus'd her father
The flower of her virginitie to gather.
If wise Vlysses had not well beene arm'd,
Inchanting Circe had his honor charm'd.
When youthfull Paris stole the lustfull Punke,
Faire Hellen, had the ship that bore them iunke,
Then thirty Kings in peace at home had staid,
Nor Troy or Troians in their ruines laid:
Faire Messalina, a most royall Whore,
(Wife vnto Claudius the Emperour)
The sports of Venus in the Stewes did play,
Sometimes full fiue and twenty times a day.
Marcus Aurelius did faire Faustine wed,
And she with Whoring did behorne his head.
And many Princes and great Potentates,
With Vulcans crest haue arm'd their noble pates:
This to the poorest Cuckold seemes a bliss,
That he with mighty Monarchs sharer is,
That though to be cornuted be a griefe,
Yet to haue such braue partners is reliefe.
These Whores and Whore-masters which I haue nam'd,
And thousands more (in histories defam'd)
With partiall selfe-opinion did approue,
Their sensuality and Lust was Loue.
When as the ods is more then day from night,
Or fire from water, blacke from purest white.
The one with God, one with the Deuill doth dwell,
Loue comes frō heauen, & lust doth spring from hell.
But the old Prouerbe, ne'r will be forgot,
A Lechers loue is (like Sir Reuerence) hot,
And on the sudden cold as any stone,
For when the lust is past, the loue is gone.
But Loue is such a blessing from on hie,
Whose zealous feruency can neuer die;
It out-liues life, and the ascending flame,
Mounts to the God of Loue, from whence it came.
Lust made Seths sons, with fornication vaine,
Ioyne with the daughters of accursed Cain.
And the world suffered, for their fornication,
Depopulation, by the inundation.
And twenty and foure thousand Israelites
Dyde for this sinne amongst the Madianites.
For the not punishing this fact (almost)
The Tribe of Beniamin were slaine and lost.
May this be call'd loue? Then call vertue vice,
And euery bawdy house a Paradise.
If lust were loue, it would not like a Wolfe,
Drowne Louers hearts in desperations Gulfe.
A Theban, Hamon, himselfe madly kill'd,
On his too deere deers Tombe his heart bloud spild.
For Phaon (a poore Watermans sweet sake)
Faire Sapho from a rocke, her necke shee brake.
Pheadra for her Hippolitus, they say,
Did hang her selfe, and make a Holli-day.
And Phillis for Demophoon did as much:
Ile neuer loue, if Loues effects be such.
To quench the Carthaginian Queenes desire,
Shee burnt her selfe vpon a pile of fire.
If either Priamus, or Thisby had
Not beene starke fooles, or else exceeding mad:
The doting, idle, misconceiuing Elues,
So desperately, had ne'r fore-done themselues.
Thus all the difference betwixt loue and lust,
Is one is iust, the other is vniust.
Search but in Histories, and men may find
Examples beyond numbring, of this kind,
How of both Sexes, and each state and sort
Of people from the cottage to the Court,
Haue madly run this course; some hang'd, some drownd,
Burnt, staru'd & stab'd thēselues with many a woūd,
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To haue the thing, that's neuer worth the hauing.
In Antwerp many filthy Whores I saw,
That for their Trading were allowde by Law.
And I in Prague did see a street of Whores,
An English mile in length, who at their doores
Did stand and ply (rich clad, and painted rare)
More hard then euer I plyde for a fare.
Th'Italian Stewes (to make the Pope good cheere)
Payd twenty thousand Duckets in a yeere.
Besides, they giue a Priest (t'amend his fee)
The profit of a Whore, or two, or three.
Me thinkes it must be bad Diuinity,
That with the Stewes hath such affinity.
