 | 'Twixt Kiss and Lip or Under the Sword. By the author of "Women Must Weep," [i.e. F. W. O. Ward] Third edition |  |
394
CONFESSIONS OF AN ACTRESS.
Ah, but then I knew no better,
Saw alone that primrose way
Out of want with iron fetter,
Woe, and weakness gaunt and gray;
Then to look at I was pleasant,
As you would not fancy now,
In this pale and sickly present,
With the wrinkles on my brow;
If possessing not a beauty
After pattern or the tape,
I had eyes that did their duty
With a lithe and dainty shape;
With a pretty mouth, and motion
That was ever true and sweet,
And a step that gave the notion
As of music in my feet;
I was needy, and his offer
Made in bitter stress and cold,
Came like opening of a coffer,
Pouring out its gems and gold;
Girls are fools, I was not twenty,
With my fortune at the dregs,
I believed his tale of plenty,
In the gaslights and the legs.
Saw alone that primrose way
Out of want with iron fetter,
Woe, and weakness gaunt and gray;
Then to look at I was pleasant,
As you would not fancy now,
In this pale and sickly present,
With the wrinkles on my brow;
If possessing not a beauty
After pattern or the tape,
I had eyes that did their duty
With a lithe and dainty shape;
With a pretty mouth, and motion
That was ever true and sweet,
And a step that gave the notion
As of music in my feet;
I was needy, and his offer
Made in bitter stress and cold,
Came like opening of a coffer,
Pouring out its gems and gold;
Girls are fools, I was not twenty,
With my fortune at the dregs,
I believed his tale of plenty,
In the gaslights and the legs.
So I lost the life I guarded,
Plunged into the giddy whirl,
Maiden modesty discarded,
Putting on the ballet-girl;
Left my humble class and cottage,
Claims that yet would backward pull,
Sold as for a mess of pottage
Woman's birthright beautiful;
Callous, from this new disclosure,
Thus in figleaf fashion drest,
How, regardless of exposure,
Shame were advertised the best;
Learnt to curb, with ease surprising,
Guilty blushes on my face,
All my members advertising,
Marketing each timid grace;
Learnt to hawk the person venal,
Throwing pearls to lust of swine,
Drowning the regrettings penal
Deep in ardent words and wine;
Loved, at last, in posing graphic,
Publishing of breast and arms,
Gloried in the ghastly traffic,
Praise and pence for holy charms.
Plunged into the giddy whirl,
Maiden modesty discarded,
Putting on the ballet-girl;
Left my humble class and cottage,
Claims that yet would backward pull,
Sold as for a mess of pottage
Woman's birthright beautiful;
Callous, from this new disclosure,
Thus in figleaf fashion drest,
How, regardless of exposure,
Shame were advertised the best;
Learnt to curb, with ease surprising,
Guilty blushes on my face,
All my members advertising,
Marketing each timid grace;
Learnt to hawk the person venal,
Throwing pearls to lust of swine,
Drowning the regrettings penal
Deep in ardent words and wine;
Loved, at last, in posing graphic,
Publishing of breast and arms,
Gloried in the ghastly traffic,
Praise and pence for holy charms.
395
Thence I rose to places higher,
While, as victims surely wend,
Sinking in myself, and nigher
Drawing to the dreadful end;
Hugged the eyil to my bosom,
Taking now the bigger part,
Though it all the dew and blossom
Dashed from my defilèd heart;
Thus the book of golden pages
Opened to me, as I sung,
And, as I stept broader stages,
Royal hearers on me hung;
Though my spirit lost its unction
Heavenly, chose the falser smile,
Turned, no more with shy compunction,
Willing to the honeyed wile;
Till it seemed the scriptures moral,
Once awaking virgin's blush,
Were mere empty bells and coral,
Meant but baby minds to hush;
And I bade cold creeds defiance,
Drifting whither souls are wreckt,
Borne to deadly self-reliance,
From diviner self respect.
While, as victims surely wend,
Sinking in myself, and nigher
Drawing to the dreadful end;
Hugged the eyil to my bosom,
Taking now the bigger part,
Though it all the dew and blossom
Dashed from my defilèd heart;
Thus the book of golden pages
Opened to me, as I sung,
And, as I stept broader stages,
Royal hearers on me hung;
Though my spirit lost its unction
Heavenly, chose the falser smile,
Turned, no more with shy compunction,
Willing to the honeyed wile;
Till it seemed the scriptures moral,
Once awaking virgin's blush,
Were mere empty bells and coral,
Meant but baby minds to hush;
And I bade cold creeds defiance,
Drifting whither souls are wreckt,
Borne to deadly self-reliance,
From diviner self respect.
Yes, he swore a constant passion,
Met me at the acting's close,
Wooed, in his grand lordly fashion,
Love expanding like a rose;
As the boards I trod on, ever
His the hands that followed still—
His, that at each new endeavour,
Led the plaudits at his will;
At the footlights, when I waited
For the cheers I humbly took,
His the flattery sweetly baited
Sure to catch my hungry look;
Then, of course, his was the carriage
Ready for me at the door—
Murmured petting, hints of marriage,
When he was no longer poor;
Daily worked the poisonous leaven,
While he gave no saving rest,
Loud with arm upraised to Heaven,
And with murder in his breast;
Till I fell, by pity's cheating,
Fooled—by love with perjured breath,
Fell, and now is no retreating,
From dishonour worse than death.
Met me at the acting's close,
Wooed, in his grand lordly fashion,
Love expanding like a rose;
As the boards I trod on, ever
His the hands that followed still—
His, that at each new endeavour,
Led the plaudits at his will;
At the footlights, when I waited
For the cheers I humbly took,
His the flattery sweetly baited
Sure to catch my hungry look;
Then, of course, his was the carriage
Ready for me at the door—
Murmured petting, hints of marriage,
When he was no longer poor;
Daily worked the poisonous leaven,
While he gave no saving rest,
Loud with arm upraised to Heaven,
And with murder in his breast;
Till I fell, by pity's cheating,
Fooled—by love with perjured breath,
Fell, and now is no retreating,
From dishonour worse than death.
| 'Twixt Kiss and Lip or Under the Sword. By the author of "Women Must Weep," [i.e. F. W. O. Ward] Third edition | |