The Complete Works of C. S. Calverley ... With a Biographical Notice by Sir Walter J. Sendall |
CHARADES |
The Complete Works of C. S. Calverley | ||
36
CHARADES
I
[She stood at Greenwich, motionless amid]
She stood at Greenwich, motionless amid
The ever-shifting crowd of passengers.
I mark'd a big tear quivering on the lid
Of her deep-lustrous eye, and knew that hers
Were days of bitterness. But, “Oh! what stirs,”
I said, “such storm within so fair a breast?”
Even as I spoke, two apoplectic curs
Came feebly up: with one wild cry she prest
Each singly to her heart, and faltered, “Heaven be blest!”
The ever-shifting crowd of passengers.
I mark'd a big tear quivering on the lid
Of her deep-lustrous eye, and knew that hers
Were days of bitterness. But, “Oh! what stirs,”
I said, “such storm within so fair a breast?”
Even as I spoke, two apoplectic curs
Came feebly up: with one wild cry she prest
Each singly to her heart, and faltered, “Heaven be blest!”
Yet once again I saw her, from the deck
Of a black ship that steamed towards Blackwall.
She walked upon my first. Her stately neck
Bent o'er an object shrouded in her shawl:
I could not see the tears—the glad tears—fall,
Yet knew they fell. And “Ah,” I said, “not puppies,
Seen unexpectedly, could lift the pall
From hearts who know what tasting misery's cup is
As Niobe's, or mine, or blighted William Guppy's.”
Of a black ship that steamed towards Blackwall.
She walked upon my first. Her stately neck
Bent o'er an object shrouded in her shawl:
I could not see the tears—the glad tears—fall,
Yet knew they fell. And “Ah,” I said, “not puppies,
Seen unexpectedly, could lift the pall
From hearts who know what tasting misery's cup is
As Niobe's, or mine, or blighted William Guppy's.”
Spake John Grogblossom the coachman to Eliza Spinks the cook:
“Mrs. Spinks,” says he, “I've founder'd: 'Liza dear, I'm overtook.
Druv into a corner reglar, puzzled as a babe unborn;
Speak the word, my blessed 'Liza; speak, and John the coachman's yourn.”
Then Eliza Spinks made answer, blushing, to the coachman John:
“John, I'm born and bred a spinster: I've begun and I'll go on.
Endless cares and endless worrits, well I knows it, has a wife:
Cooking for a genteel family, John, it's a goluptious life!
“Mrs. Spinks,” says he, “I've founder'd: 'Liza dear, I'm overtook.
Druv into a corner reglar, puzzled as a babe unborn;
Speak the word, my blessed 'Liza; speak, and John the coachman's yourn.”
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“John, I'm born and bred a spinster: I've begun and I'll go on.
Endless cares and endless worrits, well I knows it, has a wife:
Cooking for a genteel family, John, it's a goluptious life!
“I gets £20 per annum—tea and things o'course not reckoned,—
There's a cat that eats the butter, takes the coals, and breaks my second:
There's soci'ty—James the footman;—(not that I look after him;
But he's aff'ble in his manners, with amazing length of limb;)—
There's a cat that eats the butter, takes the coals, and breaks my second:
There's soci'ty—James the footman;—(not that I look after him;
But he's aff'ble in his manners, with amazing length of limb;)—
“Never durst the missis enter here until I've said ‘Come in’:
If I saw the master peeping, I'd catch up the rolling-pin.
Christmas-boxes, that's a something; perkisites, that's something too;
And I think, take all together, John, I won't be on with you.”
If I saw the master peeping, I'd catch up the rolling-pin.
Christmas-boxes, that's a something; perkisites, that's something too;
And I think, take all together, John, I won't be on with you.”
John the coachman took his hat up, for he thought he'd had enough;
Rubb'd an elongated forehead with a meditative cuff;
Paused before the stable doorway; said, when there, in accents mild,
“She's a fine young 'oman, cook is; but that's where it is, she's spiled.”