'Tis a mad Doctrine, Lechery should pay
A Church-mans stipend, that should preach & pray,
And in those stewes, where women are so common,
In entertaining all, refusing no man,
Whereas a father with a Whore may lye,
Which done, his sonne his place may hap supply,
And then an Vnkle, or a Brother may
Succeed each other in that damned play:
For no propinquity, or no degree
Of kin, that hant there, that can sweare th'are free
From this commixion: and, which is worst,
A Whore may haue a bastard, borne and nurst,
And growne a woman, and to this trade set her,
May be a Whore to him that did beget her;
Or to her brothers, or to all her kin,
Shee may be prostituted in this sin.
And therefore to conclude this point, I muse
That Christian Common-wealths allow a Stewes.
I thinke that Thieues as well allow'd should be,
As Whores and Whoremasters should thus be free.
They from the Heathen doe examples bring,
That Whoring is a rare commodious thing,
There was an ancient vse in Babylon,
When as a womans stocke was spent and gone,
Her liuing it was lawfull then to get,
Her carkasse out to liuerie to let,
And Venus did allow the Cyprian Dames,
To get their liuings by their bodies shames.
Licurgus did a Law in Sparta make,
That all men might their barren wiues forsake:
And by the same Law it ordained was,
Wiues might vnable husbands turne to grasse.
And the wise Solon the Athenian,
Allow'd whores to be free for any man.
And though these things the Pagan people did,
Yet Christian gouernments these things forbid.
But ther's no Common-wealth maintains the same,
But where the Pope is Landlord of the game.
The Stewes in England bore a beastly sway,
Till the eight Henry banish'd them away:
And since those common whores were quite put downe,
A damned crue of priuate whores are growne,
So that the diuell will be doing still,
Either with publique or with priuate ill.
Thus much for whoring I must say agen,
It hath produced many valiant men:
Braue Bastards haue beene famous Conquerours,
And some great Lords, and Kings, and Emperours.
As Hercules Ioues mighty Bastard-sonne,
And Alexander King of Macedon:
Clodouee King of France, from Bastardie,
And William Conqueror, from Normandie.
These, and a number more I could recite,
Besides the vnknowne numbers infinite.
And sure that wretched man that married is
Vnto a wife dispos'd to this amiss,
Is mad to wrong himselfe at all thereby,
With heart-griefe and tormenting iealousie.
If he hath cause for't, let him then forsake her,
And pray God mend her, or the diuell take her:
If she hath no cause to be iealous then,
He's worthy to be made the scorne of men.
Thus cause or no cause, man himselfe should arme,
That iealousie should neuer doe him harme.
The Nicholaitans, to auoid the paine
Of iealousie, amongst them did ordaine,
That all their married wiues, of each degree,
To euery one a common Whore should be.
And so amongst them one could hardly finde,
A Cuckold that did beare a iealous minde.
When I but thinke what Sciences, and Arts,
What men and women, full of ex'lent parts,
Forget their functions, lay their vertues by,
And wait and liue, and thriue by Lecherie.
A Poets Art, all other Arts excell,
If he hath skill and grace to vse it well:
Yet many times 'tis vs'd most base and vile,
When it descends vnto a bawdy stile,
To turne good humane studies, and diuine,
Into most beastly lines, like Aretine;
To seeke to merit euer-liuing Bayes,
For sordid stuffe (like Ouids lustfull Layes.)
With false bewitching verses to entice
Fraile creatures from faire vertue to foule vice,
Whose flattry makes a Whore to seeme a Saint,
That stinkes like carrion, with her Pox and paint.
Comparing her (with false and odious lies)
To all that's in or vnderneath the skies,
Her eyes to Sunnes, that doe the Sunne Eclips,
Her Cheekes are Roses (Rubies are her lips)
Her white and red Carnation mixt with snow,
Her teeth to orientall pearle, a Row,
Her voice like Musicke of the heau'nly Spheares,
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Her breath more sweet then Arromaticke drugs,
Like Mounts of Alabaster are her dugs.
Her Bracelets, Rings, her Scarfe, her Fan, her Chaine,
Are subiects to inspire a Poets braine:
But aboue all, her Smock most praise doth win,
For 'tis the Curtaine next vnto her skin.
