The Works of Peter Pindar [i.e. John Wolcot] :: :: University of Virginia Library

IN sev'nteen hundred sev'nty-eight,
The rich, the proud, the potent king of Spain,
Whose ancestors sent forth their troops to smite
The peaceful natives of the western main,
With faggots and the blood-delighting sword,
To play the devil, to oblige the Lord!

For hunting, roasting heretics, and boiling,
Baking and barbecuing, frying, broiling,
Was thought Heav'ns cause amazingly to further;
For which most pious reason, hard to work
They went, with gun and dagger, knife and fork,
To charm the God of Mercy with their murther!

I say, this king in sev'nty-eight survey'd,
In tapestry so rich, portray'd
A horse with stirrups, crupper, bridle, saddle:
Within the stirrup, lo, the monarch try'd
To fix his foot the palfry to bestride;
In vain!—he could not o'er the palfry straddle!

Stiff as a Turk the beast of yarn remain'd,
And ev'ry effort of the king disdain'd,
Who, 'midst his labours, to the ground was tumbled,
And greatly mortified, as well as humbled.

Prodigious was the struggle of the day,
The horse attempted not to run away;
At which the poor chaf'd monarch now 'gan grin
And swore by ev'ry saint and holy martyr,
He would not yield the traitor quarter,
Until he got possession of his skin.

Not fiercer fam'd La Mancha's knight,
Hight Quixote, at a puppet-show,
Did with more valour stoutly fight,
And terrify each little squeaking foe;
When bold he pierc'd the lines, immortal fray!
And broke their pasteboard bones, and stabb'd their hearts of hay.

Not with more energy and fury
The beauteous street-walker of Drury
Attacks a sister of the smuggling trade,
Whose winks, and nods, and sweet resistless smile,
Ah me! her paramour beguile,
And to her bed of healthy straw persuade;
Where mice with music charm, and vermin crawl,
And snails with silver traces deck the wall.
And now a cane, and now a whip he us'd,
And now he kick'd, and sore the palfry bruis'd;
Yet, lo, the horse seem'd patient at each kick,
And bore with Christian spirit whip and stick;
And what excessively provok'd this prince,
The horse so stubborn scorn'd ev'n once to wince.

Now rush'd the monarch for a bow and arrow,
To shoot the rebel like a sparrow;
And, lo, with shafts well steel'd, with all his force,
Just like a pincushion, he stuck the horse!

Now with the fury of the chaf'd wild boar,
With nails and teeth the wounded horse he tore;
Now to the floor he brought the stubborn beast;
Now o'er the vanquish'd horse that dar'd rebel,
Most Indian-like the monarch gave a yell,
Pleas'd on the quadruped his eyes to feast

Blest as Achilles when with fatal wound
He brought the mighty Hector to the ground.

Yet more to gratify his god-like ire,
He vengeful flung the palfry in the fire!
Showing his pages round, poor trembling things,
How dang'rous to resist the will of kings.