Rubb'd an elongated forehead with a meditative cuff;
Paused before the stable doorway; said, when there, in accents mild,
“She's a fine young 'oman, cook is; but that's where it is, she's spiled.”
I have read in some not marvellous tale,
(Or if I have not, I've dreamed)
Of one who filled up the convivial cup
Till the company round him seemed
(Or if I have not, I've dreamed)
Of one who filled up the convivial cup
Till the company round him seemed
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To be vanished and gone, tho' the lamps upon
Their face as aforetime gleamed:
And his head sunk down, and a Lethe crept
O'er his powerful brain, and the young man slept.
Their face as aforetime gleamed:
And his head sunk down, and a Lethe crept
O'er his powerful brain, and the young man slept.
Then they laid him with care in his moonlit bed:
But first—having thoughtfully fetched some tar—
Adorn'd him with feathers, aware that the weather's
Uncertainty brings on at nights catarrh.
But first—having thoughtfully fetched some tar—
Adorn'd him with feathers, aware that the weather's
Uncertainty brings on at nights catarrh.
They staid in his room till the sun was high:
But still did the feathered one give no sign
Of opening a peeper—he might be a sleeper
Such as rests on the Northern or Midland line.
But still did the feathered one give no sign
Of opening a peeper—he might be a sleeper
Such as rests on the Northern or Midland line.
At last he woke, and with profound
Bewilderment he gazed around;
Dropped one, then both feet to the ground,
But never spake a word:
Bewilderment he gazed around;
Dropped one, then both feet to the ground,
But never spake a word:
Then to my whole he made his way;
Took one long lingering survey;
And softly, as he stole away,
Remarked, “By Jove, a bird!”
Took one long lingering survey;
And softly, as he stole away,
Remarked, “By Jove, a bird!”
II
[If you've seen a short man swagger tow'rds the footlights at Shoreditch]
If you've seen a short man swagger tow'rds the footlights at Shoreditch,
Sing out “Heave aho! my hearties,” and perpetually hitch
Up, by an ingenious movement, trousers innocent of brace,
Briskly flourishing a cudgel in his pleased companion's face;
Sing out “Heave aho! my hearties,” and perpetually hitch
Up, by an ingenious movement, trousers innocent of brace,
Briskly flourishing a cudgel in his pleased companion's face;
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If he preluded with hornpipes each successive thing he did,
From a sun-browned cheek extracting still an ostentatious quid;
And expectorated freely, and occasionally cursed:—
Then have you beheld, depicted by a master's hand, my first.
From a sun-browned cheek extracting still an ostentatious quid;
And expectorated freely, and occasionally cursed:—
Then have you beheld, depicted by a master's hand, my first.
O my countryman! if ever from thy arm the bolster sped,
In thy school-days, with precision at a young companion's head;
If 'twas thine to lodge the marble in the centre of the ring,
Or with well-directed pebble make the sitting hen take wing:
In thy school-days, with precision at a young companion's head;
If 'twas thine to lodge the marble in the centre of the ring,
Or with well-directed pebble make the sitting hen take wing:
Then do thou—each fair May morning, when the blue lake is as glass,
And the gossamers are twinkling star-like in the beaded grass;
When the mountain-bee is sipping fragrance from the bluebell's lip,
And the bathing-woman tells you, “Now's your time to take a dip”:
And the gossamers are twinkling star-like in the beaded grass;
When the mountain-bee is sipping fragrance from the bluebell's lip,
And the bathing-woman tells you, “Now's your time to take a dip”:
When along the misty valleys fieldward winds the lowing herd,
And the early worm is being dropped on by the early bird;
And Aurora hangs her jewels from the bending rose's cup,
And the myriad voice of Nature calls thee to my second up:—
And the early worm is being dropped on by the early bird;
And Aurora hangs her jewels from the bending rose's cup,
And the myriad voice of Nature calls thee to my second up:—
Hie thee to the breezy common, where the melancholy goose
Stalks, and the astonished donkey finds that he is really loose;
There amid green fern and furze-bush shalt thou soon my whole behold,
Rising “bull-eyed and majestic”—as Olympus' queen of old:
Stalks, and the astonished donkey finds that he is really loose;
There amid green fern and furze-bush shalt thou soon my whole behold,
Rising “bull-eyed and majestic”—as Olympus' queen of old:
Kneel,—at a respectful distance,—as they kneeled to her, and try
With judicious hand to put a ball into that ball-less eye:
Till a stiffness seize thy elbows, and the general public wake—
Then return, and, clear of conscience, walk into thy well-earned steak.