Her loose Gowne, for her looser body fit,
Shall be adored with a flash of wit,
And from the Chin-clowe, to the lowly Slipper,
In Heliconian streames his praise shall dip her.
I leaue vnnam'd what is affected best.
As 'tis most fit, for it maintaines the rest;
Her thighs, her knees, her legs, her feet, and all,
From top to toe are supernaturall.
Her Iuory hands, with saphire veines inlaid.
Which cannot be by mortall pen displaid.
Her smile makes cold December Summer like,
Her frown, hot Iune with shiuering Frost can strike,
And life, and doath doth in her lookes abide,
Or many Knaues and Fooles that said so, lyde.
Her Shapperoones, her Perriwigs and Tires,
Are Reliques, which this flatt'ry much admires,
Rebaroes, Manke, her Busk and Busk-point too,
As things to which mad men must homage doe.
Her Verdingale, her Garters, Shooes and Roses;
Her Girdle that her wastfull waste incloses.
Not one of these but's honour'd with a Sonet,
If the said Poet be but set vpon it.
Another seekes to win his Wenches will,
With oylie Oratories smoothing skill.
Here's a sweet deale of scimble scamble stuffe,
To please my Lady Wagtaylo (marry muffe)
Gep with the Grinkcomes (but I speake too late)
This kinde of flatt'ry makes a whore take state,
Growes pocky pround, and in such port doth beare her,
That such poore scabs as I, must not come neere her.
Thus may shee liue, (much honour'd for her crimes)
And haue the Pox some twelue or 13 times,
And shee may be so bountifull agen,
To sell those Pox to three or fourescore men:
And thus the Surgeons may get more by farre,
By Whores and Peace, then by the sword and warre.
And thus a Whore (if men consider of it)
Is an increasing gainfull piece of profit.
But of all Whores that I haue nam'd before,
There's none so cunning as the Citie Whore,
Shee hath so many seuerall sorts of Bawds,
To cloake and couer her deceipts and frauds,
That sure the Deuill cannot more deuise
Then shee, to blind her horned husbands eyes.
One offers Purles to sell, and fine Bone-lace,
And whispers that her Friend's in such a place:
A second offers Starch, and tels her how
Her sweet-heart tarries for her at the Plow:
A third sels Wafers, and a fourth hath Pins,
And with these tricks these Bawds admittance wins
That had her Husband Argos eyes, yet he
By these deceiuers should deceiued be.
If all these faile, a begger-woman may,
A sweet loue letter to her hands connay.
Or a neat Laundresse, or a Hearbwife can,
Carry a sleeuelesse message now and than.
Or if this faile, her teeth may ake (forsooth)
And then the Barbar must come draw a Tooth:
Or else shee may be sicke (vpon condition)
That such a Doctor may be her Physition,
He feeles her pulses, and applyes his trade
With Potions which th'Apothecary made;
All's one for that, her health shee quickly gaines,
Her Husband payes the Doctor for his paines.
But of all Bawds, Gold is the Bawd indeed,
It seldome speakes but it is sure to speed:
It can blind Watches, open bolts and locks,
Breake walls of stone, as hard as Marble rocks:
Make Iron barres giue way, and gates fly ope,
Giues Lust the reynes to run with boundlesse scope,
Kils Iealousie, appeases Riuals, and
Doth what the owners will or can command,
And last of all, it stops the biting iawes
Of the iust rigorous, and seuerest Lawes.
I therefore say, He that hath golden pelfe,
Hath a good Bawd, if so he please himselfe:
Those that haue gold, can want no Bawds or Queās
Except they vse a meane, to guide their meanes.
To end this point, this consequence Ile grant,
Those that haue golden Bawds, no whores can want.
And though the mighty power of gold be such,
Yet Siluer (many times) can doe as much:
Thus euery wealthy Whoremaster may beare
His Bawd in's purse, or pocket any where.
For mine owne part, I liue not in such want,
But that I eate and sleepe, though coyne be scant:
And 'cause I want the Bawd I nam'd before,
By consequence I needs must want the Whore:
And wanting of them both, I hope to bee,
From Gowts, Pox, and extortion euer free.
