The Works of Horace In English Verse By several hands. Collected and Published By Mr. Duncombe. With Notes Historical and Critical |
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 | The Works of Horace In English Verse |  |
237
SATIRE V. Ulysses and Tiresias.
This Satire is ironical, and levelled at the Craft and Subtlety of those who flatter rich old Men, in order to gain a Place in their Wills, and to inherit their Estates. But the Antidote, (viz. Irony and Raillery) is not strong enough to expell the Malignity of the Poison; and such Satires (as it has been rightly observed) teach the very Vices they pretend to correct.
Ulysses.
Besides those Things you have already told,
Tiresias! grant me still this farther Boon:
Say, how I may retrieve my ruin'd State
At Ithaca? You smile.
Tiresias.
And well I may,
To hear this Question ask'd by one so fam'd
For Artifice. What! are you not content
Once more in Peace to reach your native Isle,
And see your Houshold Gods?
238
You, by that Art
Which never fails, well know I must return
Naked and bare. The Suitors of my Wife
My Stores have lavish'd, and devour'd my Flocks.
Virtue and Character, without Estate,
Are trodden under Foot, more vile than Weeds.
Tiresias.
Since then you own yourself, without Disguise,
The Foe profess'd of Poverty; from Me
Accept these Rules, your Fortune to repair.
The Foe profess'd of Poverty; from Me
Accept these Rules, your Fortune to repair.
If Woodcocks you receive, or any Bird
More rare, let it take Wing, and fly away
To the Great House, which glitters from afar,
Whose Lord is old: And if you early cull
From your well-cultur'd Ground delicious Fruit,
Let the rich Man before your Lares taste it.
He is the God, whom you must first adore.
Nay, though he stands convict of Perjury,
Or be defil'd with his own Brother's Blood,
Oft as he calls, obsequiously attend,
And ever, with Obeisance, give him Place.
More rare, let it take Wing, and fly away
To the Great House, which glitters from afar,
Whose Lord is old: And if you early cull
From your well-cultur'd Ground delicious Fruit,
Let the rich Man before your Lares taste it.
He is the God, whom you must first adore.
Nay, though he stands convict of Perjury,
Or be defil'd with his own Brother's Blood,
Oft as he calls, obsequiously attend,
And ever, with Obeisance, give him Place.
239
What! must I stoop to sooth a wicked Slave?
I, who at Troy contended with the Great!
I scorn the Thought.
Tiresias.
Then live a Beggar still.
Ulysses.
Is this the Case? I then, who greater Ills
Have borne with Mind erect, will suffer Want.
But tell me, Sage profound, without Delay,
Some honourable Means to purchase Wealth.
Tiresias.
I have already told, and must repeat
My salutary Rules: Lay Stratagems
To steal into the Wills of rich old Men.
If, haply, one or two escape the Hook,
Though nibbling at the Bait; yet, undismay'd,
Still persevere; you will at last succeed.
My salutary Rules: Lay Stratagems
To steal into the Wills of rich old Men.
If, haply, one or two escape the Hook,
Though nibbling at the Bait; yet, undismay'd,
Still persevere; you will at last succeed.
If, at the Bar, a Cause is to be try'd,
Or great or small; be careful to enquire,
If Plaintiff or Defendant be most rich,
And unincumber'd with a Wife or Child.
Then strait espouse his Cause with all your Might.
No matter should he prove a branded Knave,
And his Antagonist a Man of Worth:
'Tis Crime enough to have a teeming Wife.
Or great or small; be careful to enquire,
If Plaintiff or Defendant be most rich,
And unincumber'd with a Wife or Child.
240
No matter should he prove a branded Knave,
And his Antagonist a Man of Worth:
'Tis Crime enough to have a teeming Wife.
Addressing then the Client you elect,
‘Publius or Syrus!’ say, (for nicer Ears
Are sooth'd with soft Address and specious Names)
‘Your various Virtues have engag'd my Heart.
‘I know the Quirks and Subtleties of Law;
‘And am well skill'd to harrass, or defend.
‘These Eyes I'll lose, ere you shall suffer Wrong.
‘I'll plead your Cause, and doubt not the Success.
‘Nor Injury, nor Taunts, shall be your Lot.
‘Go home in Peace: Indulge your Genius there.
‘The Toil be mine: I'll be your second Self.’