With judicious hand to put a ball into that ball-less eye:
Till a stiffness seize thy elbows, and the general public wake—
Then return, and, clear of conscience, walk into thy well-earned steak.
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III
[ERE yet “knowledge for the million”]
ERE yet “knowledge for the million”
Came out “neatly bound in boards”;
When like Care upon a pillion
Matrons rode behind their lords:
Rarely, save to hear the Rector,
Forth did younger ladies roam;
Making pies, and brewing nectar
From the gooseberry-trees at home.
Came out “neatly bound in boards”;
When like Care upon a pillion
Matrons rode behind their lords:
Rarely, save to hear the Rector,
Forth did younger ladies roam;
Making pies, and brewing nectar
From the gooseberry-trees at home.
They'd not dreamed of Pau or Vevay;
Ne'er should into blossom burst
At the ball or at the levée;
Never come, in fact, my first:
Nor illumine cards by dozens
With some labyrinthine text,
Nor work smoking-caps for cousins
Who were pounding at my next.
Ne'er should into blossom burst
At the ball or at the levée;
Never come, in fact, my first:
Nor illumine cards by dozens
With some labyrinthine text,
Nor work smoking-caps for cousins
Who were pounding at my next.
Now have skirts, and minds, grown ampler;
Now not all they seek to do
Is create upon a sampler
Beasts which Buffon never knew:
But their venturous muslins rustle
O'er the cragstone and the snow,
Or at home their biceps muscle
Grows by practising the bow.
Now not all they seek to do
Is create upon a sampler
Beasts which Buffon never knew:
But their venturous muslins rustle
O'er the cragstone and the snow,
Or at home their biceps muscle
Grows by practising the bow.
Worthy they those dames who, fable
Says, rode “palfreys” to the war
With some giant Thane, whose “sable
Destrier caracoled” before;
Smiled, as—springing from the war-horse
As men spring in modern “cirques”—
He plunged, ponderous as a four-horse
Coach, among the vanished Turks:—
Says, rode “palfreys” to the war
With some giant Thane, whose “sable
Destrier caracoled” before;
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As men spring in modern “cirques”—
He plunged, ponderous as a four-horse
Coach, among the vanished Turks:—
In the good times when the jester
Asked the monarch how he was,
And the landlady addrest her
Guests as “gossip” or as “coz”;
When the Templar said, “Gramercy,”
Or, “'Twas shrewdly thrust, i' fegs,”
To Sir Halbert or Sir Percy
As they knocked him off his legs:
Asked the monarch how he was,
And the landlady addrest her
Guests as “gossip” or as “coz”;
When the Templar said, “Gramercy,”
Or, “'Twas shrewdly thrust, i' fegs,”
To Sir Halbert or Sir Percy
As they knocked him off his legs:
And, by way of mild reminders
That he needed coin, the Knight
Day by day extracted grinders
From the howling Israelite:
And my whole in merry Sherwood
Sent, with preterhuman luck,
Missiles—not of steel but firwood—
Thro' the two-mile-distant buck.
That he needed coin, the Knight
Day by day extracted grinders
From the howling Israelite:
And my whole in merry Sherwood
Sent, with preterhuman luck,
Missiles—not of steel but firwood—
Thro' the two-mile-distant buck.