But as there's wondrous difference in mens meat,
So is the ods of Whores exceeding great:
Some Rampant, & some Couchant, and some Passant,
Some Guardant, & some Dormant, & some Cressant,
Some Pendant, some (a Pox on't) but the best on't,
A priuate Whore, trades safely, there's the iest on't.
Besides, as Whores are of a seuerail cut,
So fitting Titles on them still are put:
For if a Princes loue to her decline,
For manners sake shee's call'd a Concubine:
If a great Lord, or Knight, affect a Whore,
Shee must be term'd his Honours Paramore:
The rich Gull Gallant call's her Deare and Loue,
Ducke, Lambe, Squall, Sweet-heart, Cony, and his Doue:
A pretty wench she's with the Country-man,
And a Kind Sister with the Puritane,
She's a Priests Lemman, and a Tinkers Pad,
Or Dell, or Doxy (though the names bee bad)
And amongst Souldiers, this sweet piece of Vice
Is counted for a Captaines Cockatrice.
But the mad Rascall, when hee's fiue parts drunke,
Cals her his Drab, his Queane, his Iill, or Punke,
And in his fury'gins to rayle and rore,
Then with full mouth, he truely call's her Whore:
And so I leaue her, to her hot desires,
'Mongst Pimps, and Panders, and base Applesquires,
To mend or end, when age or Pox will make her
Detested, and Whore-masters all forsake her.
To please my Lady Wagtaylo (marry muffe)
Gep with the Grinkcomes (but I speake too late)
This kinde of flatt'ry makes a whore take state,
Growes pocky pround, and in such port doth beare her,
That such poore scabs as I, must not come neere her.
Thus may shee liue, (much honour'd for her crimes)
And haue the Pox some twelue or 13 times,
And shee may be so bountifull agen,
To sell those Pox to three or fourescore men:
And thus the Surgeons may get more by farre,
By Whores and Peace, then by the sword and warre.
And thus a Whore (if men consider of it)
Is an increasing gainfull piece of profit.
But of all Whores that I haue nam'd before,
There's none so cunning as the Citie Whore,
Shee hath so many seuerall sorts of Bawds,
To cloake and couer her deceipts and frauds,
That sure the Deuill cannot more deuise
Then shee, to blind her horned husbands eyes.
One offers Purles to sell, and fine Bone-lace,
And whispers that her Friend's in such a place:
A second offers Starch, and tels her how
Her sweet-heart tarries for her at the Plow:
A third sels Wafers, and a fourth hath Pins,
And with these tricks these Bawds admittance wins
That had her Husband Argos eyes, yet he
By these deceiuers should deceiued be.
If all these faile, a begger-woman may,
A sweet loue letter to her hands connay.
Or a neat Laundresse, or a Hearbwife can,
Carry a sleeuelesse message now and than.
Or if this faile, her teeth may ake (forsooth)
And then the Barbar must come draw a Tooth:
Or else shee may be sicke (vpon condition)
That such a Doctor may be her Physition,
He feeles her pulses, and applyes his trade
With Potions which th'Apothecary made;
All's one for that, her health shee quickly gaines,
Her Husband payes the Doctor for his paines.
But of all Bawds, Gold is the Bawd indeed,
It seldome speakes but it is sure to speed:
It can blind Watches, open bolts and locks,
Breake walls of stone, as hard as Marble rocks:
Make Iron barres giue way, and gates fly ope,
Giues Lust the reynes to run with boundlesse scope,
Kils Iealousie, appeases Riuals, and
Doth what the owners will or can command,
112
Of the iust rigorous, and seuerest Lawes.
I therefore say, He that hath golden pelfe,
Hath a good Bawd, if so he please himselfe:
Those that haue gold, can want no Bawds or Queās
Except they vse a meane, to guide their meanes.
To end this point, this consequence Ile grant,
Those that haue golden Bawds, no whores can want.