Then, unremitting, prosecute the Cause,
If th'infant Statues the red Dog-star splits,
Or puffing Furius, with his out-stretch'd Paunch,
‘Spits on the wintry Alps his hoary Snow.’
‘Publius or Syrus!’ say, (for nicer Ears
Are sooth'd with soft Address and specious Names)
‘Your various Virtues have engag'd my Heart.
‘I know the Quirks and Subtleties of Law;
‘And am well skill'd to harrass, or defend.
‘These Eyes I'll lose, ere you shall suffer Wrong.
‘I'll plead your Cause, and doubt not the Success.
‘Nor Injury, nor Taunts, shall be your Lot.
‘Go home in Peace: Indulge your Genius there.
‘The Toil be mine: I'll be your second Self.’
Then, unremitting, prosecute the Cause,
If th'infant Statues the red Dog-star splits,
Or puffing Furius, with his out-stretch'd Paunch,
‘Spits on the wintry Alps his hoary Snow.’
One, pleas'd, will jog his Neighbour, and observe
‘How diligent this Man! how vehement!
‘He thinks no Toil too great, to serve his Friend!’
This draws more Fish: Your Ponds will never fail.
‘How diligent this Man! how vehement!
‘He thinks no Toil too great, to serve his Friend!’
This draws more Fish: Your Ponds will never fail.
241
When you behold a wealthy Dotard's Heir,
Of puny Constitution, nicely bred;
By every gracious Art, creep gently in,
And gain, by slow Degrees, his Father's Love,
That you may stand the second in his Will:
And, if kind Death should snatch away the Boy,
Yourself succeed to his Inheritance.
This happy Die will often win the Stake.
For, should you bait for childless Men alone,
Suspicion may awake, and scan your End.
Of puny Constitution, nicely bred;
By every gracious Art, creep gently in,
And gain, by slow Degrees, his Father's Love,
That you may stand the second in his Will:
And, if kind Death should snatch away the Boy,
Yourself succeed to his Inheritance.
This happy Die will often win the Stake.
For, should you bait for childless Men alone,
Suspicion may awake, and scan your End.
If any one intreats you to peruse
His Will, decline it; yet, with glancing Eye,
Of the first Page observe the second Line,
To see if You are nam'd Executor
Alone, or others in the Trust are join'd:
For oft a subtle Scrivener will elude
The cawing Crow, who wide extends his Mouth,
And sly Coranus shall Nasica dupe.
His Will, decline it; yet, with glancing Eye,
Of the first Page observe the second Line,
To see if You are nam'd Executor
Alone, or others in the Trust are join'd:
For oft a subtle Scrivener will elude
The cawing Crow, who wide extends his Mouth,
And sly Coranus shall Nasica dupe.
Ulysses.
Art thou with true prophetic Rage inspir'd,
Or dost thou mock me with Ænigmas dark?
242
Whatever, sage Ulysses, I foretell,
In future Times shall come to pass—or not;
For great Apollo to my mental Eye
Unfolds the Book of Fate!
Ulysses.
Then, Prophet, say,
(If it be lawful) what that Fable means?
Tiresias.
When a young Prince, from great Æneas sprung,
The Parthians' Dread, shall rule the conquer'd World,
The Prophecy I sing will be fulfill'd.
Nasica, who abhors to pay his Debts,
To old Coranus shall his Daughter yield,
In Bloom of Youth; but shall be justly bilk'd.
The crafty Dotard begs him to peruse
His Will. He first declines it; then complies;
And, big with Hope, in Silence runs it o'er.
But O! how great his Grief, when there he finds
No Legacy, but Anguish and Despair!
The Parthians' Dread, shall rule the conquer'd World,
The Prophecy I sing will be fulfill'd.
Nasica, who abhors to pay his Debts,
To old Coranus shall his Daughter yield,
In Bloom of Youth; but shall be justly bilk'd.
The crafty Dotard begs him to peruse
His Will. He first declines it; then complies;
And, big with Hope, in Silence runs it o'er.
But O! how great his Grief, when there he finds
No Legacy, but Anguish and Despair!
243
Observe this farther Rule: If his Freedman
Or favourite House-keeper the Dotard sways,
By Bribes and generous Vails their Friendship gain.
Applaud their Diligence; and, in Return,
They will applaud your Worth, when out of Sight
This Scheme is good: But yet 'tis better far
To storm the Citadel, than take the Out-works.