IV
[Evening threw soberer hue]
Evening threw soberer hueOver the blue sky, and the few
Poplars that grew just in the view
Of the Hall of Sir Hugo de Wynkle:
“Answer me true,” pleaded Sir Hugh,
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“What shall I do, Lady, for you?
'Twill be done, ere your eye may twinkle.
Shall I borrow the wand of a Moorish enchanter,
And bid a decanter contain the Levant, or
The brass from the face of a Mormonite ranter?
Shall I go for the mule of the Spanish Infantar—
(That r, for the sake of the line, we must grant her,)—
And race with the foul fiend, and beat in a canter,
Like that first of equestrians Tam o' Shanter?
I talk not mere banter—say not that I can't, or
By this my first—(a Virginia planter
Sold it me to kill rats)—I will die instanter.”
The Lady bended her ivory neck, and
Whispered mournfully, “Go for—my second.”
She said, and the red from Sir Hugh's cheek fled,
And “Nay,” did he say, as he stalked away
The fiercest of injured men:
“Twice have I humbled my haughty soul,
And on bended knee have I pressed my whole—
But I never will press it again!”
V
[On pinnacled St. Mary's]
On pinnacled St. Mary's
Lingers the setting sun;
Into the streets the blackguards
Are skulking one by one:
Butcher and Boots and Bargeman
Lay pipe and pewter down;
And with wild shout come tumbling out
To join the Town and Gown.
Lingers the setting sun;
Into the streets the blackguards
Are skulking one by one:
Butcher and Boots and Bargeman
Lay pipe and pewter down;
And with wild shout come tumbling out
To join the Town and Gown.
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And now the undergraduates
Come forth by twos and threes,
From the broad tower of Trinity,
From the green gate of Caius:
The wily bargeman marks them,
And swears to do his worst;
To turn to impotence their strength,
And their beauty to my first.
Come forth by twos and threes,
From the broad tower of Trinity,
From the green gate of Caius:
The wily bargeman marks them,
And swears to do his worst;
To turn to impotence their strength,
And their beauty to my first.
But before Corpus gateway
My second first arose,
When Barnacles the Freshman
Was pinned upon the nose:
Pinned on the nose by Boxer,
Who brought a hobnailed herd
From Barnwell, where he kept a van,
Being indeed a dogsmeat man,
Vendor of terriers, blue or tan,
And dealer in my third.
My second first arose,
When Barnacles the Freshman
Was pinned upon the nose:
Pinned on the nose by Boxer,
Who brought a hobnailed herd
From Barnwell, where he kept a van,
Being indeed a dogsmeat man,
Vendor of terriers, blue or tan,
And dealer in my third.
'Twere long to tell how Boxer
Was “countered” on the cheek,
And knocked into the middle
Of the ensuing week:
How Barnacles the Freshman
Was asked his name and college;
And how he did the fatal facts
Reluctantly acknowledge.
Was “countered” on the cheek,
And knocked into the middle
Of the ensuing week:
How Barnacles the Freshman
Was asked his name and college;
And how he did the fatal facts
Reluctantly acknowledge.
He called upon the Proctor
Next day at half-past ten;
Men whispered that the Freshman cut
A different figure then:—
That the brass forsook his forehead,
The iron fled his soul,
As with blanched lip and visage wan
Before the stony-hearted Don
He kneeled upon my whole.
Next day at half-past ten;
Men whispered that the Freshman cut
A different figure then:—
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The iron fled his soul,
As with blanched lip and visage wan
Before the stony-hearted Don
He kneeled upon my whole.
VI
[Sikes, housebreaker, of Houndsditch]
Sikes, housebreaker, of Houndsditch,
Habitually swore;
But so surpassingly profane
He never was before,
As on a night in winter,
When—softly as he stole
In the dim light from stair to stair,
Noiseless as boys who in her lair
Seek to surprise a fat old hare—
He barked his shinbone, unaware
Encountering my whole.