And though the mighty power of gold be such,
Yet Siluer (many times) can doe as much:
Thus euery wealthy Whoremaster may beare
His Bawd in's purse, or pocket any where.
For mine owne part, I liue not in such want,
But that I eate and sleepe, though coyne be scant:
And 'cause I want the Bawd I nam'd before,
By consequence I needs must want the Whore:
And wanting of them both, I hope to bee,
From Gowts, Pox, and extortion euer free.
But as there's wondrous difference in mens meat,
So is the ods of Whores exceeding great:
Some Rampant, & some Couchant, and some Passant,
Some Guardant, & some Dormant, & some Cressant,
Some Pendant, some (a Pox on't) but the best on't,
A priuate Whore, trades safely, there's the iest on't.
Besides, as Whores are of a seuerail cut,
So fitting Titles on them still are put:
For if a Princes loue to her decline,
For manners sake shee's call'd a Concubine:
If a great Lord, or Knight, affect a Whore,
Shee must be term'd his Honours Paramore:
The rich Gull Gallant call's her Deare and Loue,
Ducke, Lambe, Squall, Sweet-heart, Cony, and his Doue:
A pretty wench she's with the Country-man,
And a Kind Sister with the Puritane,
She's a Priests Lemman, and a Tinkers Pad,
Or Dell, or Doxy (though the names bee bad)
And amongst Souldiers, this sweet piece of Vice
Is counted for a Captaines Cockatrice.
But the mad Rascall, when hee's fiue parts drunke,
Cals her his Drab, his Queane, his Iill, or Punke,
And in his fury'gins to rayle and rore,
Then with full mouth, he truely call's her Whore:
And so I leaue her, to her hot desires,
'Mongst Pimps, and Panders, and base Applesquires,
To mend or end, when age or Pox will make her
Detested, and Whore-masters all forsake her.
A comparison betwixt a Whore and a Booke.
Me thinks I heare some Cauillers obiect,That 'tis a name absurd and indirect,
To giue a Booke the Title of a Whore:
When sure I thinke no Name befits it more.
For like a Whore by day-light, or by Candle,
'Tis euer free for euery knaue to handle:
And as a new whore is belou'd and sought,
So is a new Booke in request and bought.
When whores wax old and stale, they're out of date,
Old Pamphlets are most subiect to such fate.
As whores haue Panders to emblaze their worth,
So these haue Stationers to set them forth.
And as an old whore may be painted new
With borrowed beauty, faire vnto the view,
Whereby shee for a fine fresh whore may passe,
Yet is shee but the rotten whore shee was.
So Stationers, their old cast Bookes can grace,
And by new Titles paint a-fresh their face.
Whereby for currant they are past away,
As if they had come forth but yesterday.
A Booke is dedicated, now and than
To some great worthy, or vnworthy man:
Yet for all that, 'tis common vnto mee,
Or thee, or hee, or all estates that bee:
And so a man may haue a whore (forsooth)
Supposing shee is onely for his tooth:
But if the truth hee would seeke out and looke,
She's common vnto all men, like a Booke.
A Booke with gawdy coate, and silken strings,
Whose inside's full of obsceane beastly things,
Is like a whore, Capatison'd and trap'd,
Full of infection, to all mischiefe apt.
As one whore may bee common vnto any,
So one Booke may bee dedicate to many.
And sure I say, and hope I speake no slander,
To such a Booke, the Poet is the Pander.
He prostitutes his muse to euery one,
Which should be constant vnto one alone:
This is a kind of Bawd'ry vile and base,
Kils bounty, and is Poetryes disgrace.
And lest they should be lost, it is ordain'd,
That Bookes within a Library are chain'd;
So he that to himselfe will keepe a whore,
Must chaine her, or shee'le trade with forty more.
As Bookes are leafe by leafe oft turn'd and tost,
So are the Garments of a whore (almost:)
For both of them, with a wet finger may
Be folded or vnfolded, night or day.
Moreouer, 'tis not very hard to proue,
That Bookes and Whores may Riuals be in Loue;
(To purchase mens displeasure I am loth)
But sure good Schollers still haue lou'd them both.
Some Bookes haue their Errates at the last,
That tell their errors and offences past.
So many great Whores did in state suruiue,
But when death did their hatefull liues depriue,
Their faults escap'd and their Errates then
Haue beene made manifest and knowne to men.
Some Bookes and Whores to wicked purpose bent,
Doe, for their faults, receiue one punishment.
113
So whores are ouer-stew'd, or rosted rotten,
Experience shewes that Bookes much knowledge brings,
And by experience whores know many things.
And as true Iustice, all mens losse repaires,
So whores doe giue to all men what is theirs.
Terence shee learnes yet will shee much rebuke vs,
If wee doe play the part of true Eunuchus.
As Bookes prophane or else Hereticall,
Or scurrilous, non-sense, Schismaticall,
Peruerts mans Iudgement, and his soule pollutes,
Such are all Whores, and such will be their fruits.
Some Slouens soyle a Booke in little space,
And slauer it, and so the Leaues deface:
And some againe will take a cleanly course
To read it dayly, yet tis ne'r the worse.
So some men vse a Whore, when once they haue her,
They'le touze and teare, and beastly all beslauer,
When forty neat Whoremasters might haue play'd
And vsde her, and shee still be thought a maide.
He that doth read a Booke he likes, would be
Alone, from any Interruption free;
And hee that with a Whore would toy or lye,
I thinke desires no other Company.
When Bookes are wet, their beauties gone or soyl'd,
So, wash a Whore, and all her paintings spoyl'd:
And as an old Whore (spight of Paint and cloathing)
Fals at the last, the obiect of mens loathing,
Scorn'd and vnpittied, and to finish all,
Dyes in a Ditch, or in an Hospitall:
So Pamphlets, and some workes of writers Graue,
Are vsde much worse then Whores by many a Knaue:
Who ne'r regard the matter or the price,
But teare like Tyrants, to wrap Drugs or Spice,
Or which is worse, in Priuie matters vse them,
Or worst of all, like Roarers they abuse them:
When as they rend good Bookes to light and dry
Tobacco (Englands bainefull Diety.)
And 'tis a thing I ne'r thought on before,
A Booke's examin'd stricter then a Whore:
There's not a Sheet, a Leafe, a Page, a Verse.
A word, or sillable, or letter (scarce)
But that (Authority) with Iudgements eye,
Doth diligently looke, and search, and pry,
And gage the sense, and first will vnderstand all,
Lest in a Phrase, or word, there lurke a scandall.
And my poore Whore in this hath not beene spar'd,
Her shirts were curtaild, & her nayles were par'd.
All's one for that, though shee such vsage had,
Shee's not left naked, though not richly clad,
I knew shee must be question'd, and I say,
I am right glad shee scap'd so well away.
And should all Whores of high and low degree,
(As Bookes are) to account thus called bee,
The whorish number would waxe very small,
Or else men neuer could examine all.
This Booke my Whore, or else this Whore my Booke,
(Shee beares both names, so neither is mistooke)
Respects not all her enemies a straw,
If shee offended, shee hath had the Law,
She was examin'd, and shee did confesse,
And had endur'd the torture of the Presse:
Her faults are printed vnto all mens sight,
Vnpartially declar'd in blacke and white:
And last, in Pauls Church-yard, and in the streets,
Shee suffers Penance vp and downe in Sheets.
And if all Whores to doe the like were made,
A Linnen Draper were the richest Trade.
If any Whore be honester then mine is,
Ile write no more, but stop my mouth with
She was Iacobs daughter, whose Rape was accursedly reuenged by her brethren, Simeon and Leui, Genesis.
Iudges. 19. 20 and 21. 65000. were slaine of the Israelites, and there remained of the Beniamites onely 600.
A scraping miserable father, that cares not how he get Gold to leaue it to a Whoremaster his Son, is his sons prouidēt Bawd.
FINIS.
| All the workes of Iohn Taylor the Water-Poet | |