If he, with frantic Rage, should Verses write,
Extoll them to the Skies, though ne'er so bad.
Is he a Wencher? Then, with chearful Air,
Give to his Arms your own Penelope.
Or favourite House-keeper the Dotard sways,
By Bribes and generous Vails their Friendship gain.
Applaud their Diligence; and, in Return,
They will applaud your Worth, when out of Sight
This Scheme is good: But yet 'tis better far
To storm the Citadel, than take the Out-works.
If he, with frantic Rage, should Verses write,
Extoll them to the Skies, though ne'er so bad.
Is he a Wencher? Then, with chearful Air,
Give to his Arms your own Penelope.
Ulysses.
Penelope! And can'st thou think that she,
The wise, the chaste, who has so long withstood
Th'Assaults of all her Suitors, will at last
Surrender?
Tiresias.
Aye: Those thrifty Youths, more fond
Of Feasts and Revelries, than of the Fair,
Know not the Way to gain a Woman's Love:
Therefore Penelope is chaste and wise.
But let her share with you in Royal Gifts,
And (if Tiresias knows the human Heart)
No longer will she prove demure and coy.
Of Feasts and Revelries, than of the Fair,
Know not the Way to gain a Woman's Love:
Therefore Penelope is chaste and wise.
But let her share with you in Royal Gifts,
244
No longer will she prove demure and coy.
In each Address with Caution ever act;
Neither remiss, nor too importunate.
The grave and sullen hate a babbling Tongue.
But be not always silent. You must play
The Part of Davus in the Comedy.
Stand near your Patron, with your Head reclin'd,
In awful Posture, ready to receive
And execute the Orders he shall give.
Does the Wind roughly blow? admonish him
From each cold Blast to guard his precious Head.
Be sure to push and elbow all around,
When in a Throng, to get him safely out.
If talkative, attend to all his Tales;
And, if vain-glorious, surfeit him with Praise.
With puffy Words the growing Bladder swell,
Till, with uplifted Hands, he cry, Forbear!
Neither remiss, nor too importunate.
The grave and sullen hate a babbling Tongue.
But be not always silent. You must play
The Part of Davus in the Comedy.
Stand near your Patron, with your Head reclin'd,
In awful Posture, ready to receive
And execute the Orders he shall give.
Does the Wind roughly blow? admonish him
From each cold Blast to guard his precious Head.
Be sure to push and elbow all around,
When in a Throng, to get him safely out.
If talkative, attend to all his Tales;
And, if vain-glorious, surfeit him with Praise.
With puffy Words the growing Bladder swell,
Till, with uplifted Hands, he cry, Forbear!
But when, by his wish'd Death, you are releas'd
From tedious Servitude, and all your Cares,
And broad-awake shall hear this welcome Clause;
‘Item, I leave one-fourth of my Estate,
‘And all my Goods and Chattels, to Ulysses:’
Then sigh; and in soft Words lament your Lot;
‘When shall I meet again with such a Friend?’
Is possible, bedew the Corpse with Tears;
And let a mournful Aspect hide your Joy.
From tedious Servitude, and all your Cares,
And broad-awake shall hear this welcome Clause;
‘Item, I leave one-fourth of my Estate,
245
Then sigh; and in soft Words lament your Lot;
‘When shall I meet again with such a Friend?’
Is possible, bedew the Corpse with Tears;
And let a mournful Aspect hide your Joy.
If to your Care the Funeral Rites should fall,
Spare no Expence: Let all the Neighbours praise
The Pomp and Splendor of the solemn Show:
And to his Memory erect a Tomb
Magnificent, with meet Inscription grac'd.
Spare no Expence: Let all the Neighbours praise
The Pomp and Splendor of the solemn Show:
And to his Memory erect a Tomb
Magnificent, with meet Inscription grac'd.
If one of your Coheirs be old, infirm;
And should his Lungs heave with asthmatic Coughs,
Let him, if so inclin'd, at his own Price,
Purchase your Share of the Testator's Lands.
And should his Lungs heave with asthmatic Coughs,
Let him, if so inclin'd, at his own Price,
Purchase your Share of the Testator's Lands.
But I am call'd by ruthless Proserpine,
Who bears me hence. Live happy, and farewell!
Who bears me hence. Live happy, and farewell!
| The Works of Horace In English Verse | |