Habitually swore;
But so surpassingly profane
He never was before,
As on a night in winter,
When—softly as he stole
In the dim light from stair to stair,
Noiseless as boys who in her lair
Seek to surprise a fat old hare—
He barked his shinbone, unaware
Encountering my whole.
As pours the Anio plainward,
When rains have swollen the dykes,
So, with such noise, poured down my first
Stirred by the shins of Sikes.
The Butler Bibulus heard it;
And straightway ceased to snore,
And sat up, like an egg on end,
While men might count a score:
Then spake he to Tigerius,
A Buttons bold was he:
“Buttons, I think there's thieves about;
Just strike a light and tumble out;
If you can't find one go without,
And see what you may see.”
When rains have swollen the dykes,
So, with such noise, poured down my first
Stirred by the shins of Sikes.
The Butler Bibulus heard it;
And straightway ceased to snore,
And sat up, like an egg on end,
While men might count a score:
Then spake he to Tigerius,
A Buttons bold was he:
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Just strike a light and tumble out;
If you can't find one go without,
And see what you may see.”
But now was all the household,
Almost, upon its legs,
Each treading carefully about
As if they trod on eggs.
With robe far-streaming issued
Paterfamilias forth;
And close behind him,—stout and true
And tender as the North,—
Came Mrs. P., supporting
On her broad arm her fourth.
Almost, upon its legs,
Each treading carefully about
As if they trod on eggs.
With robe far-streaming issued
Paterfamilias forth;
And close behind him,—stout and true
And tender as the North,—
Came Mrs. P., supporting
On her broad arm her fourth.
Betsy the nurse, who never
From largest beetle ran,
And—conscious p'raps of pleasing caps—
The housemaids, formed the van:
And Bibulus the butler,
His calm brows slightly arched;
(No mortal wight had ere that night
Seen him with shirt unstarched;)
And Bob the shockhaired knifeboy,
Wielding two Sheffield blades,
And James Plush of the sinewy legs,
The love of lady's maids:
And charwoman and chaplain
Stood mingled in a mass,
And “Things,” thought he of Houndsditch,
“Is come to a pretty pass.”
From largest beetle ran,
And—conscious p'raps of pleasing caps—
The housemaids, formed the van:
And Bibulus the butler,
His calm brows slightly arched;
(No mortal wight had ere that night
Seen him with shirt unstarched;)
And Bob the shockhaired knifeboy,
Wielding two Sheffield blades,
And James Plush of the sinewy legs,
The love of lady's maids:
And charwoman and chaplain
Stood mingled in a mass,
And “Things,” thought he of Houndsditch,
“Is come to a pretty pass.”
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Beyond all things a baby
Is to the schoolgirl dear;
Next to herself the nursemaid loves
Her dashing grenadier;
Only with life the sailor
Parts from the British flag;
While one hope lingers, the cracksman's fingers
Drop not his hard-earned swag.
Is to the schoolgirl dear;
Next to herself the nursemaid loves
Her dashing grenadier;
Only with life the sailor
Parts from the British flag;
While one hope lingers, the cracksman's fingers
Drop not his hard-earned swag.
But, as hares do my second
Thro' green Calabria's copses,
As females vanish at the sight
Of short-horns and of wopses;
So, dropping forks and teaspoons,
The pride of Houndsditch fled,
Dumbfoundered by the hue and cry
He'd raised up overhead.
They gave him—did the judges—
Thro' green Calabria's copses,
As females vanish at the sight
Of short-horns and of wopses;
So, dropping forks and teaspoons,
The pride of Houndsditch fled,
Dumbfoundered by the hue and cry
He'd raised up overhead.
As much as was his due.
And, Saxon, shouldst thou e'er be led
To deem this tale untrue;
Then—any night in winter,
When the cold north wind blows,
And bairns are told to keep out cold
By tallowing the nose:
When round the fire the elders
Are gathered in a bunch,
And the girls are doing crochet,
And the boys are reading Punch:—
Go thou and look in Leech's book;
There haply shalt thou spy
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With aspect anything but bland,
And rub his right shin with his hand,
To witness if I lie.
PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY
Introductory
ART thou beautiful, O my daughter, as the budding rose of April?Are all thy motions music, and is poetry throned in thine eye?
Then hearken unto me; and I will make the bud a fair flower,
I will plant it upon the bank of Elegance, and water it with the water of Cologne;
And in the season it shall “come out,” yea bloom, the pride of the parterre;
Ladies shall marvel at its beauty, and a Lord shall pluck it at the last.
Of Propriety
Study first Propriety: for she is indeed the PolestarWhich shall guide the artless maiden through the mazes of Vanity Fair;
Nay, she is the golden chain which holdeth together Society;
The lamp by whose light young Psyche shall approach unblamed her Eros.
Verily Truth is as Eve, which was ashamed being naked;
Wherefore doth Propriety dress her with the fair foliage of artifice:
And when she is drest, behold! she knoweth not herself again.—
I walked in the Forest; and above me stood the Yew,
Stood like a slumbering giant, shrouded in impenetrable shade;
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(The giant's locks had been shorn by the Dalilah-shears of Decorum;)
And I said, “Surely Nature is goodly; but how much goodlier is Art!”
I heard the wild notes of the lark floating far over the blue sky,
And my foolish heart went after him, and, lo! I blessed him as he rose;
Foolish! for far better is the trained boudoir bullfinch,
Which pipeth the semblance of a tune, and mechanically draweth up water:
And the reinless steed of the desert, though his neck be clothed with thunder,
Must yield to him that danceth and “moveth in the circles” at Astley's.
For verily, O my daughter, the world is a masquerade,
And God made thee one thing, that thou mightest make thyself another:
A maiden's heart is as champagne, ever aspiring and struggling upwards,
And it needed that its motions be checked by the silvered cork of Propriety:
He that can afford the price, his be the precious treasure,
Let him drink deeply of its sweetness, nor grumble if it tasteth of the cork.
Of Friendship
Choose judiciously thy friends; for to discard them is undesirable,Yet it is better to drop thy friends, O my daughter, than to drop thy H's.
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Hath she a position? and a title? and are her parties in the Morning Post?
If thou dost, cleave unto her, and give up unto her thy body and mind;
Think with her ideas, and distribute thy smiles at her bidding:
So shalt thou become like unto her; and thy manners shall be “formed,”
And thy name shall be a Sesame, at which the doors of the great shall fly open:
Thou shalt know every Peer, his arms, and the date of his creation,
His pedigree and their intermarriages, and cousins to the sixth remove:
Thou shalt kiss the hand of Royalty, and lo! in next morning's papers,
Side by side with rumours of wars, and stories of shipwrecks and sieges,
Shall appear thy name, and the minutiæ of thy head-dress and petticoat,
For an enraptured public to muse upon over their matutinal muffin.
Of Reading
Read not Milton, for he is dry; nor Shakespeare, for he wrote of common life:Nor Scott, for his romances, though fascinating, are yet intelligible:
Nor Thackeray, for he is a Hogarth, a photographer who flattereth not:
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Read incessantly thy Burke; that Burke who, nobler than he of old,
Treateth of the Peer and Peeress, the truly Sublime and Beautiful:
Likewise study the “creations” of “the Prince of modern Romance;”
Sigh over Leonard the Martyr, and smile on Pelham the puppy:
Learn how “love is the dram-drinking of existence;”
And how we “invoke, in the Gadara of our still closets,
The beautiful ghost of the Ideal, with the simple wand of the pen.”
Listen how Maltravers and the orphan “forgot all but love,”
And how Devereux's family chaplain “made and unmade kings:”
How Eugene Aram, though a thief, a liar, and a murderer,
Yet, being intellectual, was amongst the noblest of mankind.
So shalt thou live in a world peopled with heroes and master-spirits;
And if thou canst not realize the Ideal, thou shalt at least idealize the Real.
The Complete Works of C. S. Calverley